Emotionality and Fantasy

Being a precocious adult provided the future Sexual 2 with privileges that, at the time, they clung to, considering them an expression of secret superiority, confirmed by the degree of freedom granted to them. Fantasies of secret nobility are not rare in E2s, combined with a sense of a prophetic mission: The Sexual subtype will be a prophet of love. Like the Social subtype, this involves changes in public spheres, or like the Self-Preservation subtype, it involves the satisfaction of the eternal child. Therefore, E2 lives in a world full of exultant fantasies, compensating for their deep internal lack.

When faced with the difficulty of being present in the moment, in the body, in the pain, in the exhaustion, or in the frustration, fantasies arise. With this parallel creation, they dilute a form of anxiety.

"My need to develop imaginative states began when I had polio. I was in front of two doctors who alternately submerged me in two bathtubs, one with cold water and one with very hot water, in the hope that my body would react, since I was no longer able to do anything. At that moment, my desire was to leave my body; I began imagining myself calling my mother to come and take me away because, being paralyzed, I felt like I was dying. Then, she would take me into her arms."

— Pablo Caño

It is in these compulsive fantasies that the Sexual 2 constructs their persona, which they then embody in daily life with multiple nuances, manipulating themselves and others in their thirst for recognition and superiority, hiding their needs for love, and thus the impossibility of expressing them authentically.

The Compulsion to Fantasize

"Father used to call me 'stupid with your head in the clouds.' He was right, as I lived in two secret refuges: reading any novel that fell into my hands and daydreaming. While fulfilling my duties as the oldest daughter in an increasingly automatic manner, I lived in a parallel and secret world, the only place I could feel like someone, filled with grandiose fantasies, some hostile and contradictory, but compensating for my sense of worthlessness. From not being my parents’ daughter but a foundling of noble origins to being a valuable and powerful girl who would save her family. I reacted to the experiences of childhood

impotence with fantasies of omnipotence based on two crucial themes: the triumph of courage and truth."

"In my mind, there was also, mixed with frustration and rage, a constant concern for my mother. She, always pregnant, worked tirelessly for the family, and I constantly watched the floors, afraid she might stumble. Later, this transformed into fantasies of saving her (I, the secret mosquito of mom) from imagined dangers and my father's jealous outbursts."

— Alba Chartroux

Childhood fantasies of heroism are frequent in the Sexual 2, as this autobiographical excerpt confirms:

"I have many childhood writings, on various topics, about knights rescuing princesses from terrible dragons, where I was usually the protagonist. Later, my relationships with women had to do with these fantasies."

— Luis Hernández

Or this from a Sexual 2 woman:

"Writing the story of my life, my protagonist was a queen, with her scepter, and it was titled Between Smiles and Rages (living both with equal intensity). Neurotically, I believe I have this trait, but I 'camouflage' it: Not always can you be a queen; one must be prudent and not generate unnecessary suspicions."

"I also see myself as a fairy (with a magic wand that leaves a halo of light, leaving splendor, glitter, and joy behind). Or a goddess. Or a superhero... Always someone with superior powers, capable of managing great amounts of energy, which I use to save, protect, and free the other from their emotional difficulties, or more pragmatically."

— Sonia Gomá

Idealization of Love

This enigma of the Sexual 2 stems from a deeply ingrained need to receive the love they never fully got. This lack is projected onto the idealized self-image of someone capable of giving that love. The process of compensating for this deep-seated longing becomes evident in the way they fabricate a new, more rebellious self-image, influenced by fantasies of love, which offer a sense of restoration through sexual power.

"As a young woman, I embraced the ideals of free love, coinciding perfectly with the new model of womanhood I built in my imagination, with which I later, in an auto-manipulative way, identified. Now that I felt I didn’t belong to anyone, I could be for all those who liked me. I liked provoking men, both sexually and intellectually; I liked theorizing and embodying the intoxicated dragging of a love without exclusive bonds. My favorite thinker was Georges Bataille, the theorist of Eros and excess. I saw myself as a sex priestess, an orgiastic-hallucinogenic woman capable of lighting up and empowering the fascinating and wild erotic fantasies of men."

"This is how I created my new rebellious image, chaotically mixed with a sense of repairing through the pleasure I offered. Parallel to my relationship with my partner, I openly started affairs, which I quickly let go of. It wasn’t that I left dead bodies behind; rather, I never went beyond reckless pleasures."

"In a completely different register from the child who fantasized about protecting her mother from her father, I still pretended to tame men-ogres. According to the image of masculinity rooted in me, I would purify their darkest and most animal instincts, giving them subtly castrating Eros, mixed with the maternal language of embracing. Men were taken by the neck; that’s how I learned."

"I created a hybrid that made men almost childlike, as irresponsible as I was, but who admired my sexual and intellectual freedom. In my mind, fantasies proliferated of being the sacred cosmic lover, in whose love there was room for everyone, like in a wild party, giving joy and redemption through sex. Without realizing that it was an attempt to repair my original wound (the deep need for my mother's loving body) through the twilight enchantment of intertwined bodies."

"Sometimes, the fantasy transformed, and I saw myself as an object annihilated by male desires and power. But in that chaos, I continued to nourish the aspiration to an idealized love relationship with an equally ideal man. It was the façade of an even more devastating fantasy: to consider myself an ideal woman, hypothetically capable of accepting everything from the other and satisfying their desires, and at the same time autonomous, free, optimistic, and pleasant."

"All these omnipotent and magnificent fantasies coexisted with an exhausting underlying feeling of being inadequate and inauthentic, unworthy and fragmented. I realized, after years, how close I was to falling into a deep depression. To avoid it, I inflated myself, establishing relationships based on a mix of exchanged pleasure, elicited admiration, and provided care, distorting my true needs."

— Alba Chartroux

These kaleidoscopic erotic-affective relationships coexist with the idealization of a unique and absolute love relationship, like the one between a baby and its mother. The Sexual 2 is capable of putting everything else aside in their life to pursue this dream.

It is not difficult for them to have a partner for a long time while simultaneously living many collateral and volatile erotic-affective relationships. Their self-indulgence makes it possible. However, the partner may eventually leave them. At that point, the anxiety and despair become unbearable, and in a desperate attempt to access a primary force similar to instinctive aggression, they rise above the pain, ready for new and exciting adventures.