E3 Conservation (Self-Preservation) – Security

When considering enneatype three in a panoramic way, we are struck by its social and sexual manifestations. But when we meet people of the conservative E3 type, we cannot exactly say that we are dealing with a third type of vanity, because just as the proud of the conservative subtype do not seem proud, the vain of conservation do not seem visibly vain to us either -and I have come to characterize them as countervailing, using a language analogous to that of psychoanalysis when it introduced the notion of the "counterphobic" character, which hides its fear through visibly audacious attitudes.

Over the years I have found that the same is true in the case of conservation of each of the passions. In E1, for example, the fact that he does not seem angry and that he masks his anger while defending himself behind benevolent attitudes is striking.

The case of the conservative E3, which seems not very vain, resembles that of someone who is so determined to be a good person (that is, to follow the perfect or ideal model of the good mother, the good housewife, etc.) such a way translates into an implicit taboo on vanity. Therefore, it can be difficult for an inexperienced person to recognize a conservation E3, who could be confused with an E1 or other traits.

If we ask ourselves what is his neurotic need, what does a conservational three need above all else, it might seem that he would try first and foremost to be good; but that is a universal commandment, present in almost everyone's life (although some people rebel against it). More specific to E3 conservation is the concept, underlined by Ichazo, of security, and it seems to me that a threatened security makes these people also develop a special autonomy. Since they were not taken care of enough, they learned to take care of themselves, and later they also take care of others. There is an atmosphere of security around E3, and they are often people you turn to for advice, as they seem to specialize in problem solving. This passion for security can oversimplify their lives, however, by narrowing their interests to what is most practical and useful. Furthermore, when you want to give efficiency too much priority, you end up making efficiency itself efficient.

The transformation in the conservation E3 by Assumpta Mateu

In the following text they have also participated as editors: Amor Hernández (Spain), Elia Gerardi (Italy), Ferran Pauné (Spain), Ilse Kretzschmar (Mexico), María Teresa Ceserani (Italy), Maribel Fernández (Spain), Nilda Paes ( Brazil), Sandra Geralda Ferreira (Brazil), Suzana Stroke (Brazil), Vera L. Petry Schoenardie (Brazil)

Claudio Naranjo speaks of a gesture when referring to the process of transformation of a person: as if it were a sign, that something gives us an indication that we are already "in another", in

another state of consciousness, in another attitude, in another perceptual dimension of the ego and its functioning, in the certainty that each time the machine dominates us less.

If the inertia of E3 conservation is based on being seen, on the action directed from the gaze of the other, the gesture towards the cure would be in the inward look, emphasizing that this gesture must be put in the attitude, not in the effort to achieve it.

Of everything collected between us, the evolution towards an awareness, an understanding of the compulsive process and a catch in the traps themselves stands out. There is talk of a more awakened consciousness, which refers us to a decrease in self-deception.

From that place, the need to sell ourselves to an external image is questioned.

"I perceive myself retracing paths, less concerned with my image. I have less need to be nice to everyone. I talk more openly with people, saying what I like and what I don't like. That means not burying the person alive when I feel hurt, and I say frankly what hurt me. I feel that today I have a truer self-esteem, less narcissistic, less dependent on the evaluation of the other", writes Nilda.

The maturation and transformation process of E3 conservation allows the person of this enneatype to become slower, less agitated, less active and exuberant; you know yourself better able to be in touch with the feeling of emptiness without the frantic need to fill it in, and more able to be in any situation without succumbing to the compulsive urge to do something to run away or modify it.

"If before it was a foamy sea, then it is a calm sea," says María Teresa.

When the E3 conservation begins to take life as it comes, without striving to take it where it wants, as it did before, it begins to be able to rest, support and trust.

There is in the 3 conservation that imperative need to believe that it can with everything even at the risk of one's own health and self-care. Little by little, that attitude is being left behind. One factor that seems to be determining is age, as physical forces decrease; one would like to think that wisdom and understanding are also increasing.

"I stopped being the superwoman of the family and work, something that I was proud of. I ask for help and I recognize my tiredness and the limitations imposed by age. I'm not afraid of getting old; I'm going through this phase well... but I'm still afraid of dependency, of losing my intellectual capacity. Another point to be worked on, right? I think it is the most difficult", says Nilda.

