Love

In general terms, the Social 1 is perceived as indifferent, cold, controlling, and distant. Antonio reports that sometimes he experiences a feeling of shame associated with the belief that showing affection diminishes his masculinity. In a way, the expression of emotions and affection remains, for his ego, a feminine behavior, understanding femininity from a patriarchal perspective, that is, as weakness and superficiality (although this can also apply to some women of this character, who sometimes exhibit a phallic stance toward life).

The fear of losing control, vulnerability, and dependency are associated with surrendering to love and the affection of a partner, and this is an additional difficulty in forming bonds. In the context of the Social 1 group’s work, there is a differentiation between the ability to give and receive love. In the family, the demonstration of affection is disapproved of and shameful, so it is often not expressed. Additionally, displays of affection may have been rare in childhood within the family, and relationships may have been influenced by modesty: "There are things you don't show to others," says a group member. There is a social culture that supports the Social 1's belief that it is necessary to maintain a serene attitude.

During his childhood, talking about love made him feel ashamed. His relationships with his parents and siblings were more based on forms of recognition than on the expression of love, which was required, but implicit and hidden. He may have found it difficult to receive or give a compliment, so recognition came through indirect means, as well as the feeling of being seen and accepted. These forms are clearly substitutes for love that was never openly expressed.

In the couple’s relationship, the childish aspects of love experiences persist in the form of reservation and caution. The public expression of affection is rare and is perceived within a context of modesty and shame, as if showing one's feelings could be a reason for criticism. There is a belief that by demonstrating sexual or affectionate needs, one will lose strength and fall into a situation of dependency. This world of sexuality and affection must be kept secret, including love, which belongs to the private sector, not the public one. This attitude is closely related to the idea that it is better to keep the inner world hidden because, if revealed, it could be ridiculed or criticized. Falling in love is often seen as a form of fragility, and "a real man" does not show fragility.

Uncertainty about love leads the Social 1 to question their ability to love. It is possible that their conception of love is so idealized that the ability to give love is more of a construct than a reality. This inadequacy in fulfilling love on different levels permeates their character, which can lead to emotional contraction and a generalized defensiveness that prevents

them from engaging in experiences that might overwhelm them emotionally. In short, the emotional reserve of the Social 1 can become an obstacle to fully living.

According to Claudio Naranjo's theory on the three types of love, which distinguishes between erotic/infantile love, empathetic/maternal love, and admiration/paternal love, it is precisely admiration/paternal love that appears as a more accessible option for individuals of the Social 1. One of the participants explains:

I identify with the model of admiration and paternal love because my father conveyed the message for me not to become one of the women in my mother's family: fragile, frivolous, and given to passion. I learned a more concrete love, without adornments, made of actions. For example: I don’t say "I love you" with a sweet voice, with warmth in my heart, with my body vibrating, no, that doesn’t fit my way of living. I show my love by taking care of your problems, your needs, your desires, giving you importance. Basically, telling you: you are worth it. But, since I am not aware of your real needs, I cannot perceive them empathetically; instead, I pretend to be the one who knows what your needs should be, what is "best" for you, what is good for you...

A man in our workgroup states that his model is the father, whose way of loving he himself adopts with quite some fidelity. This form of love is primarily related to protection, concern for the well-being of the children and family in general. He avoids physical contact and is flooded with a constant flow of concerns that keep him in permanent tension. Afraid of the unpredictable and of problems beyond his control, these behaviors hide an unspoken loving aspect. This characteristic is more evident in the Self-Preservation 1 subtype, but it is present in all E1 subtypes, and of course, also in the Social 1.

Admiration love manifests in a special way through the idealization that society can promote regarding people considered masters, spiritually evolved, or great artists; individuals who generally possess qualities that inspire admiration. In reality, these forms of admiration hide a desire to be admired that, subtly and secretly, nourishes a rebellion that often experiences ambivalence: on one hand, we admire and follow the path that is indicated to us, and on the other, we desire to improve that same path and make it our own.

The people I admire are few; they must have solid principles and really teach me something I don’t know. My admiration for valuable people is never fully expressed, as if I always observe and admire from a distance. The great fear of approaching me is always the fear of depending on the other. On the other hand, in friendships and love relationships, I receive admiration for the things I do for them, and that strengthens me in action and in the idea that only if I do it, the other will love me, coming from the mistrust that love can reach me because of who I am. ANONYMOUS

In fact, in the structure of the social character, there is little self-recognition because they believe they are incapable of staying in family relationships and, consequently, of entering social ones. They feel inferior and believe they need to hide their flaws. Therefore, there is often a desire to be admired, to feel special. Sometimes, this leads to the paradox of thinking that receiving a lot of attention, even if it is critical, is better than receiving none.

Erotic love is implicitly understood as a connection to the natural, arising from energies that eroticize the senses and the soul, leading to a fuller conception of life. However, in this character, erotic love is generally repressed, and the inner child has little space for it, which diminishes its freedom, pleasure, and surrender to the present experience. Instead, control, duty, and rules dominate the organization of daily life, as a result of parental domination that replaced loving capacities with guidelines and rules. Thus, the Social 1 interprets rules and guidelines as a form of love for others and, therefore, firmly believes that by giving precise instructions, the other can find more happiness.

They also have a great capacity for care and protection, although they have not developed the capacity for prolonged maternal care. This character does not demand care from others and prefers to take care of themselves, although they feel sadness and suffering in moments when they do not feel sufficiently cared for.

Carolina expresses that she has a strong presumption that she knows what the other person needs at a given moment and is convinced she can provide it. Having not felt cared for in the past, she does not ask for care from others but feels resentment and frustration when they fail to perceive her discomfort the way she perceives theirs. Additionally, she tends to believe that her way is the only right way:

I presume to know what the other person needs at a given moment, and I think I am capable of providing it. I don't ask to be cared for because I didn't feel cared for, because I had to do everything on my own. In situations where I was very sick, I tended to close myself off to avoid being seen, and I regretted and felt anger when I realized the other person hadn't seen me or noticed my discomfort the way I noticed theirs. Of course, I maintained that their way of acting was not the right one and never would be. CAROLINA ALFANO

A rather hidden aspect of the Social 1 character concerns what happens when a romantic relationship ends. In this case, the pain is immense. Everything seems impossible to live with, and the desire to die is very present. Lost love manifests as the loss of the self, which clearly reveals its narcissistic wound, expressed as an infinite emptiness in the heart, assumed to be irreparable. Was the love really that great? Over time, it is realized that this dominant form of love was merely the result of deep dependence, a bond that never fully dissolved, causing great suffering, sometimes even suicidal ideation. And it is from this scenario that the Social 1 wanted to save themselves, by creating a strong, confident, and

resolute self-image: the invincible. And then, thanks to personal growth, comes the moment when the person accepts their limits and finds a certain serenity.

What is it that closes an experience like love, what kind of inner gesture leads a person to replace fusion with rigidity? Once again, spontaneity loses, and rules win. The "I" cannot bear so much vulnerability, so much lack of control. If the person has not completely lost their soul (that is), they learn to love and let themselves be loved, keeping their back to themselves, without surrendering to passion without a net. One cultivates the ability to define, in a way not always explicit, the rules of the game, what can and cannot be done in the relationship, what is expected from the other, what one is willing to give, even without guarantees. I lived in couple relationships with a manifest tension in this polarity, with one eye on finding guidelines to adjust my behavior and my partner's (and to keep danger at a distance), and the other on enabling and enjoying the spaces for play and complicity. FERNANDO GÓMEZ