Childhood

What is the childhood of the conservative E3 like? The answer to this question may provide insight into the formation of such a personality during early life. Prominent in the childhood of this type is a strong emotional push towards the most fundamental of instinctual needs: survival. When this need is obstructed, threatened, or impeded, it plants insecurities and fears in the E3's conservation, preventing them from experiencing a sense of completeness and security. They struggle to accept that one can live, rather than just survive, in the world.

My mother says that I cried a lot. She calmed me down by breastfeeding me, but I would soon cry again. Some time ago, I realized that what I felt wasn’t hunger but cold. (Maribel)

Between the ages of nine months and two years, I suffered severe asthma attacks. As I grew older, I vividly remember the intense anguish and anxiety I felt in bed. I used to lie on my stomach, in the fetal position, rocking back and forth persistently. When I was six years old, I developed myopia, which continued to worsen until I was twenty-one. (Ferran)

We see in this personality a childhood characterized by early family experiences of non-acceptance or rejection. It is common for one parent to be highly demanding in these cases, while the other typically assumes a secondary role, having an evasive character. As Nilda recalls, “I was raised very strictly by my mother (E1) and intellectually driven by my father (E5).” In such scenarios, it’s also frequent, though not universal, that the male parental figure isn’t considered valid (or validated by the mother), appearing weaker or absent. The child thus steps into the role of the father figure, sensing that the family model isn’t functioning properly, or there is no adequate male role model. This is particularly noticeable in Self-Preservation 3 women, who, as we have observed, may adopt the father’s role when it isn’t externally present.

My parents lived with my paternal grandparents. My grandmother, a strong-willed woman, was the household’s central figure, a superwoman who had given birth to and raised many children and could do almost anything. My grandfather was nearly invisible. My father – clinging to his mother’s skirts, almost always out of the house working as a bricklayer, and drinking in bars after work. My mother was the sufferer. (Maribel)

The child often faces situations of non-acceptance, both on a physical and emotional level. Physically, this might happen when the child falls short of the family’s expectations. On the emotional front, parents often struggle to handle the child’s vitality and expressions of anger. It’s important to note that E3 is an energetic personality type. Thus, even with loving

parents, children might experience rejection of their rebellious nature, which encompasses qualities like strength, verve, and passion:

Before me, my parents had two sons. Finally, the long-awaited baby girl was born – me. However, it turned out that I had a “manufacturing defect,” a congenital torticollis. At the age of six, my parents made me undergo corrective surgery. In hindsight, I understand that this was a form of rejection. Rejection that I’ve internalized since I have no recollection of myself before the age of six. My earliest memory is standing in front of a mirror, encased in a plaster cast that covered me up to my waist, with only my arms and face exposed. It’s quite symbolic that correcting this distorted image required spending a substantial amount of time immobilized in a cast. When I registered this rejection, I made a profound “decision” at some point to create a new image that everyone could be proud of. This new image was superior to the one my parents had created but couldn’t accept. It was an image over which I had imaginary control, and I didn’t need anyone else for it. (Vera)

After my mother, the first people who laid eyes on me were my maternal grandmother and my father. Grandma said, “She’s ugly, isn’t she?” And my father had to agree. (Maribel)

After my older brother, my twin and I were born. My twin arrived first. My mother thought the delivery was over and wasn’t aware that I was on the way until the doctor announced, “Another one is coming,” a quarter of an hour later. I was always told that my father’s hair suddenly turned gray. I was not expected and was seen as another burden. As an adult, I’ve had various moments where I would cry, attempting to justify my existence by saying, “I had to be born to live!” From my early childhood, around five or six years old, my father, behind a mask of nodding approval, discredited any genuine expressions of feelings and suppressed my manifestations of energy like aggressiveness, the will to fight, and my impotent rage. (Ferran)

If one characteristic stands out in this childhood world, it’s the quest for autonomy as a means of survival. There’s a deep conviction that survival depends on autonomy.