One of the loops that we observe in conserving vanity is that, when one finally realizes that one is vain, then the censorship appears: "how is it possible to be vain?" "It's not okay to be vain." "He is not virtuous." But if we do not dare to clearly, authentically show vanity, then we

are accused—or, worse still, we are accused— of false modesty, and we start all over again: "I show vanity, I must not; I show modesty, I have discovered that it is false"... It is the fish that bites its tail.

"I recognize in myself a sensitivity that I did not know before, as well as a genuine kindness that does not need recognition (am I being vain?)," writes Nilda.

She wonders if to feel what she feels is to be vain: the necessary gesture here would consist of a: "so what?", in assuming the part of doubt that generates the attitude here and now as something natural and not wanting to constantly amend it, to leave oneself alone.

A person three conservation, as he advances along the way, dilutes the worries. The obsession with security is relaxing, and one enters a faster path of relativization of that need, even if one feels that one lacks the physical forces. It is about abandoning ourselves to what is, so that we can discover the spiritual dimension, the sacred within ourselves, recognizing ourselves as worthy of love.

"I feel more confident in myself, this being a security that comes from an internal place, from feeling like being, and hardly comes from external achievements," says Ferran.

"My daily practice continues to give me a continuum of contact that is maintained throughout the day. I can say that I feel capable of dying and at the same time living with enthusiasm and intensity," says Suzana.

"The greatest change is linked to the abandonment of a purely mechanical vision of life, of cause/effect and material, in favor of a new, more spiritual dimension, where I have been able to recover or discover the sense of devotion towards God and the awareness that each thing that happens, even the most dramatic, is part of a divine plan that is incomprehensible to a rational and objective mind like mine", says Elia.

Meditation is a very fundamental path in this sense, and some of the participants in this research speak of their experience in retreats, especially in the meditative retreat with Claudio Naranjo, where they encountered the Holy Idea that corresponds to their enneatype.

"The perception that there is a Universal Order to which we are subjected was the starting point for the transformation that is in process. God doesn't need my help," Nilda believes.

"When I really settle into the practice of meditation, it represents a balm for me in experiencing not having to run anywhere and realizing that everything is what it is, the way it is, and that I do not I have to control it. I like to remember a phrase that I once heard almost as a joke: "Do you want to make God laugh? Then tell him your plans.‘ This quickly helps me understand that my need for so much control is ridiculous, a mental construct," Assumpta argues.

The avoidance of conflicts, for someone who is acting from the gaze of the other, becomes something intrinsic to the being, to the mask. The process of facing, of facing conflict, is marked by the need for everything to be right for everyone. This fact, so well accepted socially, makes it difficult to move towards its transformation. Some begin to manage to let the misunderstandings take their course, avoiding interfering in the process of things, trying to ensure that the dark and chaotic areas of life are not avoided.

The transformed E3 conservation is less afraid of the anger of the other, is more considerate and gives more respect to its own needs, leaving a little aside those of others without feeling guilty. Learn to love yourself well. He allows himself to contact his own emotions, mainly sadness. The expressive capacity is multiplied at the same time that it is dramatized less. It is more direct and leaves behind the rodeos, the manipulation. He is better able to accept and manifest his insecurity, vulnerability, fear, and his need to be helped. He is less arrogant, more assertive and less violent. He discovers and accepts his envy, his competitiveness and his feeling of inferiority, aspects that he first totally denied to himself and to others.

In compulsive action, from neurotic inertia, E3 conservation loses the referents of its authenticity. In the process of transformation he realizes how important it is to learn not to do and unlearn the way he does. This allows him to live the resurrection of his inner being, of his essence. It is not so easy, of course: from the outset, it only happens sometimes, and it is about cultivating the willingness and intention to discover ourselves.

"I notice, first of all, awareness of my body, of how I somatize (sinusitis), of which foods suit me well and which do not, of sleep, of tensions... And, although still shy, I am placing my needs in a preferential place", writes Maribel.

