The Characteristic Neurotic Need

Ambition is the last refuge of failure. —Oscar Wilde

Ambition and love are the wings of great actions. —J.W. Goethe

To be a person of reference in what they consider their territory is the desire that drives the Social 2. To achieve this, they have developed a strategic mind, the ability to influence, and an opportunistic intelligence, always alert. But they have also needed to banish some human traits such as compassion, tenderness, allowing themselves to make mistakes, or, most importantly for this subtype, love, which confuses them and, at the same time, is the only thing that can heal them. One could say that the Social 2 buried—or rather, exiled—its heart, childhood, and humanity under the charge of having to grow up in early childhood.

Tenderness and compassion are for others, for the ordinary, the weak, those who do not have the sacred mission of helping or saving others. I was chosen to be strong among my peers. —Rosa Useleti

Tenderness is something I feel inside but that does not materialize externally. In my relationship with others, the expression is harsh, direct, and cold. Although inside I feel compassion, I cannot express tenderness; I feel I have it, but it does not reach the other. I

suppose this has to do with self-image; when someone speaks very sweetly or gently, I get very nervous. —Ana González Tejera

It could be said that the Social subtype is the proudest among the proud. They do not fantasize about recovering the warmth of their mother or father, even though they learned to feel "chosen" by them; nor are they content with charming a few men or women. The Social 2 aims to conquer territories, groups, and the whole world if they get distracted. Cleopatra, Napoleon, Eva Perón, Alexander the Great, or Lucifer are examples of this charismatic, deceptive, and crowd-seducing subtype. Karen Horney defines expansive characters like this: "They are dedicated to self-glorification, proud enterprises, vindictive triumphs, and the domination of life through intelligence and willpower, as the means of realizing their idealized self."

The Social 2 child felt worthy of being loved. However, when they were no longer useful to their mother or father, or when they were no longer convenient for some reason, they were pushed away with gestures and body language full of contempt, making them feel humiliated. It is after this downward movement that pride and the ambition to regain lost dignity are born, through recognition, and to once again be that reference person who was loved "unconditionally."

I remember that the flattery, the feeling of being different, and being "the chosen one" coexisted with the contempt and humiliations. I had to do everything possible to remain "the chosen one" and maintain my position in the family. Literally, the word "pride" emerged to forget the humiliations and overcome them, drawing strength from that to conquer my parents again. It was as if humiliation threw me into a pit from which I emerged giving it all, thanks to pride. —Rosa Useleti

Claudio Naranjo defines the Social 2 as the most intellectual of the E2s. Although like the other subtypes, they use emotionalization as their main defense, in their case they repress emotions and can be more disciplined because they focus primarily on the strategic ambition of conquest. Only illness or a major failure at work puts them in touch with their physical limits and a "slight" feeling of vulnerability.

Only if I am taken to the hospital do I find it justified to be cared for. [...] When I was diagnosed with cancer, it seemed like a minor inconvenience, just another challenge to overcome. Only when I saw the expression on my friends' faces when I told them did I fleetingly think that what was happening to me might actually be serious. —Ana Baza

This reckless action, this passion with purposes, disguises itself as ambition and focuses on achieving goals, territories, or groups. All this is part of the desperate search for a place in the world to repay what was not given to them by right in their family and to escape from the cold emptiness they would contact if they stopped. The Social 2 was not seen for who they were, but based on their usefulness to support and satisfy one or both parents.

They played the role of confidante, knowing information that was not appropriate for their developmental stage. They took on the role of partner early with one of their parents. In the case of women, they face their idol, trying to usurp the father's role as the "head" of the family. —Ana Baza

They have been their mother's unconditional support. They have been the person through whom one of their parents wanted to shine, the one who was going to save the family, and it is common for them to have been used as a tool for manipulation and blackmail between adults. However, there is one role they could not play: to be a child. This experience is what brings them closer to and shares with E1 and E8, two of the powerful personality types in the action triad of the Enneagram. There was no childhood beyond seven or eight years old.