An anecdote that has been recounted throughout the years involves me at about eight or nine months old. My mother worked in the family store downstairs, and I slept in a crib on the second floor of our large house. My mother checked on me very often. The thing is, she noticed that I would cry every time she came upstairs. She decided she couldn’t bear to see me cry every time, so she started peeking at me through the crack in the door. One day, I must have been very tired of my loneliness, because I jumped out of the crib onto the floor, crawled down a long hallway, down a flight and a half of stairs, and down another long dark hallway, until I reached the door of the store, where they found me crying. My parents

were scared to death and couldn’t believe it. While working at a lifeline center, I had a powerful realization about how that experience clearly shaped my character. I recognized that the ideas that I have to provide for myself because no one else will, that I am able to do anything, that I am what I do, and that no one is really there to take care of me, had taken root right then. This conditioning was so strong that even with a loving and generous mother, I’ve struggled to truly rely on anyone. (Assumpta)

I was born strong and vigorous, full of vital energy (unlike my twin). Even as a child, I was naturally affectionate and had a gift for connecting with others, quickly earning their affection. (Ferran)

Identifying as a conservative E3 stems from my strong need to feel secure. My irrational belief is that by having enough financial resources, I can somehow “outwit” or “buy” good health and a long life, and nothing bad will happen to me. (Vera)

The combination of early rejection or non-acceptance and the child’s need for approval drives them to seek recognition from at least one parent. They’ll go to great lengths to do things that are appreciated, as Maribel recalls: “My father used to throw parties at home. He’d play music for me to dance to while all our relatives and friends ran around and clapped their hands… I put my heart and soul into it so as not to disappoint him and to make him proud.” It’s not surprising, then, that they typically adopt a role model (one of their parents or another adult figure) to alleviate the anxiety of not feeling secure in who they are and what they do. This stage can be seen as the initial attempt at fitting in, and figuring out what is most likely to earn acceptance.

My adolescence was significantly marked by a lack of meaningful social connections. My father had a great influence on me; I looked up to him very much. I always tried to share his opinions, seek his advice on how to navigate any situation, and I closely followed his ideas, words, and mannerisms. (Ferran)

The cumulative effect of these experiences inevitably drives the conservative personality type to mature before their time, either by taking on responsibilities for others or by pursuing financial security through work (for stability or money). Let’s examine an incident that developed a fixation on the conservative instinct in a woman at around the age of five or six:

My mother was excessively demanding (“The good is the enemy of the best,” she used to say). It wasn’t enough for her that I could already read and write perfectly. I had to master

the embroidery stitches taught by the nuns in the convent school to perfection. I hated it, found it pointless, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t manage to do the stitches correctly, ending up in tears. This would anger my mother, and she would punish me and argue with my father, who always took my side. One night, after one of those arguments, my mother came to my room and said, “Someday, you’ll remember this, and I’ll leave, so your father won’t have to fight with me because of you.”

I spent sleepless nights for weeks, anxiously watching the door, worried about my father. What would happen to him without her? I was taken to a doctor to treat my insomnia, and I took medication, but it barely helped. Then one day, I found a solution. I decided I could take care of my father and the cats at home without crying at that!

I began observing my mother: how was the rice made? And the eggs he loved so much, how were they prepared? Washing shirts was easy, but ironing was going to prove difficult… In a short while, I felt prepared. She could leave whenever she wanted. I went back to sleep, knowing that my father would be safe with me. I would take care of him, the house, and the cats. This was when I traded “being” for “doing.”

I learned that crying doesn’t solve problems, especially not in public, and that the world belongs to the strong. (Nilda)

Described by their peers as mature beyond their years, these children derive comfort from this perception. Ferran reminisces, “I used to spend my first earnings on buying books about my passion, nature, while other kids were still investing in candy.”

It’s no wonder, then, that a strong work ethic is ingrained in them from a young age:

I come from a family with very limited financial means, and I wanted to have things, toys, and clothes (my mother only ever bought used clothes)... but it was never possible because we had no money. So I was imagining that those with money must be very happy. (Sandra)

My grandmother placed great value on hard work and effort. She would find tasks for me to do and give me some money in return, which made me feel appreciated and allowed me a bit of financial independence for my hobbies. I worked hard to please her. (Ferran)

This situation goes hand in hand with the rejection of pleasure and fun, particularly evident in the suppression of sexuality. On the other hand, we can observe how the conservationist, through the adoption of role models, strives to avoid repeating their parents’ mistakes that led to their unhappiness. This desire finds expression in various forms, like the determination not to get married, the aspiration to achieve something significant in life, the strong drive to stand out, and so on.

