The Persona and the Shadow: For Those Who Are Destructive To Themselves And Others

The Sexual 9 hides their fearful and cowardly side when it comes to facing life. This concealment stems from a deep conviction: if they were to show themselves as they truly are, they would risk not being loved, not having an appreciated role, or a place in the world.

When faced with the need to act against authority or take risks, the Sexual 9’s first impulse is to hide their head like an ostrich—to disappear rather than make decisions or find solutions. Yet, they force themselves to act against this impulse, falsifying their nature. They roll up their sleeves, confront the challenge, and act swiftly. Time becomes a crucial factor: the sooner they find a solution, the sooner they can stop feeling afraid and, consequently, stop suffering.

Internally, they experience immense and exhausting restlessness, but outwardly, they appear serene, calm, and angelic. This behavior generates tension, which often turns into anger. This anger arises from denying themselves a space for expression, failing to ask for it, or feeling ignored when they don’t receive external support and understanding.

This denial and manipulation of emotions, combined with a disconnection from their inner self, results in the Sexual 9 being deeply dedicated to relationships without truly being in touch with their conscience. To others, they remain a mystery—often a "comfortable" mystery for most.

The Sexual 9 also refuses to admit they are lying to themselves. By forgetting themselves, hiding, and setting aside their essence, they live life as an actor playing a role on stage. Nothing feels real. This fictional existence makes lying a painful reality for the Sexual 9, so much so that they work hard to conceal their deception from the outside world.

They cannot tolerate the superficiality they perceive in others. Ironically, they secretly wish they could approach life with the same lightness and spontaneity—without making so many demands of themselves, overthinking every response, or hesitating in delicate situations. However, they believe that such spontaneity could harm others, so they suppress it, deny it, and defer their responses. This self-denial accumulates rage, stemming from the freedom they deny their inner child.

Another dark side the Sexual 9 desperately tries to hide is their selfishness. Since they take care of others as a way of avoiding self-care, any act of prioritizing themselves feels selfish. The strong impulse to create space for themselves convinces them that they are selfish at their core. Unable to accept or allow this part of themselves, they forbid it and work tirelessly to hide it from the world.

However, suppressing their own needs comes at a cost. It builds resentment, and when someone accuses them of selfishness—despite their belief in their altruism—the accumulated rage erupts.

Additionally, the Sexual 9 is often unaware of their hidden selfishness. By tending to others and fulfilling their needs, they feed their narcissism, constructing a self-image as a “good person.” This also fosters a dependency on the other, creating an illusion that they are safe from separation or loss.

Greed is another shadow aspect of the Sexual 9. They often feel unstable and precarious, including economically, much like a “weathervane,” vulnerable to every gust of wind as a harbinger of destruction. This insecurity fuels a well-concealed greed hidden behind an outward display of generosity. In truth, they yearn to be like the gnome in fairy tales—hoarding great wealth, not enjoying it, hiding it from everyone, and living in constant fear that it might be taken away.

The Sexual 9 also conceals their feelings of inadequacy. The root cause, once again, is fear: fear of not being accepted and, therefore, not being loved. While they believe they have an average ability to be adequate, they hold themselves to an internalized ideal of extraordinary efficiency and high performance. Falling short of these ideals leads them to completely devalue themselves, considering themselves incapable.

As a result, the Sexual 9 spends much of their life striving not to be noticed by the external world. They hide from themselves and others their desire to live in idleness, apathy, and doing nothing. They conceal their longing to avoid responsibilities, burdens, decisions, or actions.

The feeling of inadequacy also emerges when unforeseen events occur. The resulting emptiness in the pit of their stomach pushes the Sexual 9 to act quickly to resolve the situation, alleviating their sense of inadequacy as soon as possible.