In the absence of boundaries, protection, or emotional support from one or both parents, they survive by growing prematurely to occupy an important and reference position within the parental system. They are usually isolated from the sibling subsystem, as they are denied or they renounce the relationship with their peers. The absence of their own place, the mandate of self-sufficiency, and a sticky sense of loneliness will accompany them throughout their life and drive them to pursue glory.

I am seven years old, and my brother is two and a half. The day my father leaves home, the last thing he says to me is: "Take care of your mother." [...] We are in the kitchen, and I am crying because of my father's absence. She wipes the tears from my face: "Don't cry. If you do, I will cry too. You are already grown up, you are intelligent, and you can handle this. Be strong; we have to take care of your brother, he is very small."

I learned that my needs don't matter. My pain must be hidden. Also, I can handle everything; I am big. I can take care of my mother's pain and my brother's needs. —Ana Baza

What disturbs the Social 2 the most is to contact, the few times they allow themselves, with the deficient and depressive states that lie within them. The idea that if they fall, they could die, accompanies them recurrently in their nightmares. This unease comes from the fact that they were not protected or supported in their emotional falls when they were children, and they are left with the sensation that they could perish without anyone remembering or taking care of them. As an adult, they will suspect if anyone is taking care

of them, and, when pushed to the extreme, they would rather succumb than ask for help. To avoid contact with that helplessness and calm the anxiety, they have put their body and mind at the service of strategy and action, exiling their uncomfortable heart, which seems as untimely to them as attending to their most basic needs and believing in love without gain.

The Image of the Ambitious

The ambitious person is easily recognized; they are boastful, even when not speaking. When they do speak, their tone of voice rises, while they gesture, entertaining the various people around them. They smile a lot and, even though they don’t laugh much, their presence is felt from afar.

When walking down the street, it is easy for others to part the way for their decisive, natural, and graceful walk. They have an imposing presence, as if they know they own the land they walk on, projecting the image of being "important," no matter the context in which they operate.

I was studying at university and entered the computer room. There was a friend of my brother's. Later I went to greet him, and surprised, he said: "I thought you were a teacher because of the way you moved around here." —Ana Baza

Oscar Wilde is a good example of this subtype, a modern man, in the style of the Renaissance man with his curious and bucolic openness, and somewhat baroque expression. A contemporary of his time, he enjoyed art and beauty in all its forms. A well-connected intellectual, surrounded by influential people of his era. Fun, biting, witty, and with a wide network of contacts, he was often well-informed and took care of his personal appearance, adapting it easily according to his purposes. Like E3, the Social 2 is also very adaptable in appearance, but uses it as a tool to achieve their goals rather than as part of their identity. They use their strategic adaptability and empathy to identify the signals that define the different groups they interact with. Subtly, they transform their appearance without losing their identity or their desire to stand out, integrating into the group that interests them and becoming seen and admired for the value they add with their mere presence. They are opportunistic, knowing how to draw from various sources and make an idea or project their own. They don’t just copy others; they take what they need and combine it with other elements creatively, leading to innovative results. They are experts in patchworking from the different stimuli they receive, giving everything they touch a sense of possibility.

Like Napoleon, the last great conqueror. Only a "reckless" person like him, a narcissist driven mad by their compulsive thirst for "more and more," could manage to conquer almost impossible territories: eleven countries, including half of Russia, in an era when the means were not suitable for such a grand enterprise.

The Social 2 person is someone who, despite internally considering themselves a fraud, relies on an elevated self-confidence, compulsively seeking any opportunity to conquer masses, like Elvis Presley, Truman Capote, or Eva Perón—magnificent examples of how an Social 2 sublimates their ambition: "All for the people."

