The Characteristic Neurotic Need

In the Self-Preservation subtype, the passion of avarice finds shelter as a specific form of expression. The neurotic motivation to organize existence is restricted to a limited, self-referential, and homeostatic experiential horizon.

The refuge lies in making oneself as inaccessible as possible to exchanges with the outside world. Creating a sense of safety by eliminating as many unnecessary variables as possible.

Rather than living in a warm and welcoming place that would receive and protect them, the Self-Preservation 5 child entered a cold world that could become violent at any moment, threatening their existence. They had no one to help process their pain or unpleasant feelings. These emotions completely overwhelmed them, and, lacking the strength to bear them, they chose the strategy of withdrawing, freezing their body, and distancing themselves from their emotions.

“One of my earliest childhood memories (still very vivid) is linked to a series of repeated episodes during my third year of life, during regular visits with my grandfather to a public place owned by relatives, where I was greeted by a family friend. He would visit the place with gestures and actions (with his hands) that were trivial. Actions that could only be perceived as physical violence, repeated and deliberately planned to cause physical pain (sadism). Violence I found myself unable to resist (I couldn’t even scream). The emotions that followed the initial state of shock were panic (with relative body freezing) and confusion over the fact that no one seemed to notice my suffering. Suddenly, the joy and natural curiosity of a two-year-old about the world fell under a shadow of terror at an external world that was violent and dangerous.” — NICOLA

After painful experiences like the ones mentioned above, the child came to believe that the environment was not entirely trustworthy. They realized that reality is dangerous and tried to stay out of harm’s way. But those who let nothing in will hardly let anything out. By renouncing the external world, they assume that if what they carry inside emerges, they will be left with nothing. This is why this character rigidly protects what they believe they still have, shielding themselves.

“I am impenetrable to others; I keep to myself what I feel, what worries me, what hurts me, what truly matters to me… All of this is stored in my internal cave, and I don’t let it out. As a form of protection. If I keep it to myself, it can’t be harmed.” — MANUELLA R.

Like a snail carrying its shell on its back to protect its fragile interior, wherever the Self-Preservation 5 goes, they carry their constrained body to prevent emotions from entering or escaping. Their face tries to convey no expression, so others cannot know what is happening inside. They avoid looking directly at others and try not to open their mouth, making it harder for words to slip out.

“I really don’t share what happens to me, what I feel, what I’m occupied with, or the issues that concern me. Even with the few people I trust, I prefer listening over speaking. It still bothers me to share anything about myself; there’s always the fear of being rejected or laughed at for my problems. I feel that what concerns me is so different from what others experience that I will never be understood.” — MANUELLA R.

“I remember that when I went to a family party, I would sit in a corner, far from everything, with my arms crossed and without saying a word. If someone tried to get me out of there, it was difficult for them to succeed; part of me wanted to participate, but the part that thought I would make a mistake always won, and everyone would mock me because they usually always had something to scold me for.” — YASHMIR H.

The sense of security tied to survival, which they identify as narrowing the boundaries with the world to reduce interactions, can take the very concrete form of a physical place to exist in isolation.

“The Self-Preservation 5 child’s need for privacy is not respected; they have no space of their own where they can feel calm. It’s as if, instead of a loving gaze that provides containment and security, invasive eyes disrupted their expression. Their reaction is to build a wall, as they don’t know any other way to set boundaries, adopting a preventive antagonism. The physical cave is a tangible place, my home. It’s the safe space I built for myself after having none in my childhood.” — MANUELLA R.

“I had no privacy until I was eleven years old. When I finally had a room to myself, I would lock myself in and stay alone. But the walls had cracks, and my mother would spy on me. It felt like constant invasion and a lack of freedom.” — RITA P.

“The cave is a hiding place from the fear of being seen, because the fantasy is that if they see me, they either won’t leave me alone or I won’t be able to meet their expectations.” — CAMILA L.

“I slept with my mother until I was eight or nine years old. For some reason I can’t remember, she decided it would be better for me to have my own room; I wasn’t very

convinced, but the next day I was amazed by the wonder of having my own space. One day, the lock on my door was removed. I asked my mother to put one back, and she firmly refused. She told me that if I was already spending so much time locked away, with a lock, she’d never be able to get me out of there.” — YASHMIR H.

Later, the person will find an even safer refuge—a specific place that could be an apartment, a room, or simply a space that belongs solely to them and to which no one else has access. The feeling of freedom touches them when they are alone. There, they allow themselves to be more authentic, to move and express themselves as they wish. Feeling protected from prying eyes, they lower their defenses and connect with the tender, childlike part of themselves.

“In solitude, I can connect with plants. I enjoy watering them. I also enjoy playing with animals, looking at the stars, and admiring landscapes.” — RITA P.

“In my space and in my own world, I feel complete freedom. I don’t have much room in the external world—this is the only place I have.” — CAMILA L.

“Since I live alone, my home is my cave, a place I consider safe, where I isolate myself to keep away from the world and avoid contact.” — MANUELA R.

