The Persona and the Shadow: For Those Who Are Destructive To Themselves And Others

Swiss psychiatrist Carl Gustav Jung developed the concepts of "persona" and "shadow." The persona is the mask or social role that we adopt to be accepted in our environment, representing the image we want to project to the world. It includes aspects such as our profession, interests, hobbies, and relationships, and can be seen as a defense mechanism against the expectations and pressures of the social world.

The persona is also the face we show to others, often unconsciously. This can manifest itself in our work role, the way we present ourselves in our relationships, or how we return to our childhood roles with our parents, even as adults. This facet not only affects how we see ourselves, but also how we want to be seen and treated by others, often without being fully aware of it.

On the other hand, the shadow refers to the unconscious part of the psyche that houses all the aspects of ourselves that we have repressed or rejected. This includes negative traits, weaknesses, and impulses that we don't want to acknowledge or accept, but that are still part of our identity. It is not limited to just negative aspects but can also include positive qualities that we learn to distrust, not to pursue, or not to believe.

According to Carl Gustav Jung, we are often unaware of certain parts of our personality that we reject, which include behaviors, emotions, and thoughts that we consider dangerous and from which we distance ourselves psychologically. Even the traits that we perceive as negative are mainly so because we are afraid to recognize them in ourselves. This fear of recognition and lack of awareness of these rejected aspects is a central problem in our understanding and acceptance of ourselves.

In addition, our rejection of certain aspects that are ours can be so intense that we end up projecting them onto other people. This can be directed at specific individuals, such as someone we don't like or instinctively distrust without even knowing them, or it can extend to entire groups, such as Jews, blacks, conservatives, liberals, atheists, theists, women, men, the disabled, children, homosexuals, heterosexuals, among others, broadly categorized as "them" or "that class of people."

The shadow can manifest as feelings of fear, guilt, anger, or shame, but it can also take the form of negative stereotypes or prejudices, which we unconsciously adopt. Our mind often chooses to ignore what it doesn't like, pretending it doesn't exist. Examples of these dark aspects that we prefer not to face include aggressive impulses, taboo mental images, embarrassing experiences, immoral impulses, varied fears, irrational desires, and sexual desires that are considered unacceptable. All these elements, which we avoid and deny, make up the shadows of our psyche.

In Jungian psychology, the shadow and the persona are considered to be two sides of the same coin. While the persona represents the conscious self that we show to the world, the shadow is the unconscious self that we repress or reject. In this shadow lies a core of inner pain, surrounded by every thought or behavior that is part of it. Thus, our traumas, which include fears, humiliations, moments of rejection or abandonment, are buried under layers of reactionary behaviors.

Regarding the traits of Sexual 1, detailed and discussed in Chapter 4, some attributes stand out for their particularly destructive nature, both for oneself and for others:

• Criticality: authoritarian, in search of guilt, inquisitorial, prejudiced, vilifying. • Demanding: controlling, corrective, disciplinary, preacher, vindictive. • Dominance: aggressive, autocratic, condescending, dismissive, controlling. • Excessive control: unemotional, censorious, rigid, regulatory. • Self-criticism: self-contempt, frustration, defamation. • Discipline: corrective, self-demanding, masochistic, overly serious.

The shadow represents an entire universe within us that has yet to be explored. The unconscious mind, often plunged into darkness, harbors the blind spots of our personality. These blind spots become significant obstacles on the path to true self-knowledge, hindering our ability to fully understand ourselves.

Fortunately, it is possible to identify the symptoms of the shadow to determine its limits, allowing us to illuminate this uncharted territory with the light of our consciousness. There are several telltale signs that we are facing an encounter with our shadow, which help us recognize and address these hidden areas of our psyche:

• Irrational anger or explosive temper: One of the most common cases is when we get angry quickly. We may become sharply angry with others or even physically attack before we even have a chance to think rationally about the situation. Later, we may realize that our anger or actions were unwarranted, but we still can't get rid of the feeling of anger despite our reasoning. This attitude is destructive for the other, who does not feel that he is given space or the right to express himself, and who ends up feeling threatened. This behavior induces fear in others and often establishes a dominant/submissive relationship.

• Guilt: Guilt is a complex emotion, and the process of manifesting it is hampered by its prevalence in Western culture. We often feel guilty about things we shouldn't feel guilty about, while ignoring the guilt we should feel when we harm others. In any case, guilt is a clear indicator that something is going on beneath the surface. For this character, it is easy to project guilt onto the other, despising them and placing them in an experience of disability.

• Fear or anxiety: The shadow contains all of our survival instincts. When we feel threatened, the shadow is ready to come to our defense. So, when feelings of fear or anxiety arise, it's time to do a little introspection and become aware of how this extreme defense doesn't allow for a relationship where the other can express themselves freely, or even get angry. In addition, the lack of expression of one's weaknesses produces a cold relationship, where there is no room for mutual care.

