Jokes and Vignettes Transformation Process And Therapeutic Recommendations

In this final chapter, the tasks and useful guidelines are presented so that Self-Preservation 4 can open up to a deep and respectful transformation within itself. This process aims to lighten burdens while simultaneously allowing the possibility of greater satisfaction in life.

What is shared here is the result of numerous contributions from individuals who have experienced firsthand the processes of their character and, through involvement in bio, have identified the areas to which attention is essential. We proceed by topic areas, which can be traced back to the character traits outlined so far.

The first theme to address is undoubtedly pain, suffering, and the passion for resistance. The tenacity with which Self-Preservation 4 clings to the pain it preserves is, paradoxically, a way of offering itself the advantage of not being overwhelmed.

At the same time, this tenacity inevitably castrates the individual, hardens their emotionality, and reinforces the belief that it can be controlled. This is further compounded by the tendency to intellectualize emotion. As soon as the emotional wave arises,

Self-Preservation 4 attempts to explain it and assign it a definition, aiming to manage it. However, in doing so, feelings are not experienced in depth, resulting in emotional chaos that is difficult to untangle.

The moment E4 allows itself to abandon its resistance to feeling deeply and lets the emotions emerge, it opens up the possibility of contacting its most vulnerable, sensitive, and weak parts—the very aspects it has worked so hard to conceal. It is also crucial for E4 to distinguish between avoidable pain and unavoidable pain, so as not to become entrenched in suffering and break the cycle of frustration. The inability to be vulnerable stems from the belief that letting go of tenacity is equivalent to being at the mercy of events, without protection, failing to recognize the insanity of control that tenacity imparts on this character.

"Always trying to be better than I am. And what is 'better'? There, I went straight to hating myself for being the way I was: 'You're not good like that, Lola,' said a voice. I encountered a black stain called intimate guilt, a friend of not being right and not deserving. And I sunk into the stain of guilt for being born on the wrong foot; Mom almost died giving birth, she got sick, and her beautiful body was forever marked. Suffering accompanied my birth and my name, Dolores, who made others suffer so much..."

There are phrases that help: "Suffering does not exist to be explained but to find meaning." The meaning I found was that innocence appeared. Yes, I am innocent, and we are all born innocent. I felt that pure, clean girl without stains inside me, and I understood that there is no blame, but rather that things happen in life that we must live through.

As the primary therapeutic recommendation, it is important to insist on the need to free oneself from a state of immobility, of resistance that buries feelings and leads to resignation. One must be open to anger and tears, which help break the prohibition and untie the knots that time has created. Once the self-repression of deep emotions is removed, a sense of satisfaction arises that makes the futility of the repression itself evident. Providing support and resources for this character ensures the conditions necessary for them to free themselves, confess, disarm, make themselves vulnerable, and acknowledge their hardened state.

It is vital to explore and recognize envy and its denial, as well as its self-directed rather than outward-directed counterclaim, to understand clearly how the resistance mechanism works.

Another important task is recognizing one's own pain and suffering by giving it a status, so as not to delegate it to others in a constant expectation of empathy.

Separating one's own suffering from that of the mother or father, setting boundaries, recognizing the burden of external pain endured while raising the object of love, and breaking the umbilical cord of suffering experienced as an indissoluble bond to the family or loved ones are also key steps. Finally, getting in touch with the suffering of the wounded child, experiencing compassion, beginning to care for them, and taking responsibility for feeling the wound in order to heal it. Self-compassion leads to the recognition that the intense desire to be valued is more selfish than real and leaves no room for the true self.

We must recognize the trap of false lack and open ourselves to the awareness that perfection is not achievable. Moreover, the lack in some area of oneself does not imply lack of everything, an equivalence that Self-Preservation 4 often makes. Reversing the perspective, starting to internalize that if something is missing, there is also something else present, striving virtuously to see both sides of the scale, and being surprised at how extraordinarily balanced and deeply human it is to live with both lack and fullness. Accepting this reality opens us to greater compassion towards ourselves and others and grants us the mission of living daily with what life presents us, renouncing any sense of originality and recognizing ourselves as equal to everyone else.

"There is always something missing." Something for what? To live? What a harmful

madness that won’t let you live. See that eternal dissatisfaction as a hell that I believe.

