Transformation and Therapeutical Recommendations

Although it is often difficult for them to notice their disconnection at the beginning of therapy, they already benefit from committing to an hour dedicated to themselves. Even more restorative, initially, will be the therapist's attention and presence: knowing that someone is genuinely focusing on them, that they feel seen and heard. Through the relationship and bond they establish with the therapist, they will be able to receive the nurturing they lacked and be reassured that they have permission to value themselves and feel that what happens to them is important.

In the therapeutic relationship, the Social 9 patient is more likely to avoid rejection by the therapist than to focus on knowing themselves. They can be very accommodating, but usually harbor a great deal of mistrust. They may relive the original trauma of not finding an available, loving gaze if they perceive unpleasantness from the therapist. Generally, niceties

or superficial gestures are not enough. They need honesty and clear, simple explanations. Not only do they appreciate this, but it also helps them break free from their defense mechanisms. It is crucial for them to recognize how they play the fool to avoid confronting their true feelings.

They also appreciate confrontations driven by genuine concern for their well-being. If they interpret it as criticism or judgment, they tend to emotionally distance themselves from the therapist without expressing their feelings. If the therapist's intentions are unclear, they may feel humiliated.

If the Social 9 does not perceive that the therapist genuinely cares for their well-being, there will be no trust built, and they will not engage in their process; instead, they will only pretend to please. This becomes a test of honesty for both parties to see how far they can go. Keep in mind that people of this subtype believe it is their fault they were not seen, considered, or loved. Therapy will be unsuccessful if this trauma is repeated. Much of the process will involve the therapist stepping in as a repairing mother or father figure for what they lacked.

The patient struggles to understand that the therapist could care about the harm they do to themselves. For this reason, it is helpful to clearly explain verbally and, when appropriate, use physical contact—often another delicate and significant issue—how important it is to care for oneself and treat oneself with affection.

A positive transfer with the therapist will be an essential first step in creating a connection with themselves. In their self-work, they need to recover the ability to listen to their inner voice—or perhaps, for the first time, learn to hear it. The task for the patient is to gradually build the ability to listen to their own feelings, desires, and needs. It is essential for them to realize how much they have turned their focus outward, and to shift their gaze inward.

Once they achieve a connection with themselves, they will need to learn to express it, as both connection and expression are often highly censored. It is beneficial for them to recognize their difficulty in both feeling and expressing negative emotions. Much work will be required to overcome the taboo of expressing anger, sadness, and pain—emotions they tend to deny. Often, they come to therapy precisely when their usual coping mechanisms for denying pain or anger are no longer effective; when their efforts to please leave them feeling unsatisfied and frustrated. It is vital for them to realize that they have the right to express emotions they can no longer repress and experience that the therapist not only does not reject them but actually encourages them to express their discomfort.

It is essential for them to become aware of their self-sacrifice, their tendency to postpone their own well-being, and their difficulty in setting boundaries. When the therapist takes

them seriously, it helps them begin to take themselves seriously and feel that they are worthy of taking charge of their own life.

As they learn to take themselves seriously enough to reflect on their experiences, they also need to develop the ability to distinguish themselves from others. Although they may be very active in the world, they can be emotionally traumatized, as though they have never truly engaged with it. The journey involves moving from robotic activity and external substitutes for their true inner experience.

"In therapy, I have been very obtuse and terribly slow in managing my emotions. It has taken me a long time to identify them and understand the mechanisms I used to avoid expressing them. I have often felt blocked, unable to speak up. And I’ve been very afraid that my therapist would get tired of me, or get bored with the slowness of my process." (Anna)

It is not so much the fear of emptiness, but the inability to bear the pain that prevents them from daring to look at themselves. Over-adaptation and numbing are their defensive strategies to avoid and deny pain.

It is hard for them to realize that they do not feel. They must recognize that what they think is not an actual experience, and that the ideals they have taken refuge in are not substitutes for the real experience of life. It is crucial for them to see the wall between themselves and their true emotional experience, and understand that what they thought they were feeling was an illusion.

It is in their best interest to address their self-depreciation, their self-abuse, and their underdeveloped ability to allow themselves pleasure. They need to learn to care for their inner child with love and respect.

Their work with themselves involves examining these aspects and developing a loving attitude towards themselves, without settling for superficial concepts of love or well-being. This might involve discovering what it truly means to experience oneself.

Therapeutic Recommendations:

• Working with dreams, especially at the beginning of therapy, can be a helpful resource, especially if therapists struggle with the degree of disconnection in this subtype. Dreams provide access to the patient's unconscious. • Focus on inner listening. It helps them repeatedly ask three essential questions: "What do I feel? What do I want? What do I need?" They must recognize their right

to connect with their feelings and needs, and take responsibility for understanding what is happening inside them. • Listening techniques are useful, such as paying attention to their own breathing or heartbeat, practicing internal and external listening. • At the start of therapy, it is important for them to learn that expressing negative emotions is acceptable, and that showing anger, pain, and sadness will not lead to rejection. • Help them recognize how they escape from pain by distracting themselves with chatter, focusing on others, or laughing. It’s a valuable exercise to encourage Social 9s to remove their smiling mask and express sadness or seriousness. • It is helpful to work on their difficulty with making eye contact when speaking. • Develop their ability to distinguish themselves from others. The therapist can help by pointing out when they are speaking about someone else’s experience and asking about their own. "What you’re describing is happening to someone else. And you? What’s happening to you?" Meditation or simply focusing on the breath helps them differentiate their own experience from the external environment. "I exist on my own right, because I breathe for myself." Practicing with open eyes meditation or eye contact with another person allows them to test how well they stay in touch with themselves. • Encourage them to pause external activities and reflect: "How many ways do I have to escape from myself? Why do I do so many things?" Paying attention to breathing with the attitude of not existing for what they do, but because they breathe, can help them rest in their being without the need to do anything. • Recover a true experience of self, requiring serious commitment. Many assumptions need to be reviewed and questioned. A vital step is realizing that thinking is not the same as feeling. It’s crucial to dismantle the wall between thought and emotion, allowing themselves to feel pain, cry, or feel rage, which enlivens the gut. Similarly, the beauty of something cannot simply be known intellectually—it must be felt. • Humor is a valuable tool for confrontation, as Social 9s have a good sense of humor and can laugh at themselves. It’s helpful for the therapist to point out when they laugh or joke to avoid confronting pain. • Develop pleasure. They should explore what it means to give themselves pleasure, connecting with their spontaneous, instinctive side. Movement, dance, and any form of body expression are essential to recovering the inner experience. Activities without an end goal, such as dancing or listening to music, allow them to reconnect with themselves. • Any physical activity that promotes self-expression is valuable, including touch and self-massage. • Theater is an excellent fit for this subtype, as it provides a space for them to express the denied parts of themselves through characters.

• Voice work is also beneficial. Social 9s often unconsciously swallow their voice. Singing vowels and phonemes of their own name, repeating "yes" and "no," and exploring various ways of saying "no" are useful exercises. Encouraging them to shout their name with confidence, saying "Here I am!" can help them regain their voice. • Practice stillness and silence, and engage in nature contemplation. • Using mantras and affirmative phrases such as “I have the right to...” and “I’m part of it and don’t need to do anything” helps. Saying kind words to themselves in front of the mirror—“I am beautiful,” “I am valuable,” “I love myself”—reinforces their self-worth. • Therapeutic work with substances can help them understand what prevents them from being present with themselves or facilitate simply existing.