E3 Sexual – Attractiveness

For the passion of the sexual three, Ichazo used the words masculinity or femininity, depending on the case. Rather, I used to explain it as an excessive attempt to conform to cultural (perhaps Hollywood) images of masculine and feminine. Today it seems to me that the fundamental pathology of these people lies in the fact that, instead of acting from an instinctive freedom, they put all their passion in the thirst for love and in the corresponding seduction through complacency or the image that is supposed attractive and exciting. The result of this is that the woman, being too aware of pleasing the man, loses the ability to enjoy her. Also added to this character is a certain passion for the family that, despite not appearing as a defect, embodies an exaggerated need to please that perpetuates self-alienation.

Of the three subtypes, sexual is the most dependent. He does not usually show aggressiveness and does not tolerate being rejected. His seduction is intended to be welcomed and confirmed, confusing the value of himself with the attractiveness of his body.

The transformation in the sexual E3 by Lorena García of the Bayonne

This work has been possible thanks to a team that spent three years collaborating with me in an investigation on the sexual subtype three proposed by Claudio Naranjo. The team consists of the following people: Anik Billard, Mario Jiménez, Rosa Morales, Yolanda Catalán, Bettina Deuster, María Guerrero Escusa and Axier Ariznabarreta. There are other people whom I have interviewed specifically for this presentation and who have provided their testimonies. They are: Lolique Lorente, Isabel Serrano, Debora Gane and Kornelia Dietrich.

The intertitles correspond to questions asked by Claudio Naranjo, which serve as a guide for the writing of this text.

When approaching the healing of character, a sexual three is free to be, to feel and to express himself authentically, without being imprisoned by the beautiful physical image, being able to even be ugly and show the ugly of his life, such as painful io, anger, sadness, jealousy, envy, resentment and everything that he considers to be shameful or that makes him lose control. In this way, he is free to be able to make mistakes without that fear of being left wanting him. Also left behind is the dependence on the look of approval and love of others, especially the couple, resulting from the lack of love for oneself. What remains is a more real sense of love for himself, with which he can feel a greater warmth inside after going through the hell of going through the inner freeze and the inability to love.

"I understand how my ego self-destructed me and did not let me find love. Now, at this stage of life, love is above all the love that I can feel for myself, really knowing myself and taking myself into account. There everything begins to be more true. Love is not a mecca or a task, or an achievement, or a conquest."

As he heals, a sexually changed E3 looks more relaxed and carefree: he lets go of the compulsion to get everything under control and to be loved. Looking inward rather than outward, he can see the difference between what he truly feels and needs and self-delusion. In this way, he becomes stronger and more adult and this feeling of fragility of the type: "better not to touch him, to see if he is going to break" disappears. He also becomes more independent, knowing that he can survive—sometimes even better—without a partner, and feeling loved and valued for who he is, not what he does.

Healing also involves finding the freedom to enjoy sex without being a mere object for the other to enjoy, being able to let go of control and be less aware of their image, which does not allow them to feel pleasure and in many cases reach orgasm.

"After working with me I have opened up a lot in sexuality and I am also more aware of what I want and do not want and I allow myself more pleasure. In my life I have used sexuality many times for other purposes: to achieve affection, admiration, recognition, feel close, to thank or as a way to manipulate, as a reward or punishment. Also to keep my relationship stable. Many times without contact with me or with the other, just to please, to fix or to avoid problems. As I have had more contact with myself and with my body there have been stages of not wanting any sex or vice versa, of great excitement. I like to have control in sexuality. I realize that something has been unblocked on a sexual level, now I feel a lot of energy, I am very open, enjoying and feeling a lot of pleasure and in greater connection with myself and with the other. Movement and bodywork played a big part in this."

The sexual E3 woman in the process of healing is seen learning to live without the need for the gaze and recognition of the man, related to the fact that she lived some kind of absence of father; for men, it would also be a question of the need for a woman's gaze; a childish and narcissistic need that seeks constant applause and that leaves him increasingly empty, because his love relationships are based on making the other applaud him. Many times, conquering that applause becomes very difficult and comes a great frustration that leaves you with a permanent unhappiness in your life as a couple.

