E2 Sexual – Conquest

The sexual two is the E2 par excellence, because if we say that this character is a seducer, we can also add that the sexual two is the most visibly seductive of all.

In American enneagram culture it is more common to say that the two is a "helper", in view of my characterization of the E2 in the 1970s as a "Jewish mother", but this has the drawback of a lack of discrimination regarding the difference between a truly helpful character and one that rather seeks affection and recognition through kindness.

These are people who can say, "I'll do anything for you," but when the opportunity comes to charge them for such an offer, it becomes clear that they are inconsistent with their offers of help. That is why it seems more accurate to me to say that the central theme is seduction (that is, an expression of affection through which interest, loyalty, affection, protection, etc., of others is intended), and only apparently help.

The term vampiress proves a lot, and so does the expression femme fatale. Both refer to a beautiful person, but dangerously beautiful, who needs to hold you and could end up devouring you.

The sexual E2's need to seduce implies a need for the other's desire; But to say that desire is only sexual would be to see only what is most apparent; researching the matter by asking such people what they want may yield more original responses, such as "I want everything." Just as we think of Helen of Troy as an archetype of the woman for whom a war is waged and for whom men are willing to lose their lives, we can say that sexual E2s aspire to an irresistibility that can inspire greatest passions. It's just that most of these people can't be honest enough to say, "What I really want in a man is for him to be a pocket Samson," or "I want a giant who will give me everything I want and when I want it."

It is understandable that some people think that inspiring a great passion can be a way to solve everything in life, and that sexuality can involve money, castles and essentially blank checks: that is how the sexual two thinks.

Transformation into the E2 sexual by Consuelo Trujillo

This work is inspired by the written testimonies and the transcripts of the meetings that for three years, in a continuous but irregular way, we maintained a group of people of sexual enneatype 2, summoned by a proposal by Claudio Naranjo to delve into the subtype. I have also had in Cuenca the contribution of Alba Arenas, Italian psychiatrist and companion of trait. The group of doses was made up of: Pablo Caño, Rosa López, Enrique Pérez, Leda Luttman, Toni Aguilar, Angel Saavedra, Pasqualle Centro, Magda Martín and myself. All of them have contributed with their

testimonies (which are reproduced on the following pages), with their questions and with their presence in the meetings.

I heard Claudio say more than once that "many twos will never reach a spiritual path or therapy but through a relationship crisis. Why would such a great person question himself if it isn't that external support or confirmation fails him?" This reflection has been a guide and inspiration for this work, my process and the process of many.

The healing path of a sexual two is one of descent, but this descent has many layers because pride and seduction can easily be camouflaged, disguised, played as good intentions.

The justification of love is dangerous

A sexual two can justify to himself many acts, words, madness, destruction and self-centeredness in pursuit of love. As if love were the only emotion, the center of life, that experience that justifies everything...

This person has formed an image of himself as someone desirable, lovable, affectionate, warm, a good company, a person who occupies the hearts of others. Thus, he justifies all his acts in pursuit of amorousness. But this love is confused with liking, enchanting, seducing, attracting, always occupying that special place in its own right.

A testimony tells us:

"I think that at first we twos didn't love: we love each other, and we love love, that strong, intense, deep feeling, in which one is very protagonist and very desired. We love the magic of falling in love. We don't see the other. It's not love, it's deification."

This being cannot be questioned. This being cannot be touched, because it is in a very high place, on the side of love. Therefore, it is unquestionable. Then, he will only come out of his enchantment, his deification, his idealized image, when his loved one abandons him, when he lives the love failure, the breakup of the couple, the abandonment of the children ... the Fall.

Losing love: the Fall helps me

But this being often avoids such an experience of abandonment, of love failure, abandoning before they abandon him. So the first step to healing is not to give up, to be vulnerable to abandonment, to stay. The next is to feel the abandonment, to listen to the causes of that abandonment, to be able to hear that he is not the wonderful lover he thought he was, that he is not the only one. Fall off the cherry. Let it hurt. Feeling on the side of those who suffer, of those who are not chosen:

"The abandonment, how is it possible that I, who am the ideal lover, is the one they left? Thus a great tower of my pride collapsed. My neurotic passion kept me from love."

Another testimony states:

"I made myself proud so as not to lose love. Life was stripping me with its blows of that feeling of superiority that pride had helped me create. Falling was important and falls were always about experiences of abandonment."

