Persona and Shadow: What is Destructive For Themselves And For Others

The Social 2 wants to be a hero. They believe they have everything in their favor to be one. They have created a character entirely made of light, banishing to the shadow all things they perceive as unworthy, inappropriate, lacking, or dark. No nuance that diminishes their value has been left exposed, and if that happens, they will project it onto others, deny it, or justify it with unbearable vehemence.

Maintaining such a high-ranking character requires hiding, behind the façade of resolute dominance, aspects like envy, rivalry, resentment, fear of failure, and a deep feeling of not belonging that leaves them feeling very alone.

As a hero, they not only assume they have power, but also that they can abuse it to achieve an end they will disguise as a noble common goal. The Social 2 turns everything into a power struggle, in which they clearly aim to win, regardless of whether it harms others or costs them a relationship (something they don't understand when it happens). They are very skilled at omitting or denying their failures, as they cannot bear, even to themselves, that they are unable to accomplish everything they commit to.

The vicissitudes of life for this subtype resemble an intense wave followed by an equally powerful hangover: from excited self-exaltation to subsequent depletion. Their actions are frantic and compulsive, without assessing the risks. Their goal is always to go further.

Spontaneity in expression is also used manipulatively, to impress others in order to gain their consent and attention. The reality is that this character does not like to reveal themselves: the desire to be perfect prevents them from showing themselves as they truly fear to be. They show the butterfly and hide the worm.

It is difficult for them to be perceived as emotionally involved in competition. They want to dominate but without "getting their hands dirty." They do not like to feel the emotions that might arise from open competition, as it would connect them with envy or fear.

"When the Social 2 feels threatened in their self-esteem, they falsify reality and let their aggressiveness out, with the goal of covering up the sadness and restoring the feeling of well-being."

—Alba Arena

The Social 2 makes a logical justification for what they deeply feel as painful and, above all, for what they consider unjust for themselves. In doing so, they transition from what they

feel to what would be just to do and feel, triggering an overcompensation for the experience of inferiority and not feeling adequate.

"I threw myself into situations with great commitment and selflessness, convinced that I could not have done otherwise and that my behavior was necessary for the good of the community. When I later exited, not by my own will, I came into contact with a very strong self-devaluation and thoughts about the disqualification that others would make about me. Instead of enthusiasm and grandeur, depression emerged. Instead of generosity, the feeling of being a thief."

—Luana Sevirio

This character lacks reservation, meticulousness, and a sense of economy. They don’t like to keep secrets, as the need to be in relation is greater than any evaluation of opportunity or relevance. By revealing the confidences others share with them, seduced by a manipulative closeness, they reveal their lack of intimacy and are unaware of the betrayal. They do not know a relationship of trust; they don’t believe in it. The result is that they harm themselves by feeding their experience of loneliness and lack of trust in others, all while pretending to offer "generous and friendly love."

The need to seduce people and groups is closer to devouring the object of seduction than simply wanting to be liked. It’s an oral-receptive character. Though it’s difficult for this subtype to develop obesity, they are generally large individuals, with a self-destructive attitude toward food, using it not for pleasure but to cover the feeling of emptiness in moments when they connect with it. It is also possible for them to deny food, as a way of denying they have basic needs or, in a paradoxical way, as a form of revenge, denying themselves what food represents: contact with life.

When they are not the center of attention, a deep feeling of loneliness easily arises. That’s why they surround themselves with many people, though they still feel lonely inside. The approval of others is their only lifeline to counter that intense feeling of loneliness and desolation they experience.

They are hypersensitive to criticism and dislike being judged. The desire for admiration and rejection of criticism are their way of trying to maintain self-esteem, which, despite appearances, is very wavering.

They are unaware of the exploitation they make of others, because they justify it with a higher need to fulfill the common mission. Nor do they realize the emotional exploitation when involving others in their projects or seducing them with their ability to help, only to feed their self-image of being kind and to feel that others need them.

They position themselves as spokespeople for the unexpressed desires of others, with an enthusiasm that generates warmth both in themselves and in others.

"Since I was a child, I never felt seen or loved. I was the youngest of three siblings, so I always sought emotional recognition by helping and becoming indispensable, altruistic beyond the limit. I gave up my childhood life: I was my mother’s helper, the daughter she would have liked to have."

