Persona and Shadow: What Is Destructive For Themselves And Others

By persona, we mean the mask that one constructs to present oneself to the world and to interact with others. The shadow, on the other hand, represents what is hidden from oneself—whether consciously or unconsciously.

In the Sexual 7, the shadow is denied and obscured by the light. This type presents an image of a bright and beautiful life. It is common in therapeutic group work to hear comments of admiration for the E7, as, despite being neurotic, it seems to suffer the least, or at least appears to adapt to a more pleasant and comfortable life (which, of course, is not true). This false perception is even more prevalent with the Sexual 7, who is the most optimistic and humorous.

Chapter 4 described the main characteristics of the Sexual 7, and here we will delve into what lies behind the cheerful and jovial appearance: its shadow.

The first aspect of self-denial is pain and suffering. Any obstacle to achieving desires becomes a source of discomfort, which the E7 feels the need to flee from. The fantasy bubble protects them from discomfort, but it also weakens them by preventing the development of resilience. They defend themselves so fiercely against pain that they lack the strength to endure the discomforts of maturation. Highly vulnerable, when real difficulties arise, they cannot deal with them and retreat back into the protective bubble.

Their apparent chronic joy contrasts with a hypersensitivity that makes them touchy and suspicious. A minor misunderstanding is enough to create frustration. Their sulky, childlike outbursts reveal the shallowness of their joy and their inability to contain aspects of themselves that might shatter the illusion of a life without limits or difficulties.

The compulsive search for well-being and satisfaction (often through fantasy) makes them devour experiences, as an insatiable oral type who cannot remain deeply immersed in the pleasures they imagine. Since they do not indulge in pain, they do not truly indulge in pleasure either, leading to chronic dissatisfaction.

The mistake they make is seeking happiness in what they will feel, as an avoidance of present suffering. This creates a happiness complex, not grounded in simplicity, where true contentment resides. The fear of feeling pain is the central shadow. It stems from the fear of not knowing how to escape, of falling into an abyss of impotence and loneliness—a cold, unfeeling world. Depression is the monster lurking behind their perpetual smile and movement: the feared possibility of fear-induced paralysis and the pangs of loneliness.

It is not uncommon, upon delving into their inner feelings, to uncover a sense of loneliness or even sadness (if they allow themselves to feel it, as all their effort is focused on avoiding it), manifesting as a chronic sub-depression. The Sexual 7 has atrophied the muscle of feeling, compensating with an overdeveloped rationality that makes them cold and distant.

It is paradoxical that someone so eager to present their cognitive display to an audience has such poor quality relationships. Their consumerist greed leads to superficial interactions, a non-relationship with others. They may appear sociable and close, but in reality, they are insensitive and distant, pretending to be considered while reacting with hypersensitivity to even the slightest insult.

They base their entire strategy on keeping relationships on the surface. The deeper the connection, the greater the risk of friction and conflict, which are inherent in meaningful coexistence. In generating an atmosphere of joy and happiness, the conscious or unconscious objective is to prevent the other from entering areas that might reveal dissatisfaction or criticism. This way, they avoid not only the danger of feeling bad but also the responsibility of making others feel good, a task they only feel skilled at when everything remains superficial. If the relationship goes deeper, they risk confronting their impotence.

Though surrounded by many people, they rarely maintain quality relationships or deep connections. They share fun and joy, but without intimacy and truth, their relationships ultimately leave them with an undefinable void, which they try to fill with external distractions, like music. Beneath all the kindness lies the shadow of indifference—a lack of deep empathy. This emptiness, which cannot be satisfied by authentic love, drives them to constantly reconstruct their mask, denying their profound need to be welcomed and loved.

Another aspect they keep hidden is the loneliness they feel. When relationships are cold, they have no internal place where they can find warmth. The avoidance of pain causes them to freeze, turning their inner world into one of helplessness and orphanhood, where they feel hopelessly lost and alone.

In relationships, their difficulty with commitment is notable. This childish behavior makes it hard for them to emotionally commit to an adult partner, as they are really seeking a mother or father to care for them. Behind the seduction lies the search for a mother figure who will nurture them, offer emotional protection, not set limits or frustrate them, and give unconditional love, allowing them to do as they please, with the guarantee of emotional fidelity (though they themselves are unlikely to offer such fidelity).

