The Characteristic Neurotic Need

The word that describes the predominant neurotic need in a Self-Preservation 7 is "family." This term refers to how the character forms connections based on relationships of mutual interest, in a dual unconscious strategy of:

a) Trying to favor their greedy interests (to mitigate their insatiability or chronic dissatisfaction).

b) Repressing their diffuse feeling of lack, which relates to an old sense of threat to their conservation.

Thus, "family" refers to the creation of ties driven by a neurosis of “you help me and I will help you,” a type of human association that this character is often criticized for—his uncritical fidelity to his family and the implicit contempt such an attitude can lead to towards those who don't belong to his circle of trust.

However, "family" is an imprecise descriptor. Other terms like complicity, collusion, or, especially, involvement, would be more fitting, since the Self-Preservation 7 is not necessarily someone who is deeply attached to their family or who spends more time with them than with others. Quite the opposite, in intimacy, they usually show great difficulty in maintaining bonds, struggling with issues like lack of transparency, communication, affection, and trust. They may also tend to emotional isolation, radical autonomy, individualism, and independence at all costs. Oscar Ichazo referred to this character as the "guardian of the castle," thus highlighting its schizoid origin. Therefore, the term "family" should be understood in a pseudo-social sense: family here is chosen—not necessarily by blood, but by mutual interest according to the aforementioned ties.

The Self-Preservation 7 is the person who makes alliances. "Family" could be an alternative term, but not in the true sense of the word, which carries positive connotations. The term

"families" describes an aspect of life. Yet, in the specialized vocabulary of the ego, there is a kind of family game to be played. In this game, the Self-Preservation 7 builds relationships with people based on ideas like: “I will be family to you, and I demand you be family to me,” or “Let's get together; I will serve you and you will serve me, and together we can create a good mob…”

They are people who show solidarity with their family, and it might seem there's nothing wrong with loving one's own. However, being excessively partial or loyal to one's own clan or group—could that be considered a form of corruption? What is the point of loving your loved ones so much and behaving as an antisocial person toward the rest of the world? Self-Preservation 7 are often labeled as "mobsters" because of their extreme loyalty to their own. These are people involved in emotional ties within their environment but behave like freeloaders to the rest of the world.

They can be funny, warm, and strategically friendly, but they do not fall into their own charm like other E7 subtypes. Instead, they tend to be more distant, somewhat psychopathic and cynical, sometimes even psychopaths. An example is Monsieur Landrú, a famous Self-Preservation 7 who seduced and murdered widows to rob them during World War I. In court, he defended his actions by claiming he did everything for his children. (Indeed, he was a doting family man after all.) Another apt term for this character's neurotic need is smuggling.

I mention the word "smuggling" because this type of behavior can lead to mafioso-like actions. This is clear partisanship. There is an element of corruption present, as selfish interest is at the core of these alliances, although it may appear denied.

Behind this partisanship lies an ancient and primordial fear of abandonment, as well as the aforementioned threat to conservation. The survival of the family structure is viewed as a kind of life insurance, a spring that allows one to survive when things go wrong. Character Self-Preservation often involves "gathering alleged life insurance," especially in relationships with others, without necessarily informing the other of the terms of the contract.

Passion for Inclusion:

In conservation, gluttony "wants the good things life offers, starting with maternal love and, by extension, the warmth of the family—along with money and sex—but all within the context of a passion for inclusion." As we pointed out earlier, the term "family" (or involvement) doesn't necessarily refer to a special experience of family bonds but rather to

the difficulty in including strangers or third parties into a closed environment of trusted relationships that the Self-Preservation 7 turns into utilitarian relationships.

Many Self-Preservation 7 had a broken family in childhood; they may be illegitimate children, or one parent may have died or disappeared early, or they may have experienced abandonment, etc. In other words, there is a lack of family, an experience of not having belonged, or having felt excluded or unrecognized. They felt like “freaks” within their own family system. From there, they build their own "family" through the “I help you, you help me” mentality, as a way of ensuring the Self-Preservation and continuity of the bonds. Thus, they exalt the involvement in their quest for the inclusion they once lacked. At the same time, they find it difficult to accept others who are not part of the "clan," including boyfriends or girlfriends of children, relatives, politicians, etc.

