Persona and Shadow: What is Destructive For Themselves And For Others

Jung referred to the "persona" as the image we show to society, at work, at school, or in other social groups. The more dissociated it is from our inner self, the more it is used as a mask, with which we exhibit qualities that we do not truly possess. He called the "shadow" the negative side of the personality, "the sum of the hidden and unfavorable characteristics, the thwarted functions, and the contents of the personal unconscious."

In essence, according to Jungian theory, the shadow is concealed by the persona. This persona, which we create to protect ourselves from the external world, is also used to hide our own shadow. It is the first thing we see when we look in the mirror. If, in a courageous act, we were to go beyond it, we could see the aspects of our personality that we consider evil and are unable to accept. There, behind the persona, lies our shadow.

According to María Adela Palcos, the persona is the side we identify with based on the mandates of those who were close to us in childhood. Thus, some aspects of our personality, those with which we identify, become part of the persona. For example, a Self-Preservation 2 woman, who was treated by her parents as the prettiest and most intelligent child in the family, will recognize herself as "the prettiest and most intelligent," while the characteristics of being ugly or foolish will be pushed into the shadow of her personality. However, if that same beautiful and intelligent girl also heard her parents tell her repeatedly that she was aggressive and restless, she would integrate these traits into her persona and send the traits of sweetness and serenity to her shadow.

Thus, according to María Adela Palcos' theory, we can find both socially negative and destructive aspects in both the persona and the shadow, which are harmful to oneself as well as to others.

Pseudo-Empathy

If this character has an essential gift, it is the ability to empathize. We could call it pseudo-empathy. They present themselves as affable and cordial, and this is how they perceive themselves, hiding their true intentions. When they connect deeply with the needs and pain of others, genuinely and from an internally neutral place, they open space for humility. But this same ability is what allows them to create all the strategies of seduction to be loved.

Self-Preservation 2s are thus good girls or good boys, willing, delicate, cheerful, and attentive to the emotional needs of others... This is how they present themselves and use this image to secure a place of privilege and protection.

Empathy That Turns Aggressive

But this empathy can abruptly end if the other becomes controlling or overly dependent, because this character cannot tolerate the lack of freedom. Since the persona does not give itself permission to be free due to fear of disconnection and loneliness, it can become trapped in a relationship that overwhelms them, but their treatment turns harsh and aggressive. And they, who fear abandonment so much, abandon coldly or allow themselves to betray without taking responsibility.

Thus, the other, who had been so charmed by their sweetness, is left with someone who shuts down or escapes, and forgives themselves easily.

In intimate relationships, whether friendships or romantic partnerships, they may also develop an aggressive competition, where it will be very difficult for them to recognize their own selfishness or engage in a clarifying dialogue. On the contrary, contempt for the other will be strong. And if they acknowledge their difficulties, they may turn the contempt inward, becoming self-destructive. Ultimately, the most destructive thing for both themselves and others is staying in immature relationships that feed low self-esteem and the experience of not achieving true freedom.

The Fear of Losing Special Status

The Self-Preservation 2 doesn't want to be anything less than special, and often stops pursuing their own projects for fear of not realizing them, of failure. They may also avoid success and self-fulfillment for fear of losing the shelter of their parents, spouse, or other relationships. They fear that by becoming autonomous, they will lose their place of privilege and protection. It becomes an extremely destructive vicious cycle.

I see the self-sabotage. It’s very convincing. I convinced my parents with great delicacy that a certain job wouldn’t be right for me because I’d earn too little, so I stopped going to interviews countless times. — Julia Pessoa Husseini

Self-Sabotage and Avoidance of Failure

One aspect of self-sabotage is avoiding contact with their own limitations and, consequently, with failure. This type of person thinks they must be "better at everything" and fears the rejections of adult life. They maintain the idealization that "I would be able to pass the selection process" or "I would be accepted in the job interview," offering deceptive excuses to avoid moving forward with their personal projects. In this way, they never take off.

The greatest self-destruction of the Self-Preservation 2 is savoring the conquest of autonomy and independence. They infantilize adult life, hiding behind a justification that supports the "childish arrogance" and the idealization that they haven’t failed, in order to not lose their privileged position. They fear that by becoming autonomous, they will no longer belong to the system that initially provided them protection.

Manipulation and Destructive Patterns

It’s as if E2 expresses in their relationships: "I make everything easier between you and me, but let me stay here under your protection." The "making things easier" in this type requires the ability to read the other’s needs. They use their "empathy" to feed their own neurotic need for love, privilege, and security. A Self-Preservation 2 says what the other wants to hear and gives them what they need, casting their net to create relationships of deep dependence.

In this sense, they become destructive not only to themselves but also to those around them. Empathy (initially a gift) begins to serve the shadow. At this point, they are blind—to

their real needs and to truly seeing the other. The only thing that matters to the persona of this character is not losing their privileged position or the sense of being the favorite. When their need to be important and to receive love is frustrated, they dedicate themselves to using their empathetic abilities for malevolent purposes. They can deeply hurt others, becoming extremely aggressive, demanding, and vengeful.

Ignorance and Neglect

The ignorance that burdens their immaturity is also very destructive, the constant neglect of not wanting to know the other, others, or the world. The ignorance of not knowing how to manage their life, nor taking responsibility for the consequences of their actions, impulses, and outbursts. The difficulty of learning to read contexts, and their lack of discernment, reflection, and patience.

Another aspect of the shadow is the denial of emotions that seem uncomfortable or threatening—the deep discomforts that try to cry out for help to their own needs. Sometimes, it’s pain; other times, sadness; and also impotence. These are difficult emotions to admit and assimilate.

Emotional Disconnect and Avoidance of True Relationships

Emotional disconnection and ignorance are very self-destructive aspects that lead to the avoidance of authentic and transparent relationships with oneself and others.