E4 Conservation (Self-Preservation) – Tenacity

Different from the "sufferer" (social E4) and the "insufferable" (sexual E4) is what is called the "suffered" (or "long-suffering") in Spanish, an expression that speaks to us of a capacity for self-frustration and endurance.

Instead of being a very tearful person, the sufferer is one who does not complain and avoids crying in front of others, and who has learned to swallow a lot and endure pain without blinking.

How could we explain this in terms of motivation? What need can push a person to become a masochist? It is something like saying to a parent or loved one: "Do you see that I am not complaining? Do you want me now? Do you see what a good boy, what a good girl I am?"

The E4 conservation aims to make virtue of resistance to frustration. Many times I have explained it with an anecdote from Lawrence of Arabia, according to the famous film, which shows him in an office in Cairo lighting someone's cigarette and then putting out the match with his fingers. Someone asks him surprised: "What are you doing?" And he explains that, in this way, he trains himself to endure pain. He had developed from childhood this supposed virtue of stoically enduring pain, and it surely served him during his exploits, which earned him the fame of a great hero, for not even among the Arabs had anyone known how to withstand the harshness of the desert in such a way.

In the E4 conservation, supporting is a passion, but how to explain it? I think the key is in the introjection of greed. The visible envy that presents the sexual E4 as a demanding and insistent oral aggressive, becomes here a counter-envy directed against the person himself, now in the form of a self-demand that is also self-devouring.

The transformation in the conservation E4 by Cristina Nadal

The envious character is based on undervaluation. To do this, he looks at what does not work and what is missing. It is installed in its lack and develops a very intense yearning for completeness that it handles differently according to each subtype. Who envies loses out in the comparison he establishes with others, with what they are, with what they do or with what others have.

In the conservation subtype, called tenacious, passion is that of effort. As in the other envious subtypes, this subject has introduced the abandoning mother as a way to maintain contact with her. By introjecting that mother who has not emotionally welcomed the baby (whom for various circumstances she has rejected or separated from him), the bad look at himself is also incorporated into his character. In this way, constant raving is served. The superego resulting from this incorporation is, at the same time devaluing, very demanding,

especially in this subtype. That is why it is essential to see the face of this demanding character and dismantle him and take away the enormous power that the tenacious person continues to give him.

In my therapeutic process, it was very important to identify the enormous voracity of my demanding part. It was also important to identify her, disidentifying myself from her, every time she went out and keeps dating. It is an excellent long-term task, whose result is to reduce its virulence by being able to use its intelligence.

In this subtype, the longing and effort to achieve what is distant brings the feeling of being able to obtain that wonderful thing that was lost. The tenacious pretends to stop being lacking and free themselves from the bad image through a constant effort, like an ant, based on an important self-devaluation. An effort that reads: "I'm going for it at all costs", and that perpetuates the crazy idea that "we have come to this world to suffer and to endure". Thus, it pretends to be lovable.

He has to overcome the stain, the deficiency — by which he interprets that the mother did not provide him with what he needed — through an intense strenuous and tense activity. On many occasions, in childhood, the situation was precarious or difficult due to deficiencies or illnesses of parents and / or siblings. And there he says: "Whatever the cost, I'm going to get ahead." Another common motto in this subtype is "life is work", until this becomes "work is life".

I recognize that I am addicted to work; although over the years I have learned to enjoy the holidays, even now I continue to fill the scarce free time that I provide.

Tension has several food sources:

On the one hand, the four conservation is an impulsive person who, in addition to exploding from time to time in intimate relationships, is inhibited to achieve external recognition. In general, he lives with anguish and guilt when he gets out of control, invades, imposes himself or shows signs of passionate admiration or love. The possibility of getting out of hand, as we will see, will be necessary for its healthy transformation, since its character structure is supported by a high control of its impulses. These people agree that as children they were repressed in their intensity, spontaneity, joy, naivety and/or verbiage.

On the other hand, much of the tension is fueled by the fact that the effort you make is meant to overcome a deficiency that is at the base of the trait and is really just invented. Therefore, this deficiency cannot be solved by concrete achievements. That is why, while this subject is willing to do whatever it takes to get whatever it takes to give him legitimacy (titles, work ...), as his devaluation system continues to operate, what he gets will not be enough, he will not deny his deficiency, he will not save him from his lack, he will not save him from his lack, nor will it move you from your attachment to it.

