Interpersonal Strategy and Associated Irrational Ideas

Here, we describe how the fixation of false abundance, typical of the Type E2 personality, manifests in the Self-Preservation 2 subtype.

Self-Preservation 2s have developed an inflated sense of self and the belief that it is a priority to satisfy their own needs, which they often confuse with desires. Unless they are the main protagonists, they do not feel seen or valued and, as a result, live with significant emotional variability, oscillating between sadness and euphoria. The neurotic need to maintain a privileged position is tied to an image of themselves as someone who deserves to be at the center of attention simply because they exist.

As we have seen, in their family environment, they constructed an identity by adapting and responding to contradictory messages and commands. On one hand, they are told: “You are a special child, you must be the joy of this house, and this gives you a place of privilege.” But at the same time, their value is only recognized if they stay in that childlike, dependent role, frustrating any attempt at autonomous personal achievement outside of what the parents have envisioned for them. The mandate to be the eternal child involves the denial of any initiative that might lead them to become an adult. So, on one hand, they feel irreplaceable, while on the other hand, they live in constant humiliation, as they are not recognized for the right or value of making their own choices and living their own life. This can lead them to believe deep down that they cannot manage alone, that if they separate from others, they will starve or die from illness, that they do not have the tools to sustain themselves. These beliefs support the hidden feeling of deficiency.

False Abundance and Self-Image

The Self-Preservation 2 denies frustration, lack of care, and fear of independence by constructing a grandiose self-image based on feeling privileged by a special relationship with their father or mother. This "special" relationship does not necessarily have to be characterized by pampering, seduction, or overprotection; it can also be a conflict-ridden relationship; the important thing is being the center of attention.

The grandiose image of the Self-Preservation 2 does not rest so much on the belief that they are worth more than others, but rather on being someone who deserves protection, help, and a unique form of attention. The passion for privilege and false abundance feed into each other.

All “negative” experiences related to satisfying their deep and authentic needs or realizing their independence are interpreted as insignificant, not worth pursuing, or immediately compensated with fantasized ideas that they are fine as they are or that they will fulfill their goals in the future, though without concrete action plans.

It is important to reconsider the confusion between desire and need: The Self-Preservation 2 child has achieved the satisfaction of their desires but receives no attention for their genuine needs or care related to their personal growth. Because of this, they might easily adopt a whimsical claim from their interpretation of loving care, rather than asking for help that could guide their growth and self-realization, which would require recognizing their limitations.

The Mask of Generosity and Empathy

False abundance also manifests in the mask of being generous, empathetic, and sensitive to the needs of others. However, in this subtype, it mainly takes the form of not needing anything more because life is already functioning well for them, and they can, with confidence, get what they need with their ability to seduce or the childlike charm of their presence. Grandiosity manifests as an idealized self-image that does not need to be famous or superior to others; they simply need to maintain the unique place of being loved, protected, indispensable—a place of privilege in the hearts of others that guarantees their own existence.

Intense and unstable emotions serve as a defense against the profound emptiness of not realizing themselves, of not growing. These emotions manifest in moments of euphoria from getting their way or deep sadness from feeling that they are not free.

The Self-Preservation 2 pours all their energy into pursuing their desires, generated by their fantasies, until they get lost like a drifting ship. They are poorly rooted, with a tendency to move from one place to another and difficulty in grounding themselves and taking charge of their life.

The distorted cognitive core, as explained by Claudio Naranjo, leads to numerous beliefs about life and themselves that form a coherent program. In the model of Enneagram psychology, these are called "crazy ideas." These are “crazy” in the sense that these interpretations of life experiences are partial and subjective, but for the person, they become an absolute reality. They lose awareness that it is just a mental construction that supports their character defense. They believe it to be reality and assume that everyone shares these beliefs. "Crazy" in that they are not connected with the actual reality of the context in which they live.

Interpersonal Strategies and the Fear of Abandonment

Interpersonal strategies, while determined by early life experiences, mainly with parents, become ingrained as a way to relate to everyone. In the Self-Preservation 2, abandonment and the associated feeling of loneliness are some of the most avoided experiences, as they have been intensely imprinted on their bodily-emotional memory. This becomes the driving force behind many of their interpersonal strategies, which are sustained by catastrophic fantasies regarding abandonment.

