The Characteristic Neurotic Need

Seduction, a word that defines the passion of the Sexual 2, is the desperate attempt to fill the existential void by reaching an unrealistic love. The intrinsic belief is: "They don't desire me for who I am, I have to make myself desirable, I must be irresistible, deploy my weapons." However, the emotional void is never filled; nothing satisfies it. This is why the constant search for greater intensity arises.

The Sexual 2 uses seduction to its fullest extent, in both meanings of secu-ducere: leading oneself towards the other to capture them, through this passage, bringing the other towards oneself. They finely tune their attention to every detail of the relationship, trying to understand if they are loved, how much, and if they are considered special. They are always welcoming and indulgent, even when criticizing the recipient of their love (while they know

how to become a scourge when they want to highlight their distance). Warm, pleasant, and enthusiastic, they enjoy the company of others and are capable of caring for them, even anticipating their needs.

However, they imprison themselves in the very trap they weave, to the point of being unable to say no to anyone who shows them affection, ending up in relationships they haven't chosen. Tolerant to the point of self-sacrifice, they strive, tenaciously, to realize their dream of love. But underneath lies great immodesty and a sense of superiority over their partner, which comes from knowing how to capture their more regressive needs, and a firm conviction that they are capable of satisfying them (and even changing them) better than anyone else.

As explained by a Sexual 2:

"That the men were married or in a relationship was never an obstacle. At first, I didn’t care; in fact, a part of me preferred it because I could 'drink the honey of the encounter: always romantic and special.' I felt 'more' than their wives.

Example: He went through a careful courtship, sending me poems and flowers for a while, maintaining the magic of anonymity. Over time, we became lovers; and although he already had a girlfriend, I was fine with it. I had the best of him, his best attention, good sex... Until one day, he told me that he used the same seductive strategy with me and others at the same time. Well... I felt deceived, and with a 'I’m not second-rate,' I ended the relationship. Years later, he admitted he had to lie to me because he couldn’t maintain the situation."

Indeed, it is typical of this Sexual subtype to have a deep conviction of being the ideal woman or man, the healer of the other's wounds, or the inspirer of their creativity and success. They find it difficult to realize how demanding and mentally reserved they are with others, and consequently, how manipulative their warm reception is, which aims to stir the desire of the other and confirm that "you are unconditionally loved."

"I aspire to leave an indelible mark in their being. To be that someone special that they’ll remember with a smile and gratitude... eternally. I feed on seeing them happy and take credit for it; it’s 'thanks to me.' I have such a place in their soul that it's eternal; I know (and they will realize too) that I was so special..."

They secretly feel proud of their partner’s progress, thinking it’s because they were with them:

"They've achieved it because they were with me, 'they've passed through my hands' and these are also my results, and I count them that way."

Anonymous Testimony

"I want to be admired, chosen, and outstanding, especially by women, whose conquest is the goal. To achieve it, I try to convey the image of a protective, understanding, sensitive, trustworthy, interesting man with a touch of mystery. The primary goal was to sleep with them, to satisfy my need for intimacy, for contact, for skin.

Then, when I was with a woman, I would exhibit listening, understanding, and interest, while inside, I was planning my next maneuver, using intuition to understand and satisfy their desires and needs.

In sexual relationships, I feel most secure. I touch my partner to caress myself and to be admired by my lover's eyes."

Luis Hernández

A specific way that the Sexual 2 seduces is through abduction. The prey is separated from the rest, falling into the spider’s web, which neither eats nor kills, but entangles it with its thread, leaving it stuck until it is of interest again, feeding it with compliments, seducing it without giving itself away, while continuing to weave its web for new conquests but without letting go.

The predator seduces its victim by narrowing their field of vision. They attempt to manipulate the way the victim acts, thinks, and feels, to mold them into someone who meets their expectations. This does not mean they want a "puppet," which they would lose interest in. It is the ambivalence of: "I know how I want you to be, and at the same time, be yourself so you can be useful to me."

