The Characteristic Neurotic Need

The neurotic need of the Self-Preservation 4 subtype is tenacity, through which it seeks recognition, affection, uniqueness, and the desire to be indispensable and special to others. This need originates from several factors. On one hand, it stems from a lack of support from one of the attachment figures, typically the mother, who failed to provide adequate care due to various circumstances such as illness, depression, parental conflicts, personal neurotic needs, pathogenic character traits, situations of distress, superego demands, and so on. On the other hand, it results from an unaddressed failure in primary narcissization. In most cases, the recognition from the father also failed for the Self-Preservation 4.

As a consequence, the individual neurotically seeks the gaze, recognition, support, and satisfaction of others, using effort and tenacity as a way to achieve this. They create the illusion of being someone who can endure and who knows how to sustain even suffering itself. Effort helps them stand out, be seen, and feel unique. It mediates the repeated process of proving their validity in the eyes of others. They make an effort as a duty, obligation, or even a gift, often to avoid discomfort, please desires, or fulfill the mandates of their internalized superego, leading to a vicious, flawed cycle.

In my case, my mother was very religious and often told us stories about saints and martyrs. Back then, I longed to be a saint—or even a martyr, as that would make my mother very proud of me. The concept of holiness that I internalized was closely tied to pain and suffering in silence for the love of God. That's where I placed myself. At seven years old, I would put pebbles in my shoes and run miles. The more pain, the more points I earned toward sainthood. Later, at boarding school, the behavior continued, this time with the nuns. I wore a hair shirt and would pray on my knees with my arms outstretched at night in my clique—without anyone knowing. Effort, sacrifice, recognition of God; a lowercase god who took note of my offerings, with the costlier offerings being the better ones. This was the god my mother had told us about and threatened us with.

This dynamic extends beyond the religious context and becomes generalized in other relationships, with effort being the means to earn recognition from others. Fundamentally, the Self-Preservation 4 subtype starts from a fragile self-concept or self-esteem, believing that the combination of effort and recognition from others provides meaning, validity, a sense of belonging, and, at its extreme, justifies their existence.

For the Self-Preservation 4, tenacity becomes a modus vivendi, a way to resist and achieve what is considered necessary for survival. It also drives the pursuit of an idealized self-image and the recognition they long for.

Tenacity is sustained by the inner strength of a person, a quality based on the ability to resist, endure, and silence emotions in the name of not giving up. This aspect is activated in various life situations, whether directed inwardly (towards professional goals, work, or study) or outwardly (seeking support from loved ones).

The Self-Preservation 4 is capable of assuming economic responsibility for their family, ensuring that their loved ones lack nothing. They may deprive themselves of what they need in order to provide for others, whether materially, emotionally, or in terms of internal needs.

If we also take into account their intense oral character, we see that one person's recognition will never be enough. They will seek recognition from everyone, the affection of everyone, and the validation that they are unique. Since this is impossible, they become frustrated and dissatisfied.

It’s important to note that even when the Self-Preservation 4 subtype does receive recognition from others, they often fail to internalize it. The praise is disqualified by their hypercritical superego, making it unhelpful and leading to frustration as the longed-for recognition remains elusive.

This pattern results in an inability to consolidate an internal view of their own achievements. Consequently, the vicious cycle of seeking recognition continues throughout their life. The outcome is always frustration, as the desired recognition is never fully attained. The individual may offer a completed task to others, hoping to receive love or affection, but it remains unmet due to a lack of loving connection from the beginning of their existence.

The combination of effort and resulting frustration pushes the Self-Preservation 4 to keep trying again and again in a neurotic spiral. This cycle only breaks when the individual becomes aware of its futility and questions its necessity, effectiveness, or rationale. Such an epiphany may have both emotional and physical consequences.

Additionally, envy creates heightened sensitivity. The Self-Preservation 4 subtype often feels discriminated against when someone in authority or someone they value offers recognition to others. They may constantly monitor the authority figure to see what they give to others and what is withheld from them. This leaves the person in a state of unease, always watching who is favored, desiring to be the sole recipient of affection. This dynamic causes problems in relationships, as the individual may harbor unconscious resentment toward those with power. Eventually, this suppressed hostility can be projected onto authority figures, peers, or others, leading to a sense of persecution and a belief that others are "against them."

A common trait across all the Self-Preservation 4 cases I've observed is their intense effort in academics and work. To achieve the recognition they crave, they are capable of making significant sacrifices, often at the cost of their health or well-being. There is no limit to the effort they will exert in order to earn the recognition and affection of others. As previously mentioned, the avoidance of envy is central to their drive. For example, a person giving a workshop on a particular topic might study all the relevant literature beforehand to avoid feeling inadequate compared to other professionals. The effort is intended to not only compensate for the subjective feeling of lack but also to create the illusion that their effort makes them superior to others.

The persistent belief remains: "If I make an effort, I will earn affection and recognition and be seen as unique."

In some autobiographies, we observe that the Self-Preservation subtype is linked to early near-death experiences, when both physical and emotional needs were threatened and unsatisfied. The neurotic need is fueled by an intense effort, which is tied to the self-preservation instinct. Even in love, immense effort is exerted in order to survive.

The early, irrational thoughts that emerge from these experiences are: "There is nothing for me," or "I must do it alone." These beliefs are accompanied by feelings of anguish. The effort itself becomes a defense mechanism to avoid feeling vulnerable, and the motivation is simply not to stop or to feel. "Whatever it takes, I will endure, without needing anyone." This neurotic need takes various forms, arising under different circumstances.

The disappointment of maternal desire is a frequent issue. For example, cases where a daughter is born instead of a son, or vice versa, leading to feelings of inadequacy when compared to other siblings born into more favorable circumstances. Inexperienced mothers or parents who have to struggle to get by may also contribute to the individual's sense of "not measuring up" to their mother.

Other manifestations of this effort include adolescence-related issues like anorexia, where the effort is tied to an identification with maternal sacrifice. "Through my effort, I feel that I

belong; without effort, I don't." Additionally, the experience of being the first daughter, granddaughter, or niece who received recognition and later lost it creates an intense desire to regain what was once had.

For the Self-Preservation 4, seeking recognition often involves sacrifices that go unacknowledged, such as good grades, self-sacrifice, or acts of kindness that fail to meet the mark. This dynamic leads to an unending search for recognition, but the path is misguided. The person looks for love and affection by producing results, such as academic performance, but ultimately, their search for recognition is often short-lived.

We also see cases where individuals raised by relatives other than their parents, or placed in schools early on, experience a profound sense of insecurity due to comparisons to other siblings or relatives. Along with this comes fear, similar to the memory of trauma, such as fear of sleeping alone or fear of the dark.

Regarding relationships with siblings, envy is commonly observed. The Self-Preservation 4 subtype often feels resentment toward favored siblings and may harbor latent anger toward them, expressing it either directly or indirectly. This leads to frustration, guilt, and a sense of rejection, perpetuating the cycle of effort and recognition-seeking.

The film Butterfly Wings by Juanma Bajo Ulloa is an excellent representation of the themes described here.