For someone who appreciates himself as a lover, it is convenient to lose love — that precious gift, for which he has fought so hard and in which he has put so much energy — in order to perceive the gaps, the falsehood, the shadow, the fall of the idealized image and, finally, see yourself. Sustaining that the other destroys your idealized image of a partner, a lover and a companion. And fall into that void, into that unknown space of responsibility, of loss, of "I am that too." And fall until the image crumbles. Live in loneliness, fear, failure.

This experience of loss of love can also be a liberation: stop playing the role of ideal lover, leave that image of superabundance, that representation in which one is always attentive to perceive the needs of the other, stop making oneself worthy of love. Let go of the belief that to be loved you have to do, you have to be special, unique.

Here is a clear testimony about it:

"Feeling loved for who I am, has been one of the most healing experiences. Two examples of this:

With my parents, when I told them that I was marrying X (a person of my same sex): it was the first time that I could be before them with all my truth, without having to do anything to make them love me. That night my mother came to wish me good dreams, she hugged me and gave me her blessing, and I felt that something that had been separated was united forever, a very strong warmth filled my heart and I slept as soundly as when I was a child. Feeling the love and acceptance of my parents for everything that I was launched me into life with a new force full of love for myself.

After a regression work in a SAT 3 I was lying on the floor like a rag, I was devoid of life, I couldn't move, I had the feeling of being a fallen angel, of dying. At that moment I saw Claudio as a great patriarch who approached and, from the heights, descended to me, who was dying in hell. He incorporated me and told me: "I love you as you are, for yourself‘. He opened my heart. If the teacher loved me like this, stripped of all seduction, without any attribute of beauty, power and intelligence; If the teacher loved me when I was a creature dispossessed of everything, even the primary impulse of life, what could I do, what other test from God did I expect to feel worthy of his love, to bow down before him and recognize me as his daughter?"

Limitation, weakness, contact with death helps me

For someone who feels the chosen one, who lives feeling that the difficulties of life do not touch him, that he can handle everything, for someone who does not accept limits, contact with pain,

illness and death are necessary antidotes for his healing. We've spent a lot of time talking about this in our sexual doses meeting, and we've all had transformative experiences with illness and death:

"It helped me connect with that dark part of my son's death, connect with that pain. This death was a tear that I did not allow myself to live. Going over this pain has been very sick. My escape from pain and my flight forward has led me to do much damage in my life.

What has helped me the most is becoming aware of my miseries, beating myself up, staying unemployed, feeling abandoned, seeing myself almost destitute, powerless. It has had to be like this, unfortunately, to begin to listen and see the other, to begin to be human, of the bunch. Accept my mediocrity."

Another testimony adds:

"It has helped me a lot at this time to take charge of my limitation. I've never been able to hear about my leg, I've always put myself above it: "I'm not lame, I'm great‘. Internally, I don't handle my limp well because it puts me in contact with pain.

Now age makes me listen to the limit of my body; not before: my energy was overflowing. Now I connect more with fear, with pain, with the need for support."

And, one more, provides:

"The day I left the operating room, a thought came to me: "I am not immune‘. Internally, there was in me the belief that the diseases were not going to touch me. In my fantasy, I believed that I was not on this side, on the side of the vulnerable, the weak, the needy.

I also realized "I can't control my life‘. The disease takes away my control, it is helping me to go down, to feel more defenseless, more human.

The days that I couldn't do anything, they had to help me with everything, and I began to understand something more about surrender, abandonment, the experience of being in the hands of others. I have felt an emptiness of a mother, of unconditional love, I have allowed myself to do nothing, abandon myself to be cared for, without pleasing or behaving well, simply existing. Suzy Stroke told me: "Let yourself be taken care of just for the sake of it and receive the gift of God just for the sake of it‘."

If something very strong doesn't happen that makes us contact with pain, there is no healing for twos: as I heard Claudio say many times, pain is what really heals.

Seeing my limitations helps me

I start by citing some testimonials:

"I once took ayahuasca and had a vision with the archangel St. Michael, and I said, "Archangel, I'm a normal person, with my children and my little job, I'm fine.‘ At another time I would have reacted with something like: "I'm going to save the world, I'm enlightened.‘

During the session I was taken to a bed and I was aware that I am 56 years old, that I cannot be here as if I were 20, which is what I normally do. Accept that I no longer have the strength of before and that my body can no longer stand, and say, "Well, the archangel St. Michael is here, but I can't.‘ And feel tranquility."