"Any situation that was out of my control left me confused, scared, lost. The situations included events in which I lacked an adequate response. I then had an impression of injustice, misunderstanding or even of being lost. This could grow to the point where I would freeze, doing the opposite of the normal movement of acting, acting, acting. After freezing, she cried like a girl: a hysterical reaction from which the ice melted. I needed tears to feel myself, to breathe and get in touch with me. Today, with a more marked presence, the disorientation has become softer: I can breathe and calm the anxiety by situating myself and becoming aware of what is happening. Today I am less invasive and a little more intimate (this is the paradox of the three conservation). I am able to see with another quality of looking: the gaze of recognition of the other from its specific, differentiated point," says Vera.

The three conservation is afraid to allow himself to feel emotions and feelings, lose independence, need help ... Finally, when he recognizes fear, he also recognizes that he needs the other, that he needs to surrender, to let go.

«I believed that love was pleasing the other's needs, meeting his expectations, doing what he needed: I believed it was doing. I never believed that love was just feeling. Later I perceived

an enormous difficulty to give and to receive. I was afraid of being in the hands of the other", affirms Sandra.

"I imagined that I could go and do whatever I wanted, with a sense of total independence, traversing the world, working myself to exhaustion, getting recognition and applause. Of course... without vanity, without boasting, with modesty. I didn't realize that I was a slave to myself. Seeing this is still critical at times", says Assumpta.

In the conservation subtype, maternal love predominates as a way of channeling love through being useful to others. For an individual of this subtype there is a compulsion to ensure the maintenance of conditions of security and stability that provide the necessary feeling of having their living environment under control.

The need for affection is therefore reflected in a constant care of the other and in avoiding that conflictive or inappropriate situations arise. Adaptation, adaptation, reaches the point of forgetting your own feeling in favor of a loving model. This attitude, although self-generated in childhood with respect to their parental figures, reaches its maximum conflict with love relationships.

Admiring love, on the other hand, never comes to encompass everything in the existential sense, that is, it does not take so much space in the bosom of the individual. Thus, an E3 conservation feels admiring love only with respect to certain people; admiration is given only to very obvious people. This is the case of some spiritual teachers, scientists or relevant people in some field that is of importance to the individual.

Erotic love is usually the most underdeveloped or asleep at the conscious level. In a way, it would be said that the compulsion to do, to always be in the doing, hinders the opening to pleasure. Thus, it is not strange that this type, in the case of feeling admiring love towards any of the figures mentioned above, turns to the work in favor of the world that the admired represents, neglecting the sphere of pleasure and daily life.

How does love then live an E3 conservation? In general, he expects to receive admiring love in all areas of his life, giving little, instead, his admiration to others. How is he going to give admiring love if he is for that, to be admired?

From the couple he expects to receive all three types of love, since this represents one of the areas of greatest importance to him. The couple is everything for many E3 conservation, especially for sexual conservation, and important in the rest, essentially in social conservation; in the latter, the professional sphere takes a greater role, and with it the need for valuation obtained by their services or efforts.

In the case of relevant figures, such as teachers, the individual expects both compassionate and appreciative love. In return, it gives valuing love and, in large part, it also

tends to give compassionate love, in the form of admiration, loyalty, commitment, affection and service. The following testimonies are very illuminating in the sphere of the dominance of the different loves:

"Erotic love is camouflaged in being useful to another. If I am useful to the other, the other will give me what I need out of obligation. I do not understand a love of sharing in equality, a love without price. For this reason, the love of satisfaction of instincts and pleasure seems meaningless to me," says Amor.

"The acceptance of my insecurity was one of my most important achievements. But the definitive work was the meditation retreat. I gave my weapons of war to the teacher: lipstick and watch (appearance and control). I entered the retreat with great fear, I believed that I would not be able to be with anything that was not myself. What did I have to offer of myself? However, they were days of joy, of a feeling of freedom, of peace, of love for me. For the first time since childhood, I managed to get in touch with my true feelings, without blockages. Finally, he knew what he felt. I cried all my mistakes truly. I felt a deep joy that gratitude was able to bring me. I was fully aware of the love I dedicated to my teacher, my family, my friends. I discovered a much better person than I imagined; I began to like myself more and to take care of myself respecting the will of my body. The teacher awakened in me the faith and the delivery to the universe of what is beyond my reach to solve. Today, almost four years after that experience, when I feel like I am weakening or returning to old patterns, I pick myself up and go back to the sensations of those moments", recalls Nilda.