The Great Ambitious: The Conquest

Cleopatra, Julius Caesar, Napoleon, and Alexander the Great have something in common: they are great conquerors of masses and territories. Creators of empires, their legacies have survived them, despite the distance of time.

In all their biographies, we can see common points, as well as character aspects that make them share the same subtype:

The Social 2 believes they can do anything better than anyone else. They do not accept orders, especially on matters they believe belong to them. Thus, they are capable of rising up against established power, arguing that it is for the common good. Both Napoleon and Julius Caesar declared themselves emperors, thinking they were the only ones who knew what the people needed, yet they ended up assuming absolute power, despite having fought against it when it was held by someone else. Something that recalls the usurpation of the father's place in childhood.

When a rule is uncomfortable or an obstacle to achieving their goals, the Social 2 ignores it or adjusts it to their needs, even creating new ones with the desire for them to be universal. They do not value that they are doing something wrong, but rather necessary, since the end justifies the means. They naturally apply the saying "the road to hell is paved with good intentions," as they know how to justify any act in pursuit of a goal for the common good.

A great ambitious always wants to change the world and make it a better place for the disadvantaged:

"I am willing to do anything, to submit to anything, for the good of the people." —Julius Caesar

"I wanted nothing for myself, my glory is and will always be the shield of Perón and the flag of my people, and although I left pieces of my life along the way, I know that you will carry my name and take it as a flag to victory. [...] If this people asked me for my life, I would give it singing, because the happiness of a single poor man is worth more than my whole

life." —Eva Perón

Napoleon had the certainty that he could achieve anything he set his mind to in life, and he planned great enterprises for himself and for the world. This confidence in his personal resources and vision gave him the conviction that he could transmit with passion when he believed in something. He took risks and was an innovator in his field, whether in music, literature, or war. On the other hand, he was a great strategist and had the discipline and perseverance necessary to achieve the impossible, as he embarked on actions that others would never have considered.

He would resort to anything to achieve his ambitions, without caring about the price to pay or the consequences for himself or others. He had great plans for himself and knew how to take advantage of any opportunity to create something new or to rise from a potential failure. However, he was a conqueror and needed the group to find support and for his enterprise to be recognized socially.

When he wants to win, he is ruthless. But when he triumphs, he shows magnanimity. Like Julius Caesar, with the beliefs and customs of the conquered peoples. This is a display of tolerance and, at the same time, a strategy of control over the conquered. The Social 2 needs to have everything controlled, to the point of becoming a tyrant capable of turning the group against them.

Conquest gives them the adrenaline they need to feel alive. They are addicted to the excitement caused by power, influence, and the status it brings. What they cannot do is stay and maintain what they have conquered, as that would involve protecting, caring for, or entering a routine that they cannot sustain for long. The Social 2 needs to keep hooking new conquests one after another, leaving others to care for what has been conquered.

They are insatiable; they are rarely satisfied with what they have achieved for long. Their ambition pushes them relentlessly to keep chasing the impossible. Their inability to see and accept their limits, both personal and external, leads them to inevitable failure. Just like Julius Caesar or Napoleon, they want to go so far that their excessiveness—wanting to be God—leads them, in the same fall as Lucifer, to failure.

Recovering Lost Dignity

The word that best defines the neurotic need of the Social 2 is, therefore, ambition. Etymologically, it is interesting to trace the related words that could explain the genesis of this subtype: dignity and humiliation.

The word "ambition" has two meanings, according to the RAE. In both, we observe a desire to achieve something with vehemence, which directly connects us to the intensity and proactivity of this character and its life movement of "moving towards," as Claudio Naranjo points out, following Karen Horney: "The so-called E2 is a striking example of an expansive character, which focuses on conflict situations by pleasing and yielding [...] and we would say that the Social subtype is the most powerful and antagonistic."