“I experienced a deep feeling of not belonging to my family. Since I was little, I felt very different from all of them in several ways: My parents and siblings are big, fat, strong, loud, and passionate. I was small, skinny, fragile, still, with suppressed emotions... Until today, I eat different food from what they like, I don’t listen to the same music, I don’t have the same habits, nor the same social, economic, or political position. Many times I felt like the ugly duckling among a gang of ungainly ducks who turned into a swan (I’m not proud of my arrogance in feeling this way). That feeling of not belonging to the family is the core issue of my entire functioning system. The search for belonging. The mafia, the bonds of protection and complicity I learned to create are attempts to recreate a safe and welcoming environment, surrounded by those who "speak my own language," and thus give me a sense of belonging.”

“As a child, I felt very different from my family. I played the role of the independent one, learned to do things alone, and not to bother much at home, with how busy they were with their own needs. When I met new people, I didn’t want to be associated with my family; I was ashamed. My mother had no education, nor did my brothers, and they never left the town. My sister was almost always involved in small drug deals, and I felt so different... It seemed I didn’t belong to that family. I felt superior; They also told me I was special, smart, intelligent, independent, nice, and that I knew how to do everything. It was as if I had been born to improve the family; that’s how I thought I was important.”

"Families" is a term that must be understood as a passion for inclusiveness that also implies the exclusion of those who are not considered family. The border drawn between loved ones and the rest of humanity is very clear. For those inside, everything; for those outside, they don't even exist. In this closed world, there is only one whose "fidelity" has previously been verified. This is why the Self-Preservation 7 is called a mobster, someone who doesn't trust laws (the father figure) but trusts blood ties (the mother figure), although these ties are not necessarily biological.

According to psychiatrist Alejandro Napolitano, submission to blood ties has made families, and more precisely mafias, the emblem word for the Enneagram Self-Preservation 7. This serves as a way to allude to the most degraded and destructive forms of the family bond matrix. But it's clear that, behind the apparent masculine power of the mafia organization, and the relegated position of the wife, lies an omnipotent and indisputable power, symbolized in the use of blood to seal alliances and centered in the abysmal depth of the lap: the mama, the Great Mother, Gaea, Demeter, Stella Maris—the center of gravity for devotion and power.

The Self-Preservation 7 was someone whose mother looked at her in a special way, perhaps with wild admiration, with inappropriate voracity. If Saturn or Cronos, the father of Time, devoured his children so that they would not dethrone him as king of Heaven, the slow Hindu goddess Kali is known as the devourer of Time (a property archetypally related to the Father). This Oedipal son, encouraged to unseat the father, grows up with strong confusion about his place.

Their passion for inclusion is a desire to be recognized, even if they don't deserve it. The Self-Preservation 7 is, after all, a narcissist with a strong, more or less strategic will to be noticed: at every party, every dance, every club. Naturally, they want to be a special guest. This is the passion to be regarded as more than just another person, as an important figure, based on rights granted by their intelligence. Therefore, they often suffer from a strong sense of entitlement: a feeling of deserving, of superiority. They don't just want to be listened to or recognized as someone who knows, but they expect admiration.

It should also be noted that the behaviors related to the “family” or involvement type, or the passion for inclusion, have a hidden or unconscious motivation: the surrogate experience of an emotionality that replaces the emptiness or loss of the primordial sense of unity. Here lies the main stumbling block or metaphysical-spiritual distortion of the “family” passion: an ancient fear of intimacy, ultimately compensated by a substitute of intimacy around the group, the clan, or partners—not necessarily from the biological family.

“I talk a lot about living in a community, but I really don’t know how it is. It’s more about sharing resources, having a common goal, committing to spiritual life, and not feeling as alone as I sometimes do. I work less on daily tasks, which I don’t find pleasant. But I’m sure I would measure a lot by what I do and what others do; I doubt my love for others, at least I doubt my ability to put others’ needs before my own in some situations. I’m still too hungry spirit.”

