The Characteristic Neurotic Need

In the Social 1, the dominant emotional fixation, the passion of anger, is associated with a cognitive fixation called inadaptability. The emotional world fuels the cognitive facets, which in this case manifest as a lack of adaptation to people, things, and the world in general. This type of thinking arises in response to the question: "If this is how things are, if they have reached this point, how can I move forward in life?" Obviously, there is a

relationship between this thought and situations and experiences that do not facilitate existence and hinder the growth and development of life. To survive, there is a kind of mediation that, in general, is put into practice for all children.

And if the child becomes a Social 1, they will demand from themselves the stance of this Enneatype: "On one hand, I adapt and obey, and on the other, I oppose and never carry the stances my surroundings suggest." Thus, inadaptability translates into not feeling comfortable or favorable toward the environment and, consequently, not fully accepting the imposed norms and schemes. It would be like saying that while an idea, a thought, is formed, exceptions to that idea immediately arise. Unlike the E3 character, who seeks security in more stable structures, the Social 1 feels more secure when the word, the dogma, can be refuted. So, what is their motivation? Distrust of others, the conviction that one can never fully trust anything. This is the attitude of those who think: "They will never give me what I expect," like a belief formulated by a childish mind that takes irrational values seriously.

In my case, I received a lot during my childhood, although it wasn't exactly what I wanted, which made me feel the need to control it completely. Over time, this idea became a fixation that I unconsciously directed my entire life toward: "Nothing will truly support me, I have to defend myself."

It is important to keep in mind that fixations are established cognitively from an early age. In my case, this made me believe that I could only trust myself and that I would have to fix things on my own. This difficulty in depending on others also manifested in my tendency to see my needs and the sufferings of my parents when I was still young, as I did not want to be a burden to them. This position often came at a personal cost, which I did not recognize, and even led me to reject invitations to enjoy something as simple as an ice cream. Essentially, I got used to taking the path of renunciation and the habit of not asking, all while striving to deserve what I wanted.

This set of behaviors later took the form of false autonomy, which may manifest as a feeling of superiority, but is, in reality, pure reactive formation. The feeling of inadequacy made me live somewhat on the margins of the most diverse groups I had to interact with since childhood. At the same time, I always chose to be in groups, although I was, in my own words, held back by shyness and the fear of expressing myself and making a bad impression.

Inadaptability is generally related to the difficulty of accepting reality as it is and the constant need to improve oneself and others, which results in perpetual dissatisfaction. This relentless approach prevents you from enjoying the successes achieved, as you always have a higher goal to reach. Personally, I remember receiving countless recognitions that, although they made me happy for a moment, did not satisfy me. In fact, I immediately

thought they had been incidental and that I would never appreciate them again. These thoughts reinforce the underlying idea that persists to this day: "It’s not enough, I need to do better." This obsessive pursuit becomes an ideal of perfectionism, which in reality tries to compensate for childhood deficiencies.

Let’s see a testimonial:

I have a different way of organizing my cognitive core. I start by saying: "If I relax too much, I won’t fulfill my duty!" As a child, I always had to try very hard to do things. As soon as I tried to share a desire with my father, he would ask: "Are you sure you want to do that?" In fact, I wasn’t always so sure and wished he would support me. His sentence resonated with me as a great devaluation, as if he were really saying: "Are you going to make it?" At first, although I wasn’t sure, I would dedicate myself to doing things regardless of fear or doubt. My motto was: "I’ll do it myself. I will show how capable I am and I will do well." But over time, it evolved into something else: "I don’t need you, I’ll do it myself. I won’t adapt to what you want me to do." This lack of adaptation manifests in my need to change things around me, as I often feel they are not good enough or are poorly done. I often demand more from myself than from others, feeling that I am my worst enemy, and the constant tension this creates stiffens my body. I always feel the need to improve some aspect of myself to fit better into this world that often seems strange to me. Sometimes, in the past, I told myself: "I’m not suited for this world. I feel like an alien." - CAROLINA ALFANO

Here’s another significant account of the experience with inadaptability during the adolescence of a Social 1:

In my pre-adolescence, around 11 or 12 years old, I started seeking admiration. I no longer just wanted to be recognized or consoled; I learned to jump from the diving boards at the pool, trying to outdo my peers, either by jumping from a higher position than they did or doing it in a more risky or beautiful way. At school, I challenged the rules of conduct and flaunted my abilities, both intellectual and athletic, learning to avoid, and even underestimate, areas like soccer, drawing, or music, where my skills were quite lacking. Completely oblivious to the rejection my attitude caused in a significant majority of my peers and teachers, my small measure of popularity was more than enough for me to move forward. As you can imagine, the sum of my conflicts with society became increasingly rigid for me and led me to some strict boarding schools before I turned 15. - FERNANDO GOMEZ

Marisa Portanova speaks to us about her particular way of schematization, which is very characteristic of this character, and whose testimony we will use to conclude the chapter, as a synthesis of aspects that motivate the lack of inadaptability of the Social 1 child:

Loneliness, lack of care and protection from parents;

• The need to take care of oneself (and, later, take care of adults); • The intimidation of feeling and living as children; • The need for total adherence to the values that allow us to live, excluding others; • Feelings of injustice, of need, of not being able to adapt to our way of being and our needs when we were children; • The need for control over our lives: From the beginning, we decide to exclude everything that potentially keeps us from deserving life.