Seduction is tied to an internal feeling of being able to do what they want. Any person is "seducible"; it's about walking all over them.

Ángel Saavedra

This power over everything, this being the center of the universe, is maintained by the inner command that they must be everything, or nothing at all.

A Sexual 2 extends into the nuances of seduction:

"I have a full display of resources and ways that mask the strategy of seduction, a spectrum ranging from maximum boldness to sobriety.

My wound is: 'Look at me... because I don’t feel seen... nor loved.' I sought my father's gaze, but I lived it as sexualized, and I was ashamed of feeling his pride for me. From there, I activate my entire repertoire to make you see me in a very favorable light.

It’s a constant and unstoppable search for love (in the form of being seen, accepted, and valued in all its expressions). I try to attract your attention to me and be the center. The worst is being invisible, or feeling 'neutral.' I want to please, leaving an unforgettable, unique impression. Impress you."

Seduction engages my whole body, emotion, and psyche, and it appears automatically and naturally. There is a preference for pleasing the masculine, but I don’t make distinctions, and it activates with women, children... even with objects. Everything is susceptible to being seduced; it can be practiced at any moment.

The most important thing in my life is relationships, and I distinguish between two types of seduction:

a) Specific. About someone I find interesting and worthy of my attention. I want to attract them to me, conquer them, and activate falling in love (falling in love and making them fall in love). Here, I focus on the other, on being interesting in their eyes; I feel in love with how they look at me.

b) Indiscriminate. About anyone, as long as they feed the image I have of myself, for my own self-love. The point of reference is feeling amazing and seeing myself as interesting in my own eyes."

These are often fleeting contacts, where I use relationships to propel myself.

My calling card is my smile, which is also my mask. Years ago, before the medical-aesthetic advances we have now, I used to fantasize that the worst thing that could happen to me was to go without my front teeth (the ones I clean most carefully).

I show a smiling image, with spark, youthful, fresh air. Animation, enthusiasm, optimism, and fun; I constantly make little jokes.

I sell a sense of freedom and confidence in myself. Anti-normative and complacent.

I offer: Attention, time, energy, humor, critical sense, understanding, exclusivity, companionship, interest in you and your things (at least at the moment I intend to).

I flatter with sweet words (my grandfather used to call me "sweet talker").

Welcoming, warm, kind. I have a kind word for everyone, a knowing gesture, a piece of advice, or a personalized message; I try to make people feel comfortable in close quarters.

Exquisitely detail-oriented, meticulous with surprises, and an excellent hostess, I pamper with gifts. I remember people's names.

I like my body, my attributes, I move gracefully and walk confidently, swaying with light hips and a relaxed pelvis.

Physically attentive (with my body slightly leaning forward, constantly nodding my head: guaranteeing that I am listening to you), I gesture and make funny faces and other gestures, with my eyes wide open; I whistle and hum easily.

Mentally: Loquacious, expressive fluency, and a relaxed, multifaceted conversation. I speak with spontaneity.

I appear open, light, flexible, innocent, and alternative (not standard or fashionable), hippie chic, my style is natural, and I don’t need additives; just by putting on some earrings, I feel great.

According to a friend I asked to describe me, my attractions are: "Soft, white skin, generous and healthy curves, I emanate voluptuousness; clear and mischievously attractive gaze, gesturing with my hands, body approach, cheekiness in speech, and boldness (I’m forward and don’t hold back, even if I don’t know where I stand), curious and loving." They also highlight my warrior attitude: with character, confrontational, non-conformist, free.

Another friend confessed to me, "There’s nothing as seductive as semi-veiled shame," and that’s when I realized that even shame could be used as a seduction strategy.

Examples:

With women: We were in a common training and met the day before. I really liked her, and she had to leave for a few days. I made a display of my charms, preparing her varied and carefully made sandwiches for her trip, anticipating and facilitating the logistics. She was impressed by my willingness; to this day, we are great friends.

