Emotionality and Fantasy

Fantasy is a sleight of hand that people play without understanding how, acting in a way that one part of us doesn't understand what the other wants. —Alichita R.

Fantasy is a significant aspect of the Social 4 character, which manifests early in childhood as a refuge, a way to cope with the absence of attention or to create a positive space to

navigate and move more lightly through life. The individual creates grand stories in which they are the undisputed protagonist, unlike in reality, where comparisons with the outside world can be harsh and devaluing.

The use of fantasy is typical and widespread in childhood. Through play, children create fantasies that allow them to transcend their limits. Over time, they come to realize that what they are pretending is not reality, but while the game lasts, it feels as if it is. However, for the Social 4, this behavior continues into adulthood. While fantasizing, they experience a sense of omnipotence, breaking down the boundaries between the present and the future, creating the illusion of manipulating reality to their own will.

“Since I was a little girl, I was often told to be quiet because my mom was busy with other chores around the house. So, I started fantasizing. It was my way of not feeling the loneliness of those moments and not getting bored. I invented grand stories in which I was often the protagonist. But only in the fantasy world, never in reality. Then, I lacked the strength to make that fantasy come true. This ability to withdraw from situations I didn’t like and escape into imaginary worlds has stayed with me ever since. Sometimes it’s been a way of salvation, other times, it’s been a prison from which I cannot easily escape.” —Giulia C.

At the age of six, I was taken to a speech therapist for my dyslexia. During one of the meetings, my mother shared her concern with the doctor, in front of me: I was often absent, absorbed in my thoughts to the point that she thought I had a hearing problem. She was particularly alarmed because I would make up fantastic stories or alter real situations by adding details that had never happened. —Chiara F.

"Imagination helped me a lot during the difficult years of boarding school (from ages five to eight) to cope with the pain of feeling abandoned by my mother, who visited me once a week, and the challenging situation I faced (the fear the nuns imposed on me, their negative views about me as the child of a single mother, which they undoubtedly saw as sinful, and the nightmares I had due to the religious education that instilled a fear of sin). I convinced myself I was a rubber ball, and anything that hit me would bounce off, so I couldn’t feel pain." —Valter M.

Sigmund Freud, the founder of psychoanalysis, was one of the first to uncover the psychological power and mechanisms of fantasy, recognizing its importance in mental life. Fantasy serves as a way to express unmet needs that otherwise would remain hidden. Humans are driven by pleasure, but reality often forces them to relinquish it. Fantasy, then, becomes an escape to worlds where desires can be fulfilled, beyond the constraints of everyday life. Daydreams offer consolation for what we lack or do not have, mitigating anxieties and allowing us to undo, at least in our minds, the mistakes of the past.

But imaginative activity is not solely a relief. It also serves a specific purpose, helping the individual anticipate the future:

“I remember the first passions of adolescence, the great reflections on what to do in life, what direction to take. These were such significant subjects that I often ended up fantasizing for hours while high school teachers explained concepts that felt too distant for me at the time. I remember long train journeys, where my thoughts wandered, numbed by the images I saw through the window, and I found solace in those non-places.” —Giulia C.

In the emotional sphere, for the Social 4, fantasy becomes a key element in how they experience relationships, offering an escape route from reality. When entering into a relationship, the E4 tends to focus more on the imaginative and romantic fantasies they cultivate daily than on actual interactions. Hyper-fantasy and the constant creation of idealized expectations lead to the glorification of the other person and the relationship itself. Fantasy thus becomes an accomplice and ally.

“During a ten-day Vipassana meditation retreat, I was able to observe how my mind works. In the absence of external stimuli, I kept creating incredible fantasies about my life and future possibilities, especially with strong romantic overtones. Some days, I expected important news regarding my work or professional life, but my mind always soared (with flights of fancy) on emotional topics, imagining future relationships. These fantasies were so real and tangible that they became a substitute for reality. I had to make a conscious effort to return to a principle of reality. After long moments of imagining life as a couple, vacations together, and shared daily routines, I began to intentionally remind myself: ‘You are thirty-four, you’ve been single for years, you have no mature experience of living with someone,’ a mantra to ground me back in reality and focus on a real, achievable path made of small steps that would eventually lead me to my desired destination.” —Giulia C.

