Childhood

It's a virtually universal truth that we're born into a world that's not made for children. Despite the myth that children are happy, childhood is a period when we fall from the original natural harmony and begin the development of a personality. Developing a personality is a universal tragedy. So, let's say that the first stage of life is deformation. And if we catch a glimpse of having been deformed, we become seekers.

At the beginning of the journey of self-discovery, the first thing is to acquire a certain degree of self-knowledge and rekindle that spark of consciousness that belongs to us by nature. The first rung on the ladder of consciousness is simply to tune into what is occurring in the present.

At this early stage, our passions simply occur to us. We are passive spectators of the emotional forces that govern our lives. Often, the underlying passion is entangled by what psychoanalysis calls reactive formation, a defense mechanism in which a quality is hidden behind its opposite. Claudio Naranjo characterized the E1 personality tendency as a reaction to a persistent pattern of excessive expectations and a feeling of frustration linked to a lack of recognition in childhood. In this sense, a group of people from Sexual 1, summarizing the origin of their shared character, reported the following:

"Almost all of us agree that we have taken the very ready responsibility that we have. They didn't give it to us; we took it on. We remember it from the age of three, until we were nine, and then through adolescence and adulthood. It was often about things like taking care of the brothers, making sure they were fed and clothed, and getting them where they were supposed to go. It was like taking on part of the role of mother, or sometimes more, and wanting to be recognized for it. Almost all of us felt that no matter how hard we tried and tried harder and harder to be good, we did all of this because we wanted to get some kind of recognition or thanks from our parents, and we never felt like we could."

The Sexual 1 not only grew up in an environment where she was required to do her best to achieve certain desirable standards or behaviors, but she also developed a strong reaction of rebellion against any form of control, both external and self-imposed. This individual learns to distance themselves from their own consciousness and to inhibit their anger through the mechanism of reactive formation. The sexual subtype aspires to gain the approval or closeness of a parent. However, this effort evolves over time, acquiring a competitive dimension in adult life. The underlying message for the father is, "I will be better than you and exceed your ability to judge me. I'll prove it to you!" In this sense, Sexual 1 not only seeks to be the best version of themselves to achieve success or approval, but also involves a process of claiming that carries with it a tone of defiance and contempt for the parental figure.

The Sexual 1 often develops in an environment that is not only demanding and perfectionistic, but also lacks enough affection. In addition to the desire to gain parental approval through accomplishments and perfection, this type also seeks to assert their moral worth as a way to claim recognition and affection. In other words, attitude is not just a claim to love ("Look how good I am, can you love me?"), but also a claim to moral justice ("Look how good I am, you owe me respect and recognition").

"They gave me a lot of freedom; they didn't even ask me what I had done during the day. When I was very young, I already ate soup perfectly with a spoon. I knew how to quickly integrate the rules. If we didn't follow orders, the second time we got a slap in the face. In my house, there was perfectionism, demands, but also freedom. On my mother's side, I received a lot of affection. My father was very demanding, he was a doctor, and had no time to waste. Love was a matter of fact, and if I did something right, I wanted it to be known: I liked to make it clear that I had fulfilled my obligation."

— Patrick Genard

This quest for righteousness and respectability can often interfere with the individual's deepest emotional needs, such as the pent-up need for tenderness and genuine affection. Parents are often emotionally unavailable, don't offer the necessary level of affection to meet the child's emotional needs, or send ambiguous messages that can be manipulative. These messages can be implicit ("It doesn't satisfy you") or explicit ("Get on with your business, make a living" or "You don't know yourself").

As a result, Sexual 1 often sees themselves as primarily responsible for their own well-being, leading to self-deception that can manifest as indirect satisfaction for having "done the right thing," even when it involves neglecting their own emotional needs. Ultimately, this attitude can create a defensive layer of protection that shields the individual from deeper vulnerabilities, but also limits their ability to form more authentic emotional connections.

