Passion In The Sphere Of Instinct: How Pride Works In The Self-Preservation Subtype

The passion of pride seems obvious when one conceives a person who feels endowed with personal resources, who does not need others and is there to offer all they have. But in the sphere of the Self-Preservation 2 subtype, these traits even appear to be the opposite of what is known as pride and arrogance.

Dr. Claudio Naranjo has repeatedly mentioned that in the three subtypes of each character, there is one that seems contrary, a "countertype" where behaviors, feelings, beliefs, and attitudes appear as the antithesis of the passion of that Enneatype. However, at the core, we find the essential aspect of the character: the passion of feeling full and superior, not showing or expressing lack.

The Self-Preservation 2 feels that simply existing is enough to deserve affection; that they do not have to do anything to receive care and love. Underlying this is the belief that they cannot be alone, that they need another in which to project their pride and value.

Pride in the Self-Preservation 2 is not always obvious to others. It may even be confused with other Enneatypes that seem more "needy" or more diligent. Depending on their age, family style, and culture, they will develop relational strategies to maintain their privileges. And to avoid defining themselves and showing their individuality to the world, they will adopt a low-risk position.

They are people who gain prominence among their loved ones from an early age, making emotional bonds and becoming indispensable by offering joy, affection, and vitality. In this way, they do not have to take responsibility for themselves. They ensure a permanent dependence on others, which guarantees their basic survival needs.

Silencing their own needs and expecting to be "guessed and intuited" becomes a demand that will never be fully satisfied. This position, however, brings "compensatory privileges" that cover the lack of contact with their needs: masking their deficiencies and avoiding taking responsibility for their life.

The Self-Preservation 2 seems to be satisfying all their pleasures, always figuring out ways to ensure they lack nothing: someone to provide for them, someone to care for them, someone to defend them, someone to answer for them, someone to solve their big and small problems. However, when you dig deeper, you discover a life very poor in identity and ability to decide on their own, which reflects a conscious or unconscious fear of living without resources.

Their strategies to relate, generally unconscious, only serve the current "master," who can be their father, mother, partner, friends, or children. All serve the passion of the Self-Preservation 2, which is to preserve themselves, not be alone, and never again suffer the childhood wound of feeling loneliness, rejection, and lack of love, even if they aren't consciously aware of this fear.

At first glance, the lack of autonomy and the dependency of someone who seems to lack nothing may not be obvious. They receive abundant affection from those around them with just a glance. However, beneath what is shown, there is a network of acts aimed at exerting a strong control over who is providing affection to ensure they never lack care or attention. Behind a façade of opulence, the unconscious struggle is to remain indispensable, because who wouldn’t attend to someone so tender who offers unconditional love and care?

Their pride is knowing how to protect their little domain of power, affection, and intimacy, and knowing how to avoid conflicts and rejection.

Testimony:

A woman recalls the initial confusion when recognizing her personality:

"I started in the Proto, placing myself as a E2, then changed at my therapist's suggestion. But I didn’t identify with their power and manipulation. I found them arrogant and boastful, qualities that never stood out in my character, which was quite repressive. I was soft, I didn’t identify with the arrogant pride in me. I looked around and moved to the Es, with a gentler and calmer character. When they offered me a pen and paper to write down the outstanding traits of that character, I felt lost, but it was better to be calm than to be disturbed by those harsh and shining proud traits. It’s easier for me to be in comfort and in a good place. I find it hard to open my eyes when it comes to looking inward. I have to force myself, and even then, it doesn’t last long; the force of habit pushes me to stay on the surface, moving and entertained." — Anabel de Pablo

Surface-Level Living and Comfort-Seeking

The testimony ends by expressing a tendency to "live on the surface, moving and entertained." The Self-Preservation 2 favors pleasure, avoiding discomfort. The difficulties of life make them irritable, and this is where pride becomes more evident. It’s like the child who screams when they don’t receive the mother’s attention, as if expressing: “Who dares to ignore me, who is so indispensable?”

