Interpersonal Strategy And Associated Irrational Ideas

Within interpersonal strategies, there are those that are closer to consciousness and others that are entirely unconscious, such as the defense mechanisms we will discuss in this chapter. These mechanisms not only impact the structure of the psyche and the internal dynamics of the individual but also influence their interactions with others.

The interpersonal strategies of this subtype are heavily influenced by traits such as victimhood, sadomasochism, persecution, and submission. When we speak of submission here, we are not referring to the absolute submission of one person to another's desires, but rather to a broad range of phenomena experienced in relation to others. This includes inhibition when expressing oneself, the attentive gaze of one person scrutinizing the other to please them and avoid angering them. We are talking about submission to the other out of fear of their emotional response, fearing punishment through the loss of their love (Bleichmar, 1).

Victimhood, sadism, masochism, persecution, and submission must be viewed in two aspects. First, relationally, in the way these dynamics were structured. Second, as a result of this structuring in the individual’s internal dynamics. These attitudes and dynamics are underpinned by an interpretation of internal and external reality, which in this model is defined as a false lack, a fixation of E4. In Self-Preservation 4, the false lack is expressed through the devaluation of one’s actions, behaviors, and efforts. The individual always focuses on what is missing in order to commit more, trying to improve, while simultaneously feeling some satisfaction for the effort they put into what they do, and their ability to endure sacrifices.

The focus is on the constant observation of what is lacking, what is not enough. There is a belief that their work is undervalued, and that their thoughts, feelings, and actions lack worth. Behind this is an idealization of themselves as someone who can support this deficiency, accepting it as part of their life condition. They are "satisfied" with being a martyr who suffers in silence, convinced that their pain is the greatest and that they are capable of suffering without resorting to complaints, regrets, or tears—expressions they view as weak. Additionally, if they were to express their pain, their "proud" image would be shattered, and their ideal of being someone deserving admiration for enduring suffering while selflessly helping others would be undermined, especially when they are overtaken by complaint.

The constant focus on what is missing drives them to invest more energy into maintaining the image of someone with perfect stamina—tireless in their dedication to what needs to be done. This also serves to repress feelings of envy. The Self-Preservation 4 subtype is the countertype, the subtype that tries to quell the passion of envy.

Let us now examine the interpersonal strategies in more detail, focusing also on the irrational ideas that stem from the distorted cognitive core of false lack.

There is a strong sense of competition, which is often incomplete. By lowering their own value, they prevent criticism and gain some praise without exposing themselves to direct competition.

As discussed earlier, the persistent E4 learned to relate through submission as a strategy, shrinking in front of others out of fear of persecution. This mode of relating was developed in childhood when the child learned to submit to one of their parents due to persecution. Later in life, they continue to repeat this type of relationship with others.

Consider the following example: A person feels the competitiveness and rivalry of a colleague. To calm and placate the person who competes with them, they strategically appear smaller because they live in fear. The person withdraws, yielding their place to the other without engaging in competition. Of course, we are talking about an unconscious

strategy. It is clear that Self-Preservation 4 types have a phobia of competition, as they fear the rupture and withdrawal of affection. These individuals are so afraid of and so dependent on receiving affection that they prefer to withdraw rather than compete, taking second place. The associated irrational ideas are: "If I compete, I'm sure I'll lose; if I make myself visible, I'll create a problem for others."

In the previous example, the competitive dynamic took place in the workplace. One might wonder how this person behaves in such a situation within their company. What this Enneatype does is strive for good returns. This provides them with a sense of satisfaction and imaginary superiority over others, but also real satisfaction, as they focus on making the best of what they have. In doing so, they conceal their envy. "If there's no effort, there’s no value." "If it isn't pushing me to my limits, it means I haven't done everything I could." "If I sacrifice myself, they'll see me and value me."

Another way of avoiding competition is by never showing their successes, thus preventing any envy they might provoke in others.

As mentioned earlier, this strategy was learned in childhood to placate the external persecutor, typically one of the parents. Today, the person with this subtype continues to use the same defense mechanism against others or themselves.

Regarding the recognition of their limits, it is extremely difficult for them to acknowledge or express these limits to others. They cannot show illness or limitations, as doing so would be a blow to their narcissism. "If I suffer, I am weak, I am contemptible." Recognizing a limit can be experienced as a humiliating situation. This Enneatype can display neurotic suffering, but real pain and limits put them in a vulnerable position before others, revealing their neediness and dependence.

Dependency puts them at great risk. The person they depend on might fail them or have other needs and interests. To avoid this, they create all sorts of strategies to manage alone and not show that they need help. Dependence exposes the maximum vulnerability of Self-Preservation 4. "If I do it alone and don’t ask, I won’t risk the possibility that the other won’t help me or won’t be there for me."