Here is a testimony:

After several regressive experiences in different work settings, the experience of birth was one of strong abandonment and loneliness. It was the feeling of being alone, of not feeling the presence of the other with me at a moment of great vulnerability. In these experiences, I connected with the coldness of my body and its rigidity in response to the sensation of fear and abandonment.

This experience sparked a "survivor" attitude in me and sustains the crazy idea that “I can support myself and survive without needing anyone,” which has marked my life. There is an excessive and "suspicious" autonomy, very early on; an apparent security and effectiveness in moving through the world, which could be confused with that of an E2 or a Social 2. — Veronica Antón

The Fear of Repetition and the Struggle for Independence

The strong fear of repeating that abandonment and loneliness leads this character to overvalue their freedom and independence, which translates into difficulty in building a relationship unless the partner is willing to satisfy their every whim. Extreme sensitivity to the slightest frustration of their will leads to an attitude that can be called "whimsical." The crazy ideas behind this are: “If you don’t satisfy my desires, you don’t love me,”“If you set boundaries with me, you don’t love me,” and “If you don’t guess what I want, it means I’m not interesting to you.”

Thus, the Self-Preservation 2 alternates between not listening to their vital needs and moments when they cannot tolerate frustration. It is important to understand this polarity to avoid confusing them with a "spoiled child" who is constantly seeking to satisfy their desires.

Here it is also important to differentiate between desires (or will) and needs. This subtype is very in touch with their will (what they want) but has difficulty perceiving their needs, from the most profound to the most vital and essential for Self-Preservation 2 (food, water, rest). Because of this, it is very difficult for them to be clear in their relationships.

Defending Desire Over Need

This drive to defend the satisfaction of their desire arises as a neurotic compensation for the frustration of not being able to satisfy their need (due to a lack of contact with it). In reality, the perception of the need is a blind spot for every E2, and perhaps what distinguishes the Self-Preservation subtype is this neurotic compensation, which seeks to prevent the frustration of their will at any cost.

When asked, “Why do you want that?”, their answer might be: “Why not?”, supported by these crazy ideas: “I deserve everything,”“I can do anything,”“If I don’t get what I want, I’m worthless,” and “I have the right to what I want.”

The fantasy of the Self-Preservation 2 could be: “I am not subject to anything or anyone,” while in reality, they alternate this pseudo-independence with great emotional dependence in the most intimate relationships, especially with a partner. The desire for independence may be very strong from childhood, translating into the fantasy of being totally autonomous and living alone. In this fantasy of freedom and experiencing life outside the family’s gaze, behind the parents' back, they may put themselves at risk during adolescence.

Some Testimonies:

From a young age, I wanted to be independent from my family. At nine years old, I imagined living alone, having my own place, and soon starting to work. Daring behaviors put me at risk: driving before I was thirteen, skipping school during high school, having a boyfriend at eleven. I felt capable of expressing whatever I wanted.

At eighteen, I saved up to buy my first car; I needed something of my own! I wanted to move around without depending on my parents or public transport. By twenty-one, I had saved enough money to do it. However, I did it with the income that allowed me to have an apartment in a nice area. Before that, I didn’t feel secure leaving home. Since then, I’ve been living on my own, paying for everything myself. There were times I struggled to manage finances and be fully self-sufficient; I always had someone to "back me up," like my boss, and later, my partner. Even if I didn’t directly ask for money, knowing I had access to their finances comforted me. It took many years to realize that I spent on clothes, food, outings, and things that gave me pleasure but never on anything that provided security, like health insurance or savings for an emergency. I lived day by day, thinking that I would always have money, as if the future

didn’t exist. — Cati Preciado

Adolescence and the Development of Omnipotence:

It’s during adolescence, the time of omnipotence, when, leaving the family environment, I approached the world impulsively. It became clearer how difficult it was to see boundaries and the unconsciousness regarding danger. The impulse to seduce emerged with certain nuances that made it peculiar.

Women often have romantic relationships with people much older than them, driven by the desire to seduce men or women who hold positions of knowledge or power. Seduction can reaffirm omnipotence, for example, in seeking to break a social norm: seducing a priest, a professor, a therapist, or a married man. In some cases, very early sexual development occurs, along with a need to be surrounded by older individuals.