A healed sexual tres becomes aware of self-deception and falsehood in love relationships. Unmasking that image of being beautiful and perfect to be loved, and realizing his difficulty in loving, is one of the biggest shadows for the sexual 3, since he has always believed that he had a great capacity to love. However, the underlying narcissism supposes a frivolity and a falsehood with love, as can be seen in the following text, from the novel “Bella del Señor”, by Albert Cohén, whose protagonist has just had an encounter with her lover and is left alone:

“Returning to the living room, she went to the mirror so she wouldn't be alone. She bowed before the mirror to the Beauty of the Lord, rehearsed faces to see what appearance she had offered before him at the end of that night, imagined once again that it was him looking at her, she pretended to be a supplicant, stretched out her lips, congratulated herself. Not bad, not bad. But she would understand herself better with words. Your wife, I'm your wife, she told the little

mirror, ecstatic, sincerely moved. Yes, her expression was really good, she must have seemed great to him. And during the kisses of great passion, the underwater kisses, what did she look like, with her eyes closed? She opened her mouth, closed her left eye, looked at herself with her right eye. Hard to notice. The impression of astonishment disappeared, it remained as if one eye. Too bad, I'll never know what face I make during the operation. What horror, I say operation, and a moment ago with him the thing was so serious. In short, to see how I am during the first kisses, all I have to do is close my eyes almost completely and look out of the corner of my eye through my lashes. Although no, the truth is that it's not worth it, because during those moments his head is so close to mine that he can't see me, so he doesn't have the slightest interest.”

What would be the motivation for a sexual three to enter a therapeutic process?

If you look internally a little, the sexual three will realize that you feel a sadness that has always been there. What happens is that, by not expressing it and being constantly worried about not showing it, he does not even show it to himself.

The motivation that a sexual tres finds to start therapy has to do, at first, with the fact that someone he admires has told him about the virtues of the process and told him that he may need it.

The sexual three may also realize that he has had a hard life. I say think because maybe you have been disconnected from your personal tragedy until you tell something about your life or your childhood and someone gives you back the tragedy of the experience. Another reason to enter the process is, simply, that the therapeutic world is fashionable and perhaps everyone around you is doing therapy, so you will start a process to look good with someone or not to stay out and feel like a weirdo.

Rarely, the motivation may be in feeling the need for transformation, something that can take time in the process due to the disconnection can great that the sexual three usually suffer, and also because to show the need is to drop a part of the mask and teach something that is considered very ugly and that has been very forbidden. Perhaps a very fragile and sad person may feel, but he does not show it, or beautify it to use it as a weapon of seduction.

Where you may clearly feel the need for introspection is usually after a separation. In that case, it will surely connect with a primitive pain that has to do with reliving an abandonment of the father or mother.

For the sexual three, a separation is his worst nightmare: it is better to die than to separate, he seems to think, or imagines that it is the closest thing to death. In the face of a separation, you may even experience thoughts of suicide and start using drugs to drown out the suffering. He is very afraid of pain and, when he enters it, the feeling is that he will never leave, no matter how many times he has entered and left before. You can also leave therapy quickly when another love appears, as you often chain one with another so as not to live the pain of separation and it is amazing how you can quickly disconnect from the previous love.

“My life revolved around the couples I've had. Since I was a child I had the idea of finding happiness through a loving partner. One day I was going to find a prince who would wake me up with his love to be happy until the end of my life. That already speaks of the deep disconnection and numbness of being, which I tried to find through the other... Since I was 16 years old I have never been without a love relationship. In order to get out of one, I looked for another.”

There are questions that bring people closer to connecting with themselves. What do you feel? What do you need? What do you want or what do you look for in therapy? Faced with such questions, the sexual three will come into contact with his emptiness and with the lack of identity, with not knowing who he is and with the realization that, if it is not through the other, he does not have a look of himself. It is also possible that he comes into contact with a great fragility through emptiness, or that he begins to cry the unmourned in years without knowing how to name what happens to him, realizing that he did not have a space nor was he seen or loved in essence, but that he was a child who did things to be loved.

