Interpersonal Strategy And Associated Irrational Ideas

The Self-Preservation 9 spends their life looking outward, acting as a spectator of the world because they are not in touch with themselves. In this way, they forget themselves (fixation of E9). However, if they go into introspection, they may go to the other extreme, losing contact with the world and slipping into another form of anesthesia. This is possibly the trap Ichazo is referring to: when they turn outward, they anesthetize themselves inside; when they turn inward, they anesthetize themselves outside. Both dimensions lack osmosis, interrupting their connection with the other dimension. They lack fluency in living reality—it's either "me" or "you," but never "you and me."

Their distorted interpretation of reality and events is always focused on forgetting, erasing from consciousness any stimulus that could lead them to connect with their heart and mind, or with existence itself. This is because that connection would lead them to a meaningless fog, lost in a void of existence, as if they cannot truly trust their body or an inner world they have never fully experienced.

In terms of the space they occupy in a group or social setting, they often feel as if they are in the middle—neither on one side nor the other, "between two waters," and they feel a lot of pressure to take a position but simultaneously avoid doing so.

"My parents were separated, and I lived with my mother and worked with my father. Bad with one, bad with the other. Lots of conflict with loyalties. Very afraid of judgment." (Pilar)

As a result, the Self-Preservation 9 is not a member of any social network. They connect to the internet only when they need to gather or expand information—nothing more. They don't participate in forums or enjoy engaging in social media discussions. Showing an opinion or revealing themselves is something that bothers them greatly.

A basic characteristic of this type is postponing all their desires and actions that would connect them to life. They often deflect by focusing on the outside world.

Regarding their place in a space, they never feel secure. There’s a sense that their space is being encroached upon, or that they are being invaded. They often don't know how to prevent this intrusion and slowly give up their place to others. Setting boundaries or staying firm is challenging for them. At the same time, they tend to get stuck in situations. The Western phrase "Pus cows will not cross my ranch" fits some phases of their life story.

Some Irrational Ideas:

• "The world is dangerous; it wants to devour me."

If they don’t want to die, they must learn to manage on their own, because adults won't protect them. By following their desires, they expose themselves to the anger and pain of others (the dangerous world).

• "If they are different from others, they won't be recognized and will be rejected (they will be 'killed')."

This belief stems from their fear of being marginalized or excluded by society. They feel that standing out or being different puts them at risk of losing their place or safety within the group.

The consequence of this is another irrational idea tied to the exhaustion of living in a hostile environment:

• "If I become invisible, I get less tired defending myself. If I don’t create problems, I won’t expose myself, and I won’t risk dying."

They believe that by giving the world what it wants, they won’t be harmed. If they serve the world, they will be safe and won’t have to worry about anything. Behind this belief lies the irrational idea that they can live without being seen. The less they are noticed, the more they can survive.

• "If I renounce myself, I renounce conflict."

Flight is their favorite strategy in a conflict. They avoid the risk of harm, focusing on survival.

"I forget myself in many ways—through alcohol, work, doing for others, television...—which allows me to escape from my real needs and be calm for a moment. Afterward, the effects are sometimes fatal, and I feel very bad. There’s a terrible duality between dependence on others and the rage locked inside a self-protective autism." (Jordi)

Renouncing the conflict of being, they die inside to avoid dying outside. They typically don’t show anger, and if they do, they don’t dwell on it. They quickly try to make amends, apologize, and take full responsibility, even when the conflict is mutual.

• "You have to give the other what they want to receive."

They give away what they themselves are forbidden to desire. This isn’t born from an exceptionally altruistic spirit but rather from a way of quenching their own desires by acting on behalf of the world instead of asking the world to fulfill them.

They rarely admit needing help. When they do, they tend to downplay it, fearing that asking for assistance might annoy or inconvenience others. They feel they must handle everything on their own.

• "There’s always someone who will appropriate my work."

The Self-Preservation 9 feels undervalued. When they do something good, they believe others will always assume someone else did it. The others benefit from their work, but their efforts are almost never recognized. As the scapegoat of the group, they often become targets for workplace harassment. They don’t believe in the sincerity of recognition and struggle to trust it. They fear that if they do, they might exaggerate or feel superior to others, so they avoid it.

• "I have to manage alone; others need me but are not there for me."

They need others to calm them, but they don’t allow themselves to be comforted. They either reject the comfort outright or calm themselves on their own. The consolation of others doesn’t convince them, and they believe that only they can comfort themselves. If someone else calms them down, they tend to believe it’s not genuine and pretend it is, just to avoid disappointing the other. They rarely show vulnerability or weakness. They don’t like to complain and view it as manipulation. If they feel fragile, they believe it’s because they want something. They always project an image of an autonomous, solid person who doesn’t need comfort or care.

• "I can resign, without suffering, for the happiness of others."

Their vision of reality must be mitigated; nothing should be so intense as to engage them, whether positively or negatively. Behind this belief is a lack of trust in reality—if things are good, they fear something will quickly come along to destroy it. They believe that evil is stronger than good. They harbor the illusion that by renouncing pleasure, they will avoid pain. They don’t like to win, and when they do, the sorrow for the other diminishes their joy in winning. Sometimes, even on the verge of victory, they may let the other win to make them happy. They lack ambition, seemingly living only in the present, with no projects or aspirations, leading to a sense of anesthesia.

"I am covertly competitive. I disguise my competitiveness as false withdrawal, as if I don’t care. My strategy is to play weak or harmless. I perform better in small groups or one-on-one, because it’s difficult for me to make myself heard. I always let someone else get ahead of me. That’s why I prefer intimacy, as it allows me to have the other person without sharing them." (Pilar)

• "I am unworthy as I am."

When they are wrong, they cannot forgive themselves. They must accept living without anyone wanting them. Not even God loves them if they make a mistake. They feel unworthy of understanding. If they seek pleasure, they believe God will punish them and take it away. Seeking pleasure is selfish, and they view it as wrong. They believe that if they love, they cannot also hate, and if they hate, they cannot love. This creates a great internal conflict, and they feel they must renounce one of the two.

Some additional irrational ideas:

• What I want is not as important when so many people in the world suffer and go hungry while I don't. I can't complain about anything. • It would be selfish of me to do what I want. • I don't need anything special. I have plenty of everything. • I don't need to fight. What need is there? • It's better not to express or say what I think because it will lead to problems. If the other person does not like me, they will leave. • I don't deserve love because I'm very aggressive and I hurt anyone who loves me. If I love someone, I hurt them. • There is no love for me. • Others are worth more than me. • Why should I speak if no one will pay attention to me, listen to me, or believe me? They'll probably get angry. • Why should I argue if I am not going to gain anything? • Nothing is wrong with me. I'm fine. • What happens to me is not that important. • I have to work harder (to have a place, more work than others, with much more effort) to prove that I'm worth it. • Without effort, nothing is achieved. • It's my fault if things go wrong. Maybe I haven't done enough or haven't shown enough interest. • I put up with anything. • I do not need anyone. I can handle everything. • I am a survivor. • What I feel is not important. • If the other finds out how I really am, they will leave me. • Out of sight, out of mind.

• Hard times with bread are lesser. • My love can cause death. • What I feel is not real. • They always cheat on me.