In an adult relationship, this imbalance becomes unsustainable. The other person becomes burdened while the Sexual 7, by not taking things seriously, becomes less and less responsible. The partner ends up carrying the load, and as the relationship progresses, if

the partner does not set boundaries, the Sexual 7 becomes more parasitic. They cling to the idea that the other person will take responsibility for what they neglect, trying to recreate the idealized pattern of being the spoiled child of a mother who protects them while they play and focus only on themselves.

This low quality of presence is concealed through indulgent, childish arguments, which prevent them from confronting feelings of guilt that they are not immune to. With rationalizations, they reaffirm that guilt doesn't exist or present other dismissive arguments. When guilt does appear, they automatically reject it, redirecting it toward others with another round of arguments, creating conflicts.

Allowing themselves to feel guilt and accepting it would mean unmasking the idealized image of the “good person” who can do anything. To admit failure would reveal a deep narcissistic wound, exposing low self-esteem and the harsh truth that they do not want to grow up or, worse, that growing up feels like the most hellish sentence.

Also, pausing to examine the other person or to deepen a relationship is dangerous because it would force them to face the reality of their idealized image. The compulsion to experiment and what they call "curiosity" or "love of adventure" hides an overflowing orality and anxiety to fill the void. The constant shifting from one place to another compensates for the lack of connection to their inner world, to real self-knowledge. The noise they create masks the insecurity of not knowing which direction to take, while confusing others to prevent them from discovering the emotional absence or the lack of substance.

Although they may appear interesting and full of opinions, as soon as they begin to open up, it becomes apparent that there is very little depth, that they are hollow inside.

Another aspect the Sexual 7 hides is their connection to anger. Through autosuggestion, they repress all the irritation caused by the limitations and difficulties inherent in relationships. They rarely express anger directly but channel it through rebellion—either passively, by resisting, or actively, by destabilizing others. This tendency to avoid anger causes a buildup of frustration, which threatens to burst in an explosive, childlike outburst. Before such an outburst, the anger will have imploded internally, as confrontation is so terrifying that it becomes hermetic. Suddenly, they shut down and become the most controlled and serious person in the room, reverting to E1 rigidity.

Faced with an upset, the Sexual 7 typically doesn’t express their feelings. They don’t ask for explanations nor reveal what is happening inside, but remain silent, withdrawing without discussing the issue. But isn't this a form of charlatanism? Yes, but it is internal. The external silence contrasts with the internal noise of repeated, obsessive thoughts, which can last for days.

Internally, they remain resentful, and destructive thoughts emerge. In that moment, they would run away and end everything—leave their partner, friends, and job—and retreat far from the situation. With resentment, a mental cage forms around them. It becomes so large that they feel trapped, struggling to find a way out, unable to break free from the image of the happy person they have built. Even knowing that they are harming themselves and others, they feel powerless, at the mercy of the situation. Like others with anger issues, the way out of this cage may be an unexpected outburst of anger, often at the wrong time or directed at the wrong people.

This irritability, often accompanied by voluntary social withdrawal, may hide deep despondency. It’s important to remember that the sweet tooth (especially the Sexual 7 and the Self-Preservation 7) aligns with the manic-depressive character in DSM-V. The Sexual 7 primes easily, but then feelings of sadness and emptiness emerge. They become disheartened, losing all interest—even in pleasure. They are left drained, with difficulty concentrating and plagued by recurring negative thoughts, sometimes even suicidal.

The ease with which the Sexual 7 can sink into discouragement when their expectations are not met is striking. In extreme cases, it presents a tendency toward bipolarity, characterized by the stark alternation between phases of manic optimism and depression. This is the deep shadow behind the exaggerated joy and enthusiasm of the exuberant Sexual 7. It is not easy for them to recognize themselves in this state and in their sensations, as their character is primarily structured around fleeing from them.

“This process of transformation made me realize how we Sexual 7s cover up the anxiety that is depression. It seems strange to imagine an anxious, subdued, energyless person, almost like an Is. Yet, it is true. I now feel that, when faced with something frustrating, I give up rather than explode. That very unpleasant feeling, as a first and immediate response, also drives me to dissipate it through doing something or talking. Today, I understand that the best thing is to stay with that frustration for a while, feel it, and let it pass until it fades.”