• Impulsive behaviors: Acting or speaking on impulse means that our shadow has jumped and taken the wheel for a while. Impulsive behavior can disarm another, even annihilation.

• Unjustifiable hatred: It seems that there is always a person we can't stand at all. Everything about it drives us crazy, and we probably don't even know why. In fact, they have never done anything wrong to us, but there is something about them that bothers us. This is our shadow. What is destructive to others can be seen in a lack of empathy for others' emotions and a general lack of respect.

• Avoidance: This is perhaps the trickiest area, because we can be very good at avoiding people and things that make us uncomfortable, without even realizing it. Changing the subject, changing the channel, avoiding eye contact, or going another way becomes second nature to avoid facing something we don't want. Whether we avoid music or places because of the memories they hold or avoid people or conversation topics because they challenge us, the confrontation with the shadow is inevitable. It is not easy to be aware that this attitude hides an attachment to the

maintenance of power, not giving the other the opportunity to confront or question.

• Obsessive behavior: Are you one of those people who needs things done a certain way? Or are you obsessed with the way others pronounce certain words? Are you a "backseat driver"? All of these impulses are reduced to an obsessive need, which is the need to control, one of the main areas of the shadow. Control conveys the message that "you are worthless" and leaves the other in a state of helplessness.

• Self-destructive behavior: While self-destructive behavior may be evident when it comes to substance abuse, risk-taking, or seemingly boisterous behavior, this dark impulse also has its more subtle side. Negative self-talk, self-sabotage, and defensiveness that kills relationships and prevents true intimacy are also self-destructive behaviors. This self-destructive way also does not take into account the presence of the other or the relationship we are in, as it is so intense that the other can feel totally useless.

• Strong adverse reactions to criticism: No one likes to be criticized. It's perfectly natural to get angry when you receive criticism. However, if we find ourselves reacting strongly to criticism, i.e., becoming fiercely defensive, freaking out or yelling, deflecting the conversation, or reversing criticism in a counterattack, our shadow has probably been set in motion.

The human shadow is an extensive and complex phenomenon that manifests itself in countless ways. Despite its vast nature, there are some common symptoms that arise when we are faced with an encounter with our shadow. One of them is judgment toward others, especially when it arises impulsively. E1 has a natural tendency to judge those around us by instinct, which often reflects an uncontrollable drive to "improve the world." It is evident the attitude of contempt and superiority that, again, can destroy the other, who feels that his emotions or thoughts have no value.

• Messiah Complex: Some believe they are so enlightened that they believe they can't make mistakes. Everything they do is interpreted as an effort to save others, to help them see the light, so to speak. These are examples of spiritual deviance, another manifestation of the shadow self.

In this context, the repression of desires and the angry expression of rebellion become mechanisms to avoid the recognition of certain emotions. Everything that is repressed finds its way to the shadows, from where the Sexual 1 neurotically demands that others reach perfection, always following its rules and a pre-established code of norms.

“Previously, my mindset was focused on perfection, always giving my best and demanding the same from others. If things didn't go as she expected, she was quick to criticize or lose her temper. He firmly believed that we could solve the injustices of the world with a collective effort. Faced with situations of obvious injustice, my response was an instant aggressiveness, facing them without hesitation. He had the fantasy that he had the power to make the world a better place.” — Isabel Herrera

"Navigating the world of interpersonal relationships has always been a challenge for me, especially in intimate and couple relationships. This difficulty extends to all forms of interaction and connection with others.

This internal struggle arises from a neurotic need to avoid feeling and avoid pain. As a result, my knee-jerk reaction has been to end relationships rather than risk showing emotions like hurt, anger, or the admission that I really needed and valued these people. Showing these feelings made me feel vulnerable.

Also, when it came to interacting, I turned my personal needs into demands for others. Phrases like "things should be like this" or "you should do it like this" were common in my mouth. Instead of openly expressing that something was a personal need or desire, I turned it into a kind of moral rule or duty.

"So I found it easier to leave, often without warning, than to stay and face difficult conversations that required exposing my vulnerability, needs, or feelings. Faced with the possibility of having to express my need, my pain, intimacy, love, or say "I love you and I need you", I opted for distancing, for cooling the relationship, running away from the situation." — Silvia Berdullas

Claudio Naranjo says, quoting Karen Horney:

"When we talk about perfectionist people, we often think simply of those who maintain meticulous order, are overly punctual and punctual, need to find the right word, or wear the right tie or hat. But these are only superficial aspects of their need to achieve the highest degree of excellence. What really matters is not these insignificant details, but the impeccable excellence of every contact in life, since all that can be achieved is behavioral perfection, another device is needed. It's about equalizing standards and realities in your mind: knowing moral values and being a good person. The self-deception which this entails is even more hidden to him, for, in reference to others, he may insist that they actually live up to his standards of perfection and despise them for not doing so. In this way, he

externalizes his own sentence." — Karen Horney