"If it was missing once, that is over." And what is missing? When will I be ready? When will I learn (I still don't know) that I will be perfect? When will I have everything? Feeling that I caused my own dissatisfaction broke me into pieces. Now I realize I can live with what I have, and from where today, tomorrow I don't know..."

Self-love: Getting to understand and feel the madness of the idea that not giving everything is the same as giving nothing, and that striving so much leads to useless exhaustion. In fact, working so hard to show oneself as good, to be valuable, to gain love and recognition from others has nothing to do with love. If it requires so much effort, then it is not love, because love is easier. One must start cultivating self-love to facilitate the transition from self-hatred to a more loving perspective, helping the transformation from a state of suffering to one of fulfillment.

We can turn suffering into human fulfillment. It doesn't just happen to me; I'm not poor or unlucky, it’s just life. My bad luck is when I recreate myself, hit myself, deny it, use it, and don’t let it go. Yes, there has been real pain in my life, and now I can feel it as a life lesson of strength to move forward and, above all, to feel deeply human and open my heart. As a human, I just want to be a good person to whom anything human can happen. Understood suffering has bathed me in humanity on all sides. "Nothing human should be strange or alien to me."

It is also helpful to work on the awareness of the impossible value that is internally sought. Therefore, it must be contacted without comparison, being at the mercy of it. It is essential to observe how devaluation is a defense against frustration and lack, and to learn to live with it, feeling that it is nothing dramatic. Resorting to humor and irony helps lighten the burdens of such a self-demanding character, who takes life so seriously.

"You're afraid of being well," Claudio told me, and it touched me deeply. And it was true; another obsession to believe that if I'm fine, I won’t get attention. The fact of daring to be well confirmed to me that the other was a very crazy idea. Out of habit, I had to try and experiment. It turned out that I don’t need as much attention as I thought, and also received attention from another place. In being well, everything is easier, but then emotion is lacking; everything becomes duller, there is no fight, not so much to talk about. What am I going to do? I will no longer be interesting. Well, I'll be dull and boring, even with the fear that they won’t love me like that anymore. Living through this dispelled my fear: whoever loves me loves me the same, and I feel calmer and more rested." Recognizing Your Own Masochism

It has been most embarrassing and surprising. Seeing how I endure so that the other loves me or considers me has been one of the biggest shocks. It is not that this trend has disappeared, but I have learned to set limits and express my feelings. I am more attentive.

Recognizing how self-inflicted harshness, self-punishment, and cruelty is a way of keeping self-hatred alive and feeling that one is a "special sufferer," or that "the last shall be first," is an act of arrogance. There is no first or last; we are all equal and equally valuable!

Self-Understanding and the Paradox of Love

A valuable task is recognizing how challenging it is to truly know and understand oneself authentically. This includes facing one’s own deep desire for love that can be overwhelming, yet, when love arrives, it is often rejected. It becomes a continuous cycle of “I want, but I don’t want,” feeding into a game of denial of what is most longed for.

The Role of Work and Commitment

There is no need to exhaust yourself at work, believing that you can never do enough, as this leads to a significant waste of energy and makes it harder to recover. It is essential to connect with the value of fulfillment, and recognize the self-punishment that comes from excessive work and effort. This also hinders other parts of oneself from emerging, particularly aspects feared or ignored by the Self-Preservation 4. Rather than overexerting, it’s more productive to optimize personal resources by organizing activities, allowing for better management and flexibility in commitments, thus minimizing waste of time and energy. Avoid the compulsive need to fill every empty space in life with work.

Addiction and Contradiction

The feeling of counterdependence involves difficulty being in an emotional relationship with others, needing to maintain control and distance, especially in matters of love and emotions. The fear is that of suffocation, yet there is also a fear of losing personal space. Acknowledging the dependency on others makes one feel vulnerable and fragile. Surrendering to tenderness, expressing feelings, and embracing one’s own sweetness serve as antidotes to the fear of love.

Accepting Help and Love

Letting others care for and help me has been beneficial. I need it, just like everyone else—and that’s okay. Accepting help without guilt is an act of believing in love. Love me and let me love. When I felt loved, I was afraid; so what do I do now? It’s yet another paradox. When he didn’t love me, he invalidated others. And when you start loving me, the fear arises that I may depend on that love and lose my freedom. Recognizing that I depend on love, just like anyone else, is part of my human nature—and accepting it.

