Emotionality and Fantasy

The Self-Preservation 1 is a character who has little contact with their own personal emotions or the emotions of others; if you interact with strangers, this aspect may scare you. Among the E1 subtypes, this is the one with the most developed action function, so they get involved in concrete things and actions, which also serves as a way to avoid engaging with the emotional world. Experiencing emotions is seen as reprehensible because it means being weak, imperfect, or bad, and thus unworthy of love. The child learned that everything they thought, felt, or did could be wrong, confusing this feeling with "being bad," as the affection and attention, often scarce, from their parents disappeared.

The internal perception is that their emotions are worthless, and because they are seen as "useless," they don’t listen to them, which prevents them from recognizing their needs. In many cases, they feel that becoming strong or responsible means cutting off emotion, something they perceive is demanded by the rigid family environment. In general, this type tends to "fill themselves with reasons" instead of connecting with their emotions.

-"I was raised with 'you don’t need to feel, you don’t need to cry,' and I have despised that, the excess of emotion, people who cry; in the past, it made me feel bad, it made me uncomfortable." - SÉRGIO ISLA -As I grew older, emotion led me to unknown, uncontrolled grounds, from which I immediately fled. I couldn’t stand moving in such a slippery terrain. - QUIQUE SEGUE

Either their emotions are not addressed because the family environment doesn’t allow it, or some dramatic or intense parent takes up all the emotional space. In some cases, there is a fear of experiencing overwhelming emotions of pain, as might have been observed in the figure of a parent.

-"I was very small, three or four years old, I heard my mother cry, often very intensely, for my brother, who was born with asthma bronchitis, and I told myself, 'Mom needs emotions more than I do!' Mom's emotions were always strong, overflowing, what happened to me wasn’t important, what was important was what happened to her, so mine always came second." - MERCÈ FALCÃO -Laughter didn’t fit in an environment of heavy silence, decades of resentment, and a world viewed with indignation and bitterness. Anger was a privilege of my parents, who were always angry about something but forbade me to be angry. A perpetual sadness, almost solid, could be breathed in our walls. For at least thirteen years, I have felt a deep desire to end my life, but I only sobbed tears once. The only strong emotion I expressed was a blazing, final, and brutal anger, and even this was under control. Inside the ocean of my mind, the most intense emotions arrive softly, meaningfully, perfectly. - CHRISTIAN MORENO

On the contrary, they grew up in relationships of excessive emotional coldness, primarily in the bond with the maternal figure. Whatever the case, they eventually get used to cutting off their emotions, not listening to or validating them, and telling themselves that they aren’t important.

Emotional Coldness and Perfectionism

The emotional coldness described here resonates deeply with many experiences of detachment from emotions in childhood. In the case of the speaker, the reinforcement of "not crying" in response to discomfort or reprimands led to a disconnection from emotions. The effort to "not feel" became a coping mechanism—an attempt to shield oneself from pain. This sense of emotional detachment, often a response to a cold or critical environment, transforms over time into a barrier to experiencing vulnerability, tenderness, or joy.

The coldness is further reinforced by a critical mindset, focused on perfection and avoiding any display of imperfection, weakness, or emotional vulnerability. This internalized standard of "what should be" often overshadows the individual's ability to validate their emotions, forcing them to act out of obligation rather than genuine connection. The resulting pattern involves suppressing emotions in favor of duty and idealized perfection.

Feelings of guilt, anger, and frustration arise, yet the anger often becomes a shield to mask deeper sadness or hurt. The person might not recognize the anger for what it is and may instead feel a general sense of unease, unable to pinpoint the emotional source. Emotions are experienced in a controlled manner, often disconnected from their root causes, and the sadness, particularly, remains hidden or repressed behind the layers of anger and perfectionism.

In the case of Lola Rebordo and Blanca Martinez, this emotional coldness is a defense mechanism against the overwhelming fear of vulnerability. They express a persistent internal "should," a constant reminder of how they believe things "should" be, leaving little room for emotional freedom or self-acceptance. The difficulty in connecting with sadness is highlighted by the overwhelming presence of anger, which serves as a distraction or cover for deeper, unresolved emotional pain.

This narrative illustrates how childhood experiences, especially in emotionally cold or critical environments, shape one's ability to experience and express emotions as an adult, often leading to a cycle of repression, perfectionism, and emotional disconnection.

The path to healing in this subtype involves honoring anger as a valuable message that prompts the individual to ask themselves which boundaries have been crossed and are causing pain. Taking care of oneself also means recognizing that one's opinion is valid, giving voice to their anger, and walking in peace with oneself, as they have not defrauded or falsified themselves in expressing it.

