Emotionality and Fantasy

Experiencing Emotions

Regarding the emotional dimension of their lives, Social 3 individuals experience a certain depersonalization. Their lives are full of stories, which they find challenging to connect with on a deep emotional level. When discussing their own life experiences, even dramatic ones, they narrate them with a sense of detachment, as if they were recounting a movie. Francesco provides insight into this by saying, “The E3 identifies with the content (the experiences) but not with the container (the one who has the experiences). When asked about myself, I might say, ‘I’m a psychologist’ instead of ‘I’m Francesco, and I work as a psychologist.’”

Haydée adds:

“I’ve been trying to write an autobiography for days, but I cannot. I’ve realized that many of the things I’ve done in my life were influenced by external circumstances, but I haven’t done anything that is truly mine. It’s as if these experiences were ‘borrowed’ for a specific moment. I can’t connect with my feelings because it’s as if nothing happened in my life.”

Francesco confirms this:

“It’s easier for me to discuss things as I’m living them. But when they’ve already happened and I try to revisit them, I do so without the accompanying emotions, as if they happened to someone else. It’s easy to construct a biography like a résumé, with facts, but someone would need to interview me and ask about the subjective experience and emotion I felt. For example, when I state, ‘I graduated,’ the interviewer might ask, ‘And how did you feel then?’”

“For me,” says Giusy, “expressing emotion felt like risking being humiliated or laughed at.” They sometimes resort to the catharsis of emotional release through fictional stories to

cope with their own emotions. “During my battle with cancer,” shares Ana, “sometimes I would go see movies featuring dramatic stories about illnesses. It was a way for me to give myself permission to cry without feeling guilty, as I was consciously holding back, not wanting to wallow in self-pity.”

Emotionality Expressed Through Fantasy

Social 3 individuals are typically very energetic, and their joy is vibrant, sparkling, and often witty, primarily serving their self-promotion. Among all the E3 subtypes, Social 3 is the most likely to display negative emotions, sometimes even being confused with E8. However, these emotional expressions usually conform to the expected social norms of the situation. For instance, in a Gestalt therapy session, where direct emotionality is encouraged, they might exhibit a wide range of emotions as expected by the therapist. Yolanda provides an example of adapting her behavior to fit societal expectations: “At my mother’s funeral, I started singing because we often sang together, and my father slapped me. I went on to ask myself, ‘Ah, what is the right thing to feel in this situation?’”

These emotions are directed towards whatever the situation or person demands. If the context is emotionally charged, a Social 3 can be quite expressive and engage with the emotions of others.

When anger is expressed, it’s usually not shown openly. It might come out as irony, which, although it can be cutting or even sadistic, is presented with a veneer of elegance. Any aggression seems like an accident or can be interpreted as a joke; it rarely tarnishes the image of the one throwing the dart.

The fantasies of Social 3 individuals often revolve around the concept of prestige, involving thoughts of grandeur, superiority, and belonging to an exclusive group of powerful people. They want this to be visible and recognized from a position of admiration. This can manifest in the material realm (generally with luxurious brands), as noted by Eustaquio: “My brother gifted me a very expensive watch. When I meet someone who appreciates such things, I make sure to roll up my sleeves so the watch is visible.” It can also relate to more intangible aspects of prestige, as explained by Ana: “My social ambition revolves around academic and intellectual credentials. For example, the prestigious universities I’ve been associated with are important to me. I also pay great attention to presenting my résumé favorably.”

However, alongside this fantasy of brilliance exists a negative self-perception. Haydée describes it as “another dark side, one of feeling terrible, ugly, like a thief or liar.”

In the context of romantic relationships, the fantasy of prestige can take the form of having a partner who, as Yolanda puts it, is “beautiful and eye-catching,” someone who can be

“shown off. He is the most handsome and the most desirable, yet chooses to be with me.” Giusy adds, “Let them be beautiful but not stupid. Desirable, fascinating.” Through their partner’s value, the Social 3 also gains a vicarious sense of value (“Tell me who you associate with, and I’ll tell you who you are”) and elevates themselves through their companion.

In general, when asked how they know they love someone, the Social 3 doesn’t respond with “Because I feel love.” They struggle to articulate what it means to love. Instead, they may express sentiments like “I enjoy looking at them,” “I appreciate what they do,” or “Because they love me.” These explanations often lack emotional depth. At times, they might even feel emotionally cold, questioning whether they genuinely love their partner.

When and How The Social 3 Connects With Emotions

This character needs to redirect their focus inward, independent of the need for external approval. Only by looking inward will they be able to recognize their own feelings instead of merely acting out the expected positive emotions in every situation. Initially, the challenge lies in feeling anything at all because the emotional void of the Social 3 manifests as coldness—the absence of affectivity.

