Other Characteristic Traits And Psychodynamic Considerations

This section aims to illustrate characteristic aspects not developed in other chapters that complement the description of the subtype and help to determine if the person corresponds to the Sexual subtype of E4.

Devaluer

Devaluation is present in the repertoire of defense mechanisms for this Enneatype across all subtypes. The difference in the sexual subtype is that it tends to lean more towards projection, devaluing others, and openly blaming them for their shortcomings and defects. In the Enneagram, no one devalues more than the sexual Four. While other Enneatypes also devalue, the sexual Four does so in a competitive manner. It is the quintessential "head-trimmer," trying to appear comparatively taller by belittling and blaming others. This allows the sexual Four to avoid being in permanent contact with their own sense of internal worthlessness.

Guilty and Blaming Others

The sexual subtype is the one that projects the most among the three subtypes, and in this aspect, it can easily reach cruelty, especially through a great capacity for verbal aggression, as we have already noted. Sexual Fours have a phobia of feeling how little they value themselves, and also of feeling guilty. They tend to compulsively blame others, needing to find someone responsible for feelings they do not want or accept in themselves.

On the other hand, they have no problem admitting guilt dramatically when they feel all is lost. The fault can even be assigned to life or God himself, which can serve as a form of manipulation. In other words, there is great mobility between the extremes of "I am not guilty of anything" and the tearful "I am guilty of everything."

“I’ve always moved between a very high ideal of myself, and on the other hand, a very poor self-image. With little ability to recognize the pain and refusal to accept responsibility in life, I’ve always blamed God. My craziest idea has been that God has a plot against me.” – John Lion

Irresponsible

What is observed in this way of functioning is the difficulty and lack of capacity to assume responsibilities in the affairs of life. As we have seen, the Sexual 4 tirelessly dedicates itself to making something or someone (usually the partner) take care of aspects they do not feel capable of sustaining or developing themselves, with a sense of entitlement that is hard to reasonably question. Only through introspection do they begin to understand what it truly means to take responsibility for their own life. They often project the need for material sustenance or emotional support onto the other, so they can focus their energy on creativity or self-reflection, which they deem more important. These pursuits help them maintain the sense of being special.

If this support does not arrive, they may develop the feeling of being misunderstood, which is very present in this subtype. They justify outbursts of bad humor, anger, rudeness, etc. They directly associate irresponsibility with complaint and protest as a way of reacting when responsibility is not understood:

“The complaint and the protest work automatically in me. I live the realities of life, common to all humans, more closely, as if they only happened to me that way. Complaining is a childish mechanism that allows me to remain unaccountable, and it’s perhaps one of my most common neurotic traits. I protest about everything, and if I don’t express it verbally, I protest in my internal dialogue. It’s so automatic that sometimes the only thing that stops me is the idea of becoming a bitter and curmudgeonly man.” – John Lion

The Sexual 4 also presents obsessive tendencies, either toward a person who becomes the target of their love or toward some activity that provides comfort. These things become essential lifelines to solve problems they refuse to face on their own and to potentially control a depression they could not otherwise contain:

“My encounter with yoga and inner work saved me. I went to live in a community, and it became a lifeline. I became obsessed, I’ve always been obsessed with the things I like. There’s always been something I’ve placed my obsession on.”

Dissatisfied

Everything previously discussed stems from dissatisfaction and how the sexual Four relates to it. Although this will be explored further in the section on love, we’d like to underline in a sympathetic way the "Gata Flora" style ("If they put it in, she screams; if they take it out, she cries") that this subtype exhibits, showing their almost permanent dissatisfaction in all areas. If something doesn’t go their way, they scream; if it does, they don’t know how to handle it and likely despise it. Dissatisfaction is tied to the belief that nothing and no one is enough, creating a sense of a bottomless void.