The sexual E3 feels and lives a permanent prison. He lives drowned by vanity, and this drowning leads him to want to go unnoticed and to be hyperthymized for fear of saying or doing the wrong thing. The need to free yourself from this is what can also motivate you to do therapy when you are more aware of yourself.

What is left behind?

In the process of transformation, the emotional, sexual and physical disconnection is left behind. The fear of real intimacy. Dependence on love and self-deception with love. Gone is the thirst to love and be loved, and the frivolity associated with seeking and conquering this type of relationship. Putting all the energy into seduction or conquest and pleasing the other. The dependence on recognition and applause in the couple.

"I have left behind the belief that happiness is achieved through effort and meeting goals, the belief that I have to earn this life. I have left behind expectations towards life, ideals, childhood fantasies. I have left behind my too good part: I prefer to disappoint someone than to betray myself."

The fear of confrontation is also left behind, as well as the self-deception that goes hand in hand with what you tell yourself not to confront. Finally, he dares to live the conflict and sustain it, something so feared and difficult for sexual E3.

Therapeutic recommendations

The first thing that a sexual three needs to enter a deep therapeutic process is to be able to fully trust the therapist to be able to get out of the seduction and the image. You need to feel the unconditionality of the therapist, if not, the fear of not liking, not being suitable, not doing it well, will inevitably lead you to seduction and self-deception.

The process is favored by the fact that the therapist is not ambiguous about seduction. There is a risk of staying too long in seduction if the therapist is susceptible to seduced or does not know the enneagram of personality. Self-deception can become contagious. With self-deception and seduction, there is also the danger that the patient ends up handling the therapy and that he does not get to give himself up when he sees that the usual thing is repeated in his life, in relation to the relational: to feel an object person, only seen by his charms and beauty, and not by his essence, which is what you really need.

Once he manages to get through the first layer of seduction and deployment of his charms in therapy, the sexual patient three will connect with the emptiness of not knowing who he is if not through the other. At that point you will begin to live a conflict for feeling very lost that can sometimes be unbearable. If you feel the affection and unconditional support of your therapist you will be able to go through it, if not, you may not resist the process. Once you've broken through that void, you can begin to see the self-deception you've lived in all your life. You may realize that your life is a big lie that you have built by hunger for love and to be admired, not out of an authentic need or true love.

"I came to therapy with great internal confusion and physically exhausted, entangled in an abusive relationship without being able to get out or recognize it. After 15 years I woke up and the idyllic dream had turned into a nightmare and a prison. I saw that I really did not like my life and that I was enormously tired of sacrificing myself and feeling dead in life."

In order for him to begin to value his essence, the person first needs to know it, and here the therapist must have a lot of patience. You should also be careful about falling into the trap, for feeling seduced, to start by making a diagnosis to the patient. It is very important that the patient reaches only his own conclusions and can see himself, of course with the help of the therapist. With an external diagnosis he will never be able to really see himself and will become that diagnosis by his chameleon capacity, with which he will enter the game of self-deception again.

The sexual three feels internally that he has nothing to say: if he looks inside he usually sees nothing, only empty. That's where their healing begins. Being able to have someone in front of you who values their gaze and who can hold and remain in that void to accompany the patient is very important to then be able to help name what the patient does not yet know how to name.

For a woman who is beginning to come into contact with therapy, it may be best to seek out a female therapist, as she may still be too blind to realize her power of seduction, and if she is given the opportunity to seduce the therapist, she may not resist it.

It is important that, at the beginning of therapy, the therapist does not give in to the need to put herself above and is simply there to accompany, and that she does it at the beginning without confronting and without making judgments or criticisms, being permissive and simply favoring a climate of trust so that the patient can begin to open up.

"In my experience, the therapy work has been directed at first to discover my self-deception, then to connect with me beyond my lie, thirdly, to accept my dark side and dismantle my fantasies, and finally, to achieve the courage to show myself uncovered, naked, without the image that sustained me".

