E8 Sexual – Possessiveness

A sexual eight has a tendency toward social detachment. He is a rebellious person, much more than the other E8. He is also a more provocative person, who flaunts, who proclaims that his values are different from the norm. This occurs with all eight, but in the sexual subtype, this tendency becomes a clear detachment from the intellect.

The word to define it is possession. And I used to think that this also had to do with physical possessions, but later I realized that this passion is limited to grabbing the other: the sexual eight is very possessive in his relationships. This word also has to do with taking ownership of the entire scene: the sexual eight always wants to be the center. It is always fascinating. Their power comes from a greater seduction, from a greater power of fascination, which differentiates them stylistically from others. The other subtypes do not have as many colors in the feathers. In relation to the other subtypes, the sexual one is more emotional, while the conservation one is pure action and the social one is the only intellectual eight.

The transformation in the sexual E8 by Alice Maria Ribeiro

The following text is based on interviews with five students of the SAT Program (three women and two men), all of them located in the sexual enneatype eight, from different professions (butcher, therapist, doctor, police and retiree), and aged between 40 and 50 years. Each of them is at a different stage of their search path (one has been going on for 20 years, another has been only five), within the SAT school.

The general impression is that none of them could express themselves as they were in childhood. There was no affection, affection, attention, appreciation, recognition and much less respect.

Only one of the interviewees preferred not to say anything about his childhood, but from his life story it can be assumed that he suffered a lot of disrespect and lack of affection and attention, like the others.

They all had difficulty writing about themselves. It seems indiscipline, but it may be an excuse not to put yourself in the other's hands and not to reveal your weak points or show your vulnerability.

Four of them cited the fact that they did not recognize paternal or maternal authority. They lost confidence, they felt betrayed and they refused to be guided by someone who did not give them the necessary security. Hence the rebellion.

They all broke the rules of society, did not respect the laws of the world and disregarded the divine laws as if they were immune to them.

They are all antisocial, feel excluded and are attracted to illegality, coating it with legality.

Shyness is also present, but appears combined with seduction, strategy and fear of being swallowed by the social. It is also a way of hiding marginality. One of the explanations that emerge consists of the need for dominance and power: since they do not like or want to expose themselves, they need to know where they are stepping, which is a form of control. Thus, they manage to hide their insecurity, their loss of value and their fear of appearing weak.

None of the women completed college or was interested in developing their true talents. They all looked for adventures, challenges, risks and a lot of adrenaline; one of them was involved in drugs. They are all masculinized women; they never paid attention to appearance, vanity or image.

One of the men, despite considering himself vain, says that this vanity was functional for the conquest of the opposite sex as a form of dominance or pleasure. And the other man interviewed made no reference to image or vanity, showing that he does not give it the slightest importance.

Two of the interviewees (a woman and a man) looked for professions of power: one in the police and the other was a police officer and today he is a surgeon.

They are very generous when they consider that the other deserves help. Otherwise, they disregard it as a form of punishment.

They all said —unanimously— that, through intentional personal work, they had discovered new ways of relating to their partner, family, work, and other people in general.

The personality before starting the path of growth

Possession/dedication and sexuality, anger/intolerance, intensity/excess, histrionics/rebellion.

All sexual eights voraciously sought out love, sex, and excessive pleasure in life. It was a form of rebellion, as if everyone had been deprived of their dreams, their desires and their sensitivity. Without a doubt, they could develop an armor to hide the devaluation

During childhood they were forced to do what they didn't want to do, they were disrespected and they had an authoritarian father or mother. They behaved differently inside and outside the house, because they did not have the right to be as they were.

"When I was eight years old, my sister got married. I stayed at home with three brothers and my father. The three women in my life disappeared at the same time and I was left alone

with men and with the feeling of fear of being abused and not respected; I felt profoundly alone", tells us C.

As creatures, since they were not recognized for their sensitivity and matured very early, they began to rely on the value that things have in the world and not differentiate between people and material things. As adults, today, they buy what childhood dreamed of.

The value given to material things and people was not intended to supply any type of material security, but rather to gain power over them. They do not mention that possessing serves for sustenance or for security in life; Quite the contrary, the five come from rich and/or powerful families, linked to politics, ranching, civil construction, etc.

"Since I was little I turned to the material. People were worth what they possessed and not what they were. I was educated that way: totally focused on having and not being. There was this crazy idea that everyone and everything has a price, no matter how much," says A.

All, without exception, were possessive people in love relationships or with friends, things and situations.

"When I was little I had the clear feeling (I think it's a crazy idea) that the world started to work when I arrived. Everything belonged to me," says G.