Emotionally Labile

The Sexual 4 swings wildly between euphoria and depression. There are no grays or nuances; they move between extremes—everything or nothing, always or never. These terms are common in their vocabulary. This manic-depressive or cyclothymic tendency can manifest at varying levels of severity. One can observe it through their passion for extremes, with the person identifying at different times as the most wonderful or the worst. These individuals can shift from one state to another in very short periods, whether due to external stimuli, environmental circumstances, or internal factors related to fantasy. Emotional lability is characteristic of this subtype, contributing to their intense way of life. This intensity serves as another way to avoid confronting their real lack.

Transgressive, Intolerant of Limits

People of this subtype do not easily adapt to limits imposed by authority figures, laws, or conventions, nor do they have many references to internal limits. A certain maladjustment is present (though not as much as with the lustful E8), occasionally restrained by feelings of guilt. The transgression of limits often occurs at the level of fantasy, in front of an audience or an imagined other. It is not so much about breaking the limit itself, but about how it is perceived by others. There is a pleasure in creating a stir among observers, as if, from that position, they could gain either great admiration or rejection—something intense to experience and talk about.

The Sexual 4 is not very reserved and derives special pleasure from sharing their experiences in a compulsive and shameless way. Their position is: "If I don’t tell it, it’s as if it never happened." If this provokes an audience, even better. Their real goal is not simply to share, but to impress and feel superior, even when what they share diminishes them.

When their manipulations don’t succeed, they may embark on an inward journey, taking responsibility, recognizing their lack, and embracing the drama. This can lead them to creative solitude, inner strength, and responsibility for their thoughts, feelings, and actions.

Histrionic

This trait can sometimes make it difficult to recognize the character of this subtype, as they may appear very humorous, funny, and expressive. They enjoy occupying the stage in a theatrical way—not just through tragedy. When in this polarity, they are supported by a

grandiosity that makes them feel superior, believing they can do anything. However, this is a temporary state that can end quickly, as they are very sensitive to any adversity.

Selfish

They always find a justification for their great suffering, difficulty, or lack of possibilities, making it easy for them to be unavailable to the needs of others. They use their suffering as an excuse to avoid tasks or delegate responsibilities they do not like or that require effort. Egoism is also rooted in the belief that their own suffering is always more important than that of others.

Violent

As discussed earlier, aggressiveness and self-injury are present. However, there is also harmful behavior directed at others, especially within the family or intimate relationships. Violence is especially prevalent when they cannot tolerate frustration or fear, particularly when they feel they are losing control over the other.

Extravagant

Sexual Fours are not afraid of originality and often enjoy feeling different. They love to be special, unique, and original, and they succeed in doing so. They may speak very explicitly, not adhering to proper manners, and dress flamboyantly, often going against the grain. Their desire to be peculiar makes them brave and adventurous, willing to minimize risks and dangers.

Inconstant

Despite being highly creative and talented, sexual Fours often fail to carry out their projects. The self-ideal is very strong, and low self-esteem is often hidden. They have many dreams and aspirations to occupy special places, and their desire for admiration is so great that it is difficult for them to tolerate failure or obstacles. The difficulty in maintaining discipline and tolerating the necessary path often leads to disappointment, and feelings of inadequacy are sometimes masked with anger or outward devaluation.

Jealous

Jealousy is experienced with great intensity and often leads to huge scenes, especially in relationships. However, they also feel jealousy in any situation—family, work, social settings, or friendships. The constant competition that drives them makes them assess whether they are preferred or chosen over others, and if they feel excluded, it hurts them deeply. This provokes jealousy, which they project onto those they see as their opponents. They are also very clever and know how to provoke jealousy in others.

Overpowering

In relationships, driven by the need to be seen and for things to go as they want, they often impose themselves in a way that is overbearing, abusive, oppressive, humiliating, and dismissive. However, in their polar state, they can also be overwhelming in their generosity, care, and concern for the other.

