E7 Conservation (Self-Preservation) – Family

It is usually easier to recognize a sexual or social seven than a conservation seven. To refer to him, Ichazo used the phrase „the guardian of the castle". He also uses the word „castle" for the five conservation — I preferred to use the word refuge, lair. But what is the meaning of the phrase „the guardian of the castle"?

The E7 conservation is the person who makes alliances. Family could be an alternative word. But not in the true sense of the term, which is full of positive connotations. The word family describes an aspect of life. But, in the specialized vocabulary about the ego, there is a kind of family game that can be played. In it, the seven conservation build relationships with people based on ideas such as: „I will be family to you and I demand that you be family to me", „let's get together, I will serve you and you will serve me", „together, we can create a good mafia together"...

I drop the word smuggling because this type of behavior can lead to cunning. It is a clear partisanship. There is an element of corruption very present in it. Self-interest, selfishness, is behind this alliance, even if it appears to be denied. Naturally, every ego form relies on a lie that makes it appear that it is not there. That is why confession is so good, so interesting for the work of the conscience — especially when the confession is public, because that is how one realizes that one can go on with everything, remain the same.

So the conservation E7 is the opportunist, the person who has to find advantages, to profit. It is as if a threat to conservation hangs over him that has to be compensated. Therefore, gluttony, in this case, is expressed as an excessive concern to get out of this threat to conservation by making good deals and deals with every opportunity.

A friend of mine was a dentist for part of his life. He seemed like a kind, friendly, talkative person. Some are very fond of the dental profession because they have each other's mouths shut all the time, so they can talk and talk as much as they want. Surely you have met very talkative dentists. They may not realize it - unconsciousness plays tricks. And it is typical of the seven conservation groups that they like to do something with their hands, something useful for others. They are practical.

Talking and talking, the seven conservation soon discovers the other person's weaknesses. „I have seen that you have bought a new car, how are you doing?", Says the dentist, „Well, it is an excellent car, I am very happy with it" – answers the patient – „but unfortunately I have to sell it". „Ah, well" – the dentist takes advantage of it – „then I'll buy it for you!"

It seems that with the seven conservation there is no conversation that does not lead to business. You do instant business because your mind is so alert to opportunity that you never

miss it. His position is that of one who thinks that if you are not alert, if you do not keep your nose in contact with the wind to capture opportunities, you will be a loser.

The transformation in the E7 conservation by Albert Rams

The following pages contain several quotation marks from the author that come from his text „Biography of character" (1996). The rest of the quotes in quotation marks correspond to the people identified with enneatype seven conservation who have been kind enough to collaborate on this report, who have preferred to remain anonymous and to whom Albert Rams is deeply grateful for his contributions.

What is left behind

It seems that what is left behind in the process is essentially a kind of anxiety, a state of nervousness, of indefinite agitation that sometimes manifests itself as "greed, impatience, wanting to eat everything", as an E7 conservation says; others, like „a thought that maintains that I can always focus everything from the positive; the desire to be surrounded by people that anesthetizes me and allows me not to be aware of myself, to live asleep, in a dream", affirms a woman with the same trait. It is also, according to another, „the sensation of a fictitious life, as if lived outside of me. As a young girl I used to define it as if it were a movie; It was fast, funny, it was the protagonist but I didn't recognize myself inside: I recognized myself as dissociated". Sometimes it is „[fantasy,] understanding as such the fact of exchanging reality for what is invented (of course, unconsciously), even going so far as to defend what is invented as reality," according to another conservation E7. Others times, it translates into „always getting away with it; to spend so much energy controlling everything, managing everything and not being noticed."

In my personal case, I summarize it like this:

„Until recently I thought I was born weighing six kilos and in a normal time. Later I found out that in reality the kilos were not exactly six, but 5,800, and that the reason was that I had been born after ten months of pregnancy. I believe that three of the main elements of my character constitution are contained in this anecdote: the sense of deception (and the diffuse awareness of self-deception), the retroactive compulsion to the womb (where it seems that I spent a month too long) and the fantasy of grandeur."