The crisis is usually an important portal in the realization for the beginning of the process of change, towards transformation. Without that virtually insurmountable obstacle, the three conservation — and that is common to many enneatypes — would probably have a very difficult chance of change. Especially, the difficulty becomes great in the three conservation attached to the omnipotent idea of power with everything and the power of effort. The following testimony deals with the typical self-deception of E3 conservation:

"In relation to my experience, I can say that, for a three, approaching a therapy process is very difficult, they do not feel naturally led to get into discussions, since in short they live life without the perception of having important problems that sort out.

In fact, until I have found myself with the real possibility of dying and with a completely modified physical appearance, I have not really taken seriously the importance of the work on me.

I think I had the need to concretely see the collapse of the idealized image of myself, of the conservation three, as well as the defeated physical image (of an attractive and charismatic woman), to convince myself of the need to look beyond the material side.

When I found myself with a deformed face and could no longer count on the influence of the physical, I necessarily had to ask myself who I really was, since the image now no longer gave me more security. Thus, I have been ashamed and I have seen this even in the relationship with other people, because I have found myself isolated," says Elia.

For her part, Sandra adds:

"I think that, for a three conservation, to walk his path of true healing requires making some sacrifices and a choice: let go of the attachment to work that generates economic security as a vicious circle that feeds the ego, and allow himself a pure and true surrender to himself. himself, to people, to the divine, without worrying about looks. Change the way of relating to the ego, having the wisdom to see the hungry and unfed child inside, that is, manage not to give importance to the internal hunger that feeds doing as a vindictive way of not needing anyone and becoming self-sufficient before people and before the world, hiding from himself and from others a great internal suffering for not allowing himself to feel and for becoming more and more lonely. I think that when a three conservationist manages to make this choice, which of course is not easy, he understands what Santa Esperanza means".

What has been left behind?

The security, that fixation...

"Security is now an internal security. I'm less affected by what I don't like. I watch it but I get less angry. Now I am much more honest with myself and with others; I am more in touch with my inner world and its needs. I feel more balanced between the external and internal world. I take the outside world less seriously," says Ilse.

The compulsion for the image, for looking good, for achieving achievements

"I feel that I am not pending the approval of others. I feel free to do, be and live according to my heart, with the ability to recognize mistakes and correct them when they occur, without blame and/or dissimulation. I listen, I evaluate and I can accept criticism, as well as advice or points of view when they come from people I care about, who inspire me with respect and who, above all, love me", says Suzana.

"The need to be like a good and pretty girl is diluted and unmasked and replaced by the desire to have contact with the inner truth," Assumpta believes.

"My energy is now focused more on delving deeper and reflecting, more on fine details than on duty, on what I really like, I am passionate about and it opens windows for me inside and outside", confesses Ilse.

"The unconscious effort is left behind, the struggle for achievement, the need to build a safe environment (being on good terms with others, home, work), the fear of transgression (one

can afford to transgress any norm or social role) . In a sense, an E3, energetically, becomes a bit of an E8. He becomes capable of shouting, of getting angry, of expressing rage, of relating sexually with whoever he wants, of accepting and leaving jobs as he wants, of valuing himself financially...", testifies Ferran.

Falsehood

"The transformation process has led me to understand how I adopted a false mode of contact with the other, without real listening or empathy, only with my inauthentic physical presence, just to save face. He also thought that the others behaved falsely; perhaps it was a way to justify myself and not to evaluate an alternative", adds Elia.

"Another thing that was left behind is the indirect way of speaking, with an indefinite subject, with metaphors and half words; I think that people feel more comfortable with me now, since they also feel more freedom of expression, without diplomacy or pretense. It has been important to learn to say yes and no directly. A real absence is better than a lying presence", says Vera.

The False Maternal Love

"I feel like I cheated less. I am more truthful with my feelings, despite rarely making them explicit. I am more tolerant, less demanding with others. I don't feel the best, but the other way around, many times I feel the worst. I have much less energy for action, despite still being a very active person. I feel like I'm much more emotional and much more sensitive, more compassionate, more understanding of human pain in general," writes Suzana.