On the one hand, the effort not to ask for help compensates for the shame and unworthiness that arise from feeling deprived and needy. On the other hand, it generates an image of arrogant superiority, implicitly blaming others—an image that discourages spontaneous offers of help. "Nobody can help me." "Nobody can understand me." "If I ask for help, they’ll see me as inferior."

The risk inherent in showing one’s physical weakness is always the fear of losing the relationship, or rather, any possibility of a relationship. Striving to do everything alone often

becomes the implicit way of asking for help, as an explicit request for assistance is viewed as dangerous. This tendency to protect their image through fear and submission to others can lead them to behave falsely, such as not expressing their true opinions when they should take a stance, out of fear of disagreeing and concern for others' opinions of them.

Another form of manipulation is to preemptively criticize oneself in order to pacify the person they fear will criticize them. It is common to find individuals of this subtype in therapy who come in with tasks already completed to prevent the therapist from offering feedback they wouldn’t want to hear. This image they present to others cannot be damaged, as they cannot bear it. They can be very critical of others, bold, and yet intolerant of criticism directed at themselves. Their preferred defense mechanism is justification and preemptive criticism.

Another relational manipulation involves placing themselves below others. In this way, they delegate their internal evaluation criteria to others, seeking recognition of their actions—whether right or wrong. Consider the following example:

"I just completed a task and felt satisfied with my work, but when I meet a colleague, I say: 'I'm not sure if what I did is right. Maybe I should have done something different, etc.' All of this is aimed at getting the other person to value them and say, 'What you did is good. You really know a lot about this.'"

Through this example, we can see that the Self-Preservation 4 subtype seeks praise from others but does so by positioning themselves beneath the other person, giving them authority over their actions. They seek validation by making themselves appear uncertain, even when they actually know what they’re doing. This creates a sense of discomfort for both parties involved. Thus, they end up being victims of their own manipulation. We can clearly see the false lack Dr. Naranjo refers to when discussing the fixation of this character.

In relationships, this Enneatype typically endures everything that comes their way due to their dependence on the affection of others. One of their main defense mechanisms is rationalizing the harm they feel they receive from others. They cannot risk showing that they were hurt by their emotional dependence, or by the fear of not being perceived as good. Revealing their vulnerability would expose their anger, and they wonder: What will others think? What if they get upset and withdraw their affection? Essentially, this subtype has “sold their soul to the devil” in exchange for maintaining an idealized self-image as a good person.

This subtype fears two things: not being seen as good and the possibility of others getting angry and withdrawing their affection. To prevent this, they are capable of faking, disguising, and hiding their true thoughts and feelings. Emotional dependence is both what can lead to their imbalance and what they cling to the most.

I recall a patient who once attended a conference and met someone who had been very significant to them. However, this person didn't approach them, and they didn't speak as they usually did. This experience, the one they had long desired, didn't happen. This situation provoked a feeling of abandonment and heartbreak.

When these types of situations occur, the person cannot reason. The emotions take over, and the repetition of past experiences drags them in a way that feels out of control. The experience can feel as though life is slipping away. As this patient said, “I feel like life is going down the drain.”

The Self-Preservation 4 subtype depends emotionally on the look and recognition of others, particularly someone they idealize and view as an authority. They don't question this person and submit to them in hopes of obtaining the long-awaited recognition. This recognition was once denied, and the longing for it seems unattainable. The result is often the repetition of a dynamic where, sooner or later, the individual will disappoint the authority figure, just as they did with one of their parents.

The person might then think to themselves, "I am not what the other expects of me." The unhealthy idea that arises is, "If I make an effort, I will obtain recognition and merit." All of this substitutes for love.

It’s clear that we are conditioned to believe that what others feel about us—whether their enthusiasm, rejection, desire to embrace us, or reluctance to do so—reflects who we are and whether we are worthy of love. However, we fail to realize that, in reality, all this really reflects is what is happening within the other person. (Bleichmar)

This paragraph reflects a healthy way to break free from the attachment and emotional dependence of the Self-Preservation 4 on others, and shows how they interpret the lack of love when a desired encounter does not happen.

As a result of all this, what we most commonly find in this subtype is that, to escape the anxiety of seeking the gaze, recognition, and affection of others, they may prefer to break off relationships. This act serves as a way to preserve their mental health and maintain psychophysical stability.

Although not as strong as in the Sexual 4 subtype, a sadistic aspect is still present, especially in relationships with parents and partners. There are instances where individuals have displayed contemptuous behavior and mistreatment toward their mother, followed by intense guilt for their aggression. This guilt often leads to reparative actions toward the person they’ve harmed. Therefore, the person who was once subjugated might end up subduing the one who once dominated them.