Group therapy can also be of great help. Feedback from others helps, and seeing and understanding that neurosis is universal, that it is nothing serious or ugly, can help the patient not to feel like a weirdo and to open up more.

Recommended tasks

Recover the body

To help experience emotion, working with the body is essential, whether through massage, dance, theater or any type of expressive movement.

On the one hand, being able to connect with the body and with the physical sensations will help the sexual three to feel alive in the physical and not from the image, in addition to being able to identify and name what he feels. On the other hand, expressive work helps to release the beautiful image and investigate other issues that can be liberating.

"With the theater I have been able to live and experience my hidden, repressed, ignored characters. It has given me a lot of light on who I am, on my polarities, and it has helped me to accept myself, to live more openly my aggression, my vulnerability, my fragility, my desire, my envy. I have also been able to take a lot of strength and be able to set limits, say no to what I do not want, recognize my intolerance, my hardness and also my tenderness."

"I have never forgotten what was the first demand I made to my first therapist. "I do not know what I feel‘. I had no idea what I was feeling and I couldn't identify the emotions in me. She was a therapist who worked with the body and through simple postures she made it easier for me to identify what was happening to me in the body".

Meditate

Meditation allows intimate connection, breaks automatisms and curbs compulsion. It makes it easier to slow down and connect with the authentic. Being able to be silent leaving identifications aside helps to elucidate self-deception. For example, it can be learned that thoughts, whether ugly or pretty, are just thoughts and do not represent who one is. This experience stops the compulsion to want to be a good person. Experiencing a space of silence in which to be, is highly transformative and creates an invisible and strong internal structure that allows to sustain the emptiness so feared for the three, staying in it and resting without fear.

Try to be authentic

Show authenticity without seduction or masking. Daring to express what you consider ugly also helps, as well as crying to let go.

Limits

First it is necessary to contact one's own needs to identify what you want and what you do not want from the other, putting the limits that are needed to not feel used, a sensation that sexual E3 usually feels very often.

Humility

It consists of going through the vain need to be more, to be someone different and for the couple to recognize each of their actions. It is about being able to release that control that leads him to manipulate to achieve something from the other, making believe that it is the other who needs it, and not one, for not having the courage to ask directly. Asking for forgiveness and taking the blame is also an important thing for the sexual three. Living criticism as something very threatening, since it destroys the mask of a good and perfect person, leads him to mount a whole manipulation so as not to assume that, for example, he has been able to harm the other. Manipulation involves presenting himself as a victim, deceiving himself and turning everything around as if it were the other who hurts him for criticizing him.

A good task is to let yourself be taken care of by the couple to get out of the automatism of being the one who takes care of everything: you can start with simple things, such as asking to prepare a dinner.

Sense of humor

Being able to laugh at oneself is a very good thing for the sexual three. Getting a little clownish does well and loosens your need for perfection and control. Working with the clown, for example, is a good way to laugh and see their failures, as well as going through the dreaded feeling of failure.

What does a sexual three have to understand?

It is important that a sexual E3 comes to understand that it is okay for him to give himself emotionally to the other or to lose control, release the mask and be authentic; quite the opposite: it can be a great break and you can get to have relationships that fill you really and deeply, reaching to establish a true bond with the couple.

It is about letting go of the need to have power in affective relationships. That need for power and control comes from fear: there is a fear of ceasing to be helpful or of seducing or conquering, or of trying to be the best lover or the best wife—which is tantamount to selling oneself to the gaze of others. When you let go of perfection, something more human and sincere appears, but that something is terrifying, because it means dropping the mask. And behind that

fall there is the feeling that there is nothing, just a huge fragility of someone who deep down needs a lot of love.

In the couple, the sexual three has to come to understand that not giving himself to a single person and living seducing everyone in case something better appears leaves him more and more alone and with more feeling of emptiness.

The more he uses life for applause and recognition, the more unhappy he just stays. You have to come to understand that happiness goes through being able to feel your shortcomings and your miseries. If you do not put consciousness in those inner shadows, you will not be able to put consciousness in the light either.