The passion for involvement has, as we pointed out at the beginning of this chapter, its polar opposite. This desire to belong is experienced with a certain schizoid ambiguity: the need to be in a relationship (in a pseudo-social way) is polarized by a strong neurotic need to withdraw. The more intimacy there is, the more the sullen, elusive, stingy part of the

individual will be activated. The guardian of the castle (who guards an empty and cold fortress) has a great capacity for relational sabotage. At the same time, there is also a core experience of low self-esteem in this character. While narcissistic feelings dominate the figure, the background—denied—is characterized by diffuse discomfort, a feeling of inadequacy, disadvantage, inferiority, and even envy, with a tendency to feel "bad."

“At first, as a young man, I felt incapable of being loved by a woman. I imagined that if one day I found a woman who wanted to marry me, that would be enough to make me happy. With time, a woman was no longer enough, but a pretty one. Later, I was no longer content with just one. My need for conquest spread so much that it was only enough for me if everyone admired and recognized me. Although I had many conquests, the certainty that I did not deserve them bothered me. I knew my charms had no consistency, so I did not show myself completely, assuming an enigmatic posture to prevent them from discovering my lack of true values and attractions.”

Complicity, Permissiveness, and Seductive Complacency

Regarding permissiveness, it can be said that this trait not only describes an individual’s attitude towards himself but also reflects a characteristic laissez-faire attitude toward others. When gluttons seductively indulge in the vices of others, this permissiveness turns into complicity. It is curious how this lone wolf, schizoid individual, easily organizes himself into a pack when it suits him, so that he can satisfy his desires more skillfully. All of this has a clear origin in a family unit that does not promote rules of conduct.

“Within the family home, there were no rigid rules, especially for small transgressions. On the contrary, I received support from my mother to buy cigarettes at only thirteen years old, and from my father to buy and consume alcoholic beverages at just twelve.” (Alexandre)

In this sense, the role played by the typical seductive complacency of the E7 is significant. As in all E7s, there is not only an inclination to satisfy their own greed for pleasure but also to satisfy that of those they wish to seduce. However, the Conservationist can be as indulgent and solicitous with those who interest him as he is cold and distant with those who do not—this includes the vast majority of people. A characteristic of Conservationists is this polarity: between warmth and coldness, helpfulness and a complete lack of empathy, generosity and ignoring others, as if they think, "those who are not part of my world do not exist." Although the following description applies to all E7s, it is particularly true for the Conservationist.

Gluttons are excellent hosts and can be big spenders. As generosity is often part of seduction and a way of buying love (rather than genuine giving), it is counterbalanced in the

glutton's psyche by its opposite: a hidden but effective exploitation. This can manifest as a parasitic tendency and possibly even feelings of being worthy of affection and care.

Creation of Networks of Influence

Though it serves as a substitute solution to the fear of abandonment, the Self-Preservation 7's ability to create networks of involvement is not negligible. Again, “today for you, tomorrow for me,” or “I help you so you can help me,” often turns into “I partner with you so that together we look for shortcuts and break the rules with greater success.”

“I have a network of rich and influential friends. I try never to annoy them by asking for favors. It's like an emergency net, a last frontier that, in my fantasy, will defend me from homelessness if everything goes wrong. I usually give them my advice, good humor, and thoughtful analysis of everyday problems. In exchange, at most, I let myself be invited to dinner and little else. So, in the end, I come out cheap as a counselor. This reminds me of Elias Canetti's character, the designer, who never earns anything, does everything for free, and implies that he hardly does anything for himself, not even allowing himself a coffee.” (Anonymous)

Opportunism

The Self-Preservation 7 is the opportunist, someone who must find advantages, to take advantage. It’s as if a Self-Preservation threat looms over them that must be compensated for. In this case, gluttony expresses itself as an excessive concern to escape the Self-Preservation threat by making good deals and taking advantage of every opportunity. It seems that with the Self-Preservation 7, there is no conversation that doesn’t lead to business. They engage in instant transactions because their minds are so alert to opportunities that they never let them pass. Their position is one of someone who believes that if you're not alert, if you're not in touch with the wind to catch opportunities, you will lose.

