Love

"The birth of the Self is the beginning of love." — Tótíla Albert

In the chapter on triads in his Essays on the Psychology of Enneatypes (Ediciones La Llave, 2017), Claudio Naranjo talks about the three basic loves that make up all other forms of love. According to the triune brain theory, each of our three internal instances—rational, emotional, and instinctual, or "father," "mother," and "child"—is in relation to a particular kind of love: the father's love is admiring or appreciative, the mother's love is empathetic, affectionate, and compassionate, and the child's love revolves around pleasure and instinct satisfaction.

But when we analyze the personal structure of the different types of enneagram through their thinking, feeling, and action, we don't always find a direct correlation between the structure and the expected love patterns. For example, it is not necessarily true that an intellectual type (E5, E6, and E7) is particularly admiring, nor that an emotional type (E2, E3, and E4) is inherently benevolent, just as visceral characters (E8, E9, and E1) often experience problems with self-love and the expression of their instinctiveness.

In Naranjo's theory, we must understand this correspondence in the sense that each Enneatype has a certain ease in opening up to one of the three basic loves, always considering that we are talking about characters, so this priority does not mean an authenticity in love, but rather an investment of energy in one of the three types of love, as well as a devaluation or lack of openness for the remaining two types. After all, we are talking about a style of love that, resting on a single leg, attests to the lack of capacity to love.

However, if we try to understand E1 through the lens of paternal, maternal, or filial domination, we can approach an interpretation of its modes of love. It is evident that E1 stands out, among instinctive characters, for his capacity for admiration, although he is also remarkably critical of those who do not reach an admirable standard. Here is a character who has difficulty recognizing the value of the other, but his aspiration to an ideal world is associated with the admiration of love. At the same time, he wants to be admired, and that is his underlying motivation.

What is particularly striking about E1 is not so much that compassionate love occupies a secondary place in his hierarchy of affections, but the remarkable repression of erotic love. This repression is indicative of a lack of empathy, compassion, and connection to instinctual life.

We observed that E1 is characterized by appearing good, in the sense that he does not show his hatred but tries to profess love. However, E1's love is made up of intentions and actions devoid of emotion; it is an almost affectionate love and can even be considered rigid.

In the E1 personality, aggression is denied and, to some extent, overcompensated, especially in their love life and in the love aspects of their relationships and human situations. The E1 tends to position himself as a giver, a generous subject, which in turn leads him to feel worthy of certain rights. However, this does not eliminate their aggressiveness, but metamorphoses into demand and superiority, into dominance and control over others, and tends to disguise itself in the eyes of the subject himself as something justified by impersonal and even altruistic reasons. E1's deep self-deception as a lover of justice makes him feel different from the amoral and lustful "avengers" and thus disguises his desire as supposedly selfless and justice-filled demands.

This "disinterested" desire of the Puritans is dedicated to the service of words and wants to pretend that it will never be corrupted. The way to affirm desire is, therefore, its transformation into rights and virtues that rest on its higher morality. It is a transformation of "I want" into "you must."

The conceptualization of love as a "higher love" inherently carries with it the notion of a "contemptible" love: one who, in theory, is the recipient of altruistic acts of this character, is stripped of moral virtue or spiritual greatness. It is denigrated, dominated, and subjected to strict demands. E1's propensity to demean the other can take various forms of criticism. Such criticism can be explicit and conscious, focused on the actions, decisions or attitudes of the other, highlighting perceived defects or failures committed. Alternatively, it can manifest itself in a more subtle way, as a general dissatisfaction with the other's expressions that fall short of the ideal of perfection and superiority that the E1 envisions.