I began working at the age of six, assisting my mother in making savory snacks for sale. At that age, she taught me how to crochet and embroider, and I also had household chores. From then on, I never stopped working. However, at that tender age, I made up my mind not to lead the same life as my parents; I wanted to have money and make a name for myself, to live a life with less suffering. I always heard my mother complain about our poverty. I also always heard her complain to her friends about my father’s infidelity and how all men were the same. I decided then that I would never rely on a man to support me, and I would never marry either, because marriage left people unhappy, causing so much suffering and emotional pain.

Once I made these decisions, I became a very serious girl. I didn’t want to play anymore, and my energy became solely focused on doing. “Doing to have,” that was my motto from the age of six. I wanted recognition, first from my mother, for being proficient at what she ordered me to do. However, most of the time, I did it without her instructions, simply to please her. Then I began using my energy to excel in everything I did. When I was eight years old, I started practicing sports, and I was always among the best. It was my way of being seen and acknowledged. I thought that this would make people like and accept me. (Sandra)

How do conservative E3s manage to maintain their longing for acceptance and recognition? Through effort, since they haven’t naturally attained it from a place of inner serenity. This is why we often find exceptional or brilliant students among them, tirelessly seeking the coveted acknowledgment. Many of them harbor a strong desire to outshine their siblings, subject to constant comparison and competition:

A brilliant student, always adhering to the rules of the convent school, I did my best to ensure there was no reason to complain to my parents. (Nilda)

For my father, I was his pride. For my sister, I was an infuriating point of comparison. For some of my schoolmates, I was the teacher’s pet. I struggled to please all of them, to do everything right, and yet I didn’t know who I was. (Maribel)

Throughout my years in school and university, I was highly motivated to learn. At the age of four, I started elementary school and quickly excelled in reading and writing. I even had the honor of reading in front of the class, receiving applause at the end. I was promoted a grade because they thought I was ahead. In that school, at the end of each month, the student with the best grades received a ribbon or sash to take home. I distinctly remember walking down the street towards my house, bedecked in those ribbons, proud and happy to show off. Anyway, I think this is when my fixation to seek efficiency and recognition started. (Assumpta)

What guided the lives of my brothers and mine was the near-total dedication to mountaineering and related sports. Our father instilled in us the belief that it was the greatest pursuit in life, our greatest source of pride. It was about being strong, efficient, fast, professional… simply the best. This intense focus significantly shaped my life and distanced me from urban social circles. We lived in the city, but our focus was elsewhere. I had to keep up with my father. (Ferran)

But how can one attain perfection in their relentless pursuit of acceptance, amidst a backdrop of high expectations? By avoiding any signs of rebelliousness or inadequacy, of course. The individual, nonetheless, needs an outlet for their pent-up energy. The escape valve, in this case, is rebellion over unimportant matters, since the fundamental family bond remains intact. Finally, it’s worth noting a reclusive aspect of this character, which serves as a relief from pain.

I was a quiet child, who tried not to be a burden. I was something of a recluse, always engrossed in books and magazines, playing with the cats in the house, or observing the ants. (Nilda)

The absence of emotional connections provided fertile ground for the influence of Félix Rodríguez de la Fuente to profoundly impact me when I was around eight years old. That passion for nature shared with children (“... and my dear children will wonder…”) met my love for life. I would spend hours on a hill near my house, hiding in the bushes to closely observe the birds. At the age of eleven, I took my first field notes, imitating Félix, who not only unlocked for me the doors to a fascinating world but also became my idol and mentor. (Ferran)

I was a lively, cheerful, and playful child until I reached the age of five or six, and started hearing from my sisters and cousins that I was annoying, and that nobody could stand me. That’s when I completely shut down. I became a very quiet child. A very sad, quiet child. (Sandra)