Opportunism, of course, has a childish root. According to Albert Rams:

"Paradise, the false paradise, seems to be truncated, broken (separation, abandonment, trauma...), and we are left with the idea that it was a lie... Then everything is a lie... Ergo, I can do whatever I want because there is no law: anything goes. So life is dedicated to the search and restoration of that primeval paradisiacal state, that family-mafia in which the Self-Preservation 7 occupies a place of tacit privilege."

According to Claudio Naranjo, E7s are often generous and hospitable, the kind of people who say, "I'm at your service," "Call me whenever you want," "Here’s my phone number." This can be both an unconscious seduction and a conscious idea of exchange: the opportunistic expectation that by leaving others in debt, reciprocity can be expected. Here again, we see the basic structure of the 'families,' or implications, typical of their neurotic need. The other side of this generosity and self-interested hospitality is distinctly criminal. When we refer to mafias, we cannot fail to mention the very Italian mafia: a special type of organized crime, whose name probably derives from the Arabic word mahya ('bravado, boasting, bravado') or from mu'afah ('protection of the weak'), ruled by family and blood ties. It can be said to be a product of the exacerbation of the "bad" of involvement, or passion, in the Self-Preservation 7s.

In a recent analysis of the social dimension of characters described by the enneagram psychology, it is stated:

“It’s interesting to consider how an E7 responds to the conditioning of patriarchal society, because, in a way, an E7—like an E8—is a rebel who has turned against authority. And it was surely to escape from a bad authority that this character, like the fox in the fables, became a trickster who achieves his purposes through charm. It’s also easy to understand how an unjust world becomes a nest of criminals. We even find it justifiable that in an unjust world, the underprivileged get by by stealing here and there, in view of their need to survive and help their relatives or friends. They are smart enough to realize that the supposedly good authority that governs us is only apparently so, and we may even implicitly approve of their cynicism, which empowers them to allow themselves certain liberties. Isn't it implicitly expressed in the saying, 'Whoever steals from a thief, a hundred years of forgiveness?'"

“A typical phrase from my mother was: ‘You have to have friends even in hell.’ And yes, I believed it. It’s a phrase and attitude that accompanies me and guides me in many of my social relationships. Being an accomplice to the mafia, or small mafia-like acts, justifying them and downplaying them: making personal photocopies while working in public administration, using the phone, taking work hours for personal matters, taking office supplies home, knowing that the painter overcharged my landlord but took advantage of it to charge me less, etc. I’m an accomplice in case I need their favors, in case I can benefit from it at some point. You never know, because you have to have friends even in hell.” (Concha)

An Egoist with His Own Agenda

The tendency to manipulate, sometimes disguised as friendliness or paternalism from those who believe they know what’s best for others, causes not only authenticity in relationships to suffer, but also results in a divorce from the sense of community, reaching the point of radical individualism, sometimes disguised as idiosyncrasy. This individual may idealize their personal world or feel lonely because their relational networks are not based on affection but on exchanges.

In this subtype, not even the usual pseudo-social communal appearance of the E7 helps to mask their emptiness. The Self-Preservation 7 is often perceived as an independent egoist with his own agenda, regardless of the needs of the group. Here, the child who permanently carries enneagram E7 has become a mercantilist child, who values affection according to the goods, services, or care that others can provide him.

This requires modulating the intensity of emotions: Here is a perfect compartmentalizer of reality. The Self-Preservation 7 is adept at avoiding any emotion or situation that disturbs him emotionally. He divides things into parts, breaks down problems to deactivate them, and confuses others to convince them that he is not wrong—or at least that he knows how to earn their appreciation despite it. He avoids commitments and responsibilities and has a very low capacity for guilt. It’s a bit like the famous Brazilian joke where the wife approaches her husband: “The maid is pregnant.” The husband replies, “That’s her problem.” The wife yells, “What am I supposed to do?” The husband replies, “That’s your problem.” The wife protests, “But the maid says the child is yours!” The husband responds, “That’s my own problem.”