In the case of E1, admiring love—a love of greatness, of the ideal—is the most dominant of the three loves. In second place is compassionate love, a love in the name of ideals and that adheres to duty (and that, at the same time, tenderness). Underneath is self-love, which is unconscious and denied. E1's moral rigidity often implies strong pressure from his own impulses and desires, which E1 considers "selfish." This same rigidity extends to the desires of others, imposing a restrictive control that can be considered an anti-life attitude, given its excessively repressive nature. In interpersonal relationships, whether in the role of parent or partner, this control can manifest as overprotective or possessive love. Rather than allowing freedom and spontaneity, E1 can create an environment in which he and the

people around him are caught in a web of unwritten constraints. As a result, these relationships lose their naturalness and fluidity, as both the E1 and their loved ones are limited by an oppressive atmosphere and an invisible repressive field that prevents the authentic expression of desires and emotions. Unaware of this destructiveness, the E1 usually assumes the parental role not to support, but to interfere with the inner child of the other.

However, these general characteristics may have individual variations, depending on the family and cultural environment. In particular, the history of the different privileges granted to children and adolescents of both sexes or their absence may have had a formative impact on the development of the three loves.

For the Sexual 1, the three loves manifest themselves in the specific ways that we will analyze below.

Compassionate Love

Compassionate love can be considered a higher form that goes beyond the needs of the ego. It involves letting go of judging and criticizing and adopting a compassionate and forgiving attitude towards imperfections, thus transcending personal desires and attachments. It involves a sense of empathy, understanding, and care for others, often accompanied by a desire to alleviate suffering and promote the well-being of others. This type of love encourages growth, healing, and connection. This loving maternal attitude has no place in Sexual 1 in its natural and understanding form of the other's needs and is expressed more as control and as a paternalistic eagerness to solve the needs of the other without giving space to listening and empathy.

When it comes to experiencing and exercising compassionate love, sexual people can approach it in a unique way: They recognize that true compassion requires the acceptance of imperfections—both in themselves and in others—and that true compassion begins within themselves. This is how they have to work to cultivate self-compassion, self-acceptance, and forgiveness. By developing self-compassion and being emotionally present and supporting their partner, the E1 can experience more fulfilling and harmonious relationships.

The Sexual 1 may have a passion for addressing social injustices and fighting for equality. Your action-oriented nature can propel you to make a tangible difference in the world, which can manifest through practical endeavors such as volunteering and engaging in activism.

In general, the sexual subtype of E1 experiences and exercises compassionate love through their sense of duty, upholding justice, acting directly, and committing to personal growth. Your inherent desire for moral rectitude and your desire for self-improvement can contribute to your ability to positively influence the world.

Challenges

The sexual subtype's desire for perfection sometimes leads to rigidity and excessive criticism, which complicates the full expression of compassionate love. Their high standards and expectations can cause them to struggle to accept imperfections, both their own and those of others, which can lead to certain types of judgment that lead to a lot of frustration. It is essential, therefore, that you learn to show compassion for yourself, accept your own imperfections, and extend that acceptance to your partner. The ability to recognize that growth is an ongoing process, and that compassion should be both for oneself and for others is crucial. It can be challenging to open up emotionally and show vulnerability, for fear of being judged or criticized. But through introspection and personal development, he can adopt a more tolerant and gentler stance, generate empathy for the mistakes of others, and create for himself a genuine disposition for compassion.

"When I heard that 'Carlo' had been diagnosed with cancer, I violently broke a stack of plates on the floor. That day, in the therapy group, I began to cry desperately: I wanted, at that moment, to be welcomed in someone's arms. The next day, I decided that Carlo would certainly live and, totally convinced, I stood by him, firm and strong, talking about the future, dreaming together. A new intimacy was born between us, facilitated by the circumstance of having begun a therapeutic journey together." — Caterina Rubinat

Erotic Love

Among the subtypes of E1, the sexual one has more access to erotic love, and we can see how this disposition manifests itself in their greater ability to express passion and seduction. Due to their desire to dominate and their belief that they know how things should be, they present themselves as paternalistic and possessive in sentimental relationships. Furthermore, they tend to have a very definite view of love, often based on their ideals and personal ethics. For this reason, they are inclined to seek out partners who resonate with their convictions and who share their ambitions and goals. They are selective in their choice of partner, placing great emphasis on finding someone who meets their high

criteria for moral rectitude and personal development. It is distinguished by an intense desire for connection, sensuality, and emotional bonding. Physical attraction plays a crucial role in their love relationships. When they fall in love, they aspire to establish a passionate relationship that is harmonious (in the sense of not being questioned by their partner), as well as lasting.