"I distance myself from the house... I am not receptive, I don't stay to receive, but rather to 'go towards,' which is more masculine. What's important is outside, in the world. Life is outside; domestic life robs me of time for what is truly important. I don’t let things, people, or opportunities come to me... I go out to search for them." —Ana González Tejera

Continuing with this term, the ambition of the Social 2 does not prioritize wealth or image, as in E1 social, but rather it is more specifically a passion for "being more, being more, doing more." This drive towards "more" gives them a sense of life. If they stopped their conquest, they would have to face their lack: an absence of self, a void that they cannot bear. They would also lose hope of being loved and valued. Being just one among many would be like not existing, not having a place in the world.

"When I was a lawyer, I earned little, but saying I was a lawyer gave me a status that money could not buy." —Mónica Ángulo

It is the passion, specifically, of being someone important that others turn to, a reference. If we look more closely, what they really desire is dignity, to be worthy of love, to deserve love. However, they do not direct this search towards the true value that comes with dignity in the depth of the human being, but rather divert it, believing it resides in being seen by the world through their great deeds.

Following this thread, we find two meanings of the word "humiliate": "to wound someone's self-esteem or dignity" and "to go through a situation where the person suffers a loss of dignity." This experience is what originates the formation of this character.

"I had repeated scenes of humiliation with three different groups of friends at school, and I remember perfectly the day I decided to stop this, that I would never again suffer or feel pain because of similar situations. I practiced hard, uncompromising faces to inspire respect... And yes, I succeeded, and that's how I survived." —Mónica Ángulo

When a human being is born, they know they are complete and have the full capacity to love and be loved. The environment of the Social 2 reaffirms to the child that they are

worthy of being looked at with love because they are seen as special, and that they will do something important, which, in turn, keeps their self-concept and self-esteem high.

However, something interrupts this nirvana: the mother, primarily, "withdraws" or takes away her gaze in some way. Perhaps simply because, as the child stops being a child, that unconditional gaze is no longer such, but what the Social 2 experiences is that a perverse game begins, where they are the bearer of high expectations and responsibilities beyond their developmental capabilities. This gives them overwhelming confidence in their possibilities but, at the same time, drains them and leads them to cyclical states of stress or depression. In return, they obtain something they will never stop longing for: a place of power within the system.

"My mother says to me: 'Ask your father for it, he won’t yell at you.' I go to ask him, and he yells at me like everyone else; he gets angry and says, 'Who do you think you are to ask for that? Who do you think you are, you rude brat?' and punishes me by locking me in my room. With all the rage in the world, I yell at my mother to let me out of the room because she asked me to do it. She doesn’t show up, and after a while, she says I can come out and tells me to apologize to my father, that it was just a moment of anger... I don’t feel anything. There is no mention that it was her who told me to do it, nor the yelling and punishment I received; only my pride and anger against my father, and indulgence towards his anger." —Rosa Useleti

At the same time, another family dynamic feeds the child’s uncertainty about their true place, which will later motivate them to conquer one for themselves within groups. From this place of reference and parity that has been granted to them, they feel, when treated again as the child they are, the humiliation of being "degraded," deceived, betrayed. This expulsion from a place of importance, this ambivalence about where they are placed by significant adults, is experienced as the primordial humiliation.

"My mother confides to me her dissatisfaction with the decision they made to move houses. She seeks an alliance with me; she is the one who gives me that power. As I was always there to help and save her, I take on the role of her savior and engage in a fight against my father, putting myself above him. But he doesn’t give me that power because I am the youngest in the house. One gives me the power, and the other tries to take it away with their absurd limits and rules, which they only impose to dominate me and show their authority over me. That’s the ambivalence I felt." —Ana González Tejera

When the child, proud and confident, steps up to their mother in those high heels, the mother, who at that moment does not need them, pushes them away with disdain as if they were nothing more than an inconvenience. These are the first experiences with shame, humiliation, and a sense of fraudulence.