In relation to their partner, the individual can become so emotionally dependent that they may, at times, express sadism toward them, especially if the partner exhibits masochistic traits. Importantly, this stems from their area of disqualification: "If this person loves me, they must not have much value." We can say that, in the relationship, their need to feel loved is a driving force. But eventually, the Self-Preservation 4 person becomes distressed by their dependency and the pain of not having their partner’s affection as needed. In many cases, they prefer to give up the love altogether.

Many people of this subtype end up choosing to relinquish what they desire most. Another irrational thought often arises from this situation: "On my own, I manage better."

The sadism they feel toward others pales in comparison to the sadism they inflict upon themselves.

One day, I witnessed a discharge from a Self-Preservation 4 patient, where the sadistic part of her personality attacked her for possessing traits that were not valued but were, in fact, despised. This sadistic aspect took pleasure in insulting her, expressing anger and enjoyment at her imperfections, mistakes, and limitations.

The unhealthy thought is: "I have to be perfect." The self-ideal is so strong that it cannot tolerate imperfection. To conclude, we’ll focus on three of the most significant defense mechanisms of this Enneatype (introjection, retroflection, and projection), not in terms of their structural impact on the psyche, but in how they shape their relationships with others.

The introjection mechanism involves internalizing positive object relations by replacing them with modifications of the ego. It leads to the formation of the superego through incorporating certain selective aspects of the parents. We can see introjection as a defense mechanism in relationships. Freud discussed introjection in Mourning and Melancholy (1915), describing how the ego reacts to the loss of a loved one, whether real or imagined. It can also involve the loss of something idealized—like self-disappointment and subsequent depression—or the loss of ideals connected to interpersonal relationships.

When faced with the loss of an object, the person feels lost and exhibits various reactions. One common response is to introject the loved one, internalizing the relationship in the form of ego modification. As a result, being loved or hated becomes part of the person’s identity. They believe that the introjected individual possesses the same attributes, whether positive or negative.

Let’s look at an example of a patient who endured repeated abandonment by her mother. When she was born, her mother had to rest for forty days and was cared for by the grandmother. Later, when the patient was three months old, the mother underwent surgery and was again removed from her life. Later on, the mother and father would go to work,

leaving her alone, which further intensified the feeling of abandonment. During a session, the patient remarked, "I'm just as manipulative and aggressive as my mother," describing traits that she perceived as her own and also saw in her mother. As she searched for traits or behaviors that differed from her mother, she found none. The patient realized that she had an emptiness inside.

At that moment, she became aware of the relationship of hate she had toward herself for having internalized her mother's traits. She hated herself for seeing herself in the image and likeness of her mother.

During therapy, she described how, whenever she visualized her own image, her face would overlap with her mother’s, and it was impossible to separate the two. Each attempt to distinguish them resulted in intense feelings of anguish and guilt. Only after acknowledging her pain and anger, and taking steps toward genuine reconciliation, was she able to begin separating her own identity from her mother's.

Francesca S.

Naranjo, like Freud, argues that this character type “internalizes parental rejection or introjects a non-loving father or mother, thereby introducing into their psyche a constellation of traits that vary from a poor self-concept to a quest for special distinction, constructing chronic suffering and compensatory dependence on external recognition.”

Let’s explore how a person builds chronic suffering:

A patient experienced difficulty performing a task in front of her boss and several other influential people. Eventually, she succeeded, but when positive external feedback came, she rejected it and disqualified the recognition.

We must ask: why does this person reject what they so desperately long for, and for which they worked so hard? As Naranjo suggests, it’s a way of maintaining chronic suffering—a persistent feeling of lack in human relationships and, consequently, a means of perpetuating envy. This mechanism helps the person avoid reproach, competition, and responsibility.

Claudio Naranjo comments that, in both envy and the depressive masochistic character, another fundamental mechanism is retroflection.

Retroflection, or turning against oneself, is a mechanism through which a person does to themselves what they would like others to do. It literally means "turning back intensely against" — that is, the subject turns against themselves what they would like to do to others.

Naranjo continues: «Self-hatred or self-rejection is implicit in the notion of having introjected a "bad object". The idea of retroflection suggests that the anger generated as a consequence of frustration is directed not only at the external source of frustration (and the original frustrator of one's life), but also inward, due to the introjection of that frustration into oneself. In this phrase, we see what we discussed earlier: within the person, an intrapsychic dynamic is established where the ego is split. One part of the person looks at themselves with contempt and hatred, while the other part suffers this mistreatment in a masochistic way. Moreover, as Naranjo said, hate is directed towards the external source. The problem lies in where it is directed: whether towards the outside or inside.