Another blind spot for the Sexual 7, which is quite obvious to others but hidden from themselves, is their tremendous selfishness. First, they think about their desires, and then, depending on what suits them, maybe they can consider others. A skilled opportunist, they prioritize their own interests, disregarding ethical principles to achieve their goals or gain advantages. They exploit others' mistakes, weaknesses, and distractions. The Sexual 7's opportunism is often accompanied by a lack of integrity. They employ means and strategies that border on fraud. It is difficult to remain consistent with ethical values while also being selfish. So, the Sexual 7 opts for values that are flexible and adaptable to their current interests, in order to avoid conflict with their narcissistically positive self-image.

This fraudulent permissiveness can reach such extremes that even they don’t trust themselves. Their variability and inconsistency gradually erode their self-esteem. An

example of this is the very creation of this book. On several occasions, texts were requested from various Sexual 7s as material. They all agreed, but 99% never fulfilled their commitment.

During the Symposium on the Psychology of Enneatypes in Brazil in 2012, at the meeting of Sexual 7s (about twenty-five of us), we were explicitly asked to collaborate by distributing tasks that made sense at the time. A few days after the congress ended, they were contacted via email, and almost none responded. Despite follow-up attempts, nearly none sent any material, as requested. Perhaps a few sent a comment or a paragraph with some reference.

“But to be honest, I, as the coordinator of the book, also fell into indulgence and self-justification. One of the justifications I used was that others did not send their material on time. However, since Claudio commissioned it from me back in 2010, until it materialized in the book you hold, I went through countless phases of procrastination. Ultimately, it was necessary to set a firm, immovable deadline to truly commit to finishing it. I take this opportunity to apologize to my colleagues, while also thanking them.”

Although the Sexual 7 belongs to the fearful group, they are unaware of the extent of their fear. This is yet another shadow aspect. On the surface, they appear spontaneous, uninhibited, and expansive—someone who does whatever they want. They seem affable, confident, and self-assured. Much of this image is a result of autosuggestion. In reality, the Sexual 7 is a shy extrovert, a deeply insecure and fearful person internally. This instability is overcompensated by a large dose of boldness and exuberance. If they confront their hidden fears, they may collapse or experience chronic anxiety.

Their irresponsibility in taking charge of themselves has self-destructive consequences. They are like a big child who does not know how to care for themselves or commit to their true needs. Despite the significant power they have to grant themselves what they want, they neglect almost vital aspects. More than fulfilling their real needs, the Sexual 7 avoids the frustration of their desires. They are not committed to their adult side, which involves responsibility and discipline, but rather to their younger, impulsive side.

Even so, they often have a very intolerant superego—a rigid, internalized father figure—against whom they rebel, becoming undisciplined and unsubmissive. In this way, they sabotage themselves, neglecting and abandoning their own well-being. They do not know how to create a nurturing father figure and, as a result, are not a consistent or loving authority for themselves.

For example, when it comes to money, they can be a spendthrift on a whim they may want at the moment. However, they can also be stingy when it comes to food, clothing, health, etc., neglecting these essential aspects.

“...I prefer to treat myself to something I like to eat for the whole day.”

In fact, they can be reckless with both what they have and what they don’t. They take loans, convinced they will repay them one day. Sometimes, they are supported by their partner, parents, or even their own children. They tend to overextend themselves and become a burden.

“With money, I often think, ‘Why save for tomorrow?’ I convince myself that tomorrow God will provide and send me everything I need.”

If they remain unaware of the toxicity of their neurosis, it worsens over time. Symptoms become more pronounced. Like an addict, they require increasing doses of autosuggestion and self-deception, whose effects become less stimulating. This builds internal anxiety, eventually leading to the very thing they have been avoiding: chronic pain and discomfort.

In fact, they have an addictive personality, prone to altered states of consciousness through substances or magical worlds that allow them to escape. With difficulty distinguishing reality from fantasy, they live as though asleep in a dream they call life. When they eventually realize this, they experience regret, and a decline in their energy and ability to act as they once did. The once vibrant clown, overcome by neurosis, becomes, in the end, a sad clown.