The truth is, I enjoy being alone, but also value companionship. Alone, I am at peace (with moments of clarity). This peace is new to me, so I want to savor it without the emotional highs and lows. I navigate the world considering my need for solitude and connection, learning not to be constantly "out there" as I once was.

Forgiving Yourself

Forgive yourself for the mistakes you've made, accept your limitations, and view them with compassion. Feel that you have a right to live, to occupy your space in the world, in your human imperfection. Become familiar with the idea that you do not need to waste so much

energy trying to self-correct. Abandon the stubbornness of punishing yourself for mistakes and let go of the illusion that improvement always lies in the future. Live in the present, not as a means of self-correction, but as an acknowledgment of your worth now. Accepting your limitations also means recognizing that the critical judgment toward others mirrors the self-criticism you carry.

Appreciating Reality as It Is

Learn to appreciate reality as it is, even the boring, the normal, the ordinary. Let go of preferences and practice the mindset: "what I get is enough for me." This attitude can transform scarcity into abundance. I recall how, after my communion, I fell in love with a phrase comparing love to the sea: "Love is something more than affection; it encompasses everything. No more is needed, because everything is already there. It depends on whether it is enough."

Living with what is present can be fulfilling. Savoring a state means letting go of the struggle for something different and simply being with reality as it is. Accepting the frustration of unfulfilled desires without drama, not minimizing it but recognizing that it is part of life's ebb and flow. Laughing, crying, the pleasant and unpleasant, the sweet and bitter—I try to experience it all as it is, without resistance. Reality does not need to be changed; it only needs to be embraced for what it is.

Recognizing Your Own Need

It’s unnecessary to explain, justify, or defend your needs. Simply recognize them as part of your current experience. Need is not a flaw; it is a vital part of life’s process. Whether it is rest, affection, or something else, when we acknowledge our needs without guilt or self-devaluation, the issue dissolves. Satisfy what you can, accept the parts you cannot, and know that this is a natural part of the journey. You are not lacking; you are simply in need.

Embracing Individuality

Recognize differences and individuality as a step beyond the need for comparison. Validate your own emotions, ideas, and feelings without imitating others. Don’t settle for being a poor copy of someone else; instead, have the courage to express your own uniqueness, even if it means facing the fear of not being special.

I am who I am, and that has nothing to do with how others are. Life has a share for me, and it is neither diminished nor increased by what others receive. Each person manages their own life and experiences uniquely. The love I share with my children is specific to our relationship, just as my father's love for me was unique. This is how it is.

Redefining the Ideal Self

Acknowledge the trap of aspiring to an unreachable ideal and recognize that the impossibility of attaining it can perpetuate a cycle of dissatisfaction. Maturing and nurturing self-love lead to compassion, allowing you to tap into the healthy parts of yourself that can provide strength and nourishment. Work on yourself as a process of self-awareness, not as a martyrdom toward an unattainable holiness. Recognize the pride in defensive moves, as well as the envy that often lies beneath. The Self-Preservation 4 may not always be aware of their envy, as recognizing it can cause pain and intensify self-rejection. However, even when acknowledged, there may be an attempt to hide it, fearing that it will be associated with their whole being. Recognizing envy as a feeling rather than an identity is an important step.

True Autonomy and Responsibility

Taking responsibility for your true autonomy is not counterdependence, but the act of owning your desires, thoughts, decisions, and actions. The Self-Preservation 4 may act as if self-sufficient, showing they don’t need others, but this often sabotages their deeper need for connection. True autonomy includes the acknowledgment of the need for others, not just for independence.

Feeling Your Right to Life and Space

You are already a dignified person; you do not need to work endlessly to earn your place in the world. Embrace gratitude as a starting point for learning love. This character may compulsively seek affection and recognition, but when one can truly appreciate what is received, it nurtures loyalty and faithfulness. Gratitude reduces frustration and helps cultivate a sense of equality with others. Value what you have and what you receive.

New Forms of Love and Spontaneity

Experience love through small, unheroic gestures that do not require grand trials. Celebrate the successes and abilities of others, and love them silently, without necessarily expressing it through words or actions. Strive for spontaneity and naturalness in your interactions, avoiding rigidity in mind and body. A good place to start is by relaxing your body, allowing yourself to say simple things, and being open to being ordinary, without scrutinizing every word.