This state is often accompanied by "addictions to alcohol, drugs and other excesses that also invite me to anesthetize."

The seven conservations seem to have, then, a self constituted as a kind of I-you interestedly eroticized by the mother, in the case of men, and by the father in the case of women. In the first case, the father does not occupy the paternal role because he is subject to the mother, due to excessive authoritarianism or because he is perceived as weak; so there is no good law. The norm, the limits, are not reliable. In the case of women, there seems to be a father-not-father,

a father who does not make it sufficiently clear that his wife is the mother and not the daughter (who is usually daddy's girl).

Paradise, the false paradise, seems to be truncated, broken (separation, abandonment, trauma...), and we are left with the idea that it was a lie... Then everything is a lie... I can do whatever I want because there is no law: anything goes. In my case:

"At the age of thirteen I made a trip to France that marked me deeply. I spent a month in the house of an old neighbor on the street, whose parents, Spanish immigrants, hated the Spanish and loaded on me, I suppose, all the resentment accumulated by years of hardship and effort. For me it was the first strong blow I remember. The image I had of myself and of the world collapsed.

First of all, I was smaller than my friend at an age where the differences are quite significant. Also, I was fat, so the girls didn't like me, I had to speak in a language I didn't know and practice activities such as sailing or horse riding, which were totally new to me. I felt a lot of ridicule, a lot of shame, a lot of loneliness and, today I know, I accumulated a lot of resentment against the world and against my family for having sent me there. It's also true that I got a lot smarter, and much of what I learned there has been very useful to me in life... But I think I swallowed too much without chewing, and I was left artificially alone without realizing it.

It turns out that this brilliant and apparently well-liked boy was a clumsy ball of tallow. That the world I knew was only one of the possible worlds, and everything that had been easy for me became terribly difficult or almost impossible. It turned out that that child so praised because he was very well behaved, always said yes, got good grades, did not get into too many pranks... and very particularly he ate everything and a lot (which was the summum in the scale of family values at that time ); it turned out that that wasn't the only me that inhabited me. And at that time, that meant that it was not me, since I could only be one. So it was logical to conclude that someone had deceived me, that things did not add up. I remember that he wrote to my parents daily and in none of the postcards was I able to tell them how bad it was going or, of course, ask them to come pick me up. He was in shock and was not able to realize it. Nor was I able to dismantle the fantasy that before going to France we had made in the family: that everything would be wonderful and very exciting, of course: once again, rosy."

So life is going to be dedicated to the search and restoration of that primordial paradisiacal state, that family-mafia in which the seven conservation occupies a place of tacit privilege.

One of the evidences of the process is that „the way of building families to feel alive disappears; I continue with them, but now I allow myself to have my own real family."

Likewise, the flight—often unconscious—from the dysphoric, from loneliness, from the unpleasant, from emptiness, from boredom, from what little is left behind: „the desire to

constantly experience new things to avoid boredom and fill my time", affirms a seven conservation; not touching unpleasant emotions, the feeling of already because life is over, impatience, the need for everything to be okay permanently; „The excessive noise in my life," adds another conservationist; „Believing that I am so good and generous, that I help so much, believing that everyone depends on me, instead of me depending on them," concludes another.

What emerges in the transformation process

When the lie of much is discovered, the little appears, the silence, the goodness of scarcity; the freedom of not needing as much as one had told oneself. The calm, the serenity (relative, of course), not having to run to any place because you have already reached that particular nowhere that you are learning to appreciate as good enough.

Another important change consists of the distinction between desire and need — fundamental—, which had been confused from the beginning. We had counted ourselves and others our own desires as needs. And, in reality, we really need little, although much can be desired.

It helps to let go of the dictatorship of „this yes, this no, imperatively", and also to develop greater flexibility: to stay in the „...or not". It helps not to have to discriminate a priori between the allegedly euphoric and the allegedly dysphoric; stop clinging to the first and terrifyingly fleeing (and covertly) from the second. Access to sadness, emptiness, rage without justification, when feeling one's own evil.