Testimonies

The Hunger for Love

"I have confused love with the demand to put up with everything. If I love my partner, I endure her, and through endurance I receive her love.

I felt so desperate for my husband's sexual and emotional rejection that my conclusion was: that he doesn't like my body anymore is equal to that he doesn't like me. She was willing to do anything to get his love (I would have thrown myself on the tracks if he had asked me) and, in the most complete disconnection, from impulsiveness, I went to a plastic surgeon to have a reconstruction of my chest. He was at the peak of my neurosis, of the madness of vanity, where being is confused with the body and receiving and giving love, with the image. I was convinced that I was going to get her love through being sexy again! When I started my internal path, I realized that it was a self-injurious act and an attack on my femininity.

The disconnection of pain and fear led me to do something else: on my birthday, a few years ago, my husband and I fought so much that the argument ended with physical violence. He wanted to strangle me, he wanted to kill me... I froze, panicked, went to bed and a few hours later I let myself be fucked. I no longer felt anything, I was like a piece of meat, like a zombie, but I opened my legs screaming silently from the emotional pain. However, even having gone through all that violence a few hours before, she told me that there was love... I no longer felt anything, I was anesthetized, but feeling loved through sexuality made me stay in that relationship and keep telling myself that I loved him and that he loved me.

Being able to separate myself from my husband and get out of such a destructive and obsessive relationship seems like a miracle to me. I admit that I have separated from my husband because in me there was not the slightest love for him. The truth is that I don't know what it is to love a person, much less what it means to love God. I always thought that I had loved my husband very much but that because of his alcoholism and his violence I couldn't live with him.

Today I know that heartbreak has nothing to do with the other, but with me. The truth is in me, not in the other".

The real trust

"My confidence has always depended on men. I have not known true confidence in myself, just a mirage in which at times I could feel like a super woman. If a man I was interested in or loved loved or cared about me, then I was someone valuable, worthwhile. Thus, I could take care of myself and believe that he felt a real interest in me. If that person lost interest in me, the cataclysm occurred in which the farce of self-confidence surfaced and I could realize that he felt towards me nothing but hatred and contempt for not being able to get or keep love.

What I am seeing now is the absolute need to strengthen what is mine: my house, my job, my way of occupying time... that my desires are not entertainment while someone who truly loves me shows up. I try to avoid falling in love or loving compulsively, as an alienation that saves me from facing the day to day, the boredom, the emptiness, the nonsense in which I sometimes feel trapped. I try to be silent often: silence the runaway fantasies, stop the urge and the need to get going and run away at any slight stimulus, preferably male. At the very least, I try to watch all the charm and seduction machinery kick into gear, and take as deep a breath as possible before allowing all the planes to take off. I tell myself and repeat to myself that no one is going to take care of me the way I take care of myself, that if I am going to sell myself for pampering and affection, I am also qualified to give it to myself and to treat myself with love and tenderness. Then, a little more calm, I look at who I have in front of me and try to see if I like it, if it interests me and if I can look at it without projecting all my anxiety of centuries".

Exit the confluence

"In my life, the gaze that I have sought the most is that of man, and it has been at the cost of losing myself: before man, I have not given myself space to know who I am, what I want and what I need. I just got along with him. I have been looking for men who initially showed me absence, and that required an added effort from me to be looked at, as if I were repeating and repeating the continuous search for my absent father, stuck in a crazy fantasy that, if I do enough, the other will be by my side. Thus, I took responsibility for the presence of the other depending on how I was capable of being and doing things. I have looked for men whom I have idealized from what they represented in the world, because from them I could build a more solid identity: "if I am with someone who is worth it, maybe it is that I am worth it too‘...

Every time I connect more with the need to feel men by my side who are capable of listening to me and recognizing me. I have begun to have male friends, perhaps I no longer look for them only as challenges of conquest to feel valid, but as companions where sometimes I can lean on my shoulder and let them support me.