So, to a greater or lesser extent, so much effort can be little operational. This person spends a lot of energy fearing that what is being done will not be achieved and raising the bar of the demand to counteract it. He spends a lot of energy postponing actions necessary for the development of what he wants to achieve and blaming himself for it. It also wears out looking for and striving where it already knows it will not turn out, and this ensures the perpetuation of effort and devaluation.

Starting from the conviction that I will not be effective, I entertain myself in the details of an action, be it ordering a drawer or writing an article, or in ensuring that I contemplate all points of view, instead of getting to the point in a more operational way.

In this tenacious character system, living well, without so much tension and pressure, does not fit, it is not possible. From the outset, curbing the permanent and tense activity increases the level of anguish, since it opens space to feel everything that was hidden behind the tenacity.

Since keeping track of anguish is a good way to access transformative self-knowledge, stopping tenacious activity will be a good start to the transformation process, although from the outset it may imply an increase in anxiety and anger, and also a deep contact with sadness.

When my husband and I went to live in a house that we didn't have to start paying for until after a year, far from Barcelona, and I decided to reduce the work a lot to be more with him and me, I lived hellish periods. The self-persecuting internal dialogues were at ease and so was the demand on him.

Assuming the contained emotions, giving them space and expression, is necessary to heal. The healing thing is to feel the anger and sadness without exaggerating or justifying them with thoughts that feed them back and that deprive them of the transformation that simply involves living and expressing them.

My first healing movement was the intense catharsis I experienced in the first two therapeutic trainings in which I participated. It came to me from pearls that in the late 70s and early 80s emotional explosions were fashionable as a therapeutic method. Although I needed individual therapy to elaborate the material that was appearing in them, they were a liberation not only for the contents that emerged but also for being able to assume myself as intense and vital. At the same time, I had to assume the sadness in the background, that there was no catharsis that I could evacuate. I was feeding her back by not wanting to know anything about her (beyond feeling like a victim), by trying to solve her, for example, through the couple, without taking care of her.

Recognizing one's own intensity is, paradoxically, calming. It is more disturbing not to know her and to fear her.

Wanting to live better is not easy and is even punishable, it is not allowed. It can be confused with an ambitious, reviled and feared claim. In fact, often, as in the other envious subtypes, when conservation feels good, it "gets on the vine"; it inflates narcissistically rather than satisfies and self-supports; with which, in the face of any setback, the balloon is deflated again. Let us not forget that he strives to be saved from the lack in which he feels flawed. Let us add here that this bad image that he intends to solve through effort hides and preserves a grandiose fantasy of himself. A down narcissism fed by the ability to tolerate pressure and egodystonic sensations, and also by the depth of his sensitivity and by what could emerge from himself (fantasized) if he got an ideal love, an ideal job ... or being discovered by someone important.

I substituted my emotional autobiography as “Autobiography of a Girl Who— without confessing it—took on for herself the task of regaining the prestige supposedly lost by her father, emulating her mother's toughness and trying to be an erect penis herself”. This woman is already weighed down by the attempt, she already knows that this is not the only position she can take before life. However, he still continues with the task of trying to let go of this pretension, transformed into an obligation, without denying his desire for power, which was finally revealed.

Many times, especially when the relationship with the mother is more traumatic due to the rejection, abuse and / or some mental illness of the same, we see in this enneatype an impossibility of being happy. A prohibition, in principle mysterious, that is diluted to the extent that it is confronted and to the extent that pain, anger and love are worked in relation to this mother. As with any enneatype, we know that it is necessary not only to work with the Mother Figure but also with the father.

In general, and more in these situations, it will be necessary to authorize yourself to be happier than the mother or to achieve more than the parents, differentiating this from the game of rivalry that keeps the person tied to an entrenched bond. I also needed to authorize myself to be more socially successful than my parents.

On an emotional level, it is healing to recognize fear and fright, as such, at its most natural level. Although the tenacious E4 can name its fear a lot, it is actually quite daring. In general, the experience of fragility is not allowed. He covers it with tension and action. Vulnerability brings him too close to the feeling of abandonment in front of which he has become strong, feeling like a victim and resisting what is thrown at him. Feeling vulnerable triggers intense emotional expressions that will need to be able to navigate

At other times, touching vulnerability raises the fear of depression. Feeling the decline of tonicity, without justifying it with the fears with which the dog above continues to press to continue with the tenacious activity, opens space to accommodate, for example, the need, differentiating it from the lack.