These “crazy ideas” emerge: “If I seduce you, I will have a place of privilege and you will protect me,”“If I seduce a powerful person, I will have power,”“If I attract you, I have power.”

Manipulation as a Key Strategy:

Manipulating the environment is central to how I relate to others, and it manifests in different ways, depending on the life stage. As a "good child," I adapted to expectations, maybe with good results at school—perceptive, observant, soft, and sweet. Later, with the awakening to relationships with men and the world, I maintained this image of "innocence" or "girlhood," but lived a double life, where the other side was transgression, taking risks, but without it being visible.

This manipulation through hiding information, lying, and not showing myself as I truly am, while developing a great capacity for seduction, reinforced this crazy idea of autonomy, coupled with omnipotence: “I can do and achieve anything I want,”“I don’t depend on anyone,” and “I have no limits.”

I put this into play during my adolescence and youth in the realm of romantic conquest. At different stages of life, it shifted to other areas. As an adult, my experience is that I can do anything I want; I put in a lot of energy to make this happen, even at the cost of not acknowledging my needs, my limits, or the over-effort I put in, with a very high cost.

In my life, I’ve faced "difficult" situations, like emigrating to a country where I had no close connections, leaving a good job; carving out a professional place in a new environment; or separating from my partner and, despite being alone and without family, deciding to stay in that country. The "survivor" generates the internal resources to overcome almost any situation she faces. — Veronica Antón

Struggles with Group Relationships and Competition:

In different aspects of life, the common denominator is the difficulty of seeing the other person, of taking them into account. My impulse, my desire, takes precedence over dialogue and joint construction. This leads to difficulties working in teams or adapting to rules imposed by institutional functioning. The Self-Preservation 2 feels like they can be the "exception" to the rule, thinking it’s not transgressing, and from this, they impose their will, often without realizing it.

They are in intense competition without being conscious of it, justifying it with "crazy ideas" like: “Me first, because I am special,”“I have the right to do whatever I want because I am special.” We can see the origin of this difficulty with group relationships in the triangle with the parents or siblings: the mother or father has seduced them against the other, creating an unsustainable alliance for a child but one that secures the privileged place in the dual relationship. As an adult, they still feel threatened by the triadic relationship because the other person can always take their place. While competing, they live with the fear of being excluded, whether by one or the other, which prevents them from ever feeling confident in love.

Struggles with Self-Limitation and Responsibility:

They don't see their own limits or needs, making excessive efforts based on a great demand (many people of this subtype have studied multiple careers or had many jobs). However, there’s a polarity: this is alternated with moments when they only assert their will and desire—this "whimsical" attitude.

However, all the resources they’ve developed do not lead to adult autonomy or the assumption of their life with its limits. The demands and whims that sustain the ideal of the self, narcissism, do not allow the skills acquired to become a foundation for mature fulfillment.

When the Self-Preservation 2 is their own boss, working independently on their own, they struggle with discipline, meeting their goals, and valuing what they earn through their efforts. They may lose the sense of limits easily: working without hours until they neglect themselves, or not making enough effort and falling into justifications to explain their mediocrity. They may be so focused on immediate benefits that they lack the follow-through on their projects. It’s as if they don’t see the future, struggling to build something they can rely on in life, to foresee, to see themselves as someone who has a foundation.

The Illusion of Independence and Emotional Dependency:

It’s as if they live in the present moment, which can be confused with spontaneity, when in fact, it’s a difficulty in connecting with their needs. They might say: “I thought I could handle everything.” They get into debt, run short on money. There is an absence of superego or, rather, they have a superego ally that prevents them from setting limits to achieve a project.

Another polarity: On one hand, there is a false "independence" from the outside world, but on the other, in the most intimate relationships, especially with a partner, there arises a deep dependency, an insatiable need for affection, emotional expression, physical contact, and emotional fusion.

There’s a sense of needing the other unconditionally, with no room for discrepancy, confrontation, limits, or frustration, which confronts this person with the primary wound of abandonment from childhood: “If I am alone, I will die.”

