Self-Accusation

From the prison-court experience, accompanied by self-demand, emerges the fear of making mistakes and failing to comply with expectations or standards. This leads to the threat of being singled out, rejected, excluded, and even ashamed or humiliated.

The internal struggle, compounded by external threats, generates a chronic state of paralyzing doubt. As a response, there is an immediate identification with norms and a structured self-control. This self-censoring perspective promotes enormous effort, often manifesting as iron discipline, tenacity, and precision.

“When I decide to do a job or commit to providing a service, I am very demanding of myself and choose to do things as if they were for me. This gives me internal confidence, knowing that the best possible outcome will be delivered. It’s like honoring my word and image with impeccability because this builds trust and strengthens my identity. It gives me power. This commitment drives me to make a double effort; I pay a high physical price and expend a lot of energy to accomplish my goals with great responsibility. I don’t allow myself to fall short; it’s a total commitment. Otherwise, I feel guilty and judge myself harshly. I don’t rest and engage in endless self-dialogues: Was it good? Did I do well? Did I do poorly? I think about it obsessively, and it’s exhausting.”