Trusting Your Kind Nature

Trust in the goodness of your nature and take care to nurture it. Recognize kindness in both yourself and others. Neither you nor anyone else is solely defined by neurosis. There is goodness in both of us, and learning to see it is a path to compassion.

Cultivate Presence

When I can feel present, I believe that this is the joy of abundance. Nothing is missing; there is what there is, and you can be fine with that. Everything exists in its own moment, and that’s enough. To focus on what’s coming when "something is missing" is to deny reality. When I feel real, everything has meaning—meaning that belongs to the present moment—and I can savor it all. The differences disappear, and everything blends together. I am the one who creates differences (neither heaven nor hell, but both). That’s why I often feel something is lacking during my ups and downs. If I stop doing this, there are no preferences, and I savor whatever comes, whether sweet or bitter. It’s fine because it’s real and true. And everything unfolds if I let it, for it’s in my hands.

It helps me to pay attention to the effort. What am I striving for? And to stop when it becomes compulsive and meaningless. I remind myself not to "push the river" and believe in the phrase, “Don’t try so hard; the best things come when you least expect them.” And the truth is that life has shown me this path.

Differences and Comparison

Once, I had a beautiful vision: a valley full of poppies, all different in color, size, and shape, but at the same time, the same. They were neither better nor worse; they were beautiful and necessary. Each one had its own unique beauty, yet they all contributed to the collective beauty of the whole.

Experience Boredom

Boredom was once my greatest phobia. To be bored—impossible. Trying it out has been great for me because I’ve learned it’s not bad to get bored; it’s actually relaxing. I don’t know where boredom ends and calmness begins—where doing nothing extraordinary becomes a peaceful experience. I can get bored, but I don’t have to be bored. Some friends have told me that lately, I’ve become dull. I have fewer battles to explain, I go out less, and I’m calmer. They seem to like me less, but what matters is that I am better.

Trust What Happens

Things just happen. I’m not the one who has to compromise or strive to contribute. I cultivate trust in myself, in what I feel and experience, without judgment. I give myself credit as a step toward loving myself and valuing my own being. Developing confidence in both myself and the world around me is an essential step in my growth. For the Self-Preservation 4, the core of this character is maternal abandonment due to the perceived lack of love.

To survive this excruciating pain, what seems necessary is to "close the heart, freeze it," blocking the affective channel.

It is essential to reverse this direction, to open up to trust in spontaneity, naturalness, and love. I let things flow and witness that everything simply happens.

Transform Intensity Into Nourishing Heat

Feeling the absence of overwhelming emotion, while interesting, often leads to a sense of aridity. Emotion—whether positive or negative—makes you feel alive. But leaving intensity in the background could be an opportunity to bring out something new, creative, and, above all, unknown. On a mental level, this can be scary because it undermines control. But transforming inner volcanic energy into a source of inner warmth can help maintain contact with oneself and nourish my spirit.

I think that, at least for me, it’s about being alive without the extremes—without needing to intensify my movements or exaggerate them to feel alive. With softness, I can enjoy life more deeply, and it feels more real. I must be mindful of the point where I push myself too far, avoiding the endless cycle of repression, censorship, and guilt. “A volcano repressed for

so many years…” Sweetening my movements has helped, and not blaming myself for my needs. If I deny who I am, it’s worse—then the volcano explodes. It’s better to channel that energy carefully. Dancing has been a huge help for me. It’s my way of expressing my emotions, living them as they come. They pass, and I don’t get stuck. Denial only angers my volcano and leads to frustration.

If I deny my fire, it burns me. The better path is to let warmth open my heart, to feel it gently within me, and then to release it delicately and softly. Sometimes, I feel like I am a distributor of warmth, and I enjoy sharing it. I like to care for and give warmth to the people I love, offering it softly and lightly, so I don’t invade their space.

Attitude in the Face of Difficulty

Break down the problem as if it were a mathematical expression—minimize it, simplify it, take it one step at a time, starting small.

The temptation to avoid facing difficulties—therefore staying in a state of discomfort—is like "feeling the difficulties as a punishment." Dismantling this "crazy idea" means giving up the mindset of victimhood and infantilism. Abandoning these states requires trusting in the possibility of repair, which resides both within and outside oneself—in friendships, close people, or a higher order. It's important to know how to ask for help and recognize oneself as part of the universe and a child of God.

