Interpersonal Strategy And Associated Irrational Ideas

The "philosophy of life" of E6 is centered on the illusion that rational categories can guarantee security, defending against unforeseen events and various threats.

The Self-Preservation 6, in particular, believes that by defining these categories, they will be able to control their behavior and thus avoid rejection, abandonment, and most of all, punishment. They will be able to secure a place among the good or control the bad behaviors of others.

They constantly oscillate between the feeling of guilt for feeling bad and the feeling of persecution for being punished. The core of this distorted vision of reality (fixation) is called, in the psychology of Enneatypes, accusation. It is a style of thought that defines reality in terms of victim or culprit. In the Self-Preservation subtype, it is based on self-accusation. They attribute the blame to themselves to neutralize the persecutor in this way.

The main defense mechanism of the E6 in general is identification with the aggressor. They interpret reality from self-rejection, through massive identification with an internal accuser who devalues and blames without room for appeal. This introjection of the punishing authority is like an obedient dog that doesn’t need its master to control it, since it knows very well that it should not climb on top of the bed or sofa. We have all introjected social prohibitions, but the Self-Preservation 6 internalizes stern authority to the point of becoming an inhibiting self-accuser.

Another typical mechanism is projection, which, although universal, the Self-Preservation 6 manifests more easily. Their view of the world as threatening is the projection of their repressed anger. They feel looked at with disapproval; that is, they project on others the repressed accusations of an overly kind and gentle individual.

"I vividly remember the first rehearsals in the orchestra where I was working. I would arrive, sit at my lectern, and anxiously wait for one of my classmates to greet me, smile, or ask how I was doing before beginning. Otherwise, I had the feeling that everyone hated me, looked at me badly, and even wondered if I had done something bad to them. All I needed was an approving look and a smile to be able to enjoy the rehearsal. If not, they were all enemies against me."

The Mental Strategy

The Self-Preservation 6 presents an organization of phobic knowledge. Any affective disturbance that threatens the loss of protection or freedom generates anxiety. The priority is, therefore, to maintain a balance between two polarities they feel are antagonistic: the need for protection and the need for freedom.

In their attachment history, they have felt an indirect limitation of their autonomous exploratory behavior due to the mother's unpredictable and incoherent oscillation between

hyper protectiveness and rejection with threats of abandonment. An inverted attachment relationship is also possible, where it is the child who cares for the father or mother.

The attachment model is the so-called resistant anxious, with early experiences of hyper protection, anxiety of separation/estrangement from the child, connotation of the outside world as dangerous, attention paid to illnesses and physical vulnerability, hypercontrol, invasion, limitation of autonomous exploration of the environment, rules not linked to structure and function, restrictions on play and joy.

This indirect limitation of exploration prevents opposition because the child cannot be aware of the emotional discomfort it generates. The child perceives it as linked to the love they typically feel protected by, and to the maintenance of that protective closeness with attachment figures. The child progressively enters the realization that if they are oriented towards love, they lose their independence, and vice versa. The only possibility is to oscillate between the two.

The future development of an Self-Preservation 6 child creates a contradictory sense of self: on one hand, the protection from their parents allows them to perceive themselves as loved; on the other, the inability to establish themselves as an autonomous person leads them to perceive themselves as weak and incapable. The dynamic balance of this polarity is maintained by selectively excluding sensory input that might activate the need for freedom and independence beyond the stability limits, and by attributing the need for protection to an "objectively" external, dangerous cause.

Adolescence usually allows for independent experiences, but self-control—which excludes processing disturbing emotions—reduces the range of decodable feelings. The adolescent imagines potential dangers from loneliness and struggles to make explicit their limitation in exploration. They develop the ability to restrict themselves to tight, routine social spaces where they can take initiative, managing to appear bright and dynamic.

By constructing themselves as a "controlling subject," the Self-Preservation 6 can be perceived as competent if the control strategy is successful. On the other hand, threats—real or imagined—of indifference from protection figures, or an increase in the level of commitment that is seen as a restriction of their freedom, activate emotionally intense reactions. Therefore, control procedures are based on the prevention and avoidance of emotions, rather than understanding their meaning.

I have always allowed myself to enter into a relationship with a girl when there was a clear ending. During intensive one-month courses, I always got involved in the last week, or when I knew I was going to move to another city or country. If I am unsure of an ending, I feel an incredible burden and a great fear of commitment because of the belief that if I let

myself enter the relationship, I will no longer be able to be myself; I will be devoured. In this way, when the relationship ends, there is no pain, and I feel victorious in the situation.

With self-control, I defend myself from the ghost of supposed personal weakness (“by controlling myself, I avoid giving in to emotions that would make my weakness evident”) and from the risk of emotional distancing from attachment figures by avoiding aggressive behaviors in confrontations or anything different from what is expected, and falling in love with people who are alternatives to the current partner.

Controlling the other, in turn, averts the danger of affective loss (“by controlling the partner, I guarantee the continuity of the relationship”), allows for managing protection (“if you control, you can protect me without suppressing me”), and avoids the unpredictability of new situations.

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Social Relations

The personal relationships of Self-Preservation 6 are characterized by mistrust and suspicion, or, on the contrary, by an excess of expectations and idealization. In any case, they are exhausting, and contact with others is always somewhat intermittent. Discontinuity defines their way of relating to others. As much as possible, they avoid confrontation and competition; if there is no choice, they experience them with anxiety and little ability to modulate anger. When they lose control in expressing anger, an attempt at reconciliation follows; it is difficult for them to accept relationships with residual tension. Their ability to contain anger is low, and the initial mode of experiencing it is all or nothing: passivity or loss of control.

The Self-Preservation 6 would need friendship, the closeness of a group, loved ones, family, and allies, but starts with the misguided idea that "I have to manage alone," when in many cases, you can only overcome the enormous challenges life throws at you if you are part of a team. There is also the fear of getting too close, because in deep contact, they lose themselves. They cannot distinguish between "I" and "you"; they introject the judgments and desires of others to such an extent that they are incapable of feeling what they truly want and desire. Therefore, they need a blind spot where they can remain invisible to others, take refuge, and do whatever they want.

At first, they do not trust; the world is potentially dangerous and also false because people say one thing and do another. Moreover, life is a battle to be won at all costs, or else you will be among the losers. You always have to be better than others.

The Need to Belong

Their need to belong, intensified by the fear of rejection, prevails over the need to simply be. This inhibits their ability to speak their mind; they prefer to remain silent rather than antagonize others or adhere to the most charismatic person's idea.

In adolescent groups, they tend to be gregarious and align with the leader. In relationships with girls, they are shy and approach love through friendship, which allows for a strategic approach.

I remember how frustrating it was in my teens to see a bold boy quickly seduce the girl I was courting in a veiled, almost secret way, turning me into her confidant and best friend. Suddenly, someone else arrived, who, in a very short time, made her his.

A way of living on tiptoes develops, in which everything is done with great caution, always being mindful of where they place their feet. Dancing and drinking parties were incredibly embarrassing situations. I tended to become an observer, staying there watching until someone in the group proposed something deeper and warmer than just dancing. If the world seduces through instinct and the exaltation of carelessness, I used warmth, depth, and affability (all qualities that, unfortunately, did not prove to be victorious).