"Contact with the disease helped me a lot to understand that I am nothing special and to get rid of that side in which I felt above good and evil. At the age of 17 I started studying nursing. I was a good student, but it was very difficult for me to go to the hospital to be with the sick, to see that they died. I began to realize that I could be there too, to see myself on the other side of the bed. It was that contact with the disease, with the loneliness of the sick, with those who die alone, what has helped me the most to come down, to consider myself one more and to understand that I can also see myself there."

"With the disease a very old thought appeared to me: "I have to pay for life‘. "God has given me life and I have to pay for it by doing, giving"‘.. Until I could see that life is a gift. What omnipotence, who am I to be able to pay God for my life! It's a gift, and all I can do is honor it."

In contact with illness, with pain, with death, we realize that we are not special, that we share mortality with the rest of human beings. When a sexual E2 indulges in this experience, there is a sense of having come home, of finding her true existence.

Finally, the possibility of feeling compassion arrives, of embracing my fragility, my pain, my lack, my weakness... Only in compassion is true strength found.

The contact with the true need and the acceptance of the lack helps me

There is a long way to go for this trait and subtype until we can take into consideration that it is not a bad thing to need, that it is human to lack. This implies recognizing the value of the other without that implying underestimating myself, being able to recognize that the other is better than me in so many things...

It's healing to go down to E4, finally stop pretending that we don't lack anything, recognize that we have shortcomings. Admit that feeling so feared, so qualified as negative, so avoided. And accept me with my shadow. Get down from the altar to be one more among the sinners, recognize that I am not free from sin. See me in sin and in virtue.

But be careful, the big problem with sexual E2 may be believing that you are cured, overcome, healed. And then again you have to start unmasking another new image...

Because transformation begins by knowing that absolute transformation never comes, that one is never free from sin, that we are not only angels but also demons, that we never stop learning, making mistakes, suffering, losing, that all this is part of life, that there is no such thing as being immune to lack.

And it's good to feel the need:

"The belief that I cannot need, the taboo towards that word, the fear of depending, comes to me from beyond my childhood... And now I need to undo that mandate, rediscover that experience: the primal need that is lawful, that is human, that brings me closer to others."

This character has falsified such primal need all his life, transforming it into false needs, whims, giving himself the right to do what he wants, not asking and taking for his own right, demanding, taking for granted... Again, the path consists of the frustration of these false needs to go to meet the true need.

Wanting to see myself, raise awareness, helps me

The most costly thing is to recognize how we seduce in a thousand different ways, how we justify seduction, how we throw the thread and don't let go, because of that desire to have them all, to please, to be desired, to maintain that excitement in relationships, to feel the attractiveness... How to untangle that seductive game that is so attached to our skin, that we exercise in such an unconscious way? It helps when the person you love tells you that she can't trust you, that she is finished. But it has to be someone you really love, someone who can disarm you from love and sincerity. There the mask begins to crumble and little by little that mechanism that was so strongly hidden even from oneself begins to come to light. It's like removing layers and layers. It takes a long time, to suffer a lot, to love a lot, to want to keep someone a lot, it is necessary to really open your eyes to that seductive, lying, manipulative internal motivation, wanting to see the lack of respect towards the other, selfishness and self-centeredness, wanting to see the shadow, recognizing that not everything in me are good intentions, that behind unconsciousness there is an intention not to let escape, to hunt, to conquer...

"Suzy Stroke told me one day: "if you really want to know yourself, if you put all your will and your senses, you will see the mechanism of your seduction and your pride‘. And it's true: I can see it when I want to see it, and I can see its consequences on my life... But of course, that's painful."

Detaching myself from emotion helps me

The destructive is a neurotic reaction to frustration. I don't get what I want, it hurts, but it is an egoic pain, linked to pride, by not accepting the "no". So, here we can have a very destructive behavior towards ourselves in relation to food, the body, sexuality. We perceive the "no" as withdrawal from love, and if the other does not love me, life is not worth living. Inside, there is a

feeling of fury, of rage, which we immediately emotionalize towards crying. It may even be believable to us, it may seem like real pain, but it's a scene, it's an ego. Pain has another flavor, another depth.