Another key element is recognizing the impossibility of facing everything all at once and all alone. Feeling the discomfort—fear, pain, anguish—without being overwhelmed, I can also contact a coexistent sensation of peace. This peace contains me, making me a vessel for the feelings that pass through me, allowing me to experience serenity even in difficult times.

Pleasure

This character finds it especially difficult to indulge in pleasure, whatever it may be. Often, we seek pleasure through addictions, which are merely attempts to fill the void and numb our feelings. Surrendering to pleasure, however, should be delicate, loving, and subtle—appreciating the small things, the everyday moments in the here and now. It’s also about embracing play, laughter, physical connection, and the joy of simply being alive. Appreciating the sensation of pleasure ignites vitality while dampening the ego. Pleasure should also be about respecting one’s body, avoiding unnecessary fatigue, and letting oneself be carried away by movement, dance, and the sensations physicality provokes as a channel for release, openness, and self-exploration.

Taking care of myself means feeling comfortable with my body, my food, my image, and giving myself time and tastes for myself. I want to be beautiful and to like myself. I live the pleasure of being myself with myself, felt deeply in my body and my cells. Realizing this helped me see the absurdity of seeking others' love. If they love me, that’s wonderful; if they don’t, it’s fine. I feel lovable just as I am, which gives me love within myself. This allows me to go out into the world, aware that the reference is internal, not external. Believing in myself was hard at first, because I wasn’t used to it. But as I learned from Claudio, “Freedom is exercised; you don’t have to ask for permission.” Rediscovering myself has been valuable, understanding that I am already precious with my simple nature—my dance, my poetry.

Body work is proving very beneficial for this Enneatype. It’s easy for him to express himself physically.

Your Energy, Imagination, and Intensity Need to Flow Somewhere

It’s crucial to recognize that anything can be your creative expression—whether it's dancing, painting, cooking, etc.

Sometimes, we overlook the good we have because the bad is so easy to focus on. At this point, a powerful realization can occur, like: “I am the one who doesn’t believe in myself.”

To Meditate

Stop thinking, dedicate yourself, observe yourself, and cultivate a neutral space—useful for practicing equanimity.

When I meditate, it helps me open up my circuits and see the existing beauty more clearly. Without meditation, an automatic tendency takes over, pushing the world's pain to the forefront. Meditation calms the intensity and compulsive actions, helping me realize that there aren't so many things to fix. What is essential gets done—both inside and outside of me.

From Compulsion to Creativity

Practice simplicity. Let go of excess, and allow space for gentleness. Transform the inner fire that often accompanies compulsion into creative, light, and nourishing energy.

I have no choice but to take the butterfly as a model, as a reference for what is useful in change, for me. I, who have such a capacity for movement and action, and who also need it to be well, to unload, so that the intensity does not turn against me like a volcano that does not erupt, that does not explode. Now, I believe that the way out is to take away the blame for that, allowing it in its measure. The gale is what it is until it is consumed and passes; so is my activity and my movement. What's wrong with letting go? The only bad thing for me is feeding it back artificially in a tenacious attempt to achieve something other than the intrinsic purpose of that movement, which is none other than letting myself be. That is the creativity I believe in. The butterfly flies just to fly (at least mine), and in that, it creates the beauty we see. When I release my movement or my intensity from guilt, I make them light, meaning free of heaviness—first for me, and at the same time, for others.

I wonder, as I write this, if intensity can be light. I don't know about other character traits, but for me, of course, removing guilt lightens it, allowing it, letting it pass, breathing it, getting to know it, observing it without censorship, so I can also ask it to pass and calm down.

I believe that in terms of energy, everything was disrupted with the containment of the first, innocent spontaneity. I don't remember that my desire was hyper-desire, that my feelings were exaggerated, or that I was excessively excited. What I do remember is that my vision of the world—or what I imagined—had colors much more vivid than the considerations about reality that the elders returned to me. There was also an element of laughter and enjoyment that came from my vitality—it was joyful.

Practice equanimity

Cultivate equanimity, be content with what you are and what you have, give up the effort, surrender, and give yourself honestly and confidently to life.