Passion In The Sphere Of Instinct: How Sloth Works In The Social Subtype The Passionate Involvement

The E9, as we have already seen, disconnects from itself. For the social subtype, the motor of disconnection is participation in groups and at work. You may want to correct this because it appears to be less comfortable in its lack of interiority than the other lazy subtypes, since apathy is veiled behind a markedly active character in social participation.

This subtype may have made an unconscious decision to resist less than the sexual or Self-Preservation types, to feel like they didn't have a place. Or perhaps they found the possibility of slipping when they glimpsed that in the social sphere lay the hope of finding what they lacked in the family nucleus. In any case, they looked for a substitute in the social sphere for the lack of love and recognition, and this is how they turned their passion in this direction.

"In my parents' house, I am invisible, I am not taken into account, I lack attention. If I wanted something, I would look for it outside the house, with the neighbors, with a friend's family. I almost always found myself better treated by other people's families than by my own. I felt that in any other place I had mine, and hence I was almost always away from home looking for appreciation, affection in other places." — (Raquel)

Despite the fact that there was this pseudo-exit to the world, living through others continued to take place, because although it is in the social-relational-labor sphere where the passion of this subtype is most displayed, it is also where its disconnection increases the most.

"I have worked for all kinds of groups and I still do, although in a more controlled way. I still have to stop myself from signing up for all the meetings that are called at the school where I work, my impulse is always to participate, it seems to me that I am going to miss something important if I don't." — (Miriam)

"If I don't actively participate in the social spaces around me, I have a strong feeling of guilt; if I am not useful and productive for the whole, I have no right to belong." — (Ana)

The needs and desires that the Social 9 learned to postpone in childhood continue to be postponed in adulthood, in the face of the demands and needs of the group, which increases the disconnection with their own experience.

The following testimonials illustrate the original psychodynamics of forgetting oneself and filling that void with activity directed at others.

"The only way for my parents to keep looking at me was to lose myself and be aware of the needs of others. So I became my mother's helper and my siblings' caretaker, first, and then the organizer of their games, often leaving me aside." — (Ariadna)

"The strongest feeling during childhood was not belonging to any place or family. [...] I was not visited and I was not heard either, everything was responsibilities. It replaced him in friends and also in fantasy. If I belong, I am, therefore if I collaborate with a group and give to the group, I feel alive and I feel that I am. I collaborate and sustain to feel alive." — (Pedro)

The Social 9 converges with the needs and desires of the group, as well as with its values and ideals.

"I know the needs of others better than my own. I don't question whether or not I want to do something. I just do it because that person likes it, needs it, or asks me to. The disconnection from myself is such that I don't know what I need, what I like, what I feel like, what I want." — (Anonymous)

The disconnection or lack of bond with self is replaced by the bonds they establish with others. They act as if it were their own what the group values or wants, or any other, or if the experience of self were limited to the idea they pick up from their lathe, without even questioning it.

"My energy goes towards others, seeking their appreciation." — (Ariadna)

"I hope the other draws me because I have a poor image of how I am. It is the lack of attention to me that leads me to look outside. It is as if there is nothing interesting to explore inside. Everything good is out there and that's where I'm going to get it." — (Raquel)

"What happens to me is not interesting. It seems to me that mine doesn't have 'Substance,' that what happens to others is harder, important, rich, original... And since it's not interesting for me, I don't show it to others either, so they don’t get bored..." — (Ana)

Not feeling you have enough resources, you see a longing and a great taboo that finally the desire to shine is buried under the idea of not seeing you or occupying a place.

"I can easily sell other people's work, but hardly mine. Praising me is vain and vanity is forbidden to me." — (Ariadna)

"Sometimes I ask for the floor in a group to express my point of view and show my work, but when I have it, I immediately want to finish my shift, I feel uncomfortable, I think I have no right to take up so much space." — (Miriam)

"I have seen how for years I have tried to go unnoticed, although with my large body and my presence it was unsuccessful. And how there was fear of not liking and also liking." — (Ana)

Thus, the lack of interiority of the Social 9 crystallizes in a compulsive doing for others. An insane industry is triggered. In this sense, excessive doing can be considered both a consequence of the loss of being and a defense mechanism to drug oneself and maintain a high level of disconnection.

"Through doing so I disconnect from myself, my emotions and feelings or my needs very easily. The easiest way is to occupy myself all day, having many things to do, working. The hardest thing for me is to do nothing." — (Miriam)

"After doing the housework: washing the dishes, hanging the laundry, mowing the lawn... my mother praised me saying: 'Good girl.' The only times I felt explicitly loved or appreciated were after doing those tasks. [...] Work became an addiction. It was my way of numbing myself." — (Joyce)

In addition to fulfilling a drugging function, compulsive doing also serves the idea that, in order to earn the right to belong, it is necessary to do extra work. For the Social 9, participation and inclusion do not occur naturally, but require an additional effort that translates into working for the group in a way that is often sacrificed.

"I have to work very hard to earn a place. I don't feel like I have the same rights as everyone else. That's why I have to do twice as much." — (Susana)

"As soon as someone recognizes me or values something I have done, I begin to downplay it and want to disappear. It is somewhat contradictory since internally it is what I am looking for, even if it is at a little conscious level." — (Raquel)

Both postponing one's own needs, compulsive doing, and extra work—putting up with such a load—are physically supported by a robust constitution and a great energy that allows them to sustain their self-sufficiency. Their capacity for work is enormous, and their resistance seems to have no end, fueled by the idea that they can do anything and that they don't need help: "I can manage on my own." An eventual outcome of activity is depression or illness, which will force them to stop and rest.

"I run a nursery school with a team of fifty teachers, who have become my social group that, essentially, I take care of. But I end up exhausting myself from giving so much without receiving or in return. I don't ask because I'm the boss and I'm supposed to be self-sufficient." — (Joyce)

"My boss has retired. They have not replaced him and they have not given us instructions to continue. I have taken charge of everything, and the first thing that came out of me was: 'I can organize it and get everything done.' I have gotten down to work, working as a team, I have made so much effort and I have loaded myself so much that I had to anticipate my holidays because I was at the limit. I couldn't anymore. I admit that I have overstepped my limits, in order for the work to go ahead and to have a recognition that, by the way, has not arrived and I have collapsed." — (Raquel)

Closely related to this self-sufficiency, the Social 9s share with the other subtypes the difficulty of asking and receiving. They are often burdened with heavy, sometimes unpleasant tasks, displaying excessive altruism, and having many difficulties, especially when it comes to setting limits.

"I have been the one who has solved the life of my older brothers, carrying millionaire debts that I have been solving." — (Anonymous)

Finally, it should be noted that this subtype has a hard time seeing its disconnection. They are aware of the desire to belong but very little of their automated participation. The words

participation and belonging are similar, and it is often difficult for them to distinguish between the passion and the longing that they seek to satisfy through the neurotic need.

"I have a pretty great need to belong and participate. I participate in NGOs, I participated in a leisure and free time group for people with disabilities, in groups of refugees and immigrants, in my classes of expressive movement, training... All this provides me with a place and serves as a satisfaction, I feel good doing and being for others. For me, it is the engine of my life, what makes me work." — (Raquel)