When a person lacks a romantic partner or someone to serve as the engine of their fantasy world, the Social 4 tends to create impossible, romantic love stories to avoid the pain of loneliness. A fleeting glance with someone is enough to imagine distant travels, passionate romances, and shared lives.

“When I was in high school, I longed for love, but nothing ever seemed to measure up to my fantasies and expectations. One Sunday, while visiting my aunt with my family, a friend of hers brought her son, who immediately struck me as very handsome. But, as I was accustomed to doing, instead of approaching him, I turned away, hiding from embarrassment. I don’t recall exchanging a single word with him, other than names. Yet, in the following days and months, I built a vivid fantasy, believing it was real. I imagined he had been impressed by me, that he thought of me every day, and would

come back to confess his feelings. We’d finally be happy together, and I would feel loved like never before.” —Alichita R.

At twenty-nine, I was in Finland for a European project; my mother had recently passed away, and I was grateful I had chosen such an isolated country with stunning nature to grieve. I spent a lot of time alone, immersed in natural or urban environments, without seeking company. To manage the loneliness, I invented (and came to believe) fantastic stories: I imagined I was the companion of a diplomat on a business trip, forced to dine alone because he was busy with important meetings, but always accompanied by the thought that, at night, someone would be waiting for me at home.

“I believe this troubling fantasy serves as a support for my pathological shyness, especially in matters of love. I think, without discarding fantasy entirely, which has great creative potential, it is essential to do a lot of therapeutic work to channel it into real, concrete tasks. I need to learn when fantasy has become a substitute for reality, draining energy from making real changes in life.” —Giulia C.

Fantasies are a "private theater," where the author plays both the role of actor (typically the protagonist) and spectator, with no audience allowed. Fantasy is carefully guarded: people are more willing to share their dreams than their daydreams. This could be due to modesty, shame, or a fear of not being understood. Often, it's also the fear that once shared, the fantasy might lose its power. In other words, we fear that revealing our fantasies might diminish their ability to provide pleasure or relieve tension. Sometimes, we prefer to keep them secret to avoid confronting reality, as a person’s confused expression can reveal that our dream is unachievable.

“I immediately imagine the final destination. In my fantasy, it is always beautiful, unique, romantic, and idealized... but then it’s hard to find a man or a situation that could fulfill such lofty, perfect fantasies. Rather than accept reality, I end up feeding my fantasies, which are much more satisfying, not seeing the trap they create: the distance from reality.” —Giulia C.

The excess of fantasy in the Social 4 character is intertwined with their emotional world. Fantasy supports and amplifies emotional experiences and connections. It provides access to positive emotions, often balancing the negative emotions that dominate real life. However, fantasies can also take on a darker side. The same ease with which positive fantasies can be accessed is true for negative, harmful ones, which may prepare them for potential future hardships. They negatively fantasize to feel "prepared" for the worst.

Fantasy, imagination, and emotion have characterized my life since early childhood. My earliest memory is from kindergarten, around the age of four—my first crush. I stood watching him play ball, lulled to sleep by that strange feeling—the romance and fantasy of

childhood. It occupied all my thoughts. However, that memory is tinged with shame and embarrassment because at home, I was ridiculed for such emotions. My emotional world was visible to others as if it were impossible to control. —Alichita R.

As a teenager, my father's illness and my sister's schizophrenia disproportionately increased my sense of shame about who I was and what was happening in my life. The fantasy of a better, different life was maintained by trying to conceal the truth from others. Even when things became known to friends and acquaintances, I acted as if they were unaware. When my father died of cancer, I was seventeen at the time, and I asked a best friend to inform mutual friends and the class at school while instructing them to pretend nothing had happened. This allowed me to nurture the fantasy that my father had simply gone on a trip and would return. Hiding my true emotions became a matter of survival, preventing me from feeling the painful sense of shame and inadequacy, of being different from the rest of my family. —Alichita R.

The Social 4 type is deeply in touch with their emotions, often finding it difficult to control or contain them, especially when it comes to sadness or disappointment. It’s as if an unstoppable wave washes over them, leading to tears, although this brings considerable embarrassment and discomfort.