This person may appear outwardly good, polite, and respectful, interacting with others but keeping a distance from deeper engagement, even though they may internally desire connection. This happens because their character is based on self-control. Excessive control also invades the emotional and affective sphere, where a rigid foundation combines with inhibition of spontaneity, sometimes making them seem awkward or graceless.

Another aspect of self-control is emotional blocking, which makes this subtype appear moderate and somewhat passionless. From fear of chaos and emotional disorder, they rationalize everything. Also, out of fear or expectation of experiencing intense emotions, they cool down and block the emotion, rationalizing it.

-"When I feel sad or uneasy, I numb myself by playing Mahjong, solitaire, doing Sudoku, or drinking two glasses of wine. I feel uneasy, bad, and have difficulty understanding what emotion I'm feeling." – BLANCA MARTINEZ

One of the bizarre ideas of this Enneatype, which contradicts their visceral energy and makes it difficult to connect with the emotional sphere, is the belief that instinct is dangerous, that emotions and impulsivity must be controlled. As a result, when they

experience strong emotions, they perceive them as chaotic and dangerous, and from the mind, reason, control, and the idea of perfection, they attempt to diminish the emotion. On the other hand, their great self-demand prevents them from listening emotionally. They are eminently practical, seeking to rationalize, understand quickly, move on, and make it go away.

-"My natural responses were controlled and had to be approved by my inner judge. Part of me asks for caution in every word I say because the result could be an emotional explosion, a sermon, or something else I don't know how to handle in a healthy way. My fear of ridicule prevented me from expressing my body through dance or any other physical activity." – CRISTIANO MORENO -"My mother used to call me 'blood horchata,' she was the passionate one, everything lit up there. So sometimes I feel like I don't 'want' enough. In my magical thinking, wanting is passionate, intense, with suffering. Of course, compared to that, it seems like I don't know how to love. Actually, I'm running away from emotional passion, from the lack of control and chaos I experienced when I was a child." – MERCE FALCÃO

They are prudent in action, cautious in decisions. They feel comfortable in structured situations or with predefined roles, and thus may adopt paternal or maternal roles in their relationships. On the other hand, in unstructured and improvised situations, they have difficulty integrating. Furthermore, due to a lack of inclination toward play and pleasure, they tend to be boring and exhausting for others. Excessive control over this sphere not only blocks emotional expression but also results in a loss of contact with emotional experience. Therefore, they engage little or only superficially with others and are not very affectionate, whether in love or hate.

In their transformation process, they learn to listen to their emotions and validate them, as well as listen to their body and connect with their physical sensations to meet their needs. In general, their emotional tone is muted, with feelings tinged with love and care.

-"I had to learn to cry. I didn’t know what it was, and especially the feeling of liberation, of relaxation that comes from being able to express that sadness, that reason that makes you cry." – QUIQUE SEGUE -Now I express more love, affection, sweetness: I am more tender and use physical contact, laughter, and joy more frequently in my communication; I am more lively and less serious. – MERCE FALCÃO -This character suppresses anger and does not express it. They rarely get angry, and when they do, it is excessively disproportionate to the apparent cause. When something someone did bothers or offends me greatly, I hold back to avoid exploding and letting slip what is unsaid; Behind this anger, there is hostility and

excessive aggression, often disproportionate to the event that triggered it. When I can, and depending on the circumstances, I leave and distance myself physically; it’s a necessity. If I can’t leave, I don’t look at or talk to the person or people until it passes, which usually takes a while. I feel the emotion very physically, like an uncomfortable heat, and at times, this feeling is so unbearable that the only way to rid myself of it is to "cut the other’s head off," meaning severing the friendship or relationship abruptly and without explanation, and I feel relief. – LOLA REBOREDO

Direct anger is a real taboo, it generates many insults, and it’s only allowed in defense of a just cause. Generally, the aversion to verbal violence prevents them from confronting it, and thus, they return to the cycle of repressed anger, which breeds resentment.