"When I was 17 months old, a sister arrived, and I remember my mother showing up with her in her arms. The nurse used to tell how I stiffened, looking at my mother. Since then, I have developed a strategy of rigidity, of disconnection as a defense mechanism to protect myself from pain, and it is something that even today, at times, continues to manifest itself."

— Caterina Rubinat

"I grew up with this belief system that you have to fight, which gave me a high sense of responsibility and duty: Once, when I was six, I woke up my mom at 5 a.m., in uniform, ready to go to school. I didn't want to be late, because she was always late. I cried because

I was afraid that the school would 'hold a meeting,' which meant she would be called to the principal's office, even though I was not guilty of anything."

— Verónica Baeza

How to Survive and Have a Place in This World

The messages that the Sexual 1 received from their parents or significant figures in their life often guided them to subconscious defense mechanisms. These messages, direct or indirect, encouraged responses designed to make their lives more bearable by reducing or minimizing experiences of pain and suffering. As a result, Sexual 1 learned to be more self-sufficient, to rely on their own resources, and to avoid emotional involvement.

Sexual 1’s interpretations of these experiences were often irrational and resulted in widespread and distorted attitudes about relationships and trust. Ideas such as "I can't trust people because they can hurt me" or "No one understands me" are examples of these internalized beliefs. Such attitudes act as emotional barriers that can inhibit their ability to form deep and meaningful connections, thus perpetuating their sense of isolation and self-sufficiency.

"I remember being four or five years old, sitting in one of those children's chairs, in a corner of the big kitchen at home. There are several women cleaning vegetables and fish, laughing at trivialities and talking, talking, talking. I feel distressed and useless and start to caress and hug myself. One of them sees me and laughs. Then the others also laugh and make fun of me. My mother doesn't say anything, neither to them nor to me. I feel very intense pain, loneliness, sadness, and shame for the provocation."

— Roberto Gislon

"I was looking for love, and they told me 'Be serious and good.' It is so natural that the illusion has been born in me that 'if I am good and serious enough, I will receive love,' and, as a corollary, 'if I do not receive it in the desired amount, it is because I am not serious and good enough.' And when I am sure that I could, if I do not receive love, I feel that I have a right to receive it, because I have earned the reward for all my efforts."

— Roberto Gislon

The adult has developed a fine sensor for injustice and falsehood that activates a bodily impulse, a need to unveil, and a compulsion to act, discovering the latent conflicts in a moral stance. However, they act from their own view of what is true and just, completely ignoring what happens inside the acute other and coming to recognize them. They have a

keen sensitivity to recognize what is crooked, what does not work, what is false, and feel impelled to correct and denounce. It sounds authentic, but it is a false authenticity because it responds to a part of their ego, to their patriarchal mind. They are not able to recognize, much less express, their own subdued and suffering interior.

"My family was very religious, bordering on fanaticism. I soon began to realize that there was very little coherence between what they preached – love, fraternity, justice, solidarity – and the gestures of everyday life. For example, my parents spoke with special contempt of the mother of a friend of mine, who was divorced, puffing up with her irreproachable; Ambiguity was his way of doing it."

— Caterina Rubinat

"The obvious contradiction between what they said and what they did soon put me in opposition: I became a small judge, severe, implacable and intransigent, always ready to take the slightest sign of inconsistency to condemn him without the possibility of appeal. In reality, I just wanted a foothold, some excuse to start a war against anything, against anyone, or for the truth. My war was all internal: an explicit rebellion was not allowed, and I incubated anger; Then, all of a sudden, she would explode in a wild run from school to home, escaping AYA's control, and then she would be punished." — Caterina Rubinat

The reactive and defensive attitude of the Sexual 1 can manifest itself in a predisposition to confrontation and conflict. Being in a constant state of vigilance against injustice and falsehood, as he perceives, the Sexual 1 can adopt an offensive posture as a defense mechanism. This tendency to lash out can be a projection of your own internal violence and frustration outward.