Emotionality and Fantasy

The Sexual 3 is hypersensitive but has become adept at concealing socially unacceptable emotions, such as anger and disgust. They have developed significant control over masking this hypersensitivity and their inherent vulnerability. Their true emotions find an outlet primarily in solitude or within the close circle of people they trust, such as family or a partner, where they feel comfortable venting their anger, grievances, and frustration.

This subtype is particularly susceptible to criticism and strives to evade it to maintain harmony. Criticism is perceived as a dire threat, triggering a cascade of defensive mechanisms stemming from their fragility, inferiority complex, and fear. They cannot bear to be questioned and despise experiencing fear, which they view as an entirely forbidden emotion. They learned as children that being self-sufficient was necessary, and they hold an irrational belief that exhibiting fear and weakness will result in rejection. Embracing fear, when it is allowed to be felt, is both painful and liberating. The fear of fear causes more suffering than going through the actual emotion, as it offers a chance to finally shed the mask. Their most profound fear is, in reality, encountering true love and being able to surrender to it.

As a child, I projected an image of being a very good girl, and I learned not to burden people with my emotions. I carry a sense of having been a very sad and unprotected child, who felt that sadness but never expressed it when others were present. To escape from that melancholy, I created numerous fantasies, especially those featuring a typical, loving family. These fantasies were closely guarded secrets, and I would act them out with imaginary friends when I was alone.

The inner child’s sadness remains ever-present but concealed or avoided. Occasionally, a glimpse of it may surface, shrouded in an aura of mystery, which the Sexual 3 uses as a form of seduction. When their romantic fantasies are not fulfilled, this sadness becomes more visible and can transform into a chronic depressive state. This often leads to reliance on drugs or anything that may help them avoid confronting their emotional world. The repressed rage tends to manifest as physical illness. Despite their internal struggles, they predominantly project a facade of joy and exhibit a positive attitude even when they feel the opposite. The prevailing mantra is: “Everything is fine.”

When I feel down, fragile, and helpless, I can summon a wellspring of strength from God knows where to avoid revealing my vulnerability and jump onto the enthusiasm

bandwagon, either by engaging in other people’s projects or pursuing my own. It’s an attempt to escape pain and suffering. That’s why many people see me as cheerful and fun.

A disconnection from the emotional realm and a delayed response characterize this person. In the world of perpetual enthusiasm, where everything must appear perfect, any emotions deemed painful or unsightly, such as anger or aggression, are disconnected from. There’s the vain idea that public breakdowns are not an option. Enthusiasm is highly praised, while pain is shunned. Coexisting with this perspective is the false belief that revealing the “ugly” side will result in abandonment. This falsehood becomes particularly painful as they become more self-aware.

During my teenage years, I recall experiencing a sort of hysterical emotional outburst. I began to express all the pent-up rebellion and anger I had bottled up throughout my childhood. I unleashed this at home with intense fits of screaming and crying. In social settings, I hardly expressed anything and often appeared almost autistic. I could spend an entire afternoon with friends without uttering a single word. I developed a profound fear of saying the wrong thing.

Their excessive need for control stems from constantly living under the scrutiny of other people’s judgment. There’s an underlying fear of losing control, even though there’s also a fascination with the idea of letting go and a strong attraction to drugs or alcohol; these individuals are highly susceptible to addiction due to the rigid control they maintain and the complementary desire to relinquish it.

I used to get high a lot, looking to feel intense emotions, or at least that’s what I told myself. In reality, what I was looking for was a way not to feel, and I found my escape in heroin. It made me feel content because nothing mattered, not even death. I could attend social gatherings without worrying about my image. This was a great relief.

In group social situations, they yearn to be the most liked and cherished person, but their fear of saying something inappropriate often makes them appear reserved and not very participative. Overcoming this shyness can be a challenge, as it leaves them feeling invisible. When they do manage to open up, enduring fantasies plague them, convincing them that they’ve committed unforgivable atrocities that will lead to severe consequences, like criticism and the withdrawal of affection. The underlying belief is that people cannot love them as they are, so they have to exert extreme self-control.

Fantasy holds a significant place in their life, particularly the fantasy of finding that extraordinary love that will recognize their uniqueness and save them from the pain and sadness they’ve experienced. Their dreams often revolve around a romantic, movie-like love, complete with a family and children. During adolescence, this fantasy looms large, along with the aspiration of conquering the most challenging lover.

When I was thirteen years old, I dreamt one night that I was at the bus stop to go to school, and a man arrived, dressed in clothes from another century, riding a horse. He invited me to join him, and together, we soared to a distant planet far from Earth. I knew instantly that he was the man I had always longed for, and that he was going to take me to our sanctuary, where I would be free from suffering. We arrived at our little house, and I felt so loved and fulfilled that I never wanted to return to Earth. This dream felt incredibly vivid and precious to me. Whenever the harsh realities of life, fueled by a sense of being unloved, became too much to bear, I would conjure it again in my mind. It was a way of consoling myself, and I was left with the certainty that one day, I would find a man who would love me just like the man in the dream, and thus end my suffering in the world.

The Sexual 3 faces immense difficulty in embracing the reality of their life. Their expectations of themselves are so inflated, so grandiloquent, that they frequently find themselves in a state of avoidance. Part of their habit of daydreaming is related to the feeling that they should be somewhere else, somewhere better, that they certainly deserve it, and that what the present has to offer is so frighteningly vulgar and uninteresting... Since they feel that life has to offer them something more, something thrilling and fitting for the grand illusions they’ve nurtured, they often take little initiative to change their circumstances. This initial frustration eventually breeds a contempt for people and everyday situations not considered attractive enough, and a defiant resistance to moments lacking in intensity, beauty, and harmony. This eventually leads to a kind of selectivity, where some individuals are distinguished from others, and the chosen ones are those capable of infusing life with beauty and distinction.

The sexual subtype will persistently indulge in their fantasies, even if they can’t put them into practice or don’t know how to, ultimately appearing as a dream addict while, in reality, remaining a great absentee in the emotional world.