Sexual 1 craves emotional and physical closeness with their partner and tends to idealize meeting partners who are reliable, understanding, and able to provide stability. Therefore, they highly value loyalty, dedication, and fidelity in their affective bonds. The problem is that they determine these values from their self-concept as a person who accumulates merits to establish how things should be, which obviously must be done in their own way.

The Sexual 1 may consciously or unconsciously regard their love relationship as a path to self-improvement and may make active efforts to correct the imperfections or deficiencies they perceive in themselves or their partner.

"Whenever I meet a woman for the first time, if I find her attractive, I evaluate the possibility of a conquest. The guideline is to engage in a conversation of varied content to be able to assess whether it excites or even fascinates me intellectually, emotionally, and physically. As my attraction grows, so does the intensity of my desire. However, I hesitate to express it without reservation, waiting for signs that encourage me to do so. In a way, the volcanic eruption of my passion is waiting for permission."

— Anonymous

"In my relationships, another characteristic of my ego became evident: I fell in love alone and always with men who loved me."

— Caterina Rubinat

Challenges

Sexual 1 may have a tendency to seek control and possessiveness in relationships. Their high standards and expectations for both their partner and themselves can lead them to seek a sense of perfection in their intimate relationships. This can manifest as a desire for their partner to conform to their ideals and for the relationship to meet their exacting standards, without relinquishing control.

They may have a vision of what they consider an ideal romantic connection and fantasize about finding the perfect love that embodies their ideals and values. This can lead to a

constant search for the ideal partner and dissatisfaction with real-life relationships, which do not meet their unrealistic expectations.

Admiring Love

Admiring love is a fundamental aspect of human nature and an essential ingredient for personal growth and spiritual development. It is a type of love that is neither possessive nor exclusive, but is based on respect, compassion, and understanding—an altruistic form of love that recognizes and honors the inherent worth and potential of others. It involves admiring someone, appreciating their qualities and accomplishments, and trying to imitate or mirror them in some way. It is a form of love that encompasses a deep sense of reverence, respect, and admiration.

Claudio Naranjo taught that admiring love can serve as a catalyst for personal transformation and spiritual growth. When we truly admire someone, we are drawn to their positive qualities and inspired to develop them in ourselves. This process of admiration and emulation can lead to self-improvement and a greater understanding of our own potential. By cultivating this form of love, people can overcome selfish tendencies and develop a greater capacity for empathy, compassion, and understanding.

However, admiring love can have its pitfalls. While beneficial for personal growth, it can also lead to unhealthy attachment and dependence on the admired person. In extreme cases, individuals can lose their own sense of self and become overly dependent on the object of their admiration. That's why it's important to strike a balance between admiration and maintaining individuality. For the Sexual 1, the biggest challenge is not being empowered by their "spiritual merits" to nurture their narcissism and feel more power in wanting to change others by becoming a preacher of the supposed truth.

"When I first learned of Claudio Naranjo's explanation of the three loves, already at an advanced stage of my adult life, I placed erotic love in the highest position and the love of admiration in the lowest. This was because I felt that I did not love my father, who had been absent from my life for almost six years, from four to ten. Then, in a meditation during a course of the SAT Program, I realized that I could stop the search for my father's love, because he was already in my heart, but overshadowed by the love for my mother."

— Jurgen Kramer

"The most demanding and critical paternal energy does not push me anymore. Admiring and devotional love appeared, which was initially represented in Claudius and then expanded to that mystery that sustains everything and everyone, to the divine and sacred that is in each one of us and in nature as an expression of sublime beauty. I went from

fighting and rejecting a god who looked like my father, to feeling that I am part of that divinity."

— Isabel Herrera

"More and more I accept feeling like a father to young people, who come to me mentioning some connection with their father or grandfather, sometimes 'like what I would like to have.' It's a feeling I've always reserved for my family, and I have to get used to women no longer looking at me as a man, but as a dignified old man. I'm starting to like the role, because it seems to make them happy."

— Jurgen Kramer