There’s a constant effort to maintain comfort and security. They reject limits, rules, and obligations. Not openly and not always; they may pretend to be obedient or agree, as long as there’s a reward—the privilege of achieving what they have set their sights on. (Still, they’ll always struggle to keep promises.) This is illustrated in the following anecdote:

“At nine years old, I began to have serious relationship problems at school, and it was hard to get up in the mornings. When I woke up, I was already longing for night to come so I could return to bed, to my nest. Going to school meant facing reality. The group had rules; some followed them strictly, and others rejected them by default. There was a leader, and a bunch of girls followed her without questioning anything. I was against the leader but had neither the army nor the courage to confront her openly. I could convince other girls, but not the whole group; I was confused about my position in it: sometimes I would get close to some and then pull away, and get close to others who were very different. I would often crawl under the bed and cover myself with the blankets, like a snail in its shell. It felt safe there; no one could hurt me, no one could see me. This pleasure lasted only seconds; I needed air and had to come out to breathe. Then I felt frustration—it was like my desire could never be satisfied.” — Ana Escoda

Growth and Fear of Rejection

This lack of commitment and responsibility are symptoms of difficulty accepting life as it is. It reflects the fear of conflict recurrent in someone who hasn't been able to acknowledge their limitations and capabilities. Self-Preservation appears, as in this testimony, by “staying in the nest.” Like a chick that doesn't want to risk starting to fly and chirps to the mother to continue feeding and warming it. Of course, in the world of birds, a chick that doesn't learn to fend for itself ends up dying because it strays from the natural cycle of life.

Self-Preservation also appears in E2 as an attempt to avoid rejection. They may not even notice it due to their defense mechanism of denial. This fear of rejection is masked by compensating and pretending that the other is not so important—someone they do need. But acknowledging the need threatens their entire structure.

Testimony on Rejection:

The following testimony illustrates this fear of rejection:

“Pride creates a way to escape rejection, replacing one person with another, one feeling with another… At ten years old, a boy came to my birthday party who was liked by everyone at school. I saw myself without options because I didn’t feel pretty, but since surrendering wouldn’t bring me glory, when he arrived, I ran after him to make him fall in love with me. The more I followed him, the more he ran away. It all seemed like a game, but I didn’t like realizing that the conquest was going badly. I thought it would give me satisfaction to have tried. It didn’t. But I found a way to avoid the frustration: I convinced myself that if I didn’t conquer him, it was because I had tried in the wrong way. I hid what I felt; it wasn’t me he rejected. At the end of the party, during the romantic dances, he was with someone else, and I didn’t like that, but I was also with someone else. I pretended he was the one I liked. I showed everyone that I had a partner. Though I also remember the disgust I felt for that guy who was with me.” — Anonymous

Final Thoughts

This woman explains how she evolved in her approach to avoiding rejection:

“Over the years, it’s become a little more subtle, as if I prepare conscientiously to win a contest, while simultaneously adopting a self-sabotaging attitude because I don’t believe I can succeed. I’m also overwhelmed by a sense of falseness, as if the intention to achieve what I’m aiming for isn’t entirely real, as a way of protecting myself to reduce the impact in case I don’t succeed. It’s like ‘doing it’ becomes more important than ‘achieving the goal.’ If the result is failure, well, after all, it wasn’t that bad because I got pleasure from doing it. How do I infantilize myself as an adult? When I have to ask someone for something that’s hard for me, I freeze, all my assertiveness abandons me, and I feel that just asking could make them reject me. Then I ask, disconnected from my need, insensitive, thinking that this will lessen the impact if I get rejected. My speech is empty then. With some people, that empty speech leaves me with a tantrum because I don’t get the attention that would make me feel worthy.” — Anonymous

Self-Criticism and Avoiding Responsibility

This avoidance of frustrations, which comes with being an adult who must learn to live with their own resources, solidifies in adolescence and, in adulthood, becomes a way of life—a style of interpreting reality and aligning with others' feelings so they conform to sympathy, affection, and tenderness.

Although it seems that the Self-Preservation 2 takes care of themselves, they need someone to care for them, someone to provide what they cannot achieve on their own in their comfort. Being cared for, being protected, becomes a passion to which they eventually become enslaved.

The Self-Preservation 2 must maintain their status as incapable, helpless, and tender. They protect their fears because, without them, they would have to face how they’ve stunted their growth to avoid development. E2 longs for freedom, and the Self-Preservation subtype believes that when they achieve financial and physical autonomy, they will be free—free from the demands of others. But taking care of themselves, making decisions, and facing loneliness overwhelms them. If they do not learn to address their needs and know themselves, they fill with fear, which they mask with disproportionate anger toward others for not understanding and caring for them.

To avoid confronting harsh reality, they begin a process of idealizing themselves and others, which also prevents them from growing. They idealize to depend and stay below. They cultivate inferiority by not opining, not proposing, and keeping the other big, mature, and capable. But it is a false admiration, serving their purpose of having someone carry their weight and maintaining a life without burden, easy-going, and without uncomfortable difficulties.

The Self-Preservation 2 specializes in learning what the adult in their company prefers. That’s why they ask: “Am I doing well? Do you like it?” They are accommodating and appear very flexible, but it’s just a façade to stay in a relationship where they adapt to the other, to the point that they sometimes confuse themselves with an E9. But their attitude of childlike compliance to avoid facing risks, to not take responsibility for the consequences, will eventually turn into a demand later on.