With psychopaths: My friend used to comment on her fear of encountering a possible psychopath. I, on the other hand, thought: "It’s just a human," trusting my skills and personal resources to dissuade him, even imagining that after five minutes of talking to me, he would redeem himself ("psychopaths, to me..."). This same friend reminded me that once she found me being cordial with a girl, and when we said goodbye, I told her: "And the next time you see me... don’t mug me." It seems that she approached me in an intimidating manner to rob me, and I turned the situation around with my seductive skills.

Today, I use "conscious seduction" in my work to relax tension when a conflict with angry clients is brewing. I’m pretty good... I always have a witty or funny comment up my sleeve, flattery, jokes, and other niceties to relax the tension, turning their anger into a smile.

With men: I either put them on a pedestal, idealized, as the object of my desire, or they are buried, and I cancel them.

Attraction Mechanism: In the presence of a man who attracts me, I trigger an automatic "hunting" instinct. A radar is sent out to him, and even if he is facing away or far, there’s a thread that connects, an energy that intertwines. It’s an instinct where all my senses are activated, focused, and emanating towards the person of my desire, who remains in my sights. I follow his trail, like an animal on the hunt, with all my attention focused there, while I do other things (I don’t have to look directly at him); only I know, and I’m extremely discreet when there are others around. I intend to make him feel a desire for contact towards me: laughter, glances, irresistible urges for romance, and skin-to-skin contact...

Once contact has been established, I want to tighten the thread that keeps us close and focus, receptive to any indicator, on that person exclusively; my whole life is focused on them. I try to anchor a powerful thread in your body that energetically keeps me connected to you.

Example: We slept in adjoining rooms, although I hardly slept all night, between the summer heat and my body heat from the excitement of his presence. I felt the desire for contact; I liked his body and him. Even two weeks later, I was bothered by the question: "Why didn’t I sleep with him?"

I want someone who adores me and is highly available for me (gives me unlimited attention). As the song goes: "I just want a little bit of your whole life." I’m intolerant of complete attention deficits. Example: someone pulls out their phone and looks at it while with me or doesn’t look at me when I speak to them, or doesn’t make gestures confirming that they are listening with interest.

But there’s a fine line: If you are too available, I label you as dependent, internally disempower you, and reject you. And if you don’t pay attention to me, or are not fully available, I act out my anger and question you, discrediting or despising you with invalidating comments, looking for your flaws; I can be very harsh and biting.

Example: He was paying attention to me, but I saw him as weak, "I devoured him," I did what I wanted with him. I punished him by sleeping with his best friend, sending the

message: "I’m not your exclusivity." In another similar example, he didn’t show sexual interest in me, so I retaliated by going with his friend.

I have tirelessly sought the love of a partner, idealizing the man and the relationship. The feeling of infatuation is like gasoline; when I fall in love, I cling to the illusion of how wonderful and ideal it’s going to be. While in a relationship: "With you, I need nothing else; the whole world is this, is now, it’s you. And I make your life easier, supporting your projects in exchange for your constant signs and demonstrations that you’re there for me, because if not, I will demand them or end up looking for another source."

I am attracted to a man with power, but not so much that I can’t dominate him (and manipulate him) a little. In a therapy session, this pearl came out: If a powerful man falls in love with me, "I have more power than the one who has power. My power is that I dominate the man who has the most power."

Culturally, power is held by the man. For me, sex is the territory where I can exercise control to feel power. I have used sexual life as a bargaining chip and act out unresolved issues and "charge" them in bed, frustrating the man if necessary.

The man is also an object of desire. And through sexuality, I feel loved. I want to feel desired, I am insecure about my own desire, and I can have difficulty connecting with it (I need the other to activate it).

Without my active desire, I can play the game of feeling used, but with the satisfaction of being the one who provides the pleasure. I can also victimize myself, and then I live with the man as an enemy, the invader, whom I reject and blame as an aggressor and violent, championing the "no" of women, with the idea of "not selling ourselves to men."