Isolation reduces the state of alarm that is triggered when coming into contact with the environment. The den is a place of rest where one can replenish their energy, as the other and their demands lead to an excess of restraint that creates growing internal tension, which they feel the need to get rid of.

“At home, I relax, the tension that is present when I’m with other people disappears. It’s a space of freedom, where I can do or not do whatever I want; outside the house, I feel more inhibited, paralyzed.” — MANUELA R.

“The need to escape crowds and be alone is an automatic procedure that helps me not to lose myself. The feeling is that the contact and demands of people drain my energy. So, I have to retreat to the cave to regroup. In reality, it’s not so much about wanting to regroup and come back, but about not leaving the cave anymore.” — RITA P.

“The refuge is a place where I can recharge my batteries and renew myself, so I can go back out into the world and face it, because between the demands of others and the tragic events in the world, all I want is to forget the outside and not leave for days.” — YASHMIR H.

Sometimes, the Self-Preservation 5 places itself too much at the mercy of others, to the point of allowing itself to be exploited. They then feel they lose their autonomy and need to

set boundaries, but as they don’t dare to, they simply decide to distance themselves and lock themselves away.

“Isolation has been my only way of protecting myself, of setting boundaries. There’s an inability to say ‘No,’ to know what I want, to defend my position, to respond to criticism… The feeling is being overwhelmed and having no resources to avoid this, except isolation.” — MANUELA R.

The Self-Preservation 5ist feels helpless in the face of an aggressive world. This same impotence, combined with the sense of having no one to protect them, makes them very angry. But for someone so fragile, expressing anger is a complicated task.

Sometimes, it is possible to feel the magnitude of their anger and realize that they may not only be hurt but also wounded. They do not want to be part of the same thing that leads them to shield themselves. Thus, with their confinement, they seek to protect others.

“I didn’t feel strong enough to face my father’s aggressions; nor my mother’s indifference.” — LEDA O.

“I seek security against the risks of aggression or invasion of my environment. I don’t feel like I have the resources to face aggression, so I distance myself from reality; if possible, both physically and mentally. In physical aggression, terror-panic prevails; I feel psychological humiliation.” — NICOLA B.

“I don’t trust people; they can hurt me and I can hurt them. The world is hostile, and I don’t want to be a part of it.” — CAMILA L.

But how does their aggressiveness manifest this character? Curiously, with the same defense that protects them. Thus, the den, the cave, or the refuge is the place with which, in a gesture of contempt, they turn their back on a world that doesn’t deserve them. Just as they felt rejected or abandoned, now, in their confinement, they reject and punish the other by leaving them, abandoned to their own fate, without caring about the needs or feelings of the one left on the other side of the door. And if you can’t stay inside their enclosure, silence is their best weapon.

“I usually go to the shelter when I feel attacked. And since I don’t have the courage to confront, and their rejection causes me pain and guilt, isolating myself is a manifestation of my contempt, a way of saying: ‘If you don’t need me, I don’t need you either.’ With this act, I hope to cause them pain, but also to hide my own suffering, because I feel like a wounded animal, one that can still be hurt more. I carry my pain alone and confirm that the only thing people know how to do is hurt.” — YASHMIR H.

“Silence is a guarantee of not creating any kind of relationship with anyone. Silence pushes people away. Not responding is also a form of defense-aggression. A way, actually, because it leaves no room for any opportunity.” — MARTA F.

The person usually, of course, rationalizes this confinement: The world isn’t really interesting; you can’t expect anything good from relationships, so it’s better to be alone than in bad company.

“I don’t put myself in the web of relationships; I always see it as extremely dangerous: for me, for my survival, for my autonomy.” — MARTA F.

“My crazy idea is that, in a relationship, the other will hurt me. If I can’t expect anything good from the other, then why have them?” — MANUELA R.

Above all, the cave exists so that this hypersensitive, extremely vulnerable being, easy to hurt, with little capacity to endure pain and who did not feel sufficiently cared for, does not return to face the suffering caused by an invasive and violent external world that, despite the years, they believe can annihilate them.

“If I scratch the surface, remove the layers, and get to the bottom of everything, I discover a very hurt girl who feels abandoned and helpless and who wants to be cared for and protected in a very loving and permanent way. And since I know no one will give me that, I close the doors because I don’t want to feel that pain again.” — MANUELA R.

They continue to rely on an outdated strategy, clinging to survival as life slips through their fingers. They don’t see that the body they had to disconnect from could now be their greatest ally in connecting with their needs and pleasure. Out of fear of pain, they do not allow anything in the world to enrich them, but if they allowed themselves to open up, they could connect with their inner strength and with the desire to belong and be part of this world.

“Metaphorically, it’s clenching my fist to keep my one grain, which is all I have. By avoiding opening my hand to not risk losing it, I’m denying myself the chance for many other grains to fall into my palm. To avoid dying from suffering, I avoid any experience, but in reality, I’m already dead by denying my life and my love. The neurotic overprotection keeps me away from life and traps me in a cage, preventing me from experiencing love. To love is to engage, to take risks, to expose oneself to change. A person who chooses loneliness over love is not strong, but a weak person dominated by the dark side of their mind.” — NICOLA B.