When aggression is directed inward, the person does not express it outwardly; the Self-Preservation 4 rarely complains or cries. It is easier for them to cultivate internal resentment and demand that they not have desires, remaining in a desert with little, nourishing themselves on the passion of stoically sustaining a poor material and affective life. The person turns the anger they feel towards others against themselves. By carrying a "bad object" introjected within them, they end up hating themselves. In other words, they look at themselves with hatred, dislike, and contempt.

On the other hand, when anger must be directed towards others, the external sources of frustration, the person cannot express it. They direct it inward due to fear of the other person's response or out of guilt. As a result, the aggression takes the subject themselves as the object, which leads to different types of somatization, and a permanent state of de-energizing and depression. "Everything depends on me, there is none for me."

The Social 4 is the subtype that turns its rage most against itself. The Sexual 4 is the subtype that most openly expresses anger towards others. The Self-Preservation 4 transforms anger into self-demand. In all three cases, what is revealed is the aggressiveness of this character.

An example can be given of someone who, out of envy and rivalry towards her husband — who was a famous person — attacked him permanently. In this case, the object, i.e., the loved person, does not die or disappear in reality, but is lost as an ideal within the person. This is when the loss within the ego occurs. This mechanism is important in explaining certain self-destructive tendencies, linked to secondary masochism, as Freud understood it — a return of sadism onto the subject itself.

The equal Self-Preservation Enneatype is not as overt in its criticism and competition as the Sexual subtype, but the mechanism of introjection is the same for all subtypes. Whenever a significant relationship is lost — whether a partner, a friend, etc. — the person, in order not to feel the loss of the loved one, will introject a partial aspect of them with which they will identify. This helps them avoid feeling the emptiness left by the loss.

The Projection

Through the projection mechanism, the person rejects qualities, feelings, and desires that they cannot recognize as their own because they consider them negative, and projects them onto others. By constructing a negative image of the other person, labeling them as bad, aggressive, a thief, etc., the person can see themselves as someone who does not possess these flaws — in other words, they construct an identity of being good, non-aggressive, etc. Thus, projection is a process of distributing identities between the subject and the other.

One may not only project negative aspects, but also positive aspects because of guilt. This is common for E4. The projection of positive aspects of the self arises from the need to maintain a poor self-image.

The Self-Preservation 4 is often identified with one of the parents who persecuted them. This means that, in times of great demand and anguish, they project that persecution onto others. Consider this example:

"I worked in a computer company, and for health reasons, I didn’t feel the same strength and began to feel insecure, questioning whether I could perform my tasks as I had before. All of this left me powerless and anxious, and I withdrew from my coworkers. To counter the fear and anxiety I felt in light of my physical limitations, I projected my internal persecutor and began to think that it was the others who wanted to get me fired."

We can identify some irrational thoughts sustaining this dynamic: "If I don't do it perfectly, they will reject me. If I don’t comply with everything, they will fire me."

Here, we see how the internalized persecutor is projected and becomes an external persecutor, leading to significant anguish in relationships. It could be said that the Self-Preservation 4 identifies with the persecutor in the same way the paranoid character identifies with the aggressor.

Next, consider a more typical situation that may be familiar to anyone, but it helps to see how our Self-Preservation 4 reacts. In this situation, we can observe various defense mechanisms like persecution, blame, demand, transformed rage, projection, and submission:

"I had invited some cousins to dinner at my house. When I called to see what time they would arrive, I found out they had gone somewhere else. I was surprised because we had made the plans the day before during a family meal. Instead of thinking something had happened to them, I began to imagine that my cousins had something against me (this is called fabulation for noid). I told myself that if they didn't come, it was because I had done

something wrong and made them angry. Since they had been with other relatives the day before, I obsessively reviewed my behavior at that meal under the persecution of my superego: 'Here you weren't careful enough, you talked more with other cousins, and maybe they were annoyed. Look at this! You’re careless!' The crazy conclusion I came to was: 'Because I wasn’t careful enough with them, they got mad at me and that's why they didn’t come to dinner.'"

Finally, I decided to call them to break free from the mental loop I had gotten myself into, but they didn’t answer. Instead of thinking they might be busy, I thought: "My cousin used to call me right away." In other words, I attributed the delay to my paranoid narrative.

In this example, we see how the E4 turns anger into self-demand and self-reproach due to internal persecution. Part of the anger is projected onto others — "They are mad at me," even though I had the right to be angry because they stood me up. The person doesn't express their anger due to the fear that others might be angry with them. Here, we also see the submission and dependence on the affection of this person towards their cousins. "If I express what I feel, I’ll just be a burden to others. If I express my needs, they won't be understood. My needs are less important than those of others."