"The realization that it does not matter so much that the other loves me, admires me, recognizes me, but that the important thing is that I love him, is like a gentle wave that arrives without making a noise, grows and dissolves; and again it arrives, grows and dissolves, in a rhythmic movement that makes me feel very good. It connects me with gratitude, with peace and serenity", says Vera.

"Maternal love seems the most developed in our subtype, empathy, pleasing and understanding the other, to the insane extreme of erasing ourselves: that is giving to be loved. I feel that, slowly, such a thing is dissolving. I have learned to receive and I want to receive from the honor that I deserve, not from the emotional groping, which is what I used to do," says Assumpta.

Unconscious effort, self-demand

"I feel very meditative, with the observer quite activated. One wish is to sit in meditation more regularly, which I still don't do. But I no longer demand it of myself, but rather I wait for it to arrive when it arises. I like to have less discipline," says Use.

Control

"I am less self-demanding and less controlling, so much effort tires me, I have relaxed more", Ilse contributes.

"Self-control and control of others: the desire that everything prevents any possible alarm signal, the conviction that emotions, feelings, and thoughts are the right ones and those that must be felt to be a good person. The constant demand is: what should I do?, instead of a healthy: what do I want to do?", explains María Teresa.

"The physical fatigue that comes with age helps me understand and accept the limits of my need to control everything, and therefore helps me understand the falsity of that need," Assumpta concludes.

The disconnection of instinct

"A fundamental conquest of my process has been to rediscover my instinct, despite being buried after so many years of control. Seeing and accepting my instinctive part has also meant accepting my most human part, linked to my most earthly being. It has meant regaining physical strength and, in some respects, even health," says Elia.

Compulsive action, haste

"I feel a great need to have more unscheduled time to see what I am busy or not busy with. I thought about using the time to write a book, but I decided to take the time without planning, without already dealing with something definite beforehand," adds Ilse.

"The compulsion to action and speed is gradually left behind, the order of speed, the "there is no time‘, the idea that "I must do everything because I do it better‘, the difficulty of being in contact with the feeling of insecurity, doubt and ambivalence", says Maria Teresa.

"One of the best things is that a great oppressor has been left behind: haste. The urgency to do, do, do... I did them a lot of harm, especially my children, whenever, due to the rush, I prevented them from taking responsibility for their learning, initiatives and tasks, doing it for them," adds Vera.

Omnipotence, self-sufficiency, commitment

"I like receiving much more than before," says Ilse.

"An aspect of fear, dread, has also emerged, and it is much more evident and constant than at any other time in my life. I connect with my basic anguish, with the anxiety that I have always felt, and that I related to continuous doing, and now I see that it is based on that terrible fear in relation to pain, torture, destruction (probably related to the experiences of the war) which I have repressed and tried to keep buried all my life", confesses Suzana.

Narcissism

The omnipotent idea of being able to determine the course of one's life and action. The idea of pretending to "get it at the cost of everything". The difficulty of trusting and trusting. The idea of knowing what is right and wanting to save the world. The need to feel better. The denial of one's own competitiveness. The denial of one's own envy and one's own opportunism.

Coldness

"The pretense of controlling the world, the insensitivity, the lies, the arrogance, the fear of feeling, the superheroine, the fantasies in relation to the world and the ideal self, the false power, the idealization of happiness, a bit of rigidity and a bit of detachment," says Sandra.

Therapeutic recommendations and useful tasks

The therapist must pay close attention to realizing the condescension of the patient three conservation and his attitude of "everything is going well", since this subtype is usually placed in the role of good patient that extols the therapeutic alliance. He will try to understand everything that the therapist wants from him, what he likes and does not like, what are the aspects that interest him most, in order to adhere as effectively as possible to his expectations and thus feel safe.

It is important to always lead him to himself, to work on his expectations, on the imaginary of the ideal patient whom he tries to approach in order to be accepted. Very skilled at manipulating, he will play with the therapist's narcissism: since he is the best patient, the therapist must be the best therapist. As you idealize it, it can also destroy your self-image easily.