"My relationship with possession was with all the people around me. I wanted to know what was happening to each one, I did not want to lose control of anything, apart from influencing with my words the things that the other was going to do," adds P.

"The world was mine. What was missing, I took, bought, appropriated. He gave nothing, he gave nothing. Because no one was worthy to receive even what was left over. Not a leaky boot or a torn sock," confesses E.

Taking/giving is related to sexuality. It is perceived that there is moralism in this, that it is only a game to protect himself and the other he appropriates. All out of fear of betrayal and loss, as if the other were an object. Hence the difficulty in accepting any Dionysian behavior when dealing with someone.

Sexual E8s control the partner by completely dominating them, distancing them from friends and acquaintances, making them dependent. They demand fidelity and a lot of coherence and get very angry when this is not the case. This shows a capacity for control and power over the other, as if they were their owners, their masters and responsible. Thus they satisfy even more their possession, which feeds revenge, which strengthens lust, creating a vicious circle.

"I felt very powerful and very owner of everything. This is where possession comes in. By wanting, I felt the owner of the loved object, mainly the couple, who had no right to have a life before me. I had to be the center, the focus. I wanted everything from the other, but didn't

deliver anything. In the sexual relationship it was very clear: I made the other surrender to my joy but I didn't want to surrender. It seemed that my soul would escape and I was afraid of losing it," says C.

Regarding sexuality, three people reported that they had contact with sex early. They discovered sexual behaviors of adults very early and the disturbed awakening of sexuality became a preponderant piece for the development of possessing and, consequently, the difficulty of giving oneself. They had no guidance in this regard, they gave way to their instincts and narrate that they liked that sensation.

"My interest in women appeared very early, around the age of six or seven. Door cracks or keyholes were a feast for me. Sex is my neurotic base. But, along with that, comes possession above all things", narrates G.

"I began to be interested in boys when I was ten years old. They sent me to a boarding school in Rio de Janeiro and I only saw my parents again six months later," adds A.

As for the other areas, there is no moralism. On the contrary, the norms were violated and the laws, ethics, morality or good customs were not respected, which were run over when they wanted to obtain what they wanted: sexual eights are amoral.

"I have lived with weapons since I was little and being a police officer was for me as if I could be the one who would fix things. The police could use the revolver," explains G.

They were deeply angry, intolerant of weakness, dependency, and slow, dumb people. It made them impatient to the point of histrionics and explosion, sometimes causing situations of physical aggression. Everything happened very quickly because of the speed with which they reached their own conclusions, without even listening or allowing the other to defend himself.

None of the interviewees was aware of the guilt.

"I've been through a lot of fights. Before, I attacked physically," says E.

"Before I didn't consider myself a quarrel, I swore I wasn't. What he was saying was that I was fair. I had a very personal justice, very peculiar, very mine," adds G.

Self-exclusion is very strong in three of the five. It is a state that consists of feeling that you do not belong to anyone or anything. They were all sent to schools far from family, causing a feeling of abandonment, rejection and loneliness. That further strengthened marginality, which in the end is a way to feel included.

"I knew when I was very young that my father had been excommunicated from the Catholic Church. I knew he paid bribes for me to study at the best schools (which were Catholic). Again, money spoke louder, and so I grew up, thinking that I could buy even from God," says A.

"I had and have that feeling of feeling excluded. After SAT 2 I began to perceive that. First I enter the places, study the entire environment and see where there is a gap to enter; a very strategic thing. Today I know it's strategy. It was so common that I didn't perceive it. It was a game, an unconscious seduction. "Where is the weak point? Ah! Then I'm going to go in here‘," says G.

"When I go into places I don't know very well, I'm always left alone, on the sides," says C.

More relevant changes in the process of self-knowledge.

None of the interviewees were aware of possessiveness, intolerance, aggressiveness, and they did not know how to answer precisely when they hardened and began to develop that armor and insensitivity. The coldness with which they dealt with their problems was not recognized by any of them. There is an ambiguity in the way they looked and how they were shown to the world. It was an immense surprise — after entering the path of growth — to come into contact with that state of war, because they considered that the truth had to be said "whoever hurts2 and at no time did they consider themselves cold and insensitive. On the contrary, they looked fiery, fiery, very sincere and authentic.

"Cold? I? How can fire be cold? I was unaware of my toughness. I'm cold, I'm insensitive. That's why I'm a surgeon. It was hard to admit," says G.

During the process, they became aware of revenge as a response to anything that did not agree with their will. Three of them were shocked when they realized this feeling and are watching how they react to being upset.

"I didn't know he was avenging me. He didn't know that what he gave back to others was a form of revenge. Knowing that was a huge surprise, I always considered myself very good and I still can't perceive all the moments when I come," says A.