What is the healthy way out? Sometimes one begins to realize that this behavior is not so true and does not yield the expected results in the other. Then I try to suppress it...

In my experience, I can say that repression is not the way either. The way — at least one possible way — is to breathe what I feel, in the manner of meditation, to observe it as if it were not mine, to go through it, to be a little disbelieving with myself, not to take my emotions so seriously. It is something like letting go of emotional intensity, detaching myself.

For the following testimony, what works is:

"Train myself to be more disbelieving with my emotions, dissolve the emotional whirlwind and be more austere. It helps me to be silent, not to speak, and to put my attention on my actions. Facts are love and not good reasons."

How to cure yourself of false generosity?

The crazy idea is that I have to give in order to receive, that I have to satisfy all the other's needs, that I can't say no for fear of disappointing. Deep down there is the belief that by myself, without doing anything, I am not worthy of love, but I think that the strongest thing is the need for pride in being exceptional for the other.

And in this giving we do not see the real needs of the other: he has run over, an excess of senseless generosity because it does not start from what the other needs or asks of me, but of what I want to give him or what I believe is good for him, which often coincides with what is good for me.

The path opens if, feeling frustrated by the other, I can resist the first proud reaction of leaving, offended, and manage to stay and listen that perhaps the other does not want or does not need what I want to give him. And it also helps to recognize that I have not perceived or listened to the true need of the other because I am blinded by my excessive giving.

How to be able to feel that the excess of availability — that superabundance, that being very present in the life of the other — is nothing more than a sin of omnipotence?

"In a deep meditation experience I was able to see to what extent I am determined to support the world, to help everyone... When I suddenly realize it, I think: who am I to support the world? The world is already sustained by God."

Humility, liking being small, helps me

In sexual E2, seduction is sexual because it has a strong component of wanting to catch the other, possessing him... But this craving is not limited to sex, which is only the first layer. If we continue to deepen, we can see and feel the seductive mechanism that is present in the eagerness to help, in goodness, in good intentions, in holiness... Seduction and pride create an image of an unquestionable person; someone who does not let his darkness, his bad intentions be seen, someone who has great difficulty in showing his lack... So? It is necessary to go very deep to be able to see that what is behind this image that we present is a fierce criticism, a condemnatory judge of what we can call negative feelings. The way is not to reject them, but to see them, to understand them, to take them: "I am that too", until they fall into smallness, into humility.

"It is good for me to bow down, kneel down, feel my smallness, the greatness of God, of Life, of those around me, recognize their virtues...."

Personal relationships must be approached with humility. Get used to going behind my giving impulse. Learn not to offer more than you can give. Modesty: This is an inspiring word for the sexual two.

I take a quote from Alba Arenas, taken from her autobiographical work on transformation:

"In order for a change to take place, I believe that those wounds of the ego that the sexual two fears the most are precisely those that can become potential transformative resources, since they help to break down pride. In this sense, if pride gives way, humiliation gives way to humility. For this to happen, the subject needs to accept the opportunities that daily life offers to take responsibility, those simple tasks that existence proposes, with an attitude of learning and with the ability to postpone gratification. I believe that, in this enneatype, humility can be manifested by developing a tendency to put oneself a tone below how it has always been, although on the other hand it maintains that bit of pride without arrogance that sustains personal dignity, the ability to criticize and that sense of self-righteousness totally different from self-indulgence.

Being able to accept that what life brings me and be deeply grateful for it is enough."

True freedom

How can someone who appears so much freedom be truly free, someone who shows himself to the world dressed in a false spontaneity, someone who justifies his actions in pursuit of his right to be free? There can be no true freedom in dependence, there can be no freedom when the intention of my actions is to get the love of the other or to enchant him.

There is only one way: let go of the other to take myself, recognize my true need, my desire, risk being even if it means losing the loved one. Be and assume the consequences, start listening to me, enter inside me, perceive the subtle movement of my soul.

To do this, it is necessary to seek that freedom that does not consist of the obsessive search for freedom understood as intolerance of all limitations — so characteristic of people of this enneatype. It is necessary to discover the intrinsic freedom, which consists in the awareness of the will of my true existence. In it my will is harmonized with a greater will. And in that freedom there is healing, there is virtue, there is a guide. All this is a search: you never arrive, but it is a path of realization.

