The Persona And The Shadow: For Those Who Are Destructive To Themselves And Others

The main shadow in the Self-Preservation 9 is the sadistic part. They never want to recognize it because either they have been victims throughout their lives, or they pretend that everything was fine as it was and deny identification with the aggressor.

They make other people suffer when they walk away or leave without any explanation and without confrontation. Silence becomes a form of passive aggression.

And when, on the contrary, they do not remain silent, they can have a viper-like tongue, full of irony and sarcasm, which is intended to hurt. They feel "justified" to express aggression in this way.

Confrontation is difficult to assume; it is always easier to give in, deny what is happening, or, in short, avoid seeing and accepting reality as it is, rather than as it suits them. To do this, they use mechanisms of escape, leaving aside what might be conflictive.

What has already been conquered is often left behind with a certain detachment and insensitivity, though this comes from an unconscious attitude, as the Self-Preservation 9 is not aware that they are abandoning what has been gained.

There is an inability to be aware of their own actions. They tend to focus on others, and if those others are attractive or interesting, they act on them, often pleasing them in a way that can be exaggerated and invasive.

Behind their joviality and good predisposition to attend to the external world, there is deteriorated self-esteem that is not immediately obvious. One has to dig deep for it to manifest and be recognized. Although they are usually smiling and happy, there is a lot of latent sadness that they do not allow themselves to show. They remain crouched. Self-Preservation 9 has a hard time feeling and showing pain. They don’t like to be seen as sad.

Repression is present at all levels. It is a control not only of oneself but of the environment, as well as a sexual and affective repression directed not only at themselves but also towards others. There is no healthy relationship when someone is constantly controlling you. Sometimes, it’s like a wall. Behind their good-natured appearance, they hide a critical aspect and a very denied judgment of others.

The need for recognition is another frequent aspect of their shadow. When they help others, they do it in search of recognition. Beneath their poor self-concept, they hide a great arrogance, considering themselves a survivor. This belief overlaps with the contrary belief of being worth less than others. Helping others is a compensatory action to deal with their sense of internal poverty.

The need to be or appear good, even at the cost of being mistreated or despised in more or less obvious ways, arises from denying their own needs. The apparent love for others comes before their love for themselves, in an attempt to avoid the pain of not being cared for. They hold the misguided idea that by pleasing others, they will find well-being. Beneath their generosity lies a lot of fear—fear that they won’t be loved for who they truly are. The Self-Preservation 9 does not feel worthy of affection, which is why they try to buy affection by taking care of others.