-I get blocked when I attend. Before, with my mother, when I felt angry, this happened to me – I choked up, I couldn’t even express myself, my words would get cut off… now I handle it better; but if I distance myself from the person and turn my back, then, when I feel better, it passes, I reconsider, but it may take two or three days. – BLANCA MARTINEZ -When an employee doesn’t treat me well, it feels like being resentful about what I lived through in my childhood. I feel terrible, and I don’t know what to say, and I would tell them everything, but I swallow my words. I feel powerless in the face of the "authority" that comes from the other side of the counter, in front of someone I don’t know who speaks badly of me, and still with the laws of their company, that you can’t even look at me… It’s really hard for me to express myself there, I felt very bad. – MERCE FALCÃO

When you become aware and learn to express what you don’t like, instead of staying quiet and holding onto anger, you stop being trapped in the internal discourse of anger and release the anger as a way of being in the world. Anger is an energizing emotion. Therefore, when you express your opinion and act, trusting that you’ve done what you could, you stop feeding your harmful internal discourse. Your energy focused on action, on doing things well, also implies that you feel you don’t have the right to simply be, to do nothing. So, you remain even more focused on doing, as a way to achieve dignity and cleanse the internal guilt of being. Your own posture and gestures reflect the rigidity and tense control of emotions. On many occasions, action becomes an escape to avoid facing unpleasant emotions and feelings, and, in general, you present yourself as serious, more attached to duty, to what is dignified and hypothetically elevated, with little inclination for pleasant, light, and/or fun things.

To express the anger that you would otherwise repress and seek its legitimation, use educational and moralizing techniques. By avoiding anger, repressing it, or covering it with

guilt, you distance yourself from your needs, the satisfaction of which tends to be postponed.

-My anger has to do with not fulfilling my desires, which I don’t even recognize. The "shoulds" occupy my life, and when someone breaks the rules and cheats, I feel they deserve punishment. – BLANCA MARTINEZ

Neglected needs provoke even more anger and resentment, touching the wound—the anger of the unrecognized and abandoned inner child. This resentment stems from the character of the good, obedient, helpful child who doesn’t know how to set boundaries, and by not expressing it, it generates even more anger, which feeds the internal over-demanding judgment.

-Without being Japanese, I often lower my head as a sign of respect, though others might say it’s submission. My voice is soft, and I try to serve, help, and not disturb others' hearts. Upon becoming aware, I realized that part of me wanted so much to be good, but the other part observes, calculates, endures, and arms itself against others. The mask is so convincing that few have noticed. – CRISTIANO MORENO

In this character, we touch on more fragility, the risk of making mistakes, the feeling that bad things can happen if mistakes are made, which is their main fear. They may show avoidant, controlling, or counterphobic tendencies, but these will go through the filters typical of the Enneagram type, and the experience of fear will not be paralyzing. Instead, it will help them deal with concerns, even if these concerns are irrational.

Furthermore, this character thinks a lot, becomes obsessed, but is a person made for action. Their neurotic need can be emotionally defined as a combination of anger and fear, or using anger to channel and resolve a fear that is almost never brought to consciousness. The fear of guilt, or the feeling that disturbs you when you are doing nothing, moves in the realm of sensations not lived clearly. Since this character follows their impulsiveness mechanically, their actions tend to be rigid and inflexible. Somatotonic tendencies will arise automatically, following rigid patterns, and the most common approach will be to question them from an external and superficial perspective. As a result, they will end up seeking external change to calm themselves, achieving an apparent improvement.

An easy way to notice the futility of this entire system is the degree of anxiety one might feel. The “task lists” you repeatedly go over in your mind, the attempt to fit in more and more projects, the need to fulfill others' expectations, the justification of whether the day was productive enough or not… they generate a constant state of tension, which may end up somatizing, buried in thoughts and worries leading to meaningless actions.

Rather than fantasizing, this character tends to obsessively reflect on their usual themes. Their focus, their attention, is directed toward observing what is wrong to improve it. They also reflect on the consequences of actions they consider poorly performed or incorrect. It may happen that, in their most intimate thoughts and fantasies, a transgressive, disrespectful, and dissolute side appears, which their “daytime personality” disapproves of, represses, and rigorously hides.

Hypercontrol influences the overall psychological functioning, leading to a loss in terms of fantasy and creativity. On the other hand, controlling feelings not only creates difficulty in expressing emotions but also leads to true alienation from emotional experience. Fantasy is oriented toward the creation of an ideal world, the idealization of others, or of one’s own idealized image. At its origin, idealization appears as an escape from the harsh and imperfect lived reality, imagining better worlds. The Self-Preservation 1 typically sublimates through idealization, often pursuing impossible beauties or unattainable ideals, frequently with a sense of a lost paradise in early childhood. Sublimation also translates into an excessive attachment to ethical values, imagined ideals, and principles through which the world and human reality are meant to be ordered. Conversely, from their critical perspective, nothing ever reaches the ideal, and nothing achieves their ideal of beauty and perfection.

Except for the tendency toward idealization, where they move more in the realm of fantasy than reality, imagination is rarely present in Self-Preservation 1 due to hypercontrol and emotional inhibition. By not engaging, they may appear distant, cold, or indifferent, although they are the warmest, most maternal, and the closest of the three E1 subtypes.