As we’ve mentioned, anger is the emotion least accessible to the E4. Anger and hatred toward loved ones who have betrayed or disappointed them are feelings that cannot be expressed for fear of rejection or abandonment. These emotions can't even reside in their consciousness for fear of becoming a "bad person." Such emotions may fuel fantasies or self-destructive behaviors. Recognizing feelings of hatred would also mean breaking the mask of the victim—the good person who believes they are right and deserves the right to cry and ask for understanding.

Sadness and melancholy are, without a doubt, the most accessible emotions. These are associated with the belief of being deficient. It is through these emotions that individuals with this character grieve, secretly hoping to be seen and offered safety.

This intense emotionality serves many functions for the Social 4. It gives color and intensity to life, making it feel special, as if their emotional experience is rare and unique. Emotionality becomes a refuge where they confirm their existence, but at the same time, they feel terribly alone. Unable to manage their emotional world, they become slaves to it, dominated by it.

As a teenager, I became aware of the turmoil of emotions churning inside me. Often, when asked, the answer was simply "no," sometimes even spoken in a sour and guilty tone. The sensation I felt immediately after rejection was an overwhelming wave rushing up my chest, squeezing my throat, preventing me from saying anything. Then, my thoughts would

vanish, my head would cloud, and I would be left feeling like an idiot, with tears that I tried in vain to hold back. That was the worst moment—the moment my mother realized I was crying. Her words made me feel stupid, deeply alone, and without any hope of salvation. I would retreat to my room, alone; no one followed to understand or comfort me. I sank into my pain, feeling insignificant, as if I didn't exist. —Alichita R.

Empathy and the ability to connect with the experiences of others, especially in difficult situations, allow the E4 to justify and feed their own emotional experience. They completely immerse themselves in the emotions of others—what the other person feels is exactly what they feel. There are no boundaries, and the emotion fills their entire inner world.

I heard some tragic news on TV and found myself crying—not only because of the pain I had heard, but because I became the mother, wife, or daughter who had lost someone dear. I was her. I was in her shoes, feeling her despair exactly. —Alichita R.

When I started my SAT course, in the reality of the therapy group, I often felt overwhelmed by a maelstrom of emotions—mostly painful—and it was moving to witness the pain of others. The others became a medium through which I could amplify and release all my own pain. —Chiara F.

The sad image reflects the identity that the Social 4 has built for themselves; their sense of existence lies in suffering for something they have lost—love, the other, life itself. It’s as though they constantly present themselves to the world as the abandoned, the sad, and the lonely.

The feeling of loneliness is ever-present, even if the E4 does not live alone and has a good social life. It’s a sense of being an outsider in the world, someone who has been rejected, excluded, and carries a deeper, more unique wound than anyone else.

The feeling of loneliness has been with me since childhood. I was a sociable and often cheerful child, always trying to be around others and struggling not to be alone. But despite this, I always felt a constant isolation from the world, combined with the feeling of being misunderstood and alone. It seemed like an unavoidable condition, one for which there was no remedy. —Chiara F.

As a child, when I expressed anger or agitation, my mother would make me lie down in my room with soft lighting and play classical music, thinking it would relax me. During those times, I felt alone in the world—different and misunderstood. There, I accessed and amplified painful emotions, but also romantic and melancholic ones. —Chiara F.

Fear is undoubtedly an emotion we are familiar with, especially when faced with the possibility of social exposure. It’s not an emotion the E4 strongly connects with, because

they tend to hide or avoid it in their isolation. Yet fear is always tinged with hopelessness, with the feeling that there are no options or possibilities.

And of course, the most distant emotions are joy and jubilation. It’s not that the E4 doesn't allow themselves moments of enjoyment—they do—but they cannot allow themselves to remain in joy or contentment, to feel it as a lasting state. Contentment is always chased away by the irrational belief that “it can’t be for me, it can’t last.” Allowing oneself joy and satisfaction would mean shedding the mask of the sick person that the Social 4 clings to as a way of defining who they are and how they orient themselves in the world.