The Characteristic Neurotic Need

When we speak of "warmth" in connection with the neurotic need characteristic of E6 preservation, we refer to a highly articulated set of physical sensations, emotions, thoughts, and fantasies.

The "warmth" is found in physical contact where it feels contained, protected, and safe, reminiscent of a mother's embrace. It is also found in a "warm" place, because it is cozy, with diffused lights, sofas, comfortable cushions, and rugs... a space where one can be "at peace" and find refuge, away from obsessive thoughts that evoke constant worries.

But the "warmth" can also be found in "warm" clothes (many times, the Self-Preservation 6 complains of cold, including physical cold; they wrap up a lot and sleep with several blankets). It can also be found in "comforting" food or drink (Schubert, for example, drank a lot). Or in "enveloping" music, which cradles and invites oblivion (a good subject for hypnosis, due to the desire to dissociate from a constant state of conscious tension).

As the dominant passion of Self-Preservation 6, "warmth" is understood more precisely as the longing for a situation that is safe, warm, and calm, in the sense of affectionate welcome, serenity, and peace. It takes the form of longing because it is never fully achieved. Even in the right moments, the feeling of threat or the problems that must be faced are always present. It’s a bit like Schubert's Winterreise, where every time an image of serenity, warmth, or protection is presented, something interferes—an obstacle that makes it precarious.

Therefore, the compulsive desire for peace and warmth is accompanied by an equally compulsive hyperactive and worried behavior, which knows no pause, beginning with thought, except in the rare moments in which the individual feels they have earned rest after heavy or difficult tasks. However, even this rest is experienced with the anxiety that it will eventually end.

The passion for warmth is fed by fantasies—by “magical” thoughts of life changes in which all effort and concern disappear by magic, giving way to a world of soft pastel colors, where each emotional note too high is dimmed, and calm and serenity prevail.

This compulsive search for warm tranquility is often a self-deception since the fundamental characteristic of Self-Preservation 6 is ambivalence (more accentuated than in the social or sexual subtypes): it longs for tranquility... only to discover, once it is reached, that what is truly needed are intense stimuli, because otherwise, life is boring. In other words, they convince themselves that they want a quiet life only due to their excessive fear of an intense life.

Another characteristic of this subtype is the inconsistency between what they want and what they do. They want warmth in relationships but search for it only superficially, because they deeply mistrust the possibility of finding it for real. They are gentle, apparently friendly, and available, but fear that the relationship, if it becomes intense, will automatically restrict them and threaten their freedom.

The feared threats of abandonment (explicit or implicit) from parental or close figures generated a tendency to hide the truth and indulge, believing that confrontation would necessarily lead to a break in the relationship. In this constant avoidance of confrontation, the Self-Preservation 6 is the first to walk away without fully engaging, and when they have no choice but to do so, they react angrily, accusing the other of being too demanding.

The search for warmth in the relationship is accompanied by the need to control it: the deepest fear is of giving in and becoming dependent on the other, only to later be abandoned, at the moment when all defenses have been loosened.

"Warmth" is also a way to seduce. By inspiring tenderness and appearing shy, defenseless, and eager for protection, they use this strategy to attract attention and make the other person feel strong and important.

It’s as if the Self-Preservation 6 has lost touch with (and faith in) their inner animal. They seek intimate contact that gives them security while overwhelming them, as protection comes at the price of total dependence, of not being able to disassociate due to the fear of the threatening world. Due to this ambivalence, they defend themselves from intimate contact and dedication to life, in its instinctive and emotional aspects.

Unlike the longing for great passion of a Sexual E2, or the dramatic addiction to love of an E4, the need for warmth of an Self-Preservation 6 is to feel part of a family, in a homey environment that counteracts the persistent feeling of cold and abandonment from early childhood.

Many E6 present themselves as excessively idealistic. Now, can a person be too idealistic? Doesn’t an ideal world of truth, beauty, and goodness deserve to be put above all things? In The Idiot, Dostoevsky describes an ideal human being (in a letter, he explains that he was inspired by Jesus Christ). And paradigmatically, despite the fact that his intention was to portray human perfection, the writer cannot avoid acknowledging the mental illness of his character, who oscillates from good to self-victimization.

The ideal of compulsive kindness naturally falls in the course of a successful psychotherapeutic experience, which shows how this intense passion for kindness is that of an idealized self. This overly nice and ineffective type of person has established a non-aggression pact with others: “You see how I am harmless? Do not attack me.” There is a biological precedent for this strategy: in a wolf fight, the strongest one stops when the loser offers their jugular. When one always ends up losing in competition, it is better to avoid it. The resulting frustration leads to a tendency to deceive, to make the other believe that they agree with what is said or done. This "false condescension" (which increasingly turns into lying) often ends up being discovered. And then the other gets angry, disappointed—but the Self-Preservation 6 doesn’t realize how hard it is to always feel lost and wonder why they need pain. The lie, for the Self-Preservation 6, is a kind of “revenge”: "I do what you ask, but I don’t really belong to you."

Without protection, the warm E6 perceives itself as crippled or orphaned, feeling incapable of coping with the difficult situations of life. The feeling of insecurity generates helplessness, restricts exploration of the world, and has a generally paralyzing effect. The house is their refuge.

"My house is my point of reference, my refuge. It has to be solid and in a central location so I can easily reach everywhere. When I leave home, especially if it is for a trip or I have to be away for many hours, I feel insecure.

The day before leaving on a trip, I have a hard time: my body seizes up, I feel anxious, I want to take all the medicines and protective measures I use daily with me. The small effort involved in packing, together with the stiffness, can cause pain in my lower back. When I've been away for a few hours, I need to find somewhere similar to home to rest and relax."