Recognizing the feeling of tiredness will be another good support to be able to assume your limits and also those of others. To be able to let go of the effort, let go of the control and let go of the neurotic pretension.

I learned to recognize fatigue thanks to pneumonia. What was terrible at the time—not being able to do—helped sensitize me to tiredness, which was not part of what I could feel before. It also helped me to be able to recognize and admit the limit of the other.

Given the narcissistic support that E4 conservation has placed on the effort, putting limits on the demands of others, without taking refuge in guilt, is going to be a big step. It means that you have value beyond what you do.

Being able to say "no" is a great liberation. Sometimes it is not easy for me, I require a lot of attention to myself. Currently, when by internal and external work, and by age, I have been acquiring and recognizing my own skills, to say that it is not to give up receiving a recognition to which I remain attached.

In the process of transforming this subtype, your body changes from tense to soft, at least inside. It also goes from being more shrunken to being more expansive. Body work, both muscular and expressive as well as sensory and attention, contributes to this change.

The quality of soft, vulnerable, fluffy... it has been appearing in a significant way— blessed be it!—in my feeling, in my bodily perception. First I was afraid of losing my identity, I was afraid of becoming dumb. Little by little, that fluffiness is what allows me to accompany myself and feel within my space with the possibility of establishing the relationships that occur and those that I seek.

This change in tone and body posture will serve as the basis for greater intimate contact with oneself, the ability to enjoy and the ability to love and be loved.

The transformation of the E4 involves being able, little by little, to identify what does work, what is good in itself and around, that is, in others and in the situations in which it is immersed. Specifically, in the tenacious, it happens to approach to enjoy what is well resting in it, without pretending to improve it, just savor it and let yourself be satisfied with it.

I remember the vertigo that gave me the first times I set out to look at what worked well in my life. When I entertained myself in what I liked about my partner I noticed the dependence to which I had always been phobic. In relation to my children, relaxing enjoying them without so much educational pretension is proving very rewarding, and so are they.

It has taken me a long time to rely on my good quality of work, to know how to taste the successes, even without completely disappearing the critical voice that points out everything that could be improved.

Recognize the good, the cute, the satisfying... it means renouncing to achieve what will save us from lack, from stain, from deficiency. It means renouncing to be as special as the four conservations feel to be, and it means renouncing their bastion: compulsive effort.

In the final stretch of my psychoanalysis I found that I was going to go more directly to nuclear aspects and contents if I gave value to the positive of what I lived than if I entertained myself in the negative.

Paradoxically, accepting and accommodating dissatisfaction and lack makes it possible to enjoy specific, concrete satisfactions that allow you to feel comfortable with yourself. Ultimately, this path will allow you to enjoy beyond the results and the concrete achievements, since you can give more space to the void and no longer need to be saved from your bad image. That will be one of the biggest transformations.

As the E4 conservation is no longer fixed on its lack, it is better able to assume its needs and seek its satisfaction without avoiding frustration, it is finding its capacity to love. Affection and love can spring from within without greater pretension than to enjoy it. He finds greater joy in his love for the other than in being loved. This loving quality serves as a lubricant to also enjoy the capacity for work that he has developed throughout his life.

I am finding it very satisfying to be able to offer others some of what I have learned. Although with a lot of anguish, because of the pretension and the denied ambition behind being the head of a team, I finally learned some coordination skills, which at this moment I enjoy being able to offer in peer work groups.

Creativity and art, typical of all E4s, will be able to be at the service of satisfaction, more stripped of the demand and the need to attract attention.

All E4s have a high capacity for enjoyment, joy, play and madness. The tenacious will be able to open up to it without so much pretension to get away from their lack, to get recognition or to seek security. You will be able to enjoy it, feed on your creative capacity and enjoy that of others.

In its healthy maturation, this subtype finds a deep tranquility based on the development of the emotional temper that provides the rest of so much endurance. In this way, equanimity emerges along with the ability to give expression to his vibrant emotional pulsations with many subtle tones.