Sexuality as a path to the sacred

Sexuality is the center of the relationship for a sexual two: the passion of intimacy that is always understood as sexual intimacy. The need to be loved that is confused with being desired. The search for power through sex. The search for intensity to feel alive. The belief that I have to give pleasure to the other. I am in control, I seek and I give the orgasm and I clung to my way of doing it.

Deep down there is a lack of creativity concealed by an apparent disinhibition and self-confidence. A clinging to a way of doing it, a rigidity.

Sexuality is experienced as a weapon of conquest, and therefore it is more genital, more masculine. The sexual two wants to achieve orgasm, provoke it... And there is a lack of faith in the energy that moves, in the experience of receiving the other, of letting go.

As always, one begins to question when experiencing frustration and dissatisfaction. It will be miraculous that the lover shows his sexual dissatisfaction, that he takes us out of fiction, that he confronts us or that he shows us his need for another rhythm, to do it in another way, with more sensitivity, delicacy, tenderness... This crack gives us the opportunity to start one of the most difficult and expensive paths for this trait.

We must retrace what we have learned, let go of control and have the courage to remain without weapons, defenseless.

The path passes through not looking for orgasm, not looking for known results, letting the other do it, trying passivity, femininity...

In a course of the SAT Program, I heard Claudio say to a group of sexual twos:

"Could it be that it could be useful for you to practice the experience of sex without orgasm a little, to see if it transforms into a delicious tenderness? It could be that the doses would benefit from the discipline that is so highly recommended... There are schools that take care of that, of reducing orgasms to transform that energy into greater emotion, to feed the emotional bond. For a sexual two, it must be very difficult."

And that's what it's all about: desexualizing the love experience to give way to the heart, the senses, tenderness, sensuality...

As always, it is a matter of recovering the small, the most subtle, the fine line...

Alba Arenas says in her work on transformation that a sexual two in the process of healing transforms the romantic idealization of love into true intimacy, which is something simpler and more humble. Sensuality is no longer relegated to sexual conquest, but rather extends to a sensitivity open to the pleasure of looking at a leaf, a stone, a ray of light, or listening to the sound of running water or the roar of a storm. No longer a slave to the search for intensity and pleasure, he discovers small and simple joys. The protagonism of wanting to feel the center of the desires and admiration of others is giving way to a new perception of himself: that of being simply "nothing special".

I will also quote the testimony of a colleague about her path in the practice of Tantra. She titles it: "Don't look for the orgasm that comes by itself."

"On the sexual issue, I thought that nothing would happen to me if I fucked whoever I wanted and had good and several orgasms and, by the way, was more powerful than any man. What problem was there?

I met a man and we started a relationship. He had erection difficulties and above all it was difficult for him to penetrate. I, a crack, had no problem: I was an experienced fucker.

Then he started talking to me about Tantra, about experimenting, about going another way. The path of bringing awareness to the moment, of coming into contact without purpose, letting the energy move with minimal effort, relaxing, letting go and opening spaces throughout the body...

Ahaha, friends! Being in that place where things happen or don't happen, where the energy moves or doesn't, but the paper comes loose, I was left speechless. I discovered that I didn't feel as much as I thought. I did a lot to feel, I wasn't that much of a fucker, I felt insecure. I saw my difficulty of surrender, of surrendering to the masculine, of being actively passive, of letting go and flowing. To live my femininity as something beautiful.

Ah, of course, the pleasure is much greater now, it is joy.

And I can open my heart."

Truly, the review of the experience of sexuality is a path of transformation for this trait. And not only that, but it can become one of the gaps that allows us to open the door to a deeper realization, an encounter with a more authentic and profound sense of love towards others and towards ourselves, an opportunity for surrender , the wave that drives us to communion with divine energy, a door to transcendence.

In summary: things that help us

• Live experiences that help me demolish the ego, to unravel that essential need. • Meditation. • Silence. • The revision of the intention of my actions, of my words. • Question myself and be questioned. • Remain aware of the discomfort, of the pain. Breathe. • Listen to my limitation and follow it, let it be my teacher. • Constancy, permanence, commitment. • The encounter with the enjoyment of the everyday, with the small, going unnoticed. • The faith that in this life I can free myself from the yoke of suffering. • Ask for help. • Loneliness, reflection. • Write about yourself (or own a diary).