Vain

Shared with the neighboring E3, vanity is a characteristic of this subtype. They mask their envy by attempting to "dress up" their internal chaos, as if by applying makeup, they can cover the horror of their internal state. As previously discussed, their perception of themselves swings constantly, and in moments of ascent, vanity accompanies them. This can manifest as an excessive belief in their abilities and the attraction they elicit from others. If they are in a good mood, they take great care of their appearance (according to their own standards) and enjoy being recognized, though compliments make them uncomfortable because, deep down, they never fully believe them. Thus, they may appear arrogant, conceited, self-centered, and occasionally narcissistic, viewing others as mediocre.

Sarcastic

The sarcasm of the Sexual 4 is a mix of bitterness, wit, and talkativeness. They don't laugh healthily at themselves or at reality; instead, they mock with scathing and cruel irony, often offending or teasing others. They have a remarkable ability to do this, seeking excessive attention by ridiculing, humiliating, or insulting. The etymological origin of sarcasm is linked to "biting the flesh" of the victim. In their histrionics, they cleverly use humor, but with

malice, aiming to make others look bad—or even themselves—if they are the target of their sarcasm. However, this trait sometimes serves as an outlet for anger, allowing them to release it before it becomes uncontrollable and dangerous.

Cheerful and Chatty

They are often very cheerful, especially during euphoric moments in their manic-depressive cycles. Just as they are the most dramatic when they are down, they become the funniest, sharpest, and most capable of laughing at themselves and their misfortunes when they are on top. Quirky as they are, they can be talkative in their attempts to focus the audience's attention on them. If they find the right setting, there’s no stopping them, and they can even tire the audience with their constant chatter.

Seductive

Intense in both the good and the bad, they are typically good lovers and are open to sex, as it is something they have mastered as a weapon to obtain love. They know how to enjoy sex and seek their own pleasure, unlike other subtypes who may be more content with giving pleasure to others. However, it’s not just about sexual seduction; the Sexual 4 seduces even without realizing it. They generally possess a strong erotic charge that permeates all their movements—walking, dancing, eating, and talking—and they know how to handle it well when it’s directed or focused. For them, seducing and rejecting often becomes an ongoing cycle. They are highly attentive to what they like and can discern what works and what doesn’t. It’s like a peacock that only spreads its beautiful tail when someone, perhaps unknowingly, has previously seduced it. They are keen observers, analyzing and capturing those they wish to seduce.

Sensitive and Artistic

When they take significant steps toward personal growth, they can achieve a high degree of understanding and empathy with others, becoming experts in confronting issues in an open and positive manner. They possess deep emotional wisdom, which translates into a good understanding of human nature and the emotional range of others. They are highly sensitive, often immersing themselves in internal mental landscapes where they feel free to explore and analyze their feelings. Driven by a desire to manifest this inner world, they often develop a great interest in the arts and many become real artists in various fields. Their emotional richness fuels their creativity, and their fertile imagination often results in

artistic work or other contributions that are novel and original. They have a strong aesthetic sense of life, valuing beauty in all forms. Their lifestyle is deeply concerned with self-expression and self-revelation, and if they dedicate themselves to art, they can become profound, peculiar, and innovative. Due to their dramatic nature, they can excel in acting. They seek to give everything an artistic and special touch. Among those who investigate personal growth, they are some of the most dedicated. Their experiences of dissatisfaction and relational struggles make them well-disposed to therapy. When they find a bond of trust, respect, and affection, they can commit and respond positively to treatment.

Intellectual

Among the E4 subtypes, the sexual one can sometimes be highly intellectual. This is evident in their aspirations, their inclination toward knowledge, and their interest in studying and researching various subjects, especially humanistic and philosophical topics. They love to read and stay informed, often engaging in social or political commitments. In their stubborn non-conformism, passion for criticism, and rebellion against the system, they define themselves as revolutionaries. However, their ideals of justice may be based on a very personalized perception of reality, one that compensates for their sense of injustice.