The Self-Preservation 2 will end up blaming the other for their poor decisions: “How is it that me, with the best intentions and all the love for the other, isn’t valued for my effort?” They then use their ignorance and inexperience as defense mechanisms, becoming very emotional and avoiding introspection and self-criticism. This difficulty in accepting criticism is very present in this character. They simply cannot tolerate it, especially self-criticism, which threatens their idealized image of themselves and their relationships. They feel so

fragile about who they think they are and what others mean to them that defects are a threat to the stability of their relationship with themselves and with the other.

One part of the maturing process involves recognizing and accepting one’s successes and failures. When you point out a flaw to a person with this character, they feel wounded in their self-image. For this reason, they try to keep the flaws of others hidden, as long as the other is a provider of affection and they feel they have resources to give and take. In intimate relationships, when they feel unfairly criticized, they can strike back mercilessly, becoming very cruel with words.

The inability to self-critique reflects the lack of self that is also revealed in the lack of boundaries, the frequency with which they allow themselves to be mistreated, subdued, and exploited. Faced with humiliation or rejection from someone they depend on, they feel powerless, as the risk of losing the other inhibits their anger. They end up maintaining the relationship at all costs, manipulating both their own feelings and the other’s, justifying their position of low authority and their incapacity to be themselves.

The Self-Preservation 2 Who Doesn't Feel Helpless or Fragile

Pride in the Self-Preservation 2 instinct is sometimes shown in people capable of greater independence and economic and professional autonomy. However, their emotional dependence reveals the prevailing difficulty of knowing what they need, accepting themselves, and building an adult life. Anyone, due to a lack of maturity or differentiation, may struggle to know what their needs are, but the Self-Preservation 2 initially presents themselves as someone without major deficiencies or incapacities. Then, in their most significant relationships, they gradually reveal this style of relying on others.

Some Self-Preservation 2s may live alone, maintain an independent lifestyle, and take on various responsibilities. Not all identify with the image of the childish woman or the eternal child, but they do with the internal process of the personality that finds itself unable to withstand the challenges of adult life.

It is not possible to rely solely on external behaviors to fit into the subtype. The traits lie in the inner life, in how they have constructed their existence, their narrative, their affections. What is fundamental is the inability to renounce their status of importance, privilege, and the freedom to do what they "feel like," which, translated, is compensation for not having love.

The Childlike Metaphor:

The old TV commercial for a cold medicine began with a mother in bed, unable to get up to care for her child. The little one approaches, wearing a toy stethoscope, a white coat, and a few cookies as if they were medicine. “Take two of these, mommy, and call me in the morning,” he “prescribes,” affectionately. The mother, touched, hugs the little one and hurries to cure her cold to care for him. That’s the Self-Preservation 2, like that child caring for their loved one, fearing being left alone, helpless, with no one to care for them. They offer their help to their mother or father to continue staying by their side, giving them affection and protection.

Many Self-Preservation 2s take care of their family, their partner, and their children, and they do not seem fragile or incapable at first glance. They show they can respond and take charge, based on the configuration of their relationships in their life history. However, internally, their own voice is not strong enough to be heard. In their relationship with others, it also doesn’t show up, it is absent. The motivations for this lack of existential presence are many, and sometimes the voice becomes audible when conflict arises, resulting from frustration, irritability, expressions of ingratitude from others, and anger over the unsatisfied needs.

The Formation of Personality:

The formation of personality is the result of a collective construction: from family and society. A Self-Preservation 2 does not appear in a family spontaneously. For a child to remain infantile, they need parents who cultivate this, in a family or a couple lacking joy and tenderness. The Self-Preservation 2 is someone who quickly learns to solidify their childlike affection in a relationship where the father or mother has identified with that adorable, tender, idealized part of them.

Avoiding Hardship and Seeking Comfort:

The relationships of the Self-Preservation 2 are based on avoiding the hard, the uncomfortable, the frustration, the raw, the difficult, and the loneliness that is always experienced in life. The person tends to stay away from anything they find unpleasant, and for this, the proud passion serves to keep them ignorant of what is inconvenient.

Working with passion is a difficult journey that requires perseverance. The person with this character does not have discipline as one of their strengths, and this makes it difficult for

them to undertake the heroic journey of being themselves. Therefore, the challenge of transforming to Be will depend on the crisis they go through. It will need to be a sufficient stimulus to awaken the hunger to become a human being who desires to embrace their dignity.