Passion In The Sphere Of Instinct: How Sloth Works In The Sexual Subtype

When inertia affects the sexual instinct, the person invests their energy in an intimate relationship with another, becoming involved in a confused way, similar to their relationship with their parents. They allow themselves to feel their existence only through the other, attending to their desires and needs without differentiating "I" from "you." In short, they "use" the existence of the other to carry out their own. They are a devoted yet drugged lover, merging and identifying completely with the loved one to feel loved.

The sexual instinct loses its natural character and becomes an ability to perceive the needs of the other. One’s own pleasure can only be experienced if it serves the pleasure of the loved one, with a sense of selflessness where the "self" has no space. The loss of connection with the deep self is compensated by looking outward. The other becomes the reference, the compass to detect needs or thoughts.

The mechanism by which the Sexual 9 becomes indifferent, apathetic, and drugged is the interruption of instinctual sensation before it is even noticed. This interruption leads to anesthesia and dulling. Paradoxically, it is the very act of feeling that deactivates further feeling. This process carries with it a sense of confusion, which adds complexity to the Sexual 9's understanding of their own feelings. Only when they reach exasperation (after repeated denials of their instinctual drive) do they decide it's time to give space to their needs and allow themselves to assert them or even impose them.

At the origin of character formation is the conviction, reinforced throughout childhood, that their instincts will not be heard by the environment and may even be dangerous if expressed. An unconscious but inexorable mechanism is then installed to ignore the instinctive world. Even in adulthood, when desire or impulse arises, they associate it with discomfort because its expression in childhood has often led to physical or psychological harm.

"As a newborn, I was told I was very good. I ate, slept, and normally didn't cry even from hunger. I waited without disturbing, and sometimes my mother, when it was time, would give me the bottle without waking me up. It seems evident to me that from birth, I learned what I've done throughout my life: be good, don't disturb, don't ask for anything, not even

food, and get by with what is unpretentious." — (Dania)

"I am the seventh of ten children. I was born into a refugee family in extreme poverty. From a very young age, I knew I shouldn't ask for things because there weren't any. Asking for something I knew my parents couldn't give me would make them feel bad, and I had already seen enough suffering in them to add more. I learned not to fight or throw tantrums to avoid causing more problems, not to get angry or ask for help because no one was going to listen to me. At the same time, I learned to keep my sorrows to myself and not enjoy my joys too much because they weren't going to last." — (Lupita)

The Sexual 9 struggles to participate in groups, perceiving them as dispersive. In groups, people become elusive; it is harder to relate to many, so they prefer one-on-one relationships. They feel deeply uncomfortable in large groups, as simultaneous interactions with several people present three major obstacles for them:

• An excess of emotions: the confluence of all the group members' emotions is exhausting and creates an unsustainable confusion of feelings. • Since it's impossible to capture everyone's demands, a persistent fear arises that someone will stop loving them because they haven't been good enough or attentive enough to everyone. • The relationship with the group lacks the intensity of one-on-one relationships, which allow them to lean on the connection and fall asleep in it. Instead, group interactions feel abstract, diluted, unfathomable, and interrupted.

The Sexual 9 learns in a completely cognitive way what is "right" or "should be done" in each specific circumstance. When an instinctual sensation arises, it replaces "feeling" with a learned, rational response to the event. This leads others to perceive the Sexual 9’s behavior as "false" and possibly exaggerated since they are acting out a learned script, performing their role like an actor in a movie, rather than expressing their genuine feelings.

"Much of my childhood and adolescence felt like I was living in the dark. My father fell into alcoholism, and my mother, overwhelmed with work and responsibilities, took her anger out on me and my siblings. I was also in an abusive situation for a long time. I felt dark inside, but I would go to school or go outside and smile all the time. I remember sometimes not being able to hold that smile because inside I was sad, angry, or embarrassed, but I kept doing it. The smile was like a facade to cover up how rotten I felt inside. I put so much effort into making sure people didn't realize how I was feeling that I preferred not to look them in the eyes, thinking they might notice. I never told anyone about my sorrows, even when they were many and serious, because I didn't think they were important, so how could they be

important to others?" — (Lupita)

The Sexual 9 is hypersensitive to the slightest disturbance in their parents first, and later in their loved one, minimizing their own pain and aspirations for happiness in favor of the other’s well-being.

A crucial aspect of this process of anesthesia is the poison of fantasy and postponement, renouncing the present. This postponing as much as possible reveals the Sexual 9’s tendency to deceive themselves by living in a fantasy world, which they create to make their life seem better and to avoid confronting reality, which would cause pain they would have to face. Above all, they would implicitly have to accept that they cannot change reality, a concept the Sexual 9 struggles to grasp, often succumbing to a delusion of omnipotence, believing they can control everything and that anything can be achieved if one wants it.

Thus, in their extreme effort to maintain stability and avoid conflict in their life, the Sexual 9 fails to realize they are not happy. They consider it better to settle for how things are going to avoid unnecessary difficulties. Above all, they believe it is unfair to disturb the serenity of their family or loved one, even indirectly, by ever wanting something for themselves.

This is why it is very difficult for the Sexual 9 to decide to do something for themselves. Deep down, they are convinced that happiness doesn’t come from self-knowledge but only from being shared with their love. Doing something for themselves could hurt or offend the other, which is unacceptable. Thus, the Sexual 9 doesn’t know what they like, doesn’t know how to decide for themselves, and when they do something, it only makes sense if they can share it with their partner.

"Since we were little, my sister and I shared the same sport, most of the same friends and interests. It is more accurate to say that she chose what to do or who to hang out with, and I followed her. We are very close even today, bound by a deep love and complicity, and we have always had a secret pact: 'You protect me, and I protect you.'" — (Dania)