Sometimes, their limited emotional depth coincides with a lack of compassion for the suffering of others. Haydée recalls her experiences teaching, saying, “I used to be very harsh in how I communicated, and my students would cry. I just thought they were idiots. I feel like such a monster; I didn’t realize it then, but I was incapable of feeling anything when confronted with a small child in tears!”

At the question of what the worst outcome would be if they expressed the emotions they contain, they reply: “It’s the loss of control. You cannot be the master of your fate; it’s others who decide for you.” Additionally:

“If I come into contact with grief, I become entirely helpless, losing my ability to act. Weakness contradicts what I portray all the time: that I am strong, that I can do anything. Allowing myself to be vulnerable makes me feel small, physically weak, and defenseless. It’s literally as if my foundation has cracked.” — Haydée

“In the past year, when I meditate, I cry. Continuously. I’ve convinced myself that it’s a way to release the tension of control. I’m not sure if it carries any other significance. It drains my energy, and I lose all my defenses...” — Francesco

The crying and deep helpless sadness that arise during inner work for the Social 3 likely have to do with self-pity for the child who went unnoticed and who had to act and earn recognition to be taken into account.

As the Social 3 gains deeper self-awareness and dismantles their facade of unwavering confidence, two unique aspects begin to surface, particularly aligning with E6 characteristics. First, there’s fear—a blind spot they must confront on their path. For someone as self-confident as the Social 3, the second aspect is uncertainty. Embracing doubt means unraveling the idealized self-image and tapping into their vulnerability: “I’m unsure of many things, and I’m also afraid.”

Living life as a constant achiever and winner can garner admiration, envy, and appreciation for their work capacity, but it often lacks genuine affection. When the Social 3 finds themselves in moments of weakness, they realize that others can protect and love them despite their imperfections. Accepting another’s compassion becomes an act of humility, ultimately allowing their long-suppressed emotions to surface beneath the image of a competent adult.

In safe and nurturing environments, such as the SAT process, the mask falls away. The Social 3 may feel fearful, fragile, introverted, serious, and, as they connect with their most authentic self, increasingly relaxed and soothed. “When I connect with myself in silence,” says Haydée, “I emerge calmer, walk more slowly, speak more gently, and find a sense of renewal… I gain clarity about what isn’t truly mine and what I’ve adopted. At the SAT, people tell me, ‘You are much more human.’” Francesco adds, “E3s begin to develop when we stop being dependent on others, on work, and the need to constantly prove ourselves. Choosing freely the commitments and work we dedicate ourselves to… This is where real strength comes from; we become authentic.”

How Sexuality Is Expressed Through Fantasies

As Francesco points out, "E3 already feels guilty for existing. Underneath the guilt lies an even greater void—a fear of not living up to parental expectations, of being erased. You idealize what you could have been, but deep down, you know you’re not fulfilling it, which leads to guilt. Sex also goes hand in hand with guilt. You feel deep down you’re a slut, but you suppress it."

Social 3 individuals are eroticized by power and social glitz. A person who possesses qualities associated with the elite—whether economically, socially, or intellectually—is more attractive to them than someone who simply loves them. Affection is sometimes even measured economically: “I am worth so much, they love me so much.”

The fantasy of a Social 3 revolves around being admired. They know they can’t rely on their body as much as the more traditionally sexy sexual Three, which is an effective but time-limited strategy. Instead, they aim to captivate through qualities like brilliance, elegance, class, worldliness, and glamour. They seduce with their attitude and their symbolic and intellectual attributes. More than sexual desire, their aspiration is to earn admiration and respect. It’s not about raw attraction, but is often filtered through the lens of cultural refinement.

As they meticulously calculate their presentation, the Social 3 shines in brief encounters, leaving a strong impression on their interlocutors (if it's a group, even better), but secretly fears being seen beyond the façade and revealing their inner emptiness. So, their strategy is to play with the fantasies of others, to allow themselves to be seen in the studied and flattering light of the theater they’ve constructed, only to disappear and linger as an echo of fantasy. To be seen but not touched. To fascinate many but commit to none. “If I’m loved by that prestigious person, then I’m valuable…” All of this game is nothing more than an illusion, pure performance art.

It’s good for the Social 3 to ask themselves what they truly want—without smoke and mirrors, without anyone else’s gaze on them, without needing to evoke someone else’s desire (not even that fantasized or imagined partner who lusts for them). They may then discover that they’ve distanced themselves from their genuine wants out of fear of the consequences of expressing them.