Childhood

The progressive construction of personal identity involves self-recognition, as someone not confused with others, while also developing a sense of belonging distinct from fusion, in which there is no distinction between self and others. This journey begins at birth, understood as the separation from the fusion with the mother and the constitution of individuality. For psychological development, this mutual separation between mother and child continues in successive evolutionary stages, the first, the neonatal stages, being particularly delicate and crucial for the construction of identity.

Through numerous biographical accounts, it seems that those who develop a personality corresponding to E2 character had difficulty emancipating from the mother, which prevented them from developing both the capacity for belonging and their own identity. Therefore, they tend to continuously re-actualize, in their relationships, the magic of an impossible fusion, a kind of narcissistic fascination in which they do not perceive the other as a separate person but as a reflection of themselves. This is particularly noticeable in the Sexual subtype, with its eager search for the ideal partner.

In many stories of people with the Sexual 2 character, this fusion bond with the mother developed within the context of a competitive or conflicting relationship between the parents. As a result, the child had to face the dilemma of taking sides with one parent or the other, with the consequent fear of losing one of them.

For women, the consequence has been losing the paradisiacal connection with the mother, to the point of entering into competition with her. For men, the most severe consequence is staying in an allegedly idyllic relationship with the mother, making it impossible to relate to the father. Often, this conflict has taken on the form of an inappropriate seduction by one of the parents, increasing the child's illusion of being able to occupy the partner's place— a place full of pride and, at the same time, repressed sadness from the loss of the care and protection they should have received as a child.

This style of relationship, where one must earn their place by competing with someone with whom there is an emotional bond, is repeated by the Sexual 2 both in their romantic relationships and friendships.

Returning to the emancipation from the mother, what the Sexual 2 hides is a deep anxiety about separation, as described in the following autobiographical account:

"What has caused me the most suffering in life has been the fear, almost always unconscious, of feeling abandoned. The fear of being nothing, of existing only in the preferences of another, especially my partner. The original wound came from an excessive attachment to the maternal-sexual space, to the point where I could not endure separations, the horror of feeling empty, the paralyzing nothingness. The pride of being the favorite, the only one in her eyes, came later. Before, there was the pure and simple need to exist being loved."

— Anonymous

In their early childhood, the child who would develop this personality was asked to "grow up" too soon, to the point of considering it humiliating and devaluing to show themselves as the child they were. Indeed, it is common for the first years of life to be disrupted by adult concerns, long before the child's needs for protection and care are met. This occurs when there is a family need for the child to take care of younger siblings, or when one of the parents seems weaker and more dependent, or even due to the excessive demand from a seducing parent to behave like an adult.

This personality type had to swallow their own childhood needs, as well as envy and jealousy (towards siblings or one of the parents), which were considered expressions of little personal worth. They then appeared generous and understanding, but at the same time, allowed various attacks on the bond to emerge through early bursts of proud superiority.

They found themselves in the position of having to pretend to be more mature than they really were in order to gain value in the eyes of the emotionally significant people in their childhood. At the same time, they needed to develop acting skills in a powerful effort of hyperadaptation that sharpened their ability to sense the emotions and needs of others, in order to gain admiration and recognition.

Thus, they discovered early on that, to gain attention, ambivalent malice and flattery work. Not fully understanding whether they would be liked more by saying yes or no, they maintained a confused indulgent attitude that could serve both purposes, smiling kindly. Childhood assertiveness was therefore modified by the early and continuous effort to appear up to par, to be pleasant, and amiable.

But this "as if" behavior implies an intuition of their own deceitful ways, with the inevitable consequence of guilt and inauthenticity, as heavy to bear as the great need for external recognition.

The Trigger of a Further and More Intense Fiction

It is then that these unbearable feelings turn into a vicious cycle of continuous regeneration.

Very early on, the child who develops E2 personality felt inadequate due to their smallness, and suppressed the assertion of their childhood needs. They may have felt confused and abandoned, and not only did they feel intense shame and humiliation for being small and not up to the task, but they also reacted by turning need into virtue, identifying with their parents' demands, accepting the "as if" they were older, rejecting their need for attachment. They had to do this at the cost of their sensitivity, learning to imprison their anguishing feelings of abandonment with the overcompensation of proud superiority.

Thus, the pride of admirable performance in the eyes of the parents submerged, but did not erase, a self-perception of smallness and inadequacy, which, in contrast, is more on the surface for E4.

We read this fragment from an autobiography:

"It is evident that I have a great dependency. It is a source of great suffering for me and for those with whom I maintain emotional relationships. But the strange thing is that, in most situations, I have not been conscious of it. Moreover, it transforms into a 'I can manage on my own,' the biggest self-deception of my life. Maintaining this inflated ego is barbaric; vulnerability is always beneath the appearance of self-sufficiency, and the fear of being abandoned turns into abandoning others."

— Anonymous

Other Childhood Experiences

However, not all people with the Sexual 2 personality have experienced a lack of love in childhood. Some, on the contrary, have felt a fullness of love around them, growing with the idea that in order to maintain such levels of approval, they had to stay very active.

As seen in the following testimony:

"I was born with the gift of love, as my parents loved each other at the moment of my conception. I received a lot of love in my childhood and was open to receiving it, like the unconditional love of my Aunt A. and the strength and aggression of my Grandma S. Later, I couldn't believe that without doing anything I could keep this gift; I understood that I had to do many things to earn it. I became proud so I wouldn't lose love."

"Life, with its blows, has gradually stripped me of that sense of superiority. Falling was important, and falls have always had to do with experiences of abandonment."

— Consuelo Trujillo