"My mother was always busy and preoccupied with housework. If I approached asking for attention, a listening ear, or support, she wouldn’t even look at me; she would be running around saying she had no time. And even though she would rely on me for various household matters or issues related to my brother, if I made a mistake or did something wrong, she would get extremely angry, and I still remember her face and that word I still can’t bear: 'How disgusting, how disgusting!' It was a mix of pain, uselessness, rejection, and humiliation; I felt like my body was splitting in half." —Ana Baza

There are certain differences between men and women, but the important thing is the use made of the boy or girl, glorifying them only to then "depose" them.

In the relationship of the male child with the mother, a similar objectification is observed as in the girls:

"For my mother, I was her toy. She played with me, but just enough. When she got bored or when it was time to feed me, bathe me, etc., she would pass me off to the caregiver, and she would disappear. It was like a little girl who, when tired of the toy, throws it away and looks for another form of entertainment; in fact, this continues to happen in adulthood. I always had the feeling that more than a mother, she was a spoiled little girl, with her tantrums, who suddenly used money as a way to gain authority or compensate me." —Mario Medallion Serrano

In both genders, though not in all cases, one of the two parents positions themselves as a peer or life companion, a comrade in arms. However, here too, the child will be abandoned when they become a burden or nuisance, without any consideration for the fear, anger, or sadness caused.

"I remember when we were on vacation in Pattaya (Thailand) to celebrate the New Year, my father decided we should go to the hotel's gala dinner. During the appetizer, a friend of his appeared and whispered something in his ear. Dad looked at me and said, 'I'll be right back. Chai wants to introduce me to a friend.' At ten and a half years old, I already knew that the 'friend' was probably a prostitute. I was left alone, with strangers I didn’t know, celebrating the New Year, hoping my dad would return soon. Minutes passed, and anxiety turned into anger, and vice versa. I looked around, trying not to show any nervousness and normalizing the situation, as I was terrified that when my dad returned, someone would bring his attention to something, and he would feel betrayed by me. Five minutes before entering the dinner, as the waiters were filling glasses with champagne, my dad came back as if nothing had happened. My anxiety and anger simply gave way to the relief of having him back." —Mario Medallion Serrano

When faced with their insufficiency, the future Social 2 counters it by lifting their chin and elevating their personal goals to show they are self-sufficient and skilled in everything they undertake. As an adult, they will aim to find that "unconditional" love they lost in the groups they try to conquer, confusing territory with love.

Paradoxically, when love arrives, the Social 2 is distrustful and cannot fully give themselves or show what they consider a weakness: their vulnerability and need for others. When they feel they are not loved or that the love they receive is not proportional to what they expect, they feel betrayed and sever ties with the person, authority, or the entire group; they may also distance themselves without clarifying or asking what happened.

The Ambitious Exit

Like all narcissists, the Social 2 carefully and secretly hides, if they are even aware of it, their shortcomings, their failures, and above all, the emptiness that accompanies them. They end up in a circular movement between success and failure, between anxiety and depression. As will be described in the chapter on childhood, the Social 2 may have experienced anaclitic depression as a child and introjective depression as an adult.

The feared scene is being abandoned, not being enough... not being able to solve others’ lives. I sell myself inflated; I create expectations that later weigh on me because I feel there is nothing inside. It hurts to see how I despise what I have, how I devalue myself for not always being attentive and witty. I see the colored cellophane I have created; it is frayed, like an old plastic bottle; underneath, there is barely something small and square: it is a bar of soap. —Ana Baza

The Social 2 lives with the constant tension between their narcissistic aspirations and reality. They are also someone with little tolerance for frustration, which triggers a collapse in their sense of omnipotence. In this imbalance, they have two possible exits: either rage, directed at others or as self-aggression, both based, as Kohut says, on experiences of humiliation, or depression.