In the framework of an emotional relationship, they may experience limits or frustration as a threat to the bond, reigniting the wound and primal abandonment. Since they struggle to tolerate frustration, they will employ all forms of seduction and manipulation to make the other person do what they want and have their desires fulfilled. The crazy idea behind this is: “I will not survive the pain of frustration.” It’s as if a part of them sees themselves as the abandoned, helpless child they once were, experiencing extreme fragility that is very misaligned with their current reality.

Testimony:

In the relationship, it feels as though I don’t want to make a wrong move, and at the same time, I’m always manipulating. I did this for the first ten years of my marriage, omitting information, and perhaps projecting my fears: I was the one fantasizing about leaving the

relationship. I thought: “Who has me here?”“What need do I have for this? It’s better to be alone.”

But I never left, even though I wanted to separate because of differences and arguments. My partner always complained that I didn’t take them into account, that I acted as if only I existed. — Cati Preciado

In my pseudo-independence, I’m terrified of ending up alone or running out of resources to survive. This fear of having no one can completely invade the life of a Self-Preservation 2, who, without realizing it, fills their life with tasks, people to care for, and things to do, even if they’re not interested. They appear as someone who adapts to everything, goes along with everything, but sooner or later, their need to isolate will emerge, as they get tired of being involved in the lives of others rather than their own.

This way of filling up with people and being with others is part of their difficulty in knowing what truly nourishes them (not what entertains them; in that, they are experts). They struggle to know what helps them grow, develop, and mature. Entertainment helps them escape, avoid confronting what they truly want in life. Excessive activity that "fills" their life only increases this unconsciousness and their own deception.

The Lie as a Defense Mechanism:

The lie also appears as a way of avoiding frustration in relationships, minimizing and accommodating reality, trying to soften things and create an environment that seems less hostile. However, this resource turns against them because when the conflict surfaces, shame and guilt are intensified, preventing them from confronting reality, which would allow them to take responsibility and mature in their relationships.

Omissions are part of that lie, especially if they involve defects that the other might see or could see in the Self-Preservation 2. It’s another way of avoiding living with frustration. Anything they consider unpleasant about themselves feels terrifying to show. Any aspect they identify as a defect is magnified: “No one would love me if they knew...”

Manipulating situations by omitting information becomes a way of avoiding the risk of rejection, possible abandonment, or loss of privilege. They don’t assume the commitment and responsibility to show themselves to the other person in order to grow together in a more authentic relationship. “If you know my defects, you’ll reject me,” and “Better to disappear than show my reality.” These crazy ideas help us see the closeness between the Self-Preservation 2 and the E4, with which it is often confused because of the greater

connection of this E2 subtype to the emotionality linked to deficiency, like shame, shyness, and the impulse to hide when they feel their false image of abundance might collapse.

Part of the work with these crazy ideas is recognizing them, daring to identify them, and understanding their cognitive, emotional, and relational mechanisms. It’s also important to see their power to keep the Self-Preservation 2 enslaved to them, focusing on survival rather than truly living.

Interpersonal strategies are a residue left from that hunger for affection, contact, and protection. As a child, they were useful, helping the person to obtain what every human being needs and desires: the love of parents and primary caregivers. Now obsolete, the adult Self-Preservation 2 continues to cling to them, believing they will keep them afloat and guarantee their existence.

Here is one last testimony:

A key unlocked access to the understanding of many mechanisms in my personality during an SAT 3 session, while undergoing regression therapy (rebirthing). I experienced my first emotional memory immediately after birth as a deep sadness and denial. Not due to the specific conditions of the birth itself, but because of the contrast caused by the sudden shift from comfort to the painful experience that is life. I lived the birth as an injustice that victimized me. I reacted with revolt and frustration, believing I could take revenge on my bad luck or the person responsible for that injustice, whoever they were.

I was unable to resist the fact that I had been born, to be alive, and subject to pain and frustration. Then came the strategy of appearing sweet and helpless so my parents could protect me. A deal was also made with God and the "mechanics of life": “Okay, I’ll be a good child, obedient and adequate. In return, I expect the satisfaction of my needs.” Since life insists on not fulfilling its part in the deal, the old wound is triggered, and the unbearable feeling of revolt and frustration arises, which expresses itself most visibly in tantrums and childlike rage. — Fernando Remos