In recent years, my learning through relationships with men has also been a path of suffering. I needed to separate myself from the man I loved and love because my process of autonomy, of knowing who I was without the other, could not be done as a couple. I had to get out of the confluence and the confusion by physically moving away from the other to know myself in my loneliness. Although it has been a painful separation, I have experienced that my life not only revolves around men, that I can also be nurtured by friendship and women. Until then, women had been the rivals with whom I had to compete in order to achieve the recognition of men. I did not realize that, by denying them to them, I was denying myself in my feminine identity. I have begun to feel them as equals: my reconciliation with women has allowed me to look for them and find strength, complicity, affection, support and understanding in them.

On this trip I have been finding my part of emotional and sexual woman after living many years splitting them. I couldn't show my sensual woman part — I controlled it, censored it or pretended to — before the man to whom I gave myself fusionally from the affection of a deprived girl. The process of recognizing myself, of feeling more autonomous and of allowing myself to be more me, has been leading me to experience my sexuality in a fuller way. The sexual relationship with the other is no longer a contact in which I simply seek approval as if I were going to an exam, but rather it has become a surrender to my own senses, to my own spontaneous pleasure. I have opened a door to enjoyment and the joy of feeling my body.

My process continues: it is the path of discovering myself that often helps me make sense of each moment. The awareness and contact with myself that has brought me fragility so many times has also been giving me solid support, an internal force that drives me to continue looking at myself in my sweetest and most beautiful moments and in the craziest and most disconnected. And I am deeply grateful to the people who, on this journey, are helping me to find a resting place in contact with myself and with the other".

Regain authenticity

"I always thought I had a happy childhood, but then I realized that since I was little I was very disconnected from myself. Although I perceived myself as sensitive, I quickly learned that if I externalized what I felt, it could upset others, basically my parents, who were very busy: my mother raising children and my father always tense, working. So I learned not to expose my emotions and my needs and to control myself very well. I became self-sufficient and was a prudent, good, accomplished girl, without major complications, but very lonely when it comes to emotions. Sometimes I went unnoticed, other times I was successful, I was recognized at school or chosen as coordinator of something, and I loved it, although I was a little shy.

Today I see that in my childhood there was a lot of difficulty in recognizing what I felt, what I wanted or what my needs were. I had a lot of difficulty believing in my sensations, in my intuition, because it was always denied. It's as if I had to feel what my parents wanted; hence I felt a lot of confusion in knowing what my truth is. I was repressing the pleasure and the

spontaneous. I easily and adequately disconnected from feeling, since I thought that this would give complications to others and I should not disturb them. I stopped validating what I felt and started hiding what I thought was not good. I had difficulty seeing the shadow of things, people and myself, or to see the abuse, the dark side of things. I didn't see my fears.

I felt insecure inside but on the outside I showed security. Now I can see how much energy I spend maintaining an image, not showing my insecurity, covering what I don't want them to see, being nice. I was and am very afraid of being ridiculous, afraid of disappointing. Therefore, I feel a great need to control.

It's like putting on makeup or fixing what I don't like, what makes me ashamed of myself. Later, I believe it and comes the self-deception. I no longer know what is real and what is not. Now I can see this very clearly and be aware of the moment I put this mechanism into action. I can show myself more vulnerable and afraid or insecure, and on the other hand I also have a greater contact with my fear.

In adolescence the game of seduction begins very strongly. Being looked at is like existing, like being confirmed. I remember Dad's look, a look like pride, confirmation, pleasure, desire. Men become the main part of my life. The pleasure that lies more in pleasing is born, and the desire arises when the desire of the other exists, when I feel his gaze. I was not responsible for my desire. If I was with a man in a good relationship, I felt safe and at peace. I had a great need for affection and at the same time I was very eroticized, so I assimilated affection with erotic love without realizing it.

The game of seduction continued, but something has changed and now I allow myself to feel more, to be in contact with love and pleasure, and I feel that I am in a moment of great expansion in which I want and let myself be loved. I think for the first time I am being true to what I want and need. I am currently happy with my husband and I am no longer struggling to change the gaps I feel in the relationship. I no longer believe so much in the fantasy of the ideal partner, especially after many years of being in a relationship: what I find with my husband is fine.