Here are some concrete ways to say it:

"Questioning myself, being critical, leaves me alone, connects me with reality; Being concrete, serenity, walking slowly and enjoying it relaxes me. The more insignificant things are, the better. For example, I feel great pleasure sorting waste for recycling, placing it in the right places and feeling responsible and supportive. The routine gives me peace, knowing that, if I want, I can escape from it."

"When I give myself permission to feel the experiences in depth, I feel ecstatic and happy, positive with the benefits that the cosmos offers me."

"It is emerging, serenity. The awareness of ‘this is what it is‘. And I enjoy it. Before, it was more difficult for me to remain in things as they are."

"[It appears] the need to be with me more, the need to be truly present and connected with what I feel, and the feeling that enough is enough, that it is okay with what there is. I also try to stick to the Buddhist principle that ‘if you are not happy now, right now, you will never be‘. And I lean on it as the only truth that exists, because I have spent my life chasing a fantasized happiness that was always to come: I thought that the next thing would always be better than what I have now."

What is the use of transforming

My general impression is that what is most helpful is being able to meet someone (a therapist, a teacher, sometimes a friend) who combines knowing how to say "no" clearly, and who can provide support in falling. "No", then, to games, traps, manipulations... That person will be a wall to crash against as well as a loving company, sometimes silent, always close in the collapse, that allows the discovery of what has been avoided, making it possible for me without experiencing it as a catastrophe: silence, loneliness , nothingness, sadness, rage, evil...

Here is one more passage from my biography:

"In the summer of 1988 I took my first SAT Program course, and it turned out to be the beginning of a long crisis that would last until the summer of 1993: the crisis that I have seen repeated after in different ways in many people when they focus on work. with character. They were five very hard, very intense years, during which I felt at least twice in a very clear way the border between being alive and being dead. That is to say, I felt very clearly the desire to be dead. They were years in which I discovered aspects of myself that I did not even suspect, such as feeling absolutely foolish for things in which I had always felt capable, or how to see the many bad host that was inside me and the aggressive acting that accidental mistakes can mean, jokes, forgetfulness or self-forgetfulness."

In those years, the process became extreme, especially on the SAT:

"There I felt that someone broke me and that someone contained me at the same time; that someone hit me and someone healed me; that someone moved me and that someone quieted me in the most intimate. That everything was breaking, breaking... And there he was, Memo, and them (Paco, Antonio, Cheriff, Juanjo...), and them (Annie, Graciela, Use, Silvia...). And Claudius. During the fall and winter of '88-'89 I thought I was going crazy. Seen from now (January 1993), I think magical thinking shot through my head, anguish shot through my heart, and paralysis shot through my body. I became paranoid and I entered into the most terrible panic that I have felt since I was fourteen [...]. I, Alberto Rams, ‘famous therapist known throughout the South of Europe‘, was scared shitless. I remember that he was not even able to call the travel agency to book tickets. Everything was a huge effort, even the most absolute trifle. I felt unable to write the smallest note or letter, and any phone call scared me. Actually, I was totally guilty, but I didn't know it then..."

What helps in the process? Here are more testimonials:

"Decrease activity, contact the body as an end and as a means to reach emotion. Specify, dimension. Making the resolution to be punctual, in my case, has led me to respect the other, to take him into account, to see him and take care of myself. It helps to understand before finding something inside myself, confrontation, taking the risk of being direct, of being mean. Open your

eyes, see reality, see the present without making it up, acceptance, silence, loneliness. Believing that there is something bigger than me, spirituality."

"For me, above all, [it helps] to hold my emotions, not to run away from what happens to me, from what I feel (shame, anger, discomfort, frustration); Dare to say what is happening to me, how I feel, what I think, what I want to do, even if this leads to conflict. Behind that fear of conflict there is always pain and fear of rejection."

"[It serves me] to let myself rock and fall into pain. Loneliness helps me to be able to be with myself and then lose myself less in others. The more I stop running from myself, the less I trade with others. Don't stay superficial, go deeper. Realize that I use people."

"The observation. Something of self-absorption (which Ortega said). The therapy. The meditation. The lonely spaces. Contemplation without judgment. The silence of the field."