"I didn't know what revenge was, I considered that word not part of my life," C adds.

"The impotence was total. I was losing the loved one and couldn't do anything (that hit me directly against possessiveness). I remember that day I thought I would die. I only managed to sleep at five in the morning and prayed all the time. When I woke up the next day, I was grateful to be alive," says C.

One of them said that he found himself in an arid void and in a very deep well when he perceived that he did not own anything or anyone, and that he needed to experience other losses to feel that he had no other way out than to open his heart and give everything into the hands of God.

Another interviewee said he perceived the ability to love and be loved after feeling divine love in himself, during a job at the SAT.

According to their answers, only four feel closer to spirituality. Only one claims to have no religion or a spiritual sense of life; but only the verification of the fact is already a step to achieve it, a means to obtain peace.

In the process, everyone began to control the anger and fury when they were upset and sought, by observing those feelings, where the true motives are hidden. One of them stated:

"It was difficult to become aware of the egoic characteristics. Perceiving lust and aggressiveness caused me pain, but it is undeniable that it also made me feel that there is a way." These are G's words.

Four of them said they had changed, went through moments of reflection and saw that intensity and exaggeration could not continue to be the fuel of their lives. One of them said he still needs it and that it is still vital.

The most relevant change is that everyone is more tolerant and, observing possessiveness, they are aware that the process of self-knowledge can lead them to a less arduous and more loving path. It was perceived that things cannot be achieved "by iron and fire".

There is also consensus of a greater perception of the tricks of the ego. Everyone understands that they have to step back and start over or otherwise. Everyone is looking to decrease the intensity with which they do things, paying close attention to excesses and explosions.

"In life, in relation to the ego and the way forward on the way, I have tried to better observe people and their mysteries. I feel more humanized, less invulnerable and less vulgar," G explains.

"When my ego begins to manifest, mainly in relation to people, I perceive and feel that there is an alarm within me," adds P.

"Becoming aware of egoic characteristics was not easy. Perceiving lust and aggressiveness caused me pain, but it is undeniable that it also made me feel that there is a way. I feel calmer, calmer and less demanding of myself and others. I feel like a better person," says G.

"I'm less possessive with my stuff. I even lend my car to others. I'm doing things more slowly, I'm not in such a hurry anymore, I know that others have their times and I can't change that," says A.

"I sold my car which gave me a lot of power (a jeep); I ended a seven-year relationship...", explains C.

"I'm starting to think before I answer, I feel even very slow. I decreased aggressiveness, intensity, excesses, possessiveness and acquisitions," concludes E.

There is also a unanimous disposition for discipline, such as the effort to organize myself in relation to the work of the university, or the dedication to the professional and to the family.

As for the women, all the interviewees are rescuing their femininity, seeking their role as a woman, mother or daughter. One entered that process after becoming aware of motherhood, after the birth of her grandchildren.

"My true fulfillment was directly linked to my talent as a therapist. Then I understood that in the same way that I castrated myself in motherhood, I was castrating that talent," says C.

"I am cultivating my femininity more, but it has been very difficult, because in certain situations I do not achieve it. I can look at myself and say, 'You're a woman!‘" says P.

"Today I have an excellent relationship with my children, even though I still have a lot of control over them. I have to be attentive to that 24 hours a day," adds A.

The imaginable future: what would full development look like?

The group emphasized the need for responsibility to oneself and to others. It was highlighted as important to have discipline with daily and professional chores, taking advantage of and recognizing true talents.

It is necessary to develop awareness of the responsibility of using sexual energy (formerly used for pleasure, exclusively). Get rid of the religious/sinful concept linked to sex and go in search of self-love and dignity.

There is an effort by everyone to get out of the state of egoic anesthesia and a deep interest in improving, in an attempt to recover some stages of life that were neglected, mainly in the family environment. Only one of the interviewees does not talk about what he wants for the future, but it is noticeable that he has a willingness to remain in the process of growth through attention, intention and decreased pace of life.

"I need peace. I have to learn to be still," says E.

Meditation was the main point pointed out by four interviewees to slow down and approach spirituality, as a support to live well. Also visible is the understanding of impermanence and acceptance of the nature of things.

"I think one of my ways out is to slow down, through the practice of meditation, to slow down my pace and be more focused. The awareness of impermanence has reduced the voracity that is and has always been the food of my ego," says A.

It was also proposed that it will be necessary to find the inner void so that it is occupied by something greater. Look for the reference in oneself, having a teacher as a bridge; a guide who helps replace the food of the ego with compassion and love of God, healing the original wound. Because only in this way will they feel included as human beings and beloved children of the Father's heart, so that they can rescue the missing link in childhood, which is sweetness and spontaneity where innocence dwells.