Currently, my job is to be with me. I also go towards the other, but always returning to myself, letting myself feel without nullifying myself, and also seeing the other, because I realize that I have not seen anyone: I have only done things for myself, and although apparently I did things for others I have only sought to see myself in the other's mirror. Now I feel more present with myself and with the other, although at times I still lose myself.

With the partner, I have been able to stop waiting for the ideal man: there is greater acceptance. I can recognize my shortcomings and those of the other, my desires and how to satisfy myself without the other taking care of my needs. There is more dialogue, less fighting, more limits, less aggression, better ability to listen, wait and accept the other as he is without wanting to change him so that he is as I would like.

Starting from the work in the SAT Program, I have been going through many fears that I did not know existed, I have gone to deep, dark, painful places, and to others of great light and love. I have found loving and honest ways to relate to my truth. I have dared to be vulnerable, insecure, open. I have been able to see my hardness and falsehood, my jealousy and envy, my attachment, my immense emptiness, my shyness. I can show myself vulnerable, weak, tender, sweet, loving.

I think there is more honesty and less self-delusion in me, although many times I find myself not knowing what is real and what is not.

Contact with pain has allowed me to have compassion for myself and for others, open my heart and be able to accompany others to truer and deeper places, although often painful.

The transformation has also consisted in being able to see more clearly what was happening and what is happening, what I needed and what I need. Now I am more aware of my mechanisms and my self-deception. I can show myself, talk more about my interior, about my shadow, be more transparent. Saying what I don't like at the risk of disappointing or alienating who I love. Be more true. Being in the simple, the simple, without so much demand, with greater confidence.

I got my body back. I am in connection with my breathing, with my sensations, with the instinctive, I can play and connect with my girl, with my needs and my emotions, I can be vulnerable, see my shadow, see my desire, recognize that I seduce and how I do it. Being me, simply, without so much arrangement. I can stop giving the image that elbow is going well. Feel God. Rely."

By way of conclusions

In many cases, the three sexual ones have been abandoned, crushed, used, abused, mistreated, beaten and raped children. We were taught to be objects and our loved ones used us according to their needs. They didn't know how to love us for who we were but for what we did. We become our parents' caregivers. We were never taught the difference between good and evil and we learned to disconnect from the painful, beautifying it so as not to betray our abusers. We confused abuse with love and learned to take responsibility for their actions and transform them into good beings idealizing them to keep their image intact, and thus ours.

This left us with a very low self-esteem and without any love for ourselves, since we believed we were worthy of everything that happened to us and we assumed the blame by putting on a good face, looking sweet, being complacent and hiding our strength. With perfection, we obtained instances in which we felt loved and adored above all by ourselves.

In love with love and being adored, we have vampirized our lovers and partners, drowning them with our narcissistic love and demanding attention impossible to fulfill, selling

perfection to be loved and demanding that same perfection in return. We have lived a good part of our lives choosing partners who despised or mistreated us to confirm that lack of worth that we felt deeply, enduring unsustainable situations that ended in sweet reconciliations. When we endured the abuse again, we returned to buy at any price the stage of the conquest where we were adored and protagonists of the gaze of the other. That's why it was worth it. We continued to protect our original abusers and repeated putting up with it all out of love.

When we began to connect with our interiority we saw that we looked for in the couple what they never gave us and that we felt more and more frustration and resentment when we did not find it. Vanity consisted in thinking that our false love was going to be able to transform the monster into a prince.

In our process we realized our vanity and arrogance in wanting to put ourselves above those who mistreated us to keep intact our image of kindness, generosity and cleanliness, depriving them of their responsibility. When we have finally been able to surrender their responsibility to them, we have lived it as a liberation. At that moment we have managed to begin to distinguish what is ours and what is not, and we have been able to begin to feel the pain and anger, which in turn have been transformed into a force that has allowed us to know what we want and what we do not want for our lives. Thus, as we begin to find power within us, we have ceased to give it to others.