According to Blatt, narcissists subject themselves to constant scrutiny and manifest a permanent fear of criticism, which leads to introjective depression in adulthood: feelings of worthlessness, inferiority, failure, and shame, mixed with harsh self-criticism. It is a type of depression that is difficult to detect, as in their speech, it is hard to see how defeated they feel. It is common for them not to be aware of having gone through depressive episodes or to isolate themselves until they have recovered.

The Social 2 disconnects from their needs and self-care because they associate contact with their inner child with being humiliated and unsupported by anyone.

"I have felt a lot of sadness, although I never conceived the word depression." Among other things, because I never allowed myself to feel pain and sadness until much later in my personal process. I could feel sadness, but I would immediately transform it by getting angry or withdrawing, disconnecting in some way." —Mónica Ángulo

I became sick from childhood stress because I couldn’t keep up with the self-imposed demands that I thought I had to meet to be the best in school, sports... to reconquer the love of my parents, which I thought I had lost because of the punishments and situations I experienced as humiliating. Depression might have been a healthier outlet: giving up, renouncing being the best. Instead, I accumulated stress and anger. —Rosa Useleti

One of the core elements of narcissism is the high severity of the critical conscience. And one of the driving forces behind this ambitious person is, precisely, an internal severe and persecuting father figure that torments them by whispering that they are not enough, that they can handle more goals, more commitments. This voice stems from a constant search for recognition that they were accustomed to as a child.

The Social 2 received as a child an incoherent message that kept them in an agonizing state of alert, as they could either be praised or scolded for the same behavior or attitude.

Horney argues, in this respect:

"A blind adoration can increase one's sense of importance. One can feel loved and appreciated not for who they are, but merely for satisfying their parents' need for adoration, prestige, or power. A rigid set of perfectionist principles can stir a feeling of inferiority for not being up to such demands. Mischief and bad grades in school can be severely reprimanded, while good behavior or good grades are taken for granted."

Another contradiction that the Social 2 faces, which adds social content to their humiliation experiences, is that, in private, the mother shows disappointment if the child doesn’t meet the high ideals set for them. This is a fundamental aspect of narcissistic character formation. In contrast, when there are "witnesses," whether at home or in public, the message is one of disproportionate praise and blind faith in their abilities. The child feels ashamed of how they are flaunted or paraded around, and humiliation becomes public.

"I felt like I was being exhibited as an object, a product of my parents. I think that’s why it’s so easy for me to 'prostitute myself' in seduction and, in the process, to recall what my parents did to me. Always searching for their lost love. I say 'prostitution' as a betrayal of

myself, as dishonesty. I ally myself with whoever just so they’ll admire me, and if I feel aggression, I invalidate my feelings and become a punching bag, because I neither feel nor suffer..." —Mario Medallion Serrano

In adulthood, the Social 2 will pay a high price for this family pattern, distrusting anyone who speaks well of them. Interestingly, even though public recognition is what they crave the most, it is not easy for them to maintain it, as they interpret there is something unreal or false about it, just like when they were children. This is compounded by the fear of being discovered as a fraud or not meeting the expectations created around their persona. This forms one of the core pillars of their difficulty with intimate relationships and the poor quality of the bonds they form.

The term "recognition," so common in the Social 2 spectrum, has an ambivalent meaning, though not excluding one another. On one hand, it implies "gratitude and acknowledgment," which is tied to an arrogant act, where the individual thinks they deserve special consideration as payment for the debt incurred with them in childhood. On the other hand, "recognize" also means to admit someone as legitimate, which is linked to their fear of being seen as a fraud and, by being deprived of their territory, feeling the original humiliation once more. The Social 2 exerts themselves to the point of exhaustion to fulfill the "promises" that will keep them in that role or status. However, both their own expectations and those created by others are so high that they often secretly fear, internally, that it will be discovered that they truly cannot meet them.

In reality, they are tired of maintaining the image they’ve constructed of themselves and simply need to be recognized as legitimate, to show themselves fully, with their flaws, limitations, vulnerability, and fears, like anyone else.