The greatest difficulty of the patient three conservation is to let go and show emotions, especially sadness through tears, because he lives it as a dangerous weakness. Every aspect of the shadow that emerges during therapy is experienced as a menacing narcissistic wound.

Its main form of avoidance is to stay on the surface and tell the facts in detail, thus losing sight of the process, the dynamics and the symbolic level. It is important that you recognize your inner time, that you experience being in pain and difficulty without being in a hurry to have to do something to get out of there, so that you discover that you do not drown in pain, that the current of life allows you to see more clearly the way.

When he is in difficulties, constraining himself to being undone allows him to become aware of the control that acts on the flow of emotions, physically recognizing him in a contraction at the level of the stomach, chest, back and throat; contractions that you will immediately recognize as fear of losing control and feeling the pain.

It is essential to work on envy, competitiveness, and the feeling of inferiority, denied and central aspects that often supply the impulse of neurotic behavior when the patient is unaware of them. These aspects can be a great resource for the process of evolution when they are conscious.

It is helpful to facilitate the expression of anger and dissent towards the therapist directly.

When the idealized image of himself begins to shatter like a mirror struck with a stone, the three conservation comes into contact with a deep pain and, with the terror of being nothing, an empty glass, becomes aware of having represented a character all his life, so that now he no longer knows who he is.

In the therapist, the three conservation will look for a solid containment that gives him security, someone in whom he can finally trust, through whom he can discover the state of need and, slowly, according to his own time, rediscover his human identity. It is important to regain permission to exist beyond everything. It works to provide a lot of physical restraint and contact (experiences of: "just as you are, it's okay, you don't have to do so many things to be accepted").

It is important to dismantle the mechanism of self-justification and attribution of responsibility outside of oneself, so that it takes greater contact with its interiority.

It is convenient to inquire about the easy enthusiasm that conservation develops towards activities (hobbies, work), and the ease with which it stagnates and loses interest. It is necessary to delve into seeing what moves it and what slows it down.

First it is necessary to offer a psychically safe environment (that the patient feels seen, welcomed, heard and respected). At first it is not advisable to confront strongly since the E3 could be withdrawn, away. However, at some point in evolution, it must be confronted and not kindly reciprocated.

It is healing to rediscover the energy of man or woman, as the case may be: this means giving space to the possibility of direct and clear confrontation, to go towards what one truly wants or needs (to penetrate the world). For this it is necessary to live (check) that there is some other man (or woman) there who supports you, who serves as a reference and with whom you collaborate (do not compete), which is equivalent to recovering confidence in the other.

As therapists, by being aware of our neurotic defenses and understanding that the quality as a Figure in the Background is a defect, and the defect as a Figure is in the Background quality, we can use those characteristics as a therapeutic value in the process.

The three conservation therapist is able to give a lot of security and containment to the patient. When it is in its authenticity and in contact with itself, it favors and stimulates the person to dare to be more authentic. Self-knowledge of falsehood makes it possible to easily unmask the imposture in the other.

Wanting to do it well, when it ceases to be a neurotic need, allows the therapist to be attentive to the impeccability of his presence, and therefore of his therapeutic doing. The three conservation therapist will not settle for little.

The tendency to control can revert to a therapeutic presence that has a panoramic view of the process and the field.

"I feel that I use the characteristics that I consider positive of my personality, despite perceiving them less active, such as efficiency, speed in action and in thought. I also learned to wait for signals that demonstrate the validity of my intuition to act," Suzana writes.

What does an E3 conservation have to understand?

• That it should direct attention inward, not outward. • That one is independent of others. • That one is independent of any environment that gives something (security, acceptance,

valuation). • That the important thing is the present and its cultivation; neither the future nor the past

matters. • That it should not be projected, it should be felt and be attentive. Especially, it is

necessary not to project expectations on others and in situations. • That the therapeutic process is not an external process, but an internal one: it is not about

solving things with a therapist, about telling things to receive confirmation, security, but about making an internal journey, a reconnection with the deepest feeling and experience. • Which is not very or more important than. You are one more in humanity. • That the relevant thing is not the person, it is the presence. • That you are a presence, you are not an ego. • That you are happy giving, not from the compulsion, but from the feeling. And also that

you are happy receiving instead of following the compulsive impulse to give back.