What is not useful for the transformation process

"Action and more action, thinking, designing strategies, escaping, sex and eating to escape, letting myself be fed by the aroma of my own seduction. Wearing out, overexerting, trying to make my fantasy come true. Save the world permanently."

"Letting myself be carried away by anxiety, doing and doing without conscience, starting many things and not finishing anything, letting myself be overcome by boredom, not accepting the reality of life as it is and letting myself be carried away by the idea that life can be rosy."

"Always blame the other and not take responsibility for mine. Turn to my capricious inner child. Avoiding conflicts — how difficult it is for me to face them, especially when there is no intimacy and my image as a good person is in danger."

"I have lived something that has given me too much dispersion, that fed me the most unconscious and the least authentic. It is a kind of permission for everything goes, for everything is allowed. I have needed to set my own limits, but without a doubt it has also helped me to see limits from others, from the everyday world."

"That space, so nutritious for others, which favors the expression of the internal, creativity, spontaneity and other facets of the individual, led me a bit to lose myself. I'm not saying it's not useful, but it's of little use to me. However, I can work with it easily. I can use the most instinctive, basic and spontaneous in favor of the internal work of others. But, to me, what is most concise, clear and simple favors me, against other explosions of being."

What tasks are favorable for transformation?

Again, some testimonials:

"The most favorable tasks are the tasks themselves. A process that consists of a proposal with a beginning and an end, and the responsibility to achieve it, already makes sense in itself. The work through the enneagram has made great sense because it needs continuity, follow-up, updating, revision, consistency and, above all, authenticity. I am so conflicted with deception, cheating, and the complex journey of fraud, that I make a lot of sense in understanding and practicing something sincere and authentic, while also giving it serious effort."

"Meditation as contact with myself and reality attack is essential. The practice of a space for the spiritual, for the divine path, to believe and surrender to something more than myself or my supposed desires, makes me feel like a better person".

"The silence."

"Nature."

"Say no. Do things slowly. Take care of plants. Do things where later there are no rewards of any kind. To meditate."

"It is favorable to me to make decisions and carry them out. Creating self-programs and fulfilling them (to avoid the tendency to dispersion). Commit and fulfill the commitment. Reflect before acting. Try to act with the maximum emotional sincerity possible. See others."

What needs to be understood

It seems to me that what we conservational sevens need to understand is, fundamentally, respect, which I think is what we lost in the elaboration of that monster that devours everything because everything is a lie...

And no, of course: not everything is a lie. There is honor, there is what it is in itself, and not because it is used for anything in particular...

We also need to understand that the limit, the no, that we can be healthy, because it not only limits gluttony, but also because it protects. Like the border, which marks a „no there", but also a „here yes... it's my home... my country".

Some testimonials say:

„The world was not made in two days nor will it end in three. That without me it doesn't end either. Everything doesn't have to be so intense to be alive and happy. It helps to discover that there is the small, the insignificant, from within."

"That pain, sadness, loneliness and boredom do not kill: they are part of life and enrich. That you can be comfortable with reality. That not everything is worth just to be well. That I am a slave to my ideas and to an enneagram to psychology that I am making bigger and bigger in order not to contact what I don't like. That pain and love go together. That the shield against pain

is only removed with pain. That pain and suffering, in the long run, bring me closer to people and to myself."

"The beautiful gift that is life. Nothingness as the beginning and end of all things."

To finish, I rescue another fragment of my biography:

"[...] I feel more concise and with less need for external recognition. The professional style that began appearing as something very disproportionate, very strident and very garish [...] has been gaining refinement and calm. I still have the sense of smell to detect the false that then sprouted so brutally, but I no longer have as much need to use it to show off. Or, simply, I give myself the opportunity to shut it up to the extent that I can distinguish what it is that I really want at that moment and, above all, what I am willing to accept. I can be confrontational without being violent. And, above all, I have been developing the experience of being in a heart that did not live before, or that did not live in that way; that shows itself professionally, sometimes, as the grace to touch people's souls in ever simpler ways. However, I feel the weight of the years of work, I feel less passionately interested in it, and I tire more easily..."