If my desire is active, I compete for pleasure, adopting a more masculine role.

The pleasure of contact and intimacy is my weakness. The erotic expectation of the encounter permeates my psyche. Eroticism and sensuality are at the service of seduction. Sexuality does not necessarily have to be my goal, though there is sexual provocation and flirtation.

It has been relatively easy for me to cross the line from friendly complicity to something more intimate with my friends; sleeping together has been a way to continue in the relationship.

Sonia Gomá

The person with this character, in fact, more than wanting the other, wants themselves as a lover, and the love, the strong feeling of being in love. This, as long as the emotion is intense because otherwise, they don’t know what emotion they feel.

Seduction is natural in this E2 subtype as it is supported by their inherent ambivalence. They teach and hide, say "yes" and "no" at the same time, give and withdraw, suck and bite, love and destroy. This is the ambiguity of seduction, where that fluctuation of attitudes, that volatility, and the feeling of emphatically forcing the inauthenticity arise, which surface in the Sexual 2 to give testimony to a defensive conflict.

And there is another ambivalence, in the couple of opposites, activity/passivity. Of the three subtypes, only the Self-Preservation 2 shows some passivity, through a more explicit dependence on the satisfaction of survival needs, while the other two are more active and independent. But this is a mask. Underneath, both the social and, more radically, the Sexual subtype depend on the gratifications they receive. And their own exhibitionism (expressed in intimacy or in social situations, directed at one or many) can be seen as an expression of this passivity: "Look at me" becomes immediately "Love me." Therefore, it is more about ambivalence than independence.

In the Sexual 2, this polarity between activity/passivity finds further expression in the game of the masculine/feminine. The woman of the Sexual subtype, being feminine and receptive, is stimulated by the appropriative freedom, which is socially more masculine, because she also doesn't tolerate many limits. Frequently, in her childhood history, there is a couple model with markedly masculine-aggressive and feminine-passive or at least, compliant poles.

As shown in the following fragment:

"My father's incandescent anger manifested within the family, as he only believed in severity as an educational method. My mother didn’t set limits on him, nor did her abdication have limits: she obeyed every order or desire and put him above all else. I couldn’t understand how my mother could push us peacefully toward the aggressive and distant man my father was becoming, and I felt confused between love, anger, and rebellion toward both of them."

Alba Chartroux

This type of relationship pattern, along with a proud form of revenge against authority, which is culturally often male, both envies and rejects it at the same time, with habitual ambivalence. It seems that they like to give, but in reality, they demand to receive, challenging with their motto: "If you love me, beware of yourself, as the fatal Carmen says."

It carries the echo of that underground hostility they project onto the object of desire: a male to be captured and won. And they can compete with that male not only by assuming his aggression disguised as feminine seduction (cultivating a form of psychic androgyny) but also seducing women, both in search of an ideal partner and for the pleasure of exploring this other aspect of sexuality in free and unconventional ways.

Often, the male Sexual 2 has had parents in which this polarity is evident.

As in the following example:

"My mother told me that her husband was proud of her and placed her on a pedestal, after she triumphed in any of the titanic tasks he loved imposing on her. But soon after, because she wasn’t divine and failed in something, he would throw her off. My father was like this: he didn’t just want the most beautiful and desired woman, but the strongest and most resolute one, infallible in his eyes. If she wasn’t like that, he punished her by not talking to her for weeks."

Luis Hernández

The Sexual 2 may discover that they envy and despise both of their parents at the same time for making them feel excluded. This painful experience can be expressed in childhood fantasies of not being their child but adopted, in secret, or something similar.

Through seduction, the sexual child has learned to gain a place, an important place. This is not just a place in the other but a place in the world. The repeated compulsion to seduce is a call to be seen, to feel that they control relationships, to feel that they exist. Only through seduction can they escape the humiliation of not being considered a person and from the abyss of feeling an enormous void.