The Persona and the Shadow: For Those Who Are Destructive To Themselves And Others

The shadow is something that remains hidden in our psyche as a result of the choices we make to adapt to our environment. It is a part of ourselves that is not conscious. To better understand the relationship between our self and our shadow, we need to delve deeply into certain specific aspects that characterize the Social 1.

One example of these aspects is the "inexhaustible" commitment. This attitude implies a constant search for perfection and excellence, which makes it difficult to be satisfied with the results obtained. For people with this characteristic, after achieving a goal, they immediately seek another challenge to pursue.

Carolina, introduced in the childhood chapter, is a good example of this. For her, the incessant commitment manifests in her need to be right, her tendency to compete with others, and her desire to win. For her, life is a perpetual struggle to prove her worth. "If I’m not right and I lose, I feel small and connect with inadequacy," she says. "But if I’m right, I don’t feel satisfied, as if it’s the very conflict that keeps me alive." Carolina feels that a great energy is activated when she is in conflict and, perhaps because of this, she cannot give up the fight.

This competitive attitude and quest for perfection can be seen as a manifestation of the shadow. It’s possible that, behind her need to be right and win, lies the fear of vulnerability and the possibility of failure. By embracing her shadow and exploring these hidden emotions, the Social 1 can learn to accept themselves and others in a more complete and authentic way. In general, this character is motivated by an endless demand, a constant test that drives them to keep striving, without allowing themselves to feel pleasure or appreciate the results. Obligations and duties are prioritized at the expense of personal satisfaction. This attitude is based on the belief that only through continuous effort can they compensate for their supposed lack of ability and worth. The deficiencies that remain hidden in the shadows manifest in their behavior as a feeling of superiority.

In many cases, these people fear not being able to replicate previous results and constantly strive for improvement. Antonio, since his childhood and adolescence, felt deeply ashamed when receiving compliments because he believed he did not deserve them and that they corresponded to something he considered a lie. His gestalt was incomplete, his needs were unmet, and his hunger for recognition became insatiable.

Antonio's shyness and shame stemmed from the fear of judgment and the exposure of weaknesses and inadequacies. Although he learned to better control these feelings, his apparent calm and serenity do not match his internal experiences, and sometimes this appearance is confused with a sense of superiority. In short, Antonio's shadows hide a world that is searching for him, a world that seeks to hide in order to acquire the right to exist and be part of it, as the feeling of not belonging is very present in this character.

The Social 1 uses their apparent superiority as a shield to cover their sense of inadequacy, but this strategy results in a feeling of distance from others. By adopting a stance of placing themselves above others, they implicitly distance themselves and fail to develop a sense of belonging. On the other hand, if they put their abilities to service others and manage to be admired, they feel recognized, gain value, and feel a greater right to belong.

Antonio reports that he feels anger when criticized or when his way of thinking and seeing things is not accepted, as he feels his own inadequacy is being exposed. Unable to conceive that others may have perspectives different from his, he reacts in defense of his positions. The underlying emotion, though dark, is actually the sadness resulting from feeling useless in the eyes of others. Coming into contact with the perception that others are worth more is what triggers the anger. The cognitive aspect associated with this feeling leads to a strange idea: "I will never be able to achieve full and satisfactory results; basically, I need to be perfect."

The Social 1 feels that a small mistake is enough to undo everything they have done flawlessly. Their tendency to focus on the error is a trap that leads them to constantly perfect themselves, without ever allowing themselves to find inner peace.

As for the shadow, there is a scene from the film Gran Torino (Clint Eastwood, 2008) that is very illustrative. The protagonist, Walt Kowalski, has a conversation with his priest, who urges him to rid himself of the guilt of committing crimes during the Korean War. This is what he was forced to do, says the priest. But what torments Walt, a Social 1, is the fact that he did what he was forced to do, not what he placed in his "pocket": the actions he considers his own. These are in the darkest part of the darkness.

It is common to hear expressions like: "It wasn’t me who did that," "I was alienated, out of myself" (alienated, I was another person, how could that be possible?). Yes, of course, it was I who did what now makes me so ashamed and regretful. I acted that way, said exactly those words, with that exact tone, with that exact way of looking. Just as what I did, the shadow is inhabited by what I didn’t do when I should have.

In my case, I see episodes where I can't keep my gaze fixed on something unfolding before me in a strange way; a customer who takes too long to take their purse out of the supermarket line, a driver whose clumsiness or indecision causes a traffic jam, a coworker

who is late, my daughter who lazily places the utensils in the drawer... I feel the agitation growing inside me and, often, if I say something or try to redirect the situation, even if I try to soften my tone of voice or choose polite words, I tend to express with my gaze, with the energy of my movements, an air of impatience or disapproval that arouses distrust and opposition in the other person. FERNANDO GÓMEZ

The most virulent expressions of the repressed contain a blind destructive intention, the rebellion of something internal precisely against everything that, despite efforts, went wrong or is about to go wrong. The intention to destroy everything would be the dark reverse of the frustrated intention to do everything perfectly; something like a tantrum with heavy weaponry.

In a less intense form, this destructiveness is expressed in gestures of disapproval or anger in moments or situations different from those that caused its origin, which are difficult for others to understand.

As we have explained, the most fundamental shadow in people who identify with the Social 1 is wrath, which they cannot express or show, as it would be destructive to their image as a virtuous person. Furthermore, they also cannot express their instinctive life. However, as some testimonies have already reported, this instinctiveness occasionally bursts out in acts that are not connected to emotion or intellectual elaboration.

Another aspect, already mentioned, is low self-esteem, associated with the devaluation suffered in childhood. The shame felt by many Social 1s is the demonstration of a feeling of social inferiority and is accompanied by an experience of not living up to self-imposed demands and the idealized Ego, understanding this as the internalization of a rigid and cruel Higher Self in primary childhood relationships. Low self-esteem and helplessness are monsters that the Social 1 tries to repress through their narcissism and tendency toward grandiosity.

The paradox of light and shadow is how they are mutually exclusive. The light cannot know that the shadow exists, and the wrathful self simply sees nothing. Realizing this involves growth, a capacity to see "from above," a perception that needs to be trained, as it doesn’t come as a default. For Jung, the process he called individuation consists precisely of the integration of the shadow in its entirety. This is difficult to achieve without the help of an external third eye, and even more so in a character like the Social 1, so trapped by their immaculate and flawless pose of supposed integrity.