—Antonio Messia

The Social 2 withholds affection from their awareness, making them incapable of experiencing both the cognitive and emotional components of an experience simultaneously (they become isolated from one another).

"When I committed to a spiritual growth project, I dedicated an immense amount of time to it. During that period, I didn't realize how little time I was giving to my children and family. I only recognized this much later, during a long period of inactivity."

—Luana Sevirio

One of the favorite ways the Social 2 self-destructs is through their love of addictions: television, social media, food, sex, or drugs. However, the addiction they practice most fervently is to work, which allows them to exile their emotional life, self-care, or chances for enjoyment to the shadow, causing interruptions in the flow of consciousness. Hiding their needs allows them to continue ignoring them. And when they realize they’ve neglected their own well-being and those around them, they punish themselves, feeling unworthy and despicable. They have sold their soul to their profession. Their life is a perpetual race against time, with no satisfaction lasting more than a brief moment, just enough to catch their breath and embark on a new project. This addiction helps them deny the suffering they experience when confronted with the emptiness or underlying depressive feelings in their character.

The people around them in the professional or emotional realm enter their carousel, where there is no real exchange, no space for a voice that doesn’t serve to support their need for protagonism. The Social 2 invades the lives of others like an unstoppable wind. Working in a team means having a team at their service. The result, for those around them, is a feeling of inadequacy, annihilation, and alarm. Their "internal and external rush" serves to ensure that no one truly gets to know them, or obstructs their expansion plan.

Just like the other two subtypes, the Social 2 seems free and uninhibited, but only in appearance. In reality, their freedom is illusory, just as their supposed courage is. The actions with social impact and brave behaviors are based on their lack of awareness of how they move in the world. What dictates their behavior is primarily the annoyance they feel

toward rules. It can be said they construct a personal morality ad hoc, made up of their own rules and values that may change each time. It’s not self-indulgence, like in the Seven. It’s not even justification in response to a possible sense of guilt, like a Six would do. These are logical justifications where the Social 2 faces only themselves, and others do not exist as autonomous people. A self-referential morality built to optimize the functionality of their neurotic project. The consequence of this intellectual process ends with the confirmation of their own logic, instead of examining reality. This leads them to not cultivate doubt and to fall into a delusion of omnipotence.

The constitution and maintenance of these maneuvers depend on primitive defense mechanisms. That is, the splitting of negative representations of themselves and positive representations of the object, projecting the negative aspects of themselves onto others, and consequently devaluing the objects and relationships that are not functional to their self-overvaluation project. The other is an object, a tool to be used according to what they need for their project.

Their high expectations and the image they have created of themselves prevent them from being free to publicly show their limits, vulnerability, or needs; including the fact of seeking support, care, and protection, which would result in a diminished social image and impoverishment of their idealized self-image—something they find too painful. Beneath the grandiosity lies a child who could never be one and who grew up hiding their humiliating smallness.

"I was afraid that people would see my lack. Therefore, I had to always be at my best, hiding the pain, the exhaustion. I thought: 'Others scan before I do.' This served me to create a toxic form of emotional dependence."

—Antonio Messia

The denial of vulnerability is a patriarchal aspect of the ambitious person who wants to always be on top of things and will never ask. By doing so, they annul the feelings of insufficiency that would cloud their self-exaltation. It is the trap of false abundance that, in the long run, turns against them at an intrapsychic level, with a feeling of painful deprivation.

"When the change in conditions no longer requires the effort to maintain the whole setup, I fall into a psychophysical collapse that is honestly depressive, which I fear and hide as much as possible."

—Alba Arena

Intolerant of mediocrity, their passion is tied to the sense of triumph of the self. For someone as special as they feel, there is no life without excellence, something that leads them to self-destructive situations. The game of life is betting on the winning horse.

"For many years, I had two main thoughts. The first: 'I’ll make it no matter what; I will be independent and won’t need anyone.' And the other: 'I wish I could die to make them pay for it.' These two opposing aspects have accompanied me throughout my life: on one hand, success; on the other, losing everything, throwing it all overboard."

—Teresa Mosca

Another way the Social 2 acts out their destructive capacity is through impulsivity.

Many times I thought that I could have become a vagabond. To follow a life in which nothing has value, or throw away everything that I had considered valuable just a short time before. Often, I experience a feeling of regret for what I could say or do when I'm caught up in waves of emotion.

—Luana Sevirio

The primary experience of loneliness is renewed by experiencing it cyclically throughout life. The person replaces the bitterness and pain experienced with always-new goals that give, at least as an idealized fantasy, the illusion of fulfillment and strength. The persistence of attitudes from infancy, like sucking and biting, characterizes the destructive form of the Social 2.

As is evident, the world of relationships and love is severely damaged and impoverished in the Social 2, who uses it to aggress and self-aggress. They fear giving themselves away, losing control, and their inner chaos, so if they experience these emotions, they push them away. They position themselves as inflexible, rigid, and perfectionistic, especially with their family and closest people.

Their marked elitism makes them highly selective about who they consider part of their inner circle. In their arrogance, they think it's normal for others to want to be their friends but can't understand what they could bring to them.

This is a territorial, possessive, and highly utilitarian person—traits that are diametrically opposed to love—so only a few people stay in their circle of friends. The workload they impose on themselves leaves little time for cultivating and caring for friendships, so they may maintain some relationships from a distance, but it becomes almost impossible in daily life. As a metaphor, they treat love with filial attachment the same way they treat plants: a Social 2 doesn't usually keep them because either they drown them or they let them die of thirst.

For this person, it is difficult, and they internally perceive it as very dangerous, to establish solid and stable bonds. They have forgotten any need to love; among other reasons, because they are ashamed of showing dependence, tenderness, or vulnerability, and it's hard for them to submit to another's affection.

In their "false" need for independence, it is extremely difficult for them to establish horizontal relationships. Trying to position themselves as indispensable, as the one in control, the independent, or the most capable inevitably causes the other person to want to distance themselves, tired of living under the emperor's tyranny. This perpetuates their feeling of non-belonging and confirms their internal perception of loneliness.

The harm they struggle to recognize is how they place the other in an inferior position, with their grandeur being unattainable. At the same time, by transmitting their emotional need to the other, weakened and dependent, they trap them in a double bind: "I help you so you will be satisfied, perfect, and happy, as I know, on the condition that you will always need me and acknowledge me as greater than you."

The theme of love will be explored in the following chapter, but it's worth briefly mentioning the Social 2's relationship with sexuality. Their difficulty with surrender and trust makes this area extremely dangerous for them, if not unnecessary, since they consider there are more important things to do. E2 seemingly opposed situations may occur, but they are not. Either their fear of sexuality prevents them from having intimate relationships, or their fear of intimacy gives rise to compulsive sexual behavior. In other words, they either deny it or use sex as a tool for manipulation. The point is to avoid a loving and intimate relationship, something that would leave them defenseless, losing control of the situation and of themselves emotionally.

The Social 2 is, ultimately, an unprotected child disguised as a grumpy giant, emotionally and behaviorally wreaking havoc wherever they go, destroying any possibility of loving selflessly and being loved. Their ultimate revenge takes the form of aggression and self-aggression, mercilessly denying themselves any form of love to avoid ever feeling used, betrayed, excluded, or abandoned again; the heart does not suffer if it is never allowed to feel.

Brief Clinical Illustrations

For a Social 2, it's essential to identify the disorder in regulating self-esteem. Their grandiose self persists through narcissistic investments that prevent the formation of a normal super-ego integrated with the ideals of the self. As we've seen throughout this book, the expression of pride in E2 is an attempt to compensate for an insecurity in the

foundation of self-esteem. Proud people share a common trait: they eliminate and hyper-compensate for feelings of inferiority and insufficiency, which instead predominate in the Four.

As Maurizio Martelli shares: "Asking is difficult for me; I feel it as a form of weakness. I tend to transfer my needs onto others, and this makes me feel better; I don’t notice them. Since participating in the SAT, I’ve begun to recognize them."

Anger, whose perception and expression are not difficult for this character, can be a parasitic emotion that covers and mystifies sadness. Therefore, it is useful to take advantage of occasions when it arises to probe more deeply.

Regarding the sense of excited joy, it can be a defense mechanism, combined with intellectualization and strategic elaboration, in order to overcome, with imaginative activity, a difficulty they don’t want to face.

This subtype benefits from being in contact with deep experience, with the body that speaks and tells the truth: staying in the here and now, the only antidote to intellectualizations and self-consolations they use to comfort themselves.