Persona and Shadow: What Is Destructive For Themselves And Others

This chapter describes the functions and behaviors that the Sexual 6 has not developed, the rejected and eliminated parts of consciousness that it projects onto others or denies and represses.

C. G. Jung developed the concepts of person and shadow. The person is the mask that an individual builds to present themselves to the world, to defend themselves, survive, and interact. The shadow, on the other hand, refers to everything that does not live on a conscious level and that the individual hides, with or without awareness of it. They are two aspects of the psyche, and if they are not integrated, if the shadow does not see the light, the individual blocks their maturation process and cannot fulfill themselves. Rejecting the shadow can lead to self-destruction or the destruction of others.

As far as the Sexual 6 character is concerned, speaking of a shadow would seem almost paradoxical, given how dark its mask is and how dark and destructive the way it manifests itself outwardly is.

It is not difficult to see how dangerous a counterphobic E6 can be, both for themselves and others. The aggressiveness that finds its raison d’être in the conviction of being at the service of justice, the protection of the good, or saving lives can obviously overcome any obstacle. All courts acquit the killer "in self-defense," and a Sexual 6 could coherently explain that the motive for all attacks is self-defense.

The idealism they live with glory and satisfaction is the path that leads to fanaticism. Although not fully committed to a cause, as the Social 6 is, the counterphobic is a great idealist, and the ideal can assume a priority role that goes beyond needs and moods. A Sexual 6 can forget themselves for an ideal.

We have extensively described the characteristics of this trait. Now we will dedicate ourselves to investigating what lies behind the appearance and revealing the parts the individual cannot live due to fear: fear of dying, going mad, or living in coldness.

The first function they hide is instinct—pleasure. Enjoying their skin and that of others, savoring the heat that runs through their body when someone touches them or when they

stretch out in the sun on the sand. For a character founded on the sexual instinct, this can become torment. Even when they feel the urge, they hold it back, cool it down; they can only imagine or think about it. The destructive consequences are felt in their body: stiffness, neck pain, stomach, and intestinal problems. Their attitude is unfriendly; they cannot bear that others see their desire, so they assume a distant, incomprehensible, and not at all desirable attitude.

In love relationships, it is easy to hear: "You don't need anyone." In the privacy of a bedroom, they may allow themselves to be sweet, but not for long—just long enough. Tenderness does not go hand in hand with sexuality because that would mean surrendering to full pleasure.

In both men and women, the feminine part is denied.

Here too, there is a basic ambivalence: sexual (hot), but angry (cold) so as not to let themselves be touched by relationships. Their infantile part was afraid, suffocated, compressed, and thus frozen the emotions. Also, the feminine and gentle part of their character has been attacked: “They wanted a girl. Well then, they have an alpha male." (M.O.)

Counterphobic women deny femininity and sensuality, which they hide behind masculine attitudes. They are fighters, becoming "men" to avoid feeling attacked. They can't stand being subjected to men, and therefore, they lose the need to support themselves, to enjoy a body that knows how to receive. Consequently, they leave no room for motherhood as a possibility of giving oneself and giving, nurturing, and opening one's arms to comfort.

Many Sexual 6 women are not mothers, and if they develop the ability to help, they do so by relying on their physical and intellectual strength to solve problems. This energy is more akin to that of a father who knows how to guide. On the other hand, being a mother implies the same risk as giving birth to a man: being dependent.

It will also be difficult for them to understand their emotions because the Sexual 6 prefers silence. Sometimes heavy, if due to rage; other times, cold, if due to fear. And it will be difficult for them to know their thoughts (and let’s not talk about their pain!) because of the fear they have of being destroyed and mistreated. And then, what does the other feel, if not impotence or uselessness?

The counterphobic E6 can destroy with silence, without turning back because they are even afraid of asking for "apologies," which means, for them, admitting their own mistake, their guilt.

At an event on the enneagram in Germany, Claudio invited me to describe my character, and a participant asked me: "Do you apologize?" For the first time, I realized that only a

short time ago, I had started doing it; and I realized that it made me happy, more of a woman, more sensitive. (G.)

Sensitivity cannot be part of relationships; at most, they can be oriented toward art, abstract beauty, or people in need that the Sexual 6 feels they must save. The rigid shell prevents others from getting closer, but above all, the counterphobic does not allow the sensitive spirit they feel inside to manifest. Relationships, even deeply friendly ones, do not become intimate. The other may surely feel that they are receiving help, but through the rational coldness of a relationship established on words and concepts, not through an understanding that comes from the simplicity of a warm presence. With this rational coldness, they feed their sense of loneliness, and a friend, partner, or relative can easily feel the weight of that loneliness.

They do not know how to appreciate the other’s style, criticizing easily or even with an authoritarian attitude that makes the other feel inept, incapable, or stupid. They are so convinced that they are intelligent that they consider the rest of the world "mentally underdeveloped." They are not capable of accepting the weakness of others, especially if they are important people to them, as if the fragility of the person next to them could contaminate them, reflecting their own fragility. Never give in! You can't make a mistake.

I will never forget the gesture of protection by the hand of a girl protecting herself, as if I could have hit her at any moment. She was working with me when I reprimanded her for an oversight. I saw her. It was a painful image because I didn't mean to hurt her, but I didn't realize the aggressive energy I put into my words and gestures. The pain was even greater because she is like a daughter to me. (G.)

My ex-partner's daughter, to whom I had a very affectionate bond, came to visit me at my new apartment and stayed for dinner. At one point, when I passed in front of a mirror, I had the sensation that the fleeting image reflected in it was that of a monster; I could not recognize my image, but I saw a face that was that of a demonic being capable of destroying the life of that trusting creature who was resting in my living room. (R.)

In the neurotic certainty of being right, one glimpses rivalry, competitiveness, and the effort to surpass the other, who is always someone who can castrate them, physically or intellectually.

Rivalry manifests itself when the other can achieve greater social recognition, greater professional success, or simply be seen, validated. From there, I feel a drive to give voice to my opinions, to validate my observations. "Let them know that I had already said that, that I have already done it..." living with sick anxiety and sustained by the crazy idea of: "...That is why the other is more than me." (L.)

The false security that the Sexual 6 shows as a great quality has a shadow that would be better defined as a monster: the feeling of inferiority. They are not convinced that they are right, that they are in the right place. They must therefore make the other feel inferior in order to feel themselves a little more entitled to exist. Added to their inferiority is the experience of humiliation they have lived through (but no one should know that they feel humiliated; it would be giving weapons to the enemy). Pride prevents them from openly expressing their need to feel appreciated and receive praise. On the contrary, if a compliment comes to them, they feel upset, not only because they feel they don't deserve it, but because accepting it means giving the other the power to question their actions.

And what about envy? It is a deep feeling of not having been chosen, lucky, or considered... while the other, in what I consider well, gives me back the experience of not having been seen or recognized as deserving of love. From this position, there is the painful, questioning experience of not measuring up, of not living up to expectations. It is as if envy is activated immediately whenever the other achieves something, and the internal judge, validator, or accuser asks me: "And what about you?" or "Why didn’t you get it?" (L.)

This character outwardly demonstrates great capacity for resolution and helping others. He knows how to do it well because, deep down, he is practical and concrete. However, if he removes the veil, he discovers a need to feel superior, to save the weakest in order to feel strong; and he also seeks to rescue himself from the humiliations he has suffered by identifying with the oppressed—those condemned by the world of the strong, the unjust, and the arrogant. He does not allow himself to feel his own pain and fights to heal the pain of others. Obviously, he must prove to himself that he does not succumb to the threats of the pursuer and that he is capable of winning.

In the helping relationship, a great latent danger manifests itself, taking the form of not stopping to talk, demonstrate, or think whatever it takes to collect the training title, thus avoiding the lurking ghost of the feeling of ineptitude. (L.)

The "savior" mask feeds on people who need help. The Sexual 6 nourishes its narcissistic and omnipotent part with the lacking, reinforcing the position of dependency or weakness of the other. He, on the other hand, will not ask for help. He will continue feeling annoyed by a "How are you?" and will attack those who ask, "Is there something wrong? Can I help you?" because those words mean that he has not hidden well enough behind the hero’